My "Obamaphone" Complaints

An "Obamaphone" (They really do work OK)
An "Obamaphone" (They really do work OK)

Why doesn't anyone like a smartass?


Advertising sign on a lamp post in the French Quarter of New Orleans: “Nobody likes a smartass.”

There it was, but I didn't realize that the sign was advertising a long-running play. I thought that it had been stuck onto the lamp post by one of the unliked. Oh well...


The writers of “dumb poems” are kinda like the folks pointed to on that sign, but there is a big difference. Dumb poem writers are not disliked. They may be dismissed as less than literate, but even their harshest critics read their words and find it difficult to suppress smiling.


Today is Monday. Another way of saying that would be to describe the day as Molification Day. My goal today is to make dumb poem critics feel better about their fussing over this dumb poem variety of illiterate literature. What better topic would assist that in its ultimate fruition than apolitical politics – namely, Big Government largesse – to wit, the free “Obamaphone.”


My "Obamaphone" Complaints

I carry my free cell phone proudly.
It sounds off bigtime - very loudly
when a welcome call comes in.
Right then I lift it to my chin.

Thank you, Uncle Sam, my dear.
This free cell phone fits my left ear.
I use it plenty just to yak.
The nice thing's you don't want it back.

It surely beats a shared phone line
Exclusive use for me's real fine.
But even so, complain I must -
You'll fix the problems? Can we trust?

The little buttons are too small,
and of the problems, that's not all.
I called welfare (roust 'em some).
Never answered. Phone's a bum.

Its display panel is too tiny
Makes the words too teeny-finey.
The plastic case is just plain black.
Reminds me of a heart attack.

The ringing of this phone's so loud
It ticks off all the movie crowd.
Got me tossed days in a row.
That really bugs me – now you know.

Battery's weak and I can't charge.
Electric bill was way too large.
Lights went off the other day.
(That's a bill someone should pay.)

As you can see, there's work to do
to make "Obamaphones" like new.
As good's they are, they could be better.
Hope you liked my cell phone letter.


More by this Author


Comments 21 comments

brblog profile image

brblog 3 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

Your rhyming skills are exceptional!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Bruce (brblog) -

Sure enough. Much like my basketball skills. (Never could get the ball into the basket...) :-)

Gus :-)))


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

This poem is too much like real life, Gus, to be called dumb. Realistic, yes. Depressing, yes. But dumb, no.

Your rhyming skills and logic are impeccable. Wish I could say the same for the cellphone perpetrators.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Good Doctor bj - What's so depressing is that the battery is dead and the electric company is unmovable. I suppose I need to get a job. Maybe in telephone consulting - do you think? :-)

Gus :-)))


flashmakeit profile image

flashmakeit 3 years ago from usa

Interesting poem and now I know how the Obamaphone works. They would not give me one. Is that good or bad?


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi flashmakeit - I wish I knew how these cell phones worked. Like many other things that are real marvels to me, electronic stuff is beyond my ability to comprehend. For example, I saw a TV program the other night in which they nailed down the whereabouts of a murderer due to his cell phone "location" records - proving that he was not where his testimony said he was at the time of the crime.

These free phones are for folks who would like, but don't have much income, like me maybe. But then, "low" is "high" for some and "high" can be "low" for others. I used to pay the Nextel phone people lots of bucks each month so that I could lug one of those 2-pound cell phones around with me, but then I found that I was getting about one call a month and making one call out myself. Still have that great big cell phone right here on the shelf. Maybe have to donate it to a museum someday.

Probably the reason you couldn't get your own "Obamaphone" was that you were making more $$$ than the government folks allowed for getting one. I don't know what the amount of income can be to qualify, but I would guess that it is not very much. I'd bet that your local phone company could tell you - or one of the cell phone outfits.

Good luck to you if you are still looking for one of the phones...

Gus :-)))


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Yo're right! You had me ta the tittle. Thank you for this.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hello Martin (Mhatter99)-

That is good of you to claim that "Yo're right." That's what could be called real Redneck kindness...

Ordinarily, I am "left." Left to wonder in which direction to run, that is. And, as to the title of this piece, I just picked up on what some folks call those free cell phones. I doubt that our president had much, if anything, to do with them.

Gus :-)))


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 3 years ago from Central Texas

Love it -- love it! I must, however, disagree with your statement that Obama had much to do with the phones. If turtle turds came into vogue and the less fortunate couldn't afford one -- this POTUS would see that they all got one PDQ and free of charge! Great, fun Hub -- thanks! Best/Sis


eHealer profile image

eHealer 3 years ago from Las Vegas

Love it! You are so creative Gus, excellent and voted up!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hello Angela (Angela Blair) -

I don't mind it at all that folks disagree with me about one thing or another (most particularly - about another) but I think that your comment says that I believed that President Obama had a lot to do with free cell phones being passed out to those who ask for them. Obama did not start the "Obamaphone" program. I am not sure which administration it was that began the deal, but I think that it was "W's."

Anyway, the current usage is "Obamaphone."

I am pleased that you enjoyed this "pull their legs" nonsense poem.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Deborah (eHealer) -

Yeah that's me - super creative. I remember back when I was in Miss McCarten's Kindergarten class at the old Mayflower School back home. She was so worried about my creativity that she got my mother and father to come in for a consultation during classtime. Seems like I had been spending most of my time creating long, skinny clay worms out of the supply of the class's modeling clay. She believed me to be a real mental case. My memory shows my father coming in the class door, much to my great surprise and joy. I grabbed him by the hand and brought him over to the wide window sill on which I rolled out long, skinny clay worms. I pointed out my latest worm on the window sill and asked him if he didn't think that my worm was by far the best clay worm in all the world. He smiled and told Miss mcCarten to not worry too much about me - mostly because I was a super worm-maker. So, now you know the beginning of that creativity. Had it ever since. Want to buy a nice clay worm?


PADDYBOY60 profile image

PADDYBOY60 3 years ago from Centreville Michigan

I liked the poem Gus, but where do you get one of them there Obamyphones? :) :0 :)


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Patrick (PADDYBOY60) - You must be my friend to have liked this piece... to get your personal "Obamyphone" you may have to borrow one and dial up the equivalent of "911." I have an old 2-pound Motorola deal here that I used when I had the Nextel connection, but i can't mail it to you - still has some racy conversations inside. :-)

Gus :-)))


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 3 years ago from London

We don't get these free phones here but we can get cheap phones.I use my mainly as a camera.I didn't know it had one when I got it.

I have another with a Qwerty keyboard.. it's just too small

I love your poem,I like to writ about every day things.

So sorry about the latest shootings over there.

Why do people still want guns?

I can't see the sense in it,Kathryn


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Kathryn (kathryn1000 ) - That is interesting about your cell phone that has photo capabilities. Sound like a winner. It makes me happy that you enjoyed this nonsense poem. I wish sometimes that I could be more serious about everything, but time and the lack of sense have a way of keeping "good stuff" suppressed. :-)

Yes. That is really bad news about another mass shooting of kids-this time in a littel, sleepy town in Connecticut. It happens in many places, some with very strict anti-gun laws - like the Breivik deal in Sweden where the idiot killed 77 after blowing up buildings, etc. It happened in China, with 20 or so kids being stabbed by some maniac at a school there. The guns and the knives don't cause this stuff. It is the lack of control in society and all of the nasty nonsense now afoot. Had the teachers in the schools affected been appropriately armed (or had adequate personnel on hand to keep violence away), the perpetrators would have been stopped before they could mass-murder innocents like they managed to do. For as long as society uses violence for entertainment (movies, video games, boxing, etc.) some mental aberrants will act out this maniacal way. In places like the Middle East, however, it is not the entertainment causing such stuff, but it looks to be the inculcation of a violently leaning pseudo-religion espoused by a goodly-sized portion of the goat herders who live over there. Enough of my sour thoughts for one day, Kathryn.

Gus :-)))


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 3 years ago from London

The statistics comparing deaths by violence show the USA much the highest... alas.


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

I enjoyed this, it was a cool poem!! Thanks for sharing.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Michelle - I enjoyed your enjoyment of this little bit of nonsense. Maybe, however, it is time to return to the use of carrier pigeons (or two tin cans connected by some stout string). I used to have a "sell phone." but the only calls it seemed to accept were from folks trying to sell something to me. :-)

Gus :-)))


kj force profile image

kj force 3 years ago from Florida

GusTheRedneck...I went to the cell phone store to update my phone..had to lock into a 2yr contract to get the really cool phone I wanted, it does everything from lock/unlock my house from anywhere, starts dinner, turns on the house vacuum system,starts the washer/dryer, notifies me of all scheduled appointments, and confirms. I can watch a movie,make a movie and runs a bath...and I have interenet service, which is where I found out my husband was cheating on me at

" seniorsseekingsex.com"...guess I should have just done the " obamaphone"..or not !!

loved the poem...


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Good Morning, kj (kj force) -

Can you imagine how it would be if you did the sort of thing that I do all too frequently - lose my cell phones, little cameras, the right-hand shoe, etc. Then you get home to find that your dinner is burning on the stove, the vacuum cleaner is churning away inside the closet, the washer is overflowing water all over the laundry room, the TV is showing cartoons and Elmo shows, the bathtub is overflowing, and there is a lineup at the front door of anxious-looking old men wearing new wigs.

I guess that the lowly "Obamaphone" would come on to you right then as a blessing that you somehow missed out on...

Have fun today, kj.

Gus :-)))

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