Bernie Thinks You're a Moron

To the right, on my screen at least, you may see a list of campaign promises attributed to Bernie Sanders. I use 'promise' the same way McDonald's uses the word 'nutritious.'

Observe that the Internet is full of stuff and this is certainly some of it. Bernie wants you to have the world. He understands his campaign gravy train trundles as long as he gets photographed flying Coach Class and he convinces sufficient ostensibly sentient humans of voting age that more free stuff is just over the horizon.

Did you know an oven is hot? Are you aware that stepping in front of a moving train will generally kill you? Yes, some salient points are obvious. Sadly, American voters, while able to differentiate between a hamster and a hole in the ground, insist upon hitching their wagon to specious promises completely impossible to fulfill. Perhaps it's fun. Maybe they simply crave a distraction from Dancing With The Stars. One wonders if Wheel Of Fortune has taken to using too many big words.

Bernie works hard to inspire lust, avarice, and envy. He's pretty good at it. Oodles of unwashed masses fall for his false comparisons. He convinces Americans the devil is in the gated community counting piles of gold. Vote for him: he will wrest bank accounts from the Evil Rich and redistribute what rightfully belongs to those who deign to lay on the couch.

There is no relationship between corporate profits and childhood poverty, but somehow Bernie campaigns on it. There is a relationship between hard work and income, but Bernie won't make you feel bad about that. Follow him and nothing is your fault. He knows you want to hear that.

We can't provide it for our cherished Veterans now. How will we do it for everyone? Some vets wait months for their EKG results to be read. Some vets are scheduled to see a specialist in a year. Both major parties agree the system is a wreck, at least when campaigning to veterans.

And Bernie wants to give this to you and your family. But not to his family: federal employees are exempt from the ACA because they can. Bernie voted for the ACA, BTW.

College is already affordable. A community college can be accessed for less than $3000 per semester: that ciphers out to less than $12K for a 2-year degree. Working 40 hours a week, for 50 weeks a year, for 2 years, would require 3 dollars an hour in earnings to cover that nut. Even Bernie pays his interns that much.

Want to pay less? Stay in high school, take AP classes, and earn AP credit for courses required in college. Apply for scholarships.

Transform it to what? Will you let the unemployed coal miners sleep on your couch? Will you let Bernie stack solar collectors in your back yard? May he poke a windmill through your driveway?

Citizens United approves of government transparency. Bernie must be offended by that. Quoting their web site:

"Citizens United's goal is to restore the founding fathers' vision of a free nation, guided by the honesty, common sense, and good will of its citizens."

Bernie promises to overturn that.

Anyway, Citizen's United is a Constitutionally-protected avenue of free speech just like Planned Parenthood, ACORN, and MoveOn.org. Bernie won't come after them, will he?

Anyone with two neurons to rub together realizes the creepiness of legally mandating exactly $15 to flip burgers. Bernie pulled that number out of his fashionably unkempt ear. Why should burger flippers in San Fransisco earn the same as fry cooks in Grand Rapids? The cost of living in central Michigan is a socialist paradise compared to the Socialists Paradise of California.

Bernie went to a college: he knows what buttons to push.

Our crumbling infrastructure is constantly being rebuilt. Refer to The Big Dig in Boston, Seattle's Alaskan Way Viaduct, the modernization of Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, Interstate 75 projects along the the length of Ohio, and numerous other federally-funded projects. Bernie is way behind the curve on this one. Just because it takes you too long to get to work doesn't mean nothing is being rebuilt.

Even Republicans want to build stuff.

Here's where carnival-barker Bernie calls in the suckers. The "1%" already pays 36% of all income tax collected by the beloved IRS. Apparently that's not enough.

Let's agree that the top 1% should pay 100% of their income in taxes. If you hate The Rich as much as you love Bernie, that sounds like fiscally responsible music to your ears, yeah? Let's take everything they earn. According to TaxFoundation.org those folks rake in about 1.325 trillion annually after paying state and local taxes. The federal government spends about 3.6 trillion every 12 months.

Public school arithmetic indicates that confiscating everything earned by The Rich will run the government for about 3 months. What will we do from April to December, burn War Bonds to keep warm? Who will we levy next?

With the stroke of a pen, Bernie will end police brutality. He will sit by the glow of his burning War Bonds, writing his new law. He will shepherd it through Congress (or bypass Congress altogether as BHO does), and present us with an Enlightened Thin Blue Line. If that fails, he will blame Republicans and raise taxes.

... except his Secret Service Detail. And Hillary's.