Attention Beer Drinkers: You Have Been Drinking Your Beer The Wrong Way

People all over the world have loved their beer for hundreds of years.
People all over the world have loved their beer for hundreds of years. | Source
American GI's enjoying a beer. Photo taken, May 30, 1943.
American GI's enjoying a beer. Photo taken, May 30, 1943. | Source

"My" short career of beer drinking.

Oh, yeah! Suds, brew, brewski's, and cold one's. Just a few loving nick-names for beer. This subject is not new to any of you who are following me. I cannot say with any degree of accuracy, that "all" of my cherished-followers have ever tasted or even got a little "tight' on beer. That would be a huge speculation on my part.

Me? I sure did consume as much beer as I could from the year 1979 until Oct. 1990. My love of suds went beyond love and turned into an obsession. Okay. Addiction fits better. This synonomy says it best: "When Friday evening came, that meant dinner at Pizza Hut (in Colbert County, Alabama, the nearest "wet" county near me) and a stop at my favorite package store to stock-up with beer for the weekend.

Three buddies in a chug-a-lug battle.
Three buddies in a chug-a-lug battle. | Source
Australian and New  Zealand tourists in Hofbrau  Tent at Oktoberfest  Oct 1 1990.
Australian and New Zealand tourists in Hofbrau Tent at Oktoberfest Oct 1 1990. | Source

I thought I was being patriotic.

Isn't that the American way? Maybe I was too late in getting into this custom, but I did not look or care about the schematics, I just had to have those cold beers on a Saturday afternoon after mowing grass or working on other outside projects. Mind you, this was when I was younger and in far better physical shape than I am now.

No use going into detail describing all of the parties my buddies and I attended or threw. That, to my editing skills, would be too much information and really does not affect the flow of this story.
But what this hub is about may shock you. You might have to wash your eyes to read this headline:

Nothing says "party," like guzzling lots of beer.
Nothing says "party," like guzzling lots of beer. | Source
Girl on the shoulder of the other girl has obviously had way too much of a  good time.
Girl on the shoulder of the other girl has obviously had way too much of a good time. | Source
With or without a mask, if you drink too much beer, you will BE drunk.
With or without a mask, if you drink too much beer, you will BE drunk. | Source
The Eagles, Joe Walsh, and The Who drummer, Keith Moon sample a cold beer.
The Eagles, Joe Walsh, and The Who drummer, Keith Moon sample a cold beer. | Source
"Buddy, don't you think you've had enough?"
"Buddy, don't you think you've had enough?" | Source
Loud music, booze, and drunken danging equals chaos and a loss of memory.
Loud music, booze, and drunken danging equals chaos and a loss of memory. | Source
Man embarrasses himself by stupid antics inspired by drinking too much beer.
Man embarrasses himself by stupid antics inspired by drinking too much beer. | Source
Man and woman demonstrate how to intertwine their legs all while drinking beer.
Man and woman demonstrate how to intertwine their legs all while drinking beer. | Source
Drinking heavily while being depressed many times leads to excessive crying.
Drinking heavily while being depressed many times leads to excessive crying. | Source
Sid Vicious and fans appear to have "bent their elbows" a bit.
Sid Vicious and fans appear to have "bent their elbows" a bit. | Source
Wild partying at Oktoberbest  Munich Germany 1994.
Wild partying at Oktoberbest Munich Germany 1994. | Source

Attention Beer Drinkers: You Have Been Drinking Your Beer The Wrong Way

You are drinking your beer wrong if . . .

  • You sit down to eat with family and friends and they order their food for the meal. All except you. "a good, cold brew, or ten, haw, haw," you laugh, but in reality, you are dead-serious. You are not thinking about a delicious porter house steak with the trimmings, but getting that cold beer down your throat into your stomach and for you it's "Good Time Charlie's" back in business.
  • Friends start calling you these names:
  • "Guzzle-zilla" - - named after Godzilla, the monster. As you and your buddies are taking in a great ball game, your buddies "are" having a good time pulling for the "Raging Ravens," (if there is such a team with this name), while you pop one pop-top or twist-top as many as you can while hardly watching any of the game. Guess what? Your friends are now whispering things about you. Things such as: "Poor 'Cal,' he used to drink one, maybe two brewskis. Now it's half a case." This is a danger signal.
  • "Sudsy Malone" - - you have your friends' respect as did the famous gangster, Al Capone. But with you it's your ability to drink beer most of an evening and into the wee hours of the morning and still sound like you have some amount of intelligence.
  • "Heads Up" - - you are so good at turning a can, bottle, or glass of beer up to your mouth and not taking it down until it is drained, that your friends have named you "Heads Up," for the foam of the beer, or head, remains on your top lip. You think it's a badge of honor, but really it's a nick-name to make light of you.
  • "Niagara" - - but not as in the Falls. Ever notice how the tons of water flow off the edge of Niagara Falls? This is you drinking beer. On one occasion, you were "in the zone" with one open beer in each hand and drinking from them both. The host of this party threatened to sell tickets to people for them to witness someone of your niche who is able to do such things with beer.
  • These are but a few nick-names that can be given to people who drink their beer the wrong way. Below you will find a few sensible tips on how to correctly drink your beer.
  • Never suck in a mouthful of air while taking a drink of beer. This causes a build-up of air in your stomach and leads to a vulgar-sounding belch. Not to mention the pressure you are putting on your heart.
  • Do not try and set a new land speed record on how fast you can "down" a few cold one's. You got time. And while you are drinking your second six-pack of the night, the employees of major beer manufacturing companies are able, willing, and eager to make more beer on their jobs in the morning.
  • "Say it. Don't spray it" - - can not only apply to people who release saliva when they talk to people, but you, when you drink beer and try to talk with a mouthful of brew. Your friends love you too much to tell you that they do not appreciate the free "beer shower" every time they get together with you to "knock back a few" and relax.
  • "Hot or Cold" - - beer. It doesn't make any difference to you. One time you went to the package store, bought a half-case of beer from the floor, not the cooler, and went to a family picnic. Your thinking was since it was early November, and crisp outside, the beer just has to be cool. Wrong! You are not "Bud Weiser." You drank five bottles of warm beer then had to be taken to the emergency room.
  • "Straw, Please" - - one stupid mistake you make many times is using a straw to drink your beer. Did you not know that drinking beer this way starts the alcohol content of the liquid to work faster in your system? It does. Do you really think this is a wise way to consume beer?
  • "Shotgun" - - may be a popular way for college cut-up's to drink beer at a frat party, but not for you. This method literally "shoots" the booze down your throat and into your bloodstream at light-speed. Or maybe you don't remember that wild party where you won the "King of Shotgun," title, but passed out shortly thereafter.
  • "Pitchers Welcome" - - no glass for you, friend. Time was you used to drink your beer in a civilized manner, but not today. You take your beer by the pitcher. And you drink right from the pitcher without pouring it into a glass. You always say it takes too much time to pour the beer into a glass. Every minute saved is another minute to drink beer, you say.
  • Now that I have "educated" you on how not to drink your beer, I do give you credit for also "not" drinking your beer and sliding behind the wheel of an automobile.

Hey, not driving and drinking is THE wisest thing you will NOT do.

Time to "go to school."

Drunken man at Fireman's Ball, July 14, 1980.
Drunken man at Fireman's Ball, July 14, 1980. | Source

More by this Author


Comments

No comments yet.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working