Comparing Modern Dentistry to The Vintage Home made "Do-it-yourself" Dentistry
Tooth extraction: A dreadful foe to face
(Writer’s note: During a comment on my hub, “How I Screwed-up a Dream Job: Being a Tour Guide,” a cherished-follower, Homeplace Series made a great statement that “this” hub was a bit long, and he was right. On some pieces, I do get carried-away, but not with this one. I am starting a new experiment: Shorter, More-Enjoyable Hubs. And I thank you sincerely, Homeplace Series. Kenneth).
To my knowledge, one of the most-dreaded, fearful events to face mankind is not being eaten alive by a giant stingray, cut-down by a Martian ray gun, or captured by an unknown species called, Giant Ant Creatures. No. These are childish-fears. Things seen in comic books. But the fear I am referring to is: Having to have a tooth extracted, or in my rural terms, pulled. The fear is real. And very adult.
Dentist's office circa 1950--girl getting tooth extracted with no anesthesia
Harsh drugs were once used to numb the pain of tool extraction
"I" have met dental pain and it is not fun
This pain I should know well. About five years ago, I had seven teeth pulled at one sitting. I didn’t know much about the actual pulling thanks to all of the anesthetic-gas and some powerful little green pill my dentist gave me that put me somewhere outside our universe. But when all of the anesthetic-gas and effects from the little green pill wore off, my wife laughed until she cried and said that “I” was a real one-man show lying in the dentist’s chair.
She named a few comical statements I made, but if it is all the same to you, I had just as soon to forget that event.
Reasons vary why a tooth should be extracted. From having an abscessed tooth to a tooth that cannot be capped or crowned. But with today’s painless-dentistry, there is hardly any pain to speak of while the tooth is being extracted. So kids, do not fear going to the dentist for your yearly-check-up. By getting this annual once-over by your family dentist, you can avoid extractions later.
A look at "Gradma D.D.D."
Dental Medicine: The journey
People in the olden days did not have powerful anesthetics to kill the pain of tooth-pullings. No, sir. These folks were tough as Oak trees. In fact, I have a photo to the right of a small girl circa 1950 allowing a dentist to pull her tooth without any pain-killer. You read it right. No pain-killer. And this was in the “modern” ‘50’s.
I can make an educated guess that the only anesthetic the folks of olden times had was liquor or moonshine. Speaking of that. These people, tough as nails, knew how to distill a liquor that with a few sips, a man, woman or child didn’t care if their entire set of teeth were being pulled. This whiskey was that strong.
So what happened? Did he just out-grow or just get too civilized to use our own “hands-on” methods of pulling teeth? I would think that it had something to do with infection and the death rate getting higher with these vintage dental methods.
Dentistry seen in olden days
"Homemade Dentistry": Worth a second look
I think that we would have already went back to “home-made dentistry,” with everyone being so sensitive about the cracking Ozone layer and air pollution because even with a mask over the face, a certain, unseen amount of this “laughing gas,” some dentists call it, can escape into our valuable air causing a certain amount of air pollution and adding to the breaking-up of our Ozone layer. I for one do not want to be at blame for committing either transgression.
Before you read my “Do-it-yourself” tooth-pulling, maybe this dental-economic fact will get your attention: We have 32 teeth. Among these teeth are 8 incisors, 4 canines, 8 premolars, and 12 molars (including 4 wisdom teeth). Now just what if all of your teeth were to be extracted, do you realize how much it would cost you? At $75.00 per tooth, that adds up to: $2,400.00 (ior more depending on the dentist. And even with ObamaCare, you are still going to “fork out,” some of your own bucks, so that is just something to think about.
Now, take a look at these unorthodox methods of extracting teeth and see if it wouldn’t be safer to pull teeth using one of these ways than endangering the air that we breathe or even worse, causing our Ozone layer to vanish.
Traditional teeth-pulling with a string
A tooth can hurt so much that people resort to tools found in their homes to extract the tooth
Using a motorbike to pull a friend's tooth may be fun, but is not recommened
Pulling teeth with a bow and arrow
Casual tooth extracting
There's more to tooth-extraction than meets the hand
Traditional String Teeth-Pulling – is when you tie a piece of string around the aching tooth, attach the other end of the string around a doorknob and when the door is slammed, out comes the bad tooth. Yay! No more pain! Your gums might bleed just a little, but look at the savings. And you haven’t polluted the air or hurt the Ozone layer.
Dare-Devil Teeth-Pulling – tie the string (or piece of yarn) around the tooth, then tie the other end to a small tree. Then jump off this high bank and you can act like a paratrooper as you fall to the ground and then be free of the bad tooth once you land. What fun to save big bucks on pulling your teeth.
Animal Involvement Tooth-Extraction – oh, this one is big fun. Stand perfectly-still as your friends or parents tie the loose end of the string that is attached to your tooth to the tail of your family mule who is content to stand and eat from a bag of feed attached to his head. Then count to three and lovingly-slap the rump of the mule and yell, “Hyaaaa,” and as soon as the frightened-mule takes off like a Saturn Five rocket, your tooth will be out of your gums and out of your life. What a great way to make tooth-pulling a family-affair.
Crank-The-Lawnmower – an easy-but-fun way to pull an irritated tooth. Let your sibling or siblings take turns yanking the piece of string as if cranking a lawnmower to pull the tooth that has caused you much pain. Not as exciting as allowing the family mule to do the pulling, but still, your siblings will feel a part of this historical-moment in your life.
The George Foreman Method – go up to a street bully and intentionally make fun of him in front of his gang members. Dare him to hit you on the side of the face where the tooth needs pulling. When he lays you out with a great right cross, you will awaken with no bad tooth and a gang of hoodlums laughing at you. But you will not be irritated by that painful tooth.
Model Airplane Dentistry – tie the string to a remote-control plane and as the plane takes off, so will your tooth. And the plane’s owner just might let you play with his plane for a moment. Isn’t “Home-made Dentistry” fun?
The Bret Favre Tooth-Pulling System – retired NFL super-star, Bret Favre who quarterbacked the Green Bay Packers and later, The Minnesota Vikings and New York Jets, lives in a plush area of Gulfport, Miss. All you do is find where he lives. Get an appointment to talk to him. Tell him how great his arm was at Lambeau Field. His ego will take over and he will be “putty in your hands.” Then with the film crew of ESPN and Stuart Scott hosting this historical-event of you getting your tooth pulled by Bret Favre, you tie the string around your annoying tooth and the other end around a regulation-size football. Have Bret to throw a bomb like he did in his glory days and then get ready to pose with him on camera as Stuart Scott interviews Favre first as the first retired NFL quarterback ever, to throw a bomb and pull someone’s tooth at the same time. Scott will ask you, “How do you feel?” You smile and open wide showing the empty space where the painful tooth once sat. What a great day to have a tooth pulled.
Note: Kids, do not try any of these tooth-pulling methods without parental supervision. And adults, do not try any of these methods without a licensed D.D. M. present.
And needless to say, this piece is all comedy—not intended to make light of the American Dental Association.
On Deck . . . “Harmless Pranks We Pulled at The Ford Drive-In"
This man used channel locks to pull his teeth
More by this Author
If you have ever lost a game or contest, then you know that hearing insincere words from the winners can be annoying. This hub tells of 10 Things Losers Hate to Hear.
You can survive a burglary.
Destination America, a channel on DirecTV, has a new show, Mountain Monsters. The show is about guys who investigate sightings of mysterious creatures reported by average citizens. This is my opinion.