Everyday "Hacks" That DO NOT Work

SPECIAL NOTICE . . .

In order for you to understand this story and proceed to laugh your head off, you have to watch this video. Thank you. Be kind to animals. Kenneth

Note: I hope the editors of HubPages will see that this piece is not of a promotional-nature of the products listed on this hub. Fact: I needed them for my story. Thank you, Kenneth

There is this show on TruTV named, "Hack My Life." The show is for folks who love short-cuts to do things in daily life or use some object you have lying around to open a can of soda or cut a watermelon. "Hack My Life," is hosted by: Kevin Pereira and Brooke Van Poppelen who do use objects like a quarter to cut a watermelon or one of your shoes to open a bottle of wine.

So here is the story I want to share with you "wannabe-hack's." Enjoy.



GROUND BEEF -- rubbed on sunburn will not help in the least. But you will get lots of laughs from doing your impression of a hamburger.


BOILED CHICKEN -- applied to joints with arthritis is useless, but it will attract your cold-hearted cat.






BOILED EGGS -- if swallowed whole, are not a cure for hiccups. And doing this can be dangerous for your reputation.




CLOROX -- cannot be substituted for fuel for your garden tractor. If you do make this foolish mistake, you will end up with a lawnmower with a super-clean motor that will never crank. Hello, Home Depot!





MUDDY WATER -- not the legendary blues singer, but muddy water drank from a glass is not just dangerous to your health, but will cause people to wonder if you are mentally-stable or not.



HEINZ CATSUP -- will not and cannot help you to get a stubborn lid off of a jar of pickles.




HOT DOG BUNS -- when stuffed into the pockets of your clothes that you hang in your closet will not preserve their clean smell, but invite hordes of hungry rats to have the biggest feast of their lives.



ITCH X -- I hate to say, cannot help bruised feet that have walked on sharp rocks. But if your bruised feet are itching, then it may do the trick.



IVORY SOAP -- cannot be used for food if you are stranded in the wilderness. Oh, Ivory will give you a clean mouth, but if swallowed, vomiting may occur.



JELLY BEANS -- when placed near tomato plants when planted will not help them to grow faster.




A DOG LEASH AND COLLAR -- is useless to keep uwanted turtles away from your lawn.







MEN'S SOCKS -- if placed on your front porch will not prevent burglars.







MOTOR OIL -- cannot stop the sting from a wasp sting. You only end up with an oily arm.





ORANGE PEELINGS -- serve no purpose in helping you to move heavy furniture in your home

.





PREPARATION H -- is not endorsed to use as brake fluid in your car until you can get some real brake fluid.






BAD TEETH -- will not attract beautiful butterflies that will cause bevies of pretty girls to flock around the guy with bad teeth. This is but a sad urban legend.




SNAKE VENOM -- is not to be used as a cleanser for a chalkboard. It just causes the chalk to become sticky and harder to remove.






FOAM FROM SOAP -- if gargled, will not give you a beautiful singing voice.





VINTAGE PORKY PIG -- pictures placed throughout your house will not ward off annoying salesmen trying to get you to buy-into a condo development in Columbia, South America.

And speaking of

my Good Friend,

Porky Pig,

I join him in

saying to

you . . .

More by this Author


Comments 14 comments

favored profile image

favored 21 months ago from USA

I might have to question the socks thing ... some people's are weapons we could use for the military :) Happy popcorn day. (I'll keep using a bag thank you.)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 21 months ago from Baltimore, MD

Bummer, I was about to gargle with some soap foam in the high hopes that I would sing like Celine Dion in no time. Guess I'd better not quit my day job.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

favored,

I agree with you and I do not blame you for the question on the socks item. They CAN be deceptive and fool the average person into thinking that they are ONLY socks.

But oh the damage they can weild if filled with rocks.

Thank you for stopping by.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Jeannieinabottle,

I hate to boast, but it was a good thing you read this hub. Otherwise Dion might be all up in the tabloids and talk shows about some girl who can duplicate her voice perfectly.

And her plight is made worse by the press who describes YOUR voice as "the Cleanest" voice in America.

Thank you bunches for the comment. And please feel free to come back anytime.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 20 months ago

I do not know what that was supposed to be about Kenneth but it sure lightened my evening. I thought it was truly funny. I voted it up, shared and Tweeted it.

Kevin


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 20 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Lots of fun, Kenneth. Hope all is well. Theresa


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

The Examiner - 1 . . .you need to watch the video on this hub. The couple in the video have a show on TruTV called "Hack My Life," where they use common objects to everyday jobs. Example: Instead of using a bottle opener, they use a can opener to open a bottle, and so on.

Thank you for the kind gestures of commenting, voting, sharing and tweeting this. I appreciate you and your kind heart so much.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

phdast7,

Thank you so much for your nice comment. I had trouble writing this one, but I knew I was in trouble halfway into it.

Next time, I will use a rough sketch.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 20 months ago

I did watch the video Kenneth and I only saw them cut a hole in the side of a can - with a knife - to pop popcorn.

Kevin


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

that, Kevin, was a hack. Using a knife instead of just pulling the pop-top to get to the soda. But this was only if you were stranded. The paper bag popcorn was like the Coke deal. If you just had shelled popcorn like in the old days and oil.

The popcorn in a can deal was a challenge between the girl and guy to see whose popcorn would pop better.

Thank you for your comment.


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 20 months ago from Oakley, CA

Wow. I cannot believe the stupid things some people believe..and..that there is actually a TV show promoting such dumb and useless ideas. Left me laughing and shaking my head.

It is probably a miracle that we continue to survive as a species!

Voted up and funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, DzyMsLizzy,

Now I am laughing at your comment too much to be legible.

Thank you so much, Dear Friend, for telling like it is.

Thanks too for the votes.

Stay as sane as possible.

Kenneth

Your Friend for Life


vkwok profile image

vkwok 20 months ago from Hawaii

Some people do the dumbest things.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 19 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

LOL! We sure do.

Thank you for your comment and friendship.

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