A Humorous Look at Creationism

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Everyone is familiar with this biblical account. But, here’s another version you haven’t heard.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth and then proceeded to create a man. He named him Adam. Adam was a fine upstanding Republican and an all around good American. God looked down and saw this was good. However, the creator said it was not good for the man to be alone, so he created Eve. Eve was neither Republican nor Democrat since women had not gotten the right to vote yet.

God gave Adam and Eve only one rule…to not eat out of one of the many pork barrels. They could eat out of all the others. But Eve, founder of the first women’s liberation movement, decided this was in violation of her civil rights. Therefore, in protest, she did and seduced Adam into partaking also. God became angry and confronted Adam, who knew by now he was going to be impeached.

A Fine Upstanding Republican

“Why did you eat from the forbidden pork barrel,” God asked. As a fine upstanding Republican and all around good American, Adam told him the truth. “It was the woman Eve’s fault, who you gave me” Adam replied. “She decided, she should be in charge and said I would be a male chauvinist if I didn’t join her.”

God still considered Adam in charge, despite the Women’s Liberation Movement and both were banned from ever participating in any future Tea Party rallies and tossed out of the Garden of Eden. And they were ordered to work by the sweat of their brow for the upcoming Republican Party nomination campaign.

Adam and Eve soon after had two children. They were Cain and Able. Able followed in his father’s steps as a fine upstanding Republican and all around good American. Cain, on the other hand became an unreliable, unstable Independent.

Able, in order to pay homage to his creator, gathered up all the best pork in the land and sacrificed it to the Lord. God was pleased with the fine upstanding Republican. Cain, not to be outdone, purchased all remaining stock options in GM, (before the bailout) and presented them to the Lord. God was not pleased and Cain became jealous of his brother.

The Pharisees, an offshoot of the Democratic Party, saw a way to manipulate the situation to their advantage. A dozen or more Pharisees took a fact finding tour, at taxpayer expense, to speak with Cain…who was vacationing on the Riviera. After weeks of intense, strenuous negations, while staying in the most expensive hotels, the Pharisees were able to coerce Cain to assassinate his brother. Convincing Cain it was in everybody’s best interest he quickly agreed as he was getting pretty fed up of with fine upstanding Republicans by now.

So Cain did the unspeakable deed and promptly found himself in disfavor with God who saw this to be a detestable act, even for an Independent. God banished Cain from the land marking him on his forehead so everyone would know he was to be a dark horse in the next presidential election. The Democrats, who had been considering him as their nominee, quickly distanced themselves by moving a little more to the right. It is thought Cain eventually became a radical Muslim, fitting in quite nicely with those misunderstood idealists.

You figure out the moral to this story…there has to be one in there somewhere.

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Comments 10 comments

TeaPartyCrasher profile image

TeaPartyCrasher 6 years ago from Camp Hill, PA

Clever. But I've always seen the Pharisees as a bit like the "Religious Right" myself. . .

JY3502 profile image

JY3502 6 years ago from Florence, South Carolina Author

LOL...Ya might be on to something there!

arthurchappell profile image

arthurchappell 6 years ago from Manchester, England

very funny and more credible than the official versions of either the Bible or any Tea Party manifesto

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Very funny! I really enjoyed this clever piece. Thank you.

Love and peace


JY3502 profile image

JY3502 6 years ago from Florence, South Carolina Author

I'm glad you all enjoyed this. I had as much fun writing it as you did reading it.

Ginn Navarre profile image

Ginn Navarre 6 years ago

Thanks, this started my day with a laughter and we all could use some. Yet that being said it has a lot of TRUTH spilling over its cup.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Metaphors, metaphors, metaphors, all faces of the truth :))

JY3502 profile image

JY3502 6 years ago from Florence, South Carolina Author

It was meant to have a grain of truth Gin. Sometimes the only way you can handle the truth is by laughing at it. The truth is sometimes so ridiculous, as I pointed out in not so subtle ways, if you don't laugh, you will cry.

And Martie...do you even know what a metaphor is? LOL

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Metaphor = A figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity...


You are a sTaR :)

JY3502 profile image

JY3502 6 years ago from Florence, South Carolina Author

I stand corrected Martie. He He.

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