A Test to See if You Are a Bulger
"Uh, puny shrimp, I think I am ahead of you!"
says the Bulger. The huge guy on the left.
The female Bulger (see red arrow) is pushing ahead of other customers who are waiting in line to be served.
Know the difference
Bulger - noun; Pronounced "Bull-jur."
Don't be confused or fooled. You have the bully and the bulger. You've never heard of a bulger? But you are familiar with the term, bully? Well there is a difference. One term has one letter more than the other.
Bullies are known for one thing: pushing the weak around, beating them up and taking their cash. The bulger is not as violent, but his (or her) trademark is barging into family reunions, Christmas parties and even doing something as cold hearted as cutting line in a crowded restaurant.
In this life, dear followers, we must know the difference or else when we step in to take up for the down trodden souls, we will be the center of embarrassment. I might also add that this fact, although you may not understand it completely, is very easy to do. I know. I speak from personal experience.
"You don't understand, panty-waist. I am batting first!"
The origin of Bulger
I give credit to my sainted mother who, when I was turning ten, grew aggravated at how stubborn I was concerning something that she wanted me to do and I refused. I shall never forget her statement, "Okay, bulger! Go on and butt with your own head." With that stern statement, I did obey my mom, but never forgot her analogy of me in using the word, bulger.
I have no historical roots of this term to share with you. Only my personal observation about what bulger really means. I can assume that bulger is a mixture of someone who is bull headed (stubborn to a fault) and "ger" is a fitting suffix. I suppose that one of my valued followers, teaches12345, could elaborate in a more intelligent fashion on this personal controversy.
This uninvited man, or commonly known as a Bulger, is clearly helping himself to the delicious spaghetti that was cooked for other guests and certainly not him.
A Few Facts About Bulgers . . .
- Bulgers come in all races and are not members of one race.
- A bulger has that disenfranchised look on his or her face as if they are thinking of something besides the present moment.
- Bulgers come in all ages, but most are of teenage years due to their youthful energy.
- Bulgers seldom curse or make loud threats to those who get in their way for they despise attention.
So to be of help to those of you who who are reading this piece and wondering if you are a bulger, I offer you this piece that I call . . .
A Test to See if You Are a Bulger
(I am lifting Jeff "You might be a redneck if . . ." Foxworthy's intro here).
You might be a bulger if . . .
- One of your favorite things to do is push ahead of people who are standing in line at restaurants, the grocery store or at a sporting event. And you do this without remorse.
- You force presence upon people at a family reunion and proceed to help yourself to all of the fine food that has been brought to such a special event--and all without being invited.
- At your workplace, your hand always goes up first when the boss asks, "are there any volunteers?" You always do this without really knowing what you are volunteering for.
- You either call up a girl who you see dating one of your few friends and do your dead level best to steal her away from him. Yes, she protests to high heaven, but you, being the tried and true bulger that you are, keep on insisting that she date you which leads you to having a court order served on you to not get within two miles of the girl or face prison.
- You beam with pride when a coworker calls you a "bulger" for taking credit for his or her work. What is scary about this situation is that you feel nothing about how your actions affect this coworker. You just bop along lying in wait for the next chance to rush ahead of someone else who has worked so hard only to have you "steal their thunder."
- You think that your wife of eleven years of giving you a compliment when she shrieks, "You bulger! I was saving that money for a new stove. But no, you had to rush ahead of me and spend it on a new rod and reel for yourself."
- "Mr. Bulger," you have mastered the art of rushing ahead of people standing in line so much so now you are bored, but you have a new arena to prove that you are a true, blue bulger. You find a quiet place in your city park and study the coming's and going's of mothers who bring their toddlers for a ride in their strollers. Common sense teaches you that some of these mom's will give their little ones a sucker or piece of candy, so you have trained yourself better than any Olympian to be there at the right time to grab the candy from the mom's hand as she hands it to her youngster. Then you peel away the wrapper, toss it to the ground, and let mom and baby see you devour it like a Lobo Wolf.
- At your annual Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, guess who is always first to fill is plate(s) to the brim? You are correct. It's you, "Holiday Bulger." What few of your remaining relatives, those you haven't scared off, are always stunned at how you charge the table filled with great food and disregard the person asking grace over the food. It's not that you are an agnostic. It's just you have to be first and to have your stomach filled before anyone else.
- When you and your wife had your first child, you had to be closer to your wife than her doctor. You told the doctor, "I am her husband so "I" will be calling the shots here, buster." So her doctor who was able to see the bigger picture, did not protest and your loud voice yelling, "Exhale! Inhale!" could be heard all over the hospital.
Final Facts About Bulgers:
- Being a bulger is not for the weak, but one of strong will, body and mind.
Being a bulger means you are able to take cursing, name-calling, threats, and sometimes having objects thrown at you by angry citizens whom you have offended by your bulger actions.
- Being a bulger is not a part-time job. It is a round-the-clock occupation. You never know when you showing the world that bulgers still exist will come calling.
- Being a bulger means you have to withstand your kids and wife whom you do love and support well, shunning you in public when you get "that" look on your face that signals it is time for you, "Mr. Bulger," to show people what you really are.
Did you fail or pass this test? You can tell me in the comment boxes below.
Good night, Lexington, Kentucky.
This professional bulger is stuffing himself with great food items that were meant to be enjoyed by others at this town gathering. Bravery and boldness such as this bulger has is what it takes to be a professional bulger.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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