Black Bags - Products for Politicians

April 22, 2011

Times are tough, even for politicians, many of whom are finding they need to be more economical with their hard earned duckets.

Black bag purchases are one of those budget items that is hard to trim. Go too cheap and you run the risk of your captive chewing their way out. Go too small and you run the risk of not having a clean bagging and we all know that nothing is more embarrassing for a black-bagger than to have a bag get caught up on a targets nose or ear, right?. Can’t skimp on cheap drawcords either. Black bag operations are time critical, and there is no time to waste on trying to free-up a snagged draw cord. Re-using them, though economical, is too dangerous. You can never be completey sure that your previous target's fluids and fibers have been completely removed.

So what’s the solution? It’s simple!

That's right, we put your black-bag targets to work before shipping them off to torture resorts.

The resulting high quality hand made bags are the best you can buy. Made with a synthetic blend they are lightweight, yet strong. Smooth enough to facilitate a clean bagging, but not too slippery to lose ones grip. Draw string holes are double-layered and triple-stitched to guarantee error free cinching and the cords are rated at 2,000 lbs. Even the hardiest of your targets won’t stand a chance against that. We have also included a wrist loop at the cord end for hands free bagging

Made in an undisclosed facility, that is technically on American property, these bags bear the “Made in America” label, so you can proudly serve the country twice when using these patriotic sacks.

Lynndie England Ashland, KY
I really appreciate the wrist-loop. Being a woman I always had a little bit of trouble subduing my target while trying to cinch the hood. No problems anymore with these fine hoods

Charles Graner, professional black-bagger Baldwin, PA
I trained for hours in private to be able to pull off the first ever simultaneous double bagging ever recorded. My team-mates were in awe at my technique. They couldn't believe I did it. I couldn't have made it happen without the unique wrist-loop feature and the silky smooth operation of these great bags.

Ivan Frederick Buckingham County, Virginia
I bagged 5 commies last week. I've never had so much fun bagging in all my life. Next time I'm going to buy your economy pack.

Act now and we will throw in two rolls of toilet paper with the words of the UN's Universal Declaration of Human Rights printed on them. Laugh in joyful glee as you besmirch those foul liberal Kumbayish words and flush them down to clog the sewers of the world. Here for your consideration are some of those odious words:

Article 1
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.

Article 4
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.

Article 5
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Article 6
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.

Article 7
All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.

Article 8
Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent national tribunals for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the constitution or by law.

Article 9
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.

Article 10
Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights and obligations and of any criminal charge against him.

Article 11
(1) Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.