A Few of The Believable Excuses Used by Freeloaders

This is a vagrant, not a freeloader.
This is a vagrant, not a freeloader. | Source

The challenge at hand.

For the intellectual, non-intellectual's, and philosophically-minded who are reading this piece, I pose to you this question: what is the difference in a freeloader and a bum? Give up?
A bum does not fabricate why he is unable to pay for a meal that he has just devored and the freeloader is a seemingly-endless supply of believable lies to justify his lack of funds for the same meal.

This is Bum Phillips who is not a "bum," but a former head coach in the NFL.
This is Bum Phillips who is not a "bum," but a former head coach in the NFL. | Source

Freeloaders: nothing new.

Freeloaders have been around since goods and services have been produced. For every service, good, product, there is a freeloader. Oh, now do not think that you are so wise that you can spot a freeloader a block away. Not even the master sleuth, Charlie Chan was that intuitive. But he came very close.

Freeloaders, to be honest, are masters of their trade. (e.g. "Emperor of The North Pole," with Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine and Keith Carradine). I love this film. And the way that Marvin's character, "A-No. 1," teaches his young protege, "Cigarette," the craft of (dodging "Shack," Ernest Borgnine, a railroad "bull," who kept hobos from riding trains for free) and being a successful "hobo," not the fanciest way of travel or securing a good meal during the Great Depression.

Even cartoonists make a living drawing scenes (like this) about freeloaders.
Even cartoonists make a living drawing scenes (like this) about freeloaders. | Source

Facts About Freeloaders:

  • As in the old adage, "give the Devil an inch, and he'll take a mile," so goes the saying, "give a freeloader a bite, and he'll take your entire plate."
  • Another old adage, "there is no honor among thieves." You can easily make the case for this modified old saying: "there is no honor among freeloaders."
  • Do not make the foolish mistake in thinking that the "homeless" are to be equated with freeloaders. The freeloader is like he is by choice for he doesn't work to gain food, clothing or lodging. Most of the "homeless," are this way not by choice.
  • The "homeless" are to be pitied while the freeloader is to be shunned.
  • Most freeloaders are healthy, able to perform tasks to gain the means to live while the "homeless" are many times sick of mind and body and not to be scorned for visiting neighborhood missions for help.

A coffee house or restaurant is  probably "the favorite" place for freeloaders to get free meals.
A coffee house or restaurant is probably "the favorite" place for freeloaders to get free meals. | Source
This, my friends, is a bum. He is probably here and not by choice.
This, my friends, is a bum. He is probably here and not by choice. | Source

Favorite place for freeloaders.

You have your train stations, bus stops and in bigger cities, cabs (taxi's) to take you to your destination for a fee. But the best-known "target" for freeloaders is, and might always be restaurants. Even "Wimpy," "Popeye, the Sailor Man's" freeloading pal, loved to eat hamburgers given to him under the umbrella of his, "will gladly pay you Tuesday," vow that was never honored.

But mind you, freeloaders, not like bums, are "at their best," in situations involving dating, how they dress, walk, talk, lose jobs, and other places you would never suspect that a freeloader would use as a location to be irresponsible, non-committals, and a down-right slacker.

I have talked enough. Now to introduce you to:

Even films such as, "Freeloaders," glamorize the life of a freeloader.
Even films such as, "Freeloaders," glamorize the life of a freeloader. | Source
Joe Bonavito, hands out presents to the needy, but first in line are freeloaders.
Joe Bonavito, hands out presents to the needy, but first in line are freeloaders.
Don't be fooled. Some freeloaders have their own transportation.
Don't be fooled. Some freeloaders have their own transportation. | Source
Free riders or freeloaders?
Free riders or freeloaders? | Source
These guys make up a jazz band named "The Freeloaders."
These guys make up a jazz band named "The Freeloaders." | Source
Birdseye view of freeloaders.
Birdseye view of freeloaders. | Source

Important Note:

"I would share 50 more excuses used by freeloaders, but I have suddenly contracted "Hub Crampicitus," a recently-discovered, rare affliction in my fingers. So if one of you would be so kind to help me finish this and fifteen more hubs that I need to write."

Thanks! Kenneth

A Few of The Believable Excuses Used by Freeloaders

  • "I'd be glad to pay for this tasty meal, but I gave my last dollar to that needy person I met coming into this fine cafe."
  • "Oh my stars! I have foolishly left my motel room without my wallet."
  • "I am not feeling well, my friend. Would you please get this check and I will pay you back when I get checked out at the hospital."
  • "Uncle Sam really stuck it to me this tax season."
  • "I normally do not dress as a slouch, but a team of dangerous thugs robbed me of my clothing and money an hour ago. I secured these clothes from a local goodwill location, but I allowed the truly needy people to go ahead of me." (not only is this guy a freeloader, but a pretty good liar).
  • "My five children all needed braces." (this excuse is used when the freeloader and "sucker" do not know each other).
  • "Me? A bum? That hurt my feelings. I just didn't know that I over-paid on my monthly loan installment. So sue me for doing more than my share."
  • "May I get you to drive me to Louisiana? My truck broke down ten miles back." (a freeloader uses this while "thumbing" a ride from one place to the other and the freeloader makes absolutely sure that he also has believable excuses for his truck not being within 20 miles of where he was standing on the highway when a good-hearted soul picked him up).
  • "And I need another free box of cheese for my ailing uncle who served in World War I and II."
  • "Can you lend a poor veteran a cigarette?" (this freeloader did not serve one day in the military).
  • "I am financially embarrassed. I gave my wife all of my cash and credit cards to use on her missionary trip to the Third World country where she is helping feed the hungry." (this freeloader is single).
  • "Am I am member of this club? Errr, yeah. (a) "Mr. Goodwin," told me that I could eat with you fellas anytime I wanted." (you guessed it. There is no "Mr. Goodwin").
  • "I know that this sounds barbaric, but please, my fair maiden, would you please pay for "this," our first meal on our first date, and I will take you to the finest steak house in Texas next week." (the poor girl, or female "sucker," in this instance, never hears from this freeloader again).
  • "Bud, can you please loan me ten bucks for lunch? I have to eat something for these new medications that my doctor gave me for tension." (yes, even freeloaders can be among your coworkers).
  • "A dog with mange bit me yesterday, and I need this bottle of whiskey to combat the germs living in my bloodstream." (this freeloader intentionally scraped his knee before entering the package store to bolster his pitiful lie).
  • "Tell the boss that I came down with a rare case of "Hypercirculationatis," overnight." (no such disease, bu the receptionist taking the employee's freeloading excuse for laying out of work does not know the difference).
  • "Boss, please forgive this intrusion, for I know that you are very busy, but I desperately need to be off for two weeks due to my "uncle Jess," in Thailand, who was working on a shrimping boat, falling into the ocean and almost drowning. His boss took him to a local hospital and the attending physician called me last night and wanted me to be near "uncle Jess," in his final seven days of life." (this sly coworker has used this excuse with the former boss. It worked with this "new" boss as well. The freeloading employee got not one, but two weeks off).

Who did not love "Freddie, the Freeloader," one of Red Skelton's most- memorable characters.
Who did not love "Freddie, the Freeloader," one of Red Skelton's most- memorable characters. | Source

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Comments 9 comments

The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 7 months ago from United States

"May I get you to drive me to Louisiana?" That made me lol. Thanks for a fun read.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

The Dirt Farmer,

Hello, my good friend. Where have you been? About three years ago you and I became friends and I still consider you a friend.

Thank you kindly for your comment. About the line, "May I get you to drive me to Louisiana?" I was leery of doing that one for a lot of folks this day and time, mostly the young "twenty-somethings" love to hike, hitch rides and enjoy the great outdoors. No harm there.

But I did not want to offend anyone with my hub.

And you are included in my statement.

Have yourself a safe and quiet weekend and write me anytime.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

The Dirt Farmer,

Hello, my good friend. Where have you been? About three years ago you and I became friends and I still consider you a friend.

Thank you kindly for your comment. About the line, "May I get you to drive me to Louisiana?" I was leery of doing that one for a lot of folks this day and time, mostly the young "twenty-somethings" love to hike, hitch rides and enjoy the great outdoors. No harm there.

But I did not want to offend anyone with my hub.

And you are included in my statement.

Have yourself a safe and quiet weekend and write me anytime.

Kenneth


RaisedByBears profile image

RaisedByBears 7 months ago from Duluth

My favorite recent example of the genre involves my pastor, Thor - who was feeling sorry for a man who often positions himself in the median of a local through-way with a sign which says "Will Work For Food." Pastor Thor thought he might have some yardwork that needed attention, and his wife is a renowned cook - soooo, he stopped to talk to the man - who looked at him like he was insane. Pastor Thor, wondering if the man had a hearing impairment, repeated himself, a little louder. The man took down his sign, and began walking away. Thor, nothing if not persistent in doing good, began following the man, explaining again his proposition. Thor finally gave it up when he realized they were running down the median at a sprint. "That guy sure could run," he said. "He should be in marathons."


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

RaisedByBears,

LOL! This would make a great hub. Why don't you write it?

I forget the guy's name, but he had a comedy bit about something similar to to Thor's experience, but this guy would see a guy at a redlight on his way to work with the same type of sign.

So one day he rolled down his window, the guy walked to his passenger side door and the guy offered him a fresh Vidalia onion and said, "I have about three acres of grass for you to mow."

The guy cursed him out, turned down the onion and was never on that corner again.

Decent guys 2, counting Thor/Freeloaders 0.

Loved this comment.


jgshorebird profile image

jgshorebird 7 months ago from Earth

Enjoyed your hub. The "Freeloaders will inherit the Earth!" Pretty worrisome...


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 7 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, jgshorebird,

Thank you kindly for the nice comment.

And I enjoyed your "inherit the earth," line.

Thanks again. Write me anytime. All comments are welcomed.

And . . .if you are NOT one of my followers, I Cordially Invite you to be. I would love it. I will be looking for you.

Kenneth


Stacie L profile image

Stacie L 7 months ago

Or what Wimpie said to Popeye whenever he wanted a free hamburger;"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a Hamburger today."

I watched all those old cartoons and never once did Wimpie pay anyone! A fun topic. ;-)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Stacie L

Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I savored those old cartoons before they became as complex as a modern-day soap opera script.

Write me anytime.

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