And When You Get Those 72 Virgins Oh Suicide Bomber, Will It Be Any Good?

From what I’ve read online and whatnot apparently the suicide bombers are promised that for giving their life here on earth to “the cause” that they will have 72 virgins waiting for them in heaven. So I started thinking, and when you get those 72 virgins oh suicide bomber, will it be any good? – Don’t Get Me Started!

Maybe it’s a gay thing but I just don’t get or understand this whole fascination with virgins to begin with. I’m not encouraging anyone to be a whore but it would seem to me that the person who has “done it” before might know a little more about it and in fact be much more interesting to be with (in the biblical sense) because they’ll know what they’re doing and may even teach you a few things. Yet I know there are plenty of straight men who still dream of marrying a virgin and/or gays who want to get a boy who has not yet been taught the ways of the flesh. Frankly, it all makes my skin crawl. Ugh. I mean if that’s what you criteria is there’s something wrong with you…in my opinion.

But back to the bombers and their virgins, I think that if we really want to stop the whole suicide bombing thing then we’ll get our Uncle Sam propaganda wagon on track and start “educating” the bombers on how not great the virgins will be. Here are some items I think we should cover.

1. The virgin is a virgin for a reason, may not be all that attractive if she’s made it to heaven a virgin

2. The virgin may be a virgin because they don’t want to have sex with you – be prepared to be hit on the head, scratched (and not in a sexual way) and do a lot of running because the virgin may not be easily caught

3. Women tend to have their emotion close to the surface so imagine doing the nasty all the while the virgin is crying because you’re taking her virginity…not so hot, unless you’re a rapist (God forbid)

4. The first time is rarely comfortable for anyone from an emotional or physical way and you only get to do it once and then she’s not a virgin anymore so just when you think she’s getting the hang of it, you’ll most likely climax, want to fall asleep but when you go back for seconds realize that you can’t because you can only have “virgins” and the one you just deflowered is no longer a virgin so onto virgin 65

I’m sure the list could be made longer and less appealing by some government office or something but those are just my initial thoughts.

Look, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin here on the earth and good for you if you are but there’s a flip side to this whole thing that I don’t think the suicide bomber is thinking about and just maybe if we educated them they would reconsider their big promised reward for giving up their life and we could cut down on the innocent lives that are lost due to suicide bombers. Just a thought and when you get those 72 virgins oh suicide bomber, will it be any good? – Don’t Get Me Started!

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Comments 8 comments

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

I feel like I shouldn't be laughing at someone else's religious beliefs but this was pretty funny - all the big, fat, ugly, buck toothed, knock- kneed, socially inadequate virgins in their lovely flowiing outfits with little bells and all. Of course, the guy who decides to blow himself and evrybody around him up may be just a few bricks shy of a full load anyway.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Yip...it's true...they will recieve 72 virgin........chickens. :)


easy1 profile image

easy1 7 years ago from Ireland

Virgin chickens! puts on vest primes detonator exit stage left.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Oh yeah...hot CHICKS!....you can only see the tips of their wings and their eyes through mesh tho.


maven101 profile image

maven101 7 years ago from Northern Arizona

Hey !! This is sexist !!!...What about female suicide bombers..? Don't they get 72 virgin men.? I mean, heck...what's good for the goose is good for the gander...Right..?


pgrundy 7 years ago

LOL! Well, it always seemed to me that the 72 virgins thing was more in the realm of "hell is getting what you want." Can you imagine? Suicide bomber gets to heaven, and there's all 72 of them lined up and eager... and it ain't pretty! LOL! He ends up running away from them, unsuccessfully, and ends up spending eternity trying to wheedle his way OUT of having sex with 72 women no one else wants.

It's totally fair. :)


brandyBachmann profile image

brandyBachmann 6 years ago

it's pretty sad how 1 man can decide to kill himself and several other innocent people just for 72 virgins (doesn't matter if it's 72 or 1 million they are willing to die for something so shallow).


Notice 5 years ago

Notice, how you all talk about it but wont do anything about it, you are all "virgin chickens".

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