A Guide To A Woman's Biological Clock

The biological clock is a phenomenon widely embedded in Western psyche. I have observed this clock and its mischievous workings in my own mind and I now share my insights with you, that you may compare your own experiences with your biological clock and perhaps be prepared for the tricks your body and mind play on you when they decide (quite often entirely independent of you) that you are ready for children.

It should be mentioned at the very outset of this article that I am not a scientist (though I often wear a fetching white coat,) and that none of this has any basis in anything outside of my own experiences and observations.

Stage One

You're not sure why, but the thought of children keeps popping into your head. At this stage, you may be anti having children. You may be planning to embrace a life of total freedom and lazy, child-free days. You may wonder why on earth anyone ever had children. You hear vague tales of childbirth and you shudder, both with fear and incomprehension. What woman would put herself through that?

Slowly, over a period of months and perhaps even years, you become increasingly aware of the fact that children exist and that you might just be able to have them yourself. Many women at this stage are still not entirely enamored of the idea, after all, having a baby means losing your freedom to gad about as you please and it means a screaming little human beast that demands everything you've got and more.

Some women stay at this stage all their lives, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Some women never even reach this stage. For many women however, the 'oh god babies are awful' stage is simply a stepping stone to inevitable breeding. Mark my words! Mark them!

Stage Two

At this point, you may realize that you're thinking about kids more and more, although you still may not want them, you start to notice every time someone on the television mentions having them, and shows in which the characters have babies will begin to provoke a reaction. You may have a negative reaction to this. 'Why is society pressuring me to have kids?' you might wonder. Of course, the fact that the same shows have been running for years and years without you feeling in the slightest bit pressured by their child bearing themes will not occur to you to be a relevant factor at all.

The real fact of the matter is that it is you who has become more aware of these themes, but for the moment, you may externalize these thoughts, especially if you never thought of yourself as the maternal type.

Stage Two is rather like Stage One, but with more awareness of the fact that you're thinking about babies an awful lot lately. You may start to scare yourself with thoughts of actually having one.

Stage Three


In stage three, you may come into contact with someone else's baby. Perhaps a friend's baby. Perhaps a family member's baby. You begin to see that in spite of the pain and the horror of labor and childbirth, the fact that there is a little squealing entity that the mother is in total and utter love with is amazing. You start to want that bond, that wondrous joy for yourself. If you're in a position to have them, pregnancy 'scares' may leave you more wistful than relieved.


All of a sudden, the negatives associated with having children seem to fade away. The idea of a child is lodged firmly somewhere in your brain and it won't let go. Hormones and natural programming hijack many of your original intentions for your life. The idea of being stuck at home with a baby who alternately screams, sleeps and giggles all day seems like a blessing.


Congratulations, your biological alarm clock is now well and truly ringing.


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