Everyday "Hacks" That DO NOT Work
SPECIAL NOTICE . . .
In order for you to understand this story and proceed to laugh your head off, you have to watch this video. Thank you. Be kind to animals. Kenneth
Note: I hope the editors of HubPages will see that this piece is not of a promotional-nature of the products listed on this hub. Fact: I needed them for my story. Thank you, Kenneth
There is this show on TruTV named, "Hack My Life." The show is for folks who love short-cuts to do things in daily life or use some object you have lying around to open a can of soda or cut a watermelon. "Hack My Life," is hosted by: Kevin Pereira and Brooke Van Poppelen who do use objects like a quarter to cut a watermelon or one of your shoes to open a bottle of wine.
So here is the story I want to share with you "wannabe-hack's." Enjoy.
GROUND BEEF -- rubbed on sunburn will not help in the least. But you will get lots of laughs from doing your impression of a hamburger.
BOILED CHICKEN -- applied to joints with arthritis is useless, but it will attract your cold-hearted cat.
BOILED EGGS -- if swallowed whole, are not a cure for hiccups. And doing this can be dangerous for your reputation.
CLOROX -- cannot be substituted for fuel for your garden tractor. If you do make this foolish mistake, you will end up with a lawnmower with a super-clean motor that will never crank. Hello, Home Depot!
MUDDY WATER -- not the legendary blues singer, but muddy water drank from a glass is not just dangerous to your health, but will cause people to wonder if you are mentally-stable or not.
HEINZ CATSUP -- will not and cannot help you to get a stubborn lid off of a jar of pickles.
HOT DOG BUNS -- when stuffed into the pockets of your clothes that you hang in your closet will not preserve their clean smell, but invite hordes of hungry rats to have the biggest feast of their lives.
ITCH X -- I hate to say, cannot help bruised feet that have walked on sharp rocks. But if your bruised feet are itching, then it may do the trick.
IVORY SOAP -- cannot be used for food if you are stranded in the wilderness. Oh, Ivory will give you a clean mouth, but if swallowed, vomiting may occur.
JELLY BEANS -- when placed near tomato plants when planted will not help them to grow faster.
A DOG LEASH AND COLLAR -- is useless to keep uwanted turtles away from your lawn.
MEN'S SOCKS -- if placed on your front porch will not prevent burglars.
MOTOR OIL -- cannot stop the sting from a wasp sting. You only end up with an oily arm.
ORANGE PEELINGS -- serve no purpose in helping you to move heavy furniture in your home
PREPARATION H -- is not endorsed to use as brake fluid in your car until you can get some real brake fluid.
BAD TEETH -- will not attract beautiful butterflies that will cause bevies of pretty girls to flock around the guy with bad teeth. This is but a sad urban legend.
SNAKE VENOM -- is not to be used as a cleanser for a chalkboard. It just causes the chalk to become sticky and harder to remove.
FOAM FROM SOAP -- if gargled, will not give you a beautiful singing voice.
VINTAGE PORKY PIG -- pictures placed throughout your house will not ward off annoying salesmen trying to get you to buy-into a condo development in Columbia, South America.
And speaking of
my Good Friend,
I join him in
you . . .
More by this Author
Some situations in life seemingly to me, just hang around for years. But I appeal to your sense of compassion by asking for your help with a few things that are still bothering me.
Prom Season. What a grand time in the life of a high school junior and senior. It is "that" time to come into their own and grow. But not doing certain things can help you mature as civilized people.
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.