Extrovert among Introverts - How to Survive

Credit to FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Credit to FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Few Facts:

(If you find this to be negative, keep in mind that I am an extrovert..... )

Ignoring others is a natural tendency of the Introvert, as they do not find it easy, or rather necessary, to share their thoughts and feelings with others. They are brooders, contemplating their navels in silence. They do not need the opinions of others in order to make decisions. Somehow they manage to work it all out on their own and often, by the time they have 'worked it out', they no longer 'feel like' carrying it into effect.

They don’t know - or rather don’t care – whether their views on matters are in line with those of the extroverts. They enjoy the challenge of pinning them to their own frame of mind, contemplating the pros and cons. By doing all of this all on their own they generate the energy they need to survive.

The introvert generates energy in a state of social isolation, applying it however with the same diligence as the extrovert. An introvert can be just as outspoken as the extrovert, but they will seldom spend time justifying their statements. The introvert, as much as the extrovert, can be a remarkable leader and soul of a party.

Introverts tend to see extroverts as dominating, aggressive, overbearing, arrogant and offensive, while extroverts tend to see introverts as cold, reserved, negative, revengeful and snobbish.

The Extrovert

The extrovert generates energy in the presence of others. In solitude many of them survive by becoming writers of fiction. Creating fictive characters and events gives them the opportunity to generate the energy they need to survive. Or they listen to loud music, or make their own, in an effort to kill a silence that drains their energy.

Acceptance and approval of the crowd is important to the extrovert. For them pondering is tiresome; they need action; they need to be active and productive; they 'think and ponder on their feet'.

And this is but only a few facts about introverts and extroverts.

The Wall Between Us ~ Lyrics

The world I live in is an alien to you

The clock that ticks is slower
Than you have ever seen
What does it take to make it to your side
I'll just open this door on this wall and walk inside

The wall between us has been built up instead of down
But all it takes is trust and love to burn it to the ground

Things are very different on my side
Where temptation finds you, it grabs your neck
With nowhere left to hide
The sun will always fall and will never rise
Maybe one day I'll see this sight that has never hit my eyes

The wall between us has been built up instead of down
But all it takes is trust and love to burn it to the ground
The wall between us has left me in my cage
Ignoring it will bring a lonely death brought from age

What will it take for me to get you through this
The ignorance we've brought up front
Will benefit from our missing out.

Personal Experience:

I was born an extrovert. According to the most recent test I scored 75% on Extrovertedness. But this doesn't mean that I don't need time to be alone. Of course, I need time to rest and time for introspection. However, the time I need for this is about the same an introvert with a score of 75% on Introvertedness is able to be in the presence of other people.

I must admit that the older I get the more time I need to be alone. Perhaps I have enough energy in reserve, as I was for too many years an organizer of concerts, tours, meetings and all kinds of gatherings.

I am not able to generate energy in the company of an introvert. Because acceptance and approval are important to me, I please them by keeping my mouth shut. Without saying a word or moving a finger, they make me feel incompetent, unwelcome, unwanted and totally ineffective. Of course, this is never their intention. Fortunately, I have discovered a way to survive in their company: Keeping myself busy with one or the other creative task, such as cooking, baking, knitting and best of all, writing.

As a child and young adult, in fact until recently, I reacted on Introvertedness in a rebellious way. I would shock the introverts by talking too much or by draining them with loud music. I MADE them laugh; I MADE them talk; I MADE them enjoy the party.

And believe it or not, those introverts became my best friends. When they needed a 'break' they would sought my company. When they had to become against their wishes part of a crowd, they wanted to be with me as I was a trusted barrier between them and the crowd.


Extroverts and introverts ought to understand and respect each other. They could be the best of friends and even business partners and spouses when they simply give each other the required space to be themselves.

To my introvert friends: In spite of the fact that you so often make me feel incompetent and foolish, I honestly love you all.

© Martie Coetser (18 May 2012)

Copyright :: All Rights Reserved
Registered :: 2012-05-18 21:16:11 UTC
Title :: Confession of an Extrovert
Category :: Publication
Fingerprint :: 0ee6d2ee3c771b084a80d639c0886b5874287d821ea4f400672975bba0796eef

"Summer Garden" by Simon Howden @ FreeDigitalPhotos,net
"Summer Garden" by Simon Howden @ FreeDigitalPhotos,net

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Comments 108 comments

rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

A great write Martie! I personally like extroverts a lot, the freedom of expression they possess. Me myself am an AMBIVERT... i can speak and vibrate energy amongst others and there arise no problems for me when I wish to brood alone!

I agree with the fact the fact that, introverts and extroverts should cooperate and respect each others' space and nature...

thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden

I have always wanted to be more extrovert and I would have given anything as a teen to be like my extrovert friends. But back then, I didn't even know what the word meant, and the comparison just made me feel shy and awkward. I can still envy a person who with seemingly no effort at all can capture an audience with meaningless smalltalk simply because of their charisma and because they are who they are. I have improved my ability to do small talk by the years and with practice, but I prefer a real conversation about serious matters and can easily skip the small talk.

I have now come to terms with who I am and most of the time I don't even think about being any other way. But then and again it strikes me that I might be seen as to much of a private person and I can also feel the impatience from my extrovert friends. I scored 35 % extrovert which is pretty much what I figured. You did a good analyze about extrovert- introverts and it surprised me that an extrovert person can feel incompetent in the presence of an introvert, because that is how I feel in presence of an extrovert in full action:) We do need to understand and make the most of our differences. You did an excellent hub Martie, and it gave me much to think about. voted up, interesting, useful and more


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Rahul ~ I think most of us, if not all, are AMBIVERTS. Have you done the test? (Link in hub)

I like contemplating, but not too long - I need to discuss my thoughts with others, otherwise I sink into depression.

Thanks a lot for your comment :)

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

thoughtforce, I, too, prefer serious discussions. Unfortunately the more people present at a social gathering of family and friends, the less is the need for serious discussion, unless the gathering is meant for it, such as religious and political assemblies.

So, I often find myself doing 'small' talk in order to create a pleasant atmosphere. The introverts will be the listeners and the extroverts the talkers. When I know an introvert well, and I know they have something relevant to contribute to the conversation - as you know, they do open up when they feel comfortable - I will pertinently ask them to do it. Then I will feel their vibes - they are like tortoises - the moment they realize the spotlight is on them, they pull back - and then I simply go on with the conversation... until they stick their heads out again... Lol!

I envy introverts. They seem to be so smart and highly intelligent - too smart to share their knowledge with us 'stupid folks' - In the past I often went home after a social gathering, feeling like a damn fool because I was such a chatterbox, exposing the contents of my mind and soul. I always needed someone to assure me that I was not a fool. Fortunately by now, and thanks to the support and encouragement of my friends - including introverts - I know I am not a fool boring others to death.

Thank you so much for your profound comment.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie....What I know of you via our Hub Community, writings & exchanges, you are simply "Martie,"....a sweet, loveable, talented & very intelligent South African Princess.

Whether you are intro or extro....you do what you do with beauty and grace.

There is much I can relate to in your message, Martie...and I am grateful for the spirit-lift.

I especially love the aspiration you used to close your Hub. Said another way, I recall hearing years ago, "We must always strive to soar like an Eagle, despite the flock of Turkeys in our space."......Peace......Effer

rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

I got a 70 % on extrovert... yay me haha...

always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Martie, I don't know if i am intro or extro. I took the test, It didn't respond when I clicked score. Sometimes I think I might be a little of both. Maybe that's why it didn't score me, I confused it. HaHa. I like you just the way you are. Interesting topic..Cheer my friend..

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj, what a lovely comment! Let me just give you a smack of a Cyber-hug :))

Human behavior is my favorite topic of study - I know I am seldom the reason of another person's actions, and if I am, I had simply triggered a bad memory, causing a domino-effect in the person's psychological system.

Yes, my motto is indeed: Eagles don't catch flies.

Still, when somebody ignores me for whatever reason, I tend to do serious introspection. I am not perfect; one of my most serious flaws is impulsiveness; I jump into fire time and again just to be burnt. How stupid! If I can only keep my mouth shut. Since I was a little girl my father warned me that my tendency to speak before I think will be the reason for many misery in my life. Not able to bite my tongue, I've learned to 'build bridges' at the speed of daylight in order to overcome all self-afflicted insults. I do regard being ignored as an insult in spite of all my knowledge and insight.

Thanks for your lovely comment :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

So there, Rahul... almost as 'bad' as I... Lol!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Ruby! Just try it again... I would love to know your score :) Looking at myself through your eyes, I have no choice but to like myself just the way I am. Thank you, Twin! Hugs going your way :))

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Gosh, Martie...."Human Behavior"....was my life and paid my bills for many years. But I love it so it's "one of those things" that you don't walk away from after you take your final bow. You and I could have a Wonderful and enlightening back & forth fo hrs......hell, for days!!

As much as you can learn and study...discuss and debate....there's always more and more where that came from.

If I may be so outspoken............."Still, when somebody ignores me for whatever reason, I tend to do serious introspection."...................There is not even a trace of mystery about this, Martie. I only know you as a dear cyber friend.....that's all. But I can comfortably tell you that, "Whatever reason," is one profound reason......one word.....one human being......M O T H E R.

always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I retook the test and it scored me as balanced 45%.. I guess I am a little bit of each. If I may be so bold? I think we both have Mother issues, but we turned out pretty darn good..Bravo..

Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

This is wonderful information. I have one problem with the test though. It said I am 75% extrovert. I would have figured it the other way. I hate to be the center of attention.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Well, marvelous Martie - you've done it again. This is a gem (just like you) and was such fun to read. I find human behavior so interesting and very fascinating.

While living in California I would welcome any opportunity to watch people. I never mind having to wait for someone as it gives me an excuse for studying folks as they go about their business.

You are one of my favorite writers and you've always been one of my favorite people here on hubpages.

Thank you Martie, for decorating my life!

Melissa A Smith profile image

Melissa A Smith 4 years ago from New York

I got a 25 for Extrovertedness. I'm not sure about your opening paragraph. Introverts aren't "ignoring" you just because they aren't into talking. The idea that introverts do not care if their opinion is correct or not, that sounds like a pretty negative trait. I don't do that at all. I find that most people of both 'types' do, though. My 'energy to function' comes from thinking about things, a lot. I don't let superficial qualities, like people agreeing with me, change that.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj, you have no idea how grateful I am for the opportunity to interact in HubPages with kindred souls like you. There is always the surprise-factor - the reason why each and every one of us is unique. And we grow all the time. The Me I was last year, is not the Me I am today. Not that I have lost anything I had last year. Nothing ever get lost. We grow one layer on top of the other...

MOTHER.... Much too much to say about this single word/concept. We can start a thread on the theme. You start and challenge everybody to write a hub about 'mother' - her mission, vision, objectives and, most of all, the results of her doings. Mother is the primary source/cause of our physical and spiritual being. But not poems, let's do some serious discussing. Give this a thought, will you?

It is good to know you, fpherj!

LadyLyell profile image

LadyLyell 4 years ago from George, South Africa

Such an interesting topic!

I thought of my daughter and I as I read because we are both extroverts. We find ourselves both competing in conversation, talking over the top of one another.

Personally, I get quite stressed when trying to make conversation with an introverted person, always trying to compensate for their lack of input into the conversation.

Love all my friends and family who are introverts none the less.

Loving being back on the same home soil as yourself more day by day.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

always, I believe 50% is the nearest to perfect we could be. The beginning of last year I was 53%, and some years ago I was even far below 50% (shocked into introversion). But in the meantime I've overcame almost all the hang-ups I had. Or shall I rather say I have finally freed myself from most of the chains that had coiled around me since the day I was born. I can, in fact, say I feel 14 years old again, as if I have no clue of all the negative consequences of being an extrovert. Yes, people turn out bad or good in spite of their parents. Hugs and more hugs going your way, my dear Ruby!

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Becky, the reason why you hate to be the center of attention is most probably due to a lack of self-assurance and perhaps fear of emotional pain and rejection. Extroverts could be just as shy as introverts. Shyness and even quietness is not synonyms for introversion. Stealing the limelight of others, is also not a synonym for extroversion.

Extroverts generate energy, enthusiasm and even joy in the presence of others, they love to be with other people. NOT to be the center of attraction, unless they have a crooked need for recognition. They will reach the stage where they need to be alone to rest and digest all they've heard and experienced. Introverts have an urge to be alone. Obligations and their willingness to please their beloveds literally force them out of their comfortable state of social isolation.

I hope this gives you another clearer perception of your nature? During certain stages of our lives, and in certain situation, we suppress our true nature with a vengeance in order to protect ourselves from pain.

Hugs galore from me to you :)

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

What a surprise, my dear vocalcoach, to see you in my corner for a change. You and I remind me of me and my sisters. I know my sisters and will be the first to know when they need me - in the meantime I have a jol with my friends. Lol!

Seriously, you have a special place in my heart. Thank you so much for assuring me that our liking in each other is mutual. You are amazing! Don't you think our emotional growth in Hubland could be labeled as 'miracles'?

Have fun, my dear vocalcoach :) I'll be in your corner soon to check what's cooking in there :))

A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

"Ignoring others is a natural tendency of the Introvert, as they do not find it easy to share their thoughts and feelings. They are brooders, contemplating their navels in silence. They do not need the opinions of others; they don’t know - and don’t care"

I whole heartedly disagree. I think this could be the case for some. Of course, not all introverts are alike. The description listed above seems more like an individual who may be autistic.

Many individuals who become introverts do so because of their upbringing and conditioning during childhood. Some people are born friendly, some are not. But instances in a childs life can create the introvert tendencies. Children who are emotionally or physically abused withdraw emotionally as a defense mechanism to survive. These children maintain the mechanism as adults, because they were conditioned to do so. Others were raised in environments where interactions with others was easy or condoned.

I don't take offense to the hub, just seems that all introverts are grouped togethor. As an introvert, I interact with others if they wish, but am happy to lead an existence of solitude. I'm alone, but not lonely. Of course, I can see you trying to crack the introverts shell like squirrel cracking nuts. You're tenacious like that...

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Melissa, I can clearly see what you mean. Thanks for pointing out the negative way I've stressed those two facts. Of course, I've done it with the perception of an extrovert - I do experience those traits in a negative way and therefor my title 'Confession of an Extrovert'.

Introverts seem to be just as ignorant as extroverts when it comes to conducting themselves in public, stepping on each others toes without even realizing what they are doing. While extroverts walk with their heart on their sleeve, expressing their thoughts and emotions spontaneously, to be considered 'bossy' and 'intimidating' by introverts, the latter keep their thoughts for themselves to turn it into the energy they need to function, to be considered rude and snobbish by extroverts.

We have to learn not to react on the feelings we aroused in each other; we must understand and accept the fact that we are who we are with no intention to hurt each other.

Thank you so much for your relevant and profound contribution to this quit sensitive topic. I take my hat off for you for sharing your thoughts.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Augustine :)

As I’ve explained in my comment above, this hub is a confession of an extrovert. The way I experience the behavior of introverts… the damages done to me by introverts… the way they’ve upset and hurt me and still do….

I really try to understand introverts…. I try to not allow them to steal my self-assurance and joy. And honestly, I love my introvert friends and relatives dearly. Somehow, for some reason, I have an overwhelming urge to make and keep people happy. Perhaps the reason why I tenaciously crack their nuts in search for happy-strings I can pull. (BTW, I am a musician, so maybe I see people as instruments able to produce awesome songs in harmony?)

Yes, people and events can turn us into introverts. Believe it or not, but I was an introvert for almost two decades (aged 35-50). Long story…. I do believe that one or more of the roots of our tendency towards extroversion and introversion originate in our genes. Yes, autism is certainly the most severe stage of introversion. Taking time we can also determine the most severe stage of extroversion.

Thank you for not ignoring me, but using the opportunity to defend introverts.

Re ‘friendliness’ – is this not supposed to be good manners? And perhaps a tendency rooted in unselfishness? I remember as a child my parents did not allow us to be unfriendly. When my father saw me walking with a mouth blown up with discontentment, he always insisted that I replace it at once with a smile. So I’ve learnt not to upset others with my personal issues.

I know you don’t take offense to this hub of mine; I know you as a person who is able to judge – no, rather observe and assess - objectively without taking offense.

Thank you so much for your comment. Since the beginning your comments and views were highly valued by me and I will surely miss them when you ever decide to ignore my hubs.

A special hug from me to you…

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hallo LadyLyell, my daughter is an introvert, but very able to talk my ears off my head. When introverts feel comfortable in the presence of people they really trust, they could be quite talkative, and even expose a lovely sense of humor. They only need more time to be alone than extroverts... more time to contemplate before they reveal their thoughts and the decisions they have made. They are certainly never impulsive.

The winter is upon us. This morning I've taken out my electric blanket... Fortunately we don't have your icy winds up here on the Highveld.... Or do those awesome mountains protect you?

What about a hub with some pictures of your region? I've got a few 'en route in South Africa' hubs on my list to do... and also one of Tanzania, where a cousin of mine currently is. Let us brag! Lol!

Baie dankie vir jou kommentaar, Lady, en geniet jou naweek :)

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Hi Dear Sista,

While about as far from perfect as can be, I am a 50/50 girl in this category... realizing my true self in 1999, that while I am quite capable of being the 'high end' extrovert, my preference is so much more the introvert style, spending time with those truly close to me and actually enjoying 'me time'.

I love your discussion, your self-awareness and the acknowledgement that any style is beautiful with the accompanying respect. Voted UP & UABI. Hugs, Maria

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Marcoujor, I told you you were perfect! Therefore your opinions are always very important to me. To be honest, for a long time now I find my extrovertedness tiresome - I really became too lazy to leave my home in order to live out my nature among people. That's probably why I spend so much time in CyberSpace where I can be my extrovert self while sitting on my bum dressed in a track suit...

Have a lovely day, Maria... Will see you around. (Today we - actually my children next door - have visitors from Toronto and Alberta, Canada. I am drinking Tim Hortons coffee right now :))

Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

wow what a an awesome read Martie.. I can tell you know what you are talking about,. We just need to understand each other and just love each other and accept differences unconditionally.

Blessings to you 'voted up


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

An interesting topic for sure, one I'm sure I will write about at some point. I was born an introvert and to some extent I still am, but as I gained confidence I became more of an extrovert. Now I'm comfortable in any situation. I still will not leap forward to be the life of the party but I have no trouble speaking out if circumstances dictate it.

Great hub!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie I am always head and feet first into any interesting project. I want to confer with a couple of buddies and then I will surely do my best to present the request from others on this topic. I just want to be certain to put it out there properly and clearly. Thank you for the unique idea....

Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Another excellent and well thought out hub, Martie. My understanding of personality tendencies is that, in a nutshell; as many people exist; so are that many examples of being either an extrovert or introvert. I think the premise from which these categories spring is the idea (assumption) that there is a "model" or "right - healthy - unencumbered" (etc.) way in which the well rounded person relates to others vs. the withdrawn, introspective, self absorbed (etc.) way in which the less socially interactive person behaves. I have always had a problem with "standards" or "typicals," and 'stereotypes.'

Having said that...I, otherwise, completely agree with this hub, Martie..as always, you are astute and spot on with your observations..and, I also admit..probably close to 100% correct in your take using emperical as well as vicarious methods of "study."

I, honestly, tend to be very introverted in my personal life. Imagine that!!!! I can come out of my shell and circulate with the best of them but, in actuality; I am very happy being with myself. When I lived in the country, days, even weeks, could pass without speaking to another human being. I have never been one who felt she had to have a constant partner, or felt the need to be married. Lovers...that's another story. I guess part of my disconncect from the human race is my awareness of the hurtful, ugly and greedy/opportunistic/predatory part of our nature; in relation to our own kind as well as other species...this ugliness has turned me away from my own kind. I wish it were not so.

Anyway...I hope I've made some sense of my opinion about extrovert/introvert personalities. Maybe I've gotten off track. PS..I relate to your childhood...thus the "young girl" series...you are a brilliant student of life, my friend.

I think I'm nuts!! LO

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

billybuc, sometimes I become the soul of a social gathering because there is no one present who is more able to create a pleasant atmosphere. Creating pleasant atmospheres is important for me. I can't handle a dead party or any kind of dead group activity. Taking the lead is quite tiresome, though it did not bother me when I was younger - playing hostess and entertainer is part of my nature. But because I have better things to do, like writing and reading in HubPages since 2010, or doing something constructive with my children, grandchildren or the man in my life, I discreetly avoid the attendance of social gatherings for quite a long time now, though not always possible.

I must add, however, that the organizing of concerts and meetings of all sorts was part of my job for two decades until end 2010 - and before that I've done it in my capacity as the oldest daughter of a big family and also as an involved member of our church and involved parent of my children's schools. After one function I was so tired of pleasing many people personally and via other people that I honestly had no desire to attend any other gatherings, and for a while not even to organize the next scheduled concert/meeting/whatever group activity. Fact is, extroverts are individuals and each and every one has his own level of saturation. At work I had more than enough of people, so after work, weekends and school holidays my whole being yearned for isolation.

In my comment to A.A. Zavala I mentioned that I was an introvert. However, reviewing my life again, I should rather say I was a burnt-out extrovert who simply did what I had to do like a programmed robot. In my alone time I wrote stories - I created characters - imaginary people - to keep me company. Through them I pondered and brood and generated energy...

So this was my life...

Thank you so much for your comment, billybuc :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj, I look forward to participate. Please make sure I know when you publish the particular hub. To avoid panic attracts, I nowadays ignore the flood of notifications of published hubs in my inbox... Lol!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Kathy, I agree with you all the way. I, too, am very happy being with myself. I have many wonderful things to do all on my own and I actually wish days were longer. But I don't think I will be able to stay happy and gay when I am all by myself for longer than a week. I will certainly sink into depression, as I can only rest when I am alone or apply the energy I had generated among people. I hope A.A. Zavala return to see I have reconsidered the statement I have made in my reply to his comment - that I was an introvert. As I've explained in my comment to billybuc, I was simply a burnt-out extrovert.

I am boots and all on your page with: "I have never been one who felt she had to have a constant partner, or felt the need to be married. Lovers...that's another story..." Well, I was married for 20 years... I can but only say, 'I've done my share'. There is no reason whatsoever for me to ever get formally or informally married again, unless, of course, I meet a millionaire... Lol!

Again, I agree with every word in your comment, Kathy. If there were really a Hubville, we would philosophize for days... Or would we? (Considering all the sexy male writers in reaching distance... lol!)

Thank you for enhancing my hub with a fantastic, relevant and insightful comment. I'll see you around :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Deborah! We would be so much happier if we could understand and accept each other just as we are. I love the scripture in the Bible saying we should owe each other nothing but only love.

Thank you so much for your kind comment :)

kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Dear Martie -

I voted your article up, useful & interesting, but I can feel that this "confession" is very personal and echoes with all your pain from not so perfect relationships.

I have no advice, not that you ask for any, but I want just to remind you that while certain personality dimensions are distributed 50/50 such as extraversion and intraversion, some are really skewed like - being a Sensor or an Intuitive.

If I remember correctly, you are an Intuitive like me - EN.. (in MBTI)... Sensors constitute 65% and Intuitives only - right, you do the math. We are outnumbered by all the SANE people who rely on their senses. We rely on our intuition. Enough reason to be burned at the stake.

Then go Thinkers (Logical types) versus Feelers and again Feelers are quite a peculiar bunch - they live and make their decisions based on the way they feel. Logic goes out of the window, not something our society favours - the Bleeding Hearts.

So, I find my type ENFP to be quite a curse and a blessing at the same time. I can handle both introverts or extraverts, which I cannot say about them - not all people whether extra- or intra- can handle me. And you are right, I need validation (how stupid it is at my age?), but not because I am an extravert. I think the whole type should be taken into consideration. All this "anything is possible" and "life is an exciting drama" ... - sometimes it is too much excitement and too much DRAMA.

I find Socionics recommendations kind of cool - knowing your type and your complementary type - ... not that I was able to find him.



There is one hub here on HP, I found it useful:



And in general, I would like to say to you -

I know you have figured out what kind of friends and relationships you want and how "to handle it all", but I am honestly looking forward to the day, when I won't feel your pain across the ocean, not because of me, but because you WON'T FEEL IT, when finally it will leave you alone to BE A BEAUTIFUL EXTRAVERT that you are.

And I don't care what side of your brain you use to function, even if none, I know that you are LIKE NOBODY ELSE and just BE YOURSELF and BE HAPPY.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Dear Martie - This is a very thoughtful and thought-provoking piece of work and I commend you for your writing skill, your research and your openness.

But - and here I quote George Bernard Shaw: "A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold." I quote that because after almost a lifetime of studying and working with the Myers-Briggs Trait Indicators (MBTI) of personality preferences (as a licensed practitioner), I have come to the realization that personality is much too complicated and diverse to compartmentalize others as either strictly extroverts or introverts.

We all have parts of both, including the other six dimensions: (Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perception). So it makes more sense to me to simply be aware of what we are thinking and feeling and projecting and working to be more compatible when we recognize discrepancies in our relationships with others. Having said all that and getting it out of my system, you are hereby awarded a very large UP for your unique treatise.

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Kalini

I am quite astonished – It was not really my intention to echo any emotional pain. Somehow I have learnt to bear all emotional pain. I am a big girl, you know. I know I am intuitive… over-sensitive…. I’ve got to be strong or else pathetically weak. I never-ever in my life want to be the latter. I am a fighter and a survivor. Come hell or high water…

I just love your sense of humor: - “… 65% and Intuitive… We are outnumbered by all the SANE people who rely on their senses. We rely on our intuition. Enough reason to be burned at the stake…”

The last time I’ve tested myself, I was ENFJ (though 50-50 J/P)

As I’ve stated in my hub, most of my friends are Introverts. Or let me rather say THEY regard me as their friend, but they are not my friends, because when I need support, they are too busy brooding and contemplating their own thoughts to notice my dilemma. In fact, they believe I can kill all monsters on my path without any support.

Anyway, I am not complaining… To be honest, whenever I need support, I do get it – the right person/people just happens to cross my path. (God-sent-angels.)

Life is indeed an ‘exciting drama’. But only for us who can sense/see the drama. For those who don’t take life seriously, life is simply… life… The ‘too’ is the shocking factor… the poison that makes us sick.

Thanks for the links, I’m going to check them out.

And thank you for your lovely comment, Svetlana! Strange, we do not know much of each other’s personal affairs – we do not know much detail – yet we know each other’s pain and longings. What does the source of it really matters? What counts is the fact that we are in pain, suffering life… The biggest challenge in life is to be happy in spite of all sources of unhappiness.

It is midnight down here and my bed is calling...

Oh, my son-in-law gave me a laptop for Mothers Day. So I can use it until sleep overpowers my hyperactive brain – both sides…. :))

kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Dear Martie, indeed,

I cannot know your intentions, but I don't have to.

Only now I have enough proof that you and I were just born that way, it was not a choice.

Whether you are ENFP or ENFJ, it does not matter too much, because the deciding factor in personality type (temperament) is the NF and NF stand for the Idealists with the dominant function INTUITION.

You see, not INTENTION, but INTUITION. So, maybe it is not your extravertedness or extraversion or extra-whateveredness that defines you (and me) so profoundly

it is the INTUITION. So I just feel your pain even if you intended to deny it. That is why to me words are often not required. In our relationship, they are required because we have nothing else, but if we were living close to each other, I am sure we would understand each other perfectly well. Because the same type pairs (we don't have to be married!) understand each other like nobody else. Whether it is astrology, or personality type - I DO FEEL that we understand each other.

And pain is OK. I had so much but after having written so much bordering on INSANITY, I lost it. Now I wonder "Why was I so crazy about it?" It's gone. But only because I could write it, discuss it and let go. Just like a train - let go of all these railcars carrying deadweight, be just an ENGINE and be yourself. It took you long, but now you can accept yourself for who you are. Partially it is our society that does not accept us no matter what type we have. There is always something wrong. And I would say - there is something wrong with society that want everybody to be NORMAL.

I don't want to be NORMAL, I want to be myself.

Where am I going with this? You see? A typical extravert (EXTRA-FLIRT!) - thinking aloud. But I know, that you have understood.

Keep writing, Martie!!!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

drbj, you dearest you! You’ve hit the nail so securely on its head, I am actually speechless. Yes, the more I learn/know, the more I realize how little I know and that I will in fact never know - not to talk about understand - everything there is to know.

Our tendency to categorize everything standing still for half a minute - but only our way to try to create order in the chaos of ignorance?

Of all personality indicators, MBTI seemed to be the most accurate, yet it is not accurate. Analyzing ourselves and others, we try to copy a stereo-type. Why not simply regard personalities the same as fingerprints? Not two of the same on the entire planet since the beginning of time… (Or do mine perhaps match those of Tutankhamen the Great?)

Drbj, I appreciate your comment sincerely, and taking it to heart. Let’s pull biorhythms in by the hair…. Maybe I am an extrovert when I am physically, mentally and emotionally above the line, and an introvert when all three are down, and Aries where all lines cross, and a Rooster where lines hit the bottom, and maybe my Superego suppress an Electra Complex, and my Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder is a blessing making me finish what I’ve started and to the moon with my insomnia. Indeed, I know a little of too much, so I must agree with Jesus: “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Thank you so much for your important, though-provoking comment. Moses 3:33 – Do not categorize humans, for they are the most complicated creatures on earth.

kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Forgot to mention -

speaking about being outnumbered:

1) Traditionalists (Conservatives) - 40%

2) Experiencers - 30%

3) Idealists - 15%

4) Conceptualizers (NT) - 15%.

Is it any wonder we feel that most people just don't get it? Because they don't.

It's not good or bad, it is what it is.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Svetlana, I've read your last comment smiling all the way. This is what I like about HubPages - we can WRITE, instead of talk, and by doing so we make sure we express ourselves properly. So many thoughts get lost during verbal conversation. Distractions... interruptions... at the end we haven't said what we intended to say, and ten to one we are facing a brand new misunderstanding...

Anyway, I agree...

Good to know your pain is gone. Now let's hope someone does not rip into those scars again. I've noticed many years ago that I get hurt by the same things over and over again... and the same things make me happy over and over again. For instance, when one person accidentally or deliberately ignores me today, I pain for all the times I have been ignored since the day I was born.

Oh, allow me just a second to feel really sorry for myself - When I was a baby with my feet in plaster, screaming with pain, my mother often ignored me because she had already done everything to be done to a baby in pain, including the hugging and comforting, and Time was forcing her to attend to another urgent task... (How the heck was I supposed to understand this? I was in pain, dammit!)

So yes, poor me is quite sensitive and vulnerable when being ignored....



Anyway, the crux of the matter - whether we are whatever/whoever, we should accept each other just the way we are, and we should certainly not expect from anybody to please us in any way. My mother always said: Expect nothing, and you will never be disappointed.

Take care, Svetlana :)

cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Hi, Martie. I really enjoyed reading all the great info here. I either thrive in a crowd of strangers where I can easily make natural small talk or prefer meaningful discussions with my group of closest friends who I see often. I have never really liked the in-between: social mixers and parties where the group is made up of casual acquaintances. My score was 55% extrovert, but my ideal answer usually fell smack between 2 choices. You have really made me look at my tendency to push my own agenda with the best of intentions- esp. on the homefront. It's something that I need to work on.

I concur with drbj. Voted up!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

cat on a soapbox, it doesn't really matter how accurate and trustworthy scales and models are, it always enlighten us in a way and give us something to ponder. We know our shortcomings as well as we know our strong points, and it is good to identify those in need of serious attention. And then, of course, to work on it. Improving ourselves is surely the right thing to do until the very end.

I, too, concur with drbj. Thanks for the vote :)

neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 4 years ago from new delhi

hey Martie, certainly not anything like the confessions of a salesman, nurse and all i used to secretly read as a teen but superb anyway.

must confess to being one of your club members too and at times at college till i realized i needed to temper the extroversion since it was also keeping people out.i would always have a crowd round me enjoying my company but the moment the show was over they would retreat to their own groups and i would be left alone to perform for another group.wold often feel lonely but then woke up to the fact that i was actually disclosing nothing of myself and so consciously cultivated a group of people who i could be myself with.i still have a small circle that knows all that i am inside out and a larger circle that i perform for, am happy doing that with and who can energize me as i can them.

the core group however energizes me in the long run deep inside whereas the outer group energizes me for the time being. Hence both are necessary for survival.

excessively extroverted behavior also at times leads to a low for me and then i withdraw into myself and act the typical introvert and recoup.

Life is strange is it not- we are so many different people inside ourselves- but then as an extrovert surely you understand Martie.

Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Martie, Like Always Exploring I have always thought I was a bit of both - I scored 65% in the test so am leaning more towards extrovert!

A wonderful hub, excellent work thank you, voted up.

Best wishes Lesley

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

neelesh, ohhhh, I relate with every word you've written -

"... temper the extroversion since it was also keeping people out... always have a crowd round me enjoying my company but the moment the show was over they would retreat to their own groups and I WOULD BE LEFT ALONE to perform for another group... OFTEN (if not always) FEEL LONELY, but then woke up to the fact that I WAS ACTUALLY DISCLOSING NOTHING OF MYSELF (or the secrets of others... but sometimes I did disclose something of MYSELF, because the damn guards on my lips fell asleep with tiredness because I had to run the entire show all by myself, and I would feel TERRIBLE - ASHAMED AND ANGRY AND DEPRESSED - why, oh why God, do I have the urge to hit water out of stones?).... and so consciously cultivated a group of people who i could be myself with... still have a small circle that knows all that i am inside out and a larger circle that i perform for..."

And so, Neelesh, I can copy and paste your entire comment in confirmation. Oh, and the low we hit after the high! Just as deep as we were high we fall before we return to the level of calm contentment... where we accept the fact that we will always be there for others, while we hide our own REAL pain and hurting secrets, and not because we love hiding anything of ourselves, we simply know nobody is able to make it better for us, so why burden anybody with it... And yes, when we are (at fricken last) alone, we withdraw deep-deep into ourselves, contemplating, reviewing, introspecting, planning better ways to behave like those obviously smart and collected introverts who never open their damn mouths to reveal themselves as the fool they might think we are... searching for our real selves, crying somewhere in a corner...

And then it is time to create a pleasant atmosphere again, in order to get rid of those negative vibes emitted by secretive introverts, and we intensify our extra sensory perception in order to read their minds... and just because we don't want to coincidentally step on their toes and hurt them the way they hurt us by simply biting their own tongs (instead of uttering a single word of appreciation because we entertain them with knowledge and wisdom we have obtained in the jungle of extroversion they refuse to enter)....

Neelesh, you have NO IDEA how much your comment means to me. I feel like screaming, "Thank God, out there is somebody who knows all about the good and bad of being an extrovert."

And yes, we are so many different people inside ourselves, we can easily label ourselves as schizophrenic, which is probably the worse level of extroversion like autism is the worse level of introversion....

Thank you, Neelesh!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Movie Master, thank you so much for clicking in for the read. The nearer to 50, the nearer I believe we would be to perfect. I am working on myself, training the guards on my lips. I'll see you in your corner soon :)

neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 4 years ago from new delhi

"where we accept the fact that we will always be there for others, while we hide our own REAL pain and hurting secrets, and not because we love hiding anything of ourselves, we simply know nobody is able to make it better for us, so why burden anybody with it." my cut paste for you Martie.

twins separated at birth Martie- that is who we are.but then that would make you a kind of sister-Ohhhh nooooooooo, such a glam looking woman (and intelligent and extroverted too!)no way i can let you be a twin.

all extroverts are also excellent flirts - would love to match wits someday.lollllll

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

neelesh, no-no-no, you and I cannot be twins. Definitely not! LOL!

Thanks for making me laugh-out-loud :)

I hope you are having a love Sunday, my friend. Take care!

girishpuri profile image

girishpuri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

the introvert extrovert test gives me 85% marks, your article clears many confusions of mine, many thanks Martie.

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

girishpuri, it is so good to know that this hub - and I believe the comments as well - cleared many of your confusions. I remember when I was a spring chicken I was scared to leave my comfort zone (home). I was afraid of people's opinions about me. My mother always said: "Just be yourself. Some people will like you, others will not and there is nothing you can, or should, do about it."

LadyLyell profile image

LadyLyell 4 years ago from George, South Africa

Goodmorning Martie, just a quick note to let you know that I have written a few hubs on this region and in other topics have brought in South African highlights. I am busy with an article now on a community who make home made jam taking them from 'rags to riches' here in South Africa. Bet there is no one in the world who could beat their efforts!!!!!

I appreciate your support as this big move has held me back when it comes to hubpages. I won't miss any of your hubs though!

Glentana has been hit by the winter winds and fog but when the sun shines it's a little piece of heaven here.

Have a nice day

blaise25 profile image

blaise25 4 years ago from close to you...

I loved this all especially that message you put in the end.. "don't let anyone's ignorance, hate, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best person you can be." Cheers!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie.....the suggested HUB has been pubished, my dear.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj, I am on my way to read it (10:12pm after an extremely hectic day)...

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I scored an 85% extrovert on the quiz and all I can say is "ain't that the truth and I'm proud of it!" I thought I would be a 100%, but it's all good. Introverts and extroverts balance each other out. Well, according to my experience they have. Up! Awesome!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sunshine!! Always good to see you :)

Now there! You beat me with 10%. You and I together will certainly move a couple of mountains :))

Thanks for the read and inspiring comment :) Take care!

tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Hello MartieC. Good to see your smile, this 4:30AM. I took the quiz and discovered this, "Error: Not enough data. More than 10% of the questions were missed. Please go back and answer all the questions.," while saying to self, "There is no answer that applies, since neither nor, it must be 'or whatever.'

I liked this read, opening many doors to insight, which hints to my introversion, yet trained to be extroverted for a performance, while having much thought. Again I believe, warmly, you will say - Tim, your introverted style is alive.

I like very much your thoughts on this interesting subject. I have not given much thought of late to this, yet did much in the past. However, a very good friend did inspire me of late, sending me for a loop of sorts. Thank You.

I arrived this wee morning hour looking for a friend, not here, only alas, and still wishing to write. Wanting to know just how Hubville is I ventured a visit and discovered this quaint little read. Again, thank you.

Seems ice cream and beaches are on my mind a lot lately, what a combination. I am warming up a tad to write a little prose and a poem of an adventure I did have on Sat morn about 1:30am. Seems, a visit with the past did occur. I was hit with a bolt of lightning, and now am in physical therapy. A long story, which lasts more than 33 years + 10 months and 15 days, yet shy a bit for a birthday, seems to be more of doors.

I may seem a little confusing, a result of the of the flash, so bright it was, lasting just a bit, almost a lifetime, awakening on knees discovering I was not there. I’m thinking of a walk on the beach, a friend we both know, and maybe some ice cream. Thank you for this moment or two, the wisdom of this hub, and the video too. I liked the song and remember to say ‘hello’ to all those introverted and extroverted personalities you know.


(p.s. Sorry, if this seems like a blog post. Must be that I'm still confused from Sat and relearning some old things. Now, I'm off to reason with that in prose and poetry I hope today . . . smile

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

tsmog – you’ve kept me spell-bound with your comment. I think it is a good thing for an introvert to be compelled by his circumstances to behave like an extrovert. Although I am an extrovert, I tend to sink into introversion when I am alone, and somehow the deeper I sink into it, the less I feel like getting out of it again. Of course, this is a symptom of depression and by now I know exactly how to force myself out of it before it sucks me in.

I would like to ask you to convert this much appreciated comment of yours into a hub. You have so much to tell/teach, and you know how much our biographic hubs mean to readers in search of insight.

Expect me in your corner (again) after the weekend. Take care, Tim, and thanks again for your support!

tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Hello MartieC. Well, I did write the hub I spoke about. It started serious like and would up being a poem wrapped in prose. I don't know what has come over me. It was a stiking blow on Sat morn at 1:30am. Odd too. I think when I am more sound and not asunder I will write a hub explainging that hub, which also may answer what you have asked. Since it was a poem wrapped in prose I went with Edgar Allen Poe's little ditty 'A dream within a dream' for a musical enhancement by Alan Parsons Project.

I am going to ask the physical therapist and the blue angels that helped me (medical personnel) if I may take their pictures. Write a hub less lyrical, more essay in style with a theme of explanation. So, you may get a two for one deal to share.

I got paper surroundin me screaming my name. I hope to get home early and maybe write again.

thank you for the reply and I look forward to the 4th installment. A triangle is nice, but a square of four corners does become two and sometimes four.

Have a great weekend . . .:

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

tsmog, gosh! You smuggle with my brain... "...a square of four corners does become two and sometimes four." LOL!

I'll be back after the weekend to read your hub or two or four...

Heading to a family reunion now. Although I'll be still online via my mobile phone, I cannot do much... just sit in the corner and watch... :)

I look forward to read you and hope to find you more sound than asunder...


tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Hello MartieC. I hope the reunion is going well. Old faces are new, new faces are cool to see, and what of the little ones grown so tall indeed. My, My, my their change causes wonderment to look in a mirror with not reflection - huh? Greek mythology stuff popping in a moment - oops.

Any hoot, I changed my bio going along with the challenge. I saw the gauntlet tossed to the ground and shook my head, "No." A defender of a damsel always, a fighter never, then decided to follow a friend of Merlin's, though is a wise lady, and changed my bio. Hoping it will suffice I await the just what the crystal ball will brings to your eyes with a peek.

They say there were four horseman, yet having witnessed, I know tis not a lie nor truth only a mystery. I see a then e or affect with effect and I - O - U and now I go to write about 'Y' I apologize for the mysticism, but that did knock me down, yet first did a loop. Hopefully I will come out of this spell soon :)

Remember to smile, though I know you always do, and have fun, fun, fun, at the reunion . . .



Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Truly thoughtful and thought provoking, Martie. You have got into the mind of the introvert and the extrovert and have outlines how the thinking flows. I was mostly an introvert until I got to the medical school and realized what a closet extrovert I must have been. I do love attention and like to be the center of any activity. My school friends find it hard to believe how much I have become social- I do however understand the mind of the introvert well and often try hard in a group to bring people out of their shells. Enjoy your family reunion and I am sure you will be the fizzing energy in the middle of that group of people you love and respect!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

tsmog, you are surely in for mysticism, smuggling with my brain :) I have had a lovely weekend, seeing everybody together again for the first time in many years. And yes, the changes, the changes - what a shocking surprise. Just yesteryear I was the young woman with the babies, and now I am one of the 'old' folks with grandchildren. What a confrontation with Life itself!

I am on my way to read your profile.

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Docmo, yes, many people think they are introverts, but in fact they are closet extroverts. Events and other people force us to become closet extroverts.

There was a time my father was the fizzing energy in the middle of our family. I was his 'assistant'. Shortly after his death I literally 'burnt out' - there was no reason left for me to continue on the road I was on, proving to my father that he had all the reasons in the world to forgive me because I had disappointed him as a teenager and that he should be proud of me. Long story! I made some radical changes and turned into myself, leaving the 'responsibility' to be the fizzing energy in the middle of the family to my siblings. I was a closet extrovert for many years, and especially in the company of my family.

My job allowed me to be the extrovert I really was, but I acted it automatically in a professional capacity and in a personal capacity via the characters I had created in the short stories I've written. Eventually (finally completely only a year ago) I managed to assemble myself again where I was right at the beginning of my life as a teenager, when I was a fearless extrovert. But still, I am an extrovert only in selected company, while in other situations/circumstances I hide in my closet because I am not willing to spend my energy on the people involved. Because people had disappointed me too many times, I simply refuse to give everybody my all. I am stingy with my energy.

Since my father's death (22 yrs ago) I am a bit reversed in the company of my family, because the fizzing energy that bonds us, is LOVE. And, of course, our introvert mother. I don't have to perform any extroversion in the group; I can simply sit back and enjoy being a member like any other member, and take my turn to contribute to the conversation and by doing so I don't disturb the harmony.

Does this make sense? Well, does it matter? Fact is, I feel secure in the presence of my family; they love me and I love them; we are each other's pillars of strength.

Thanks for your comment, Docmo. You've made me do some serious introspection.

prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

I got about 06% extrovert. I always want to write beautiful hub and my readers enjoy reading my hubs. I also apply this in my daily life, like always on time and taught my student with full energy. Very inspiring hub. Thanks for share with us. Voted up!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi Martie, reading this I was actually sitting here saying yes, I totally agree and sympathise with you, if that's the write word, or is it empathy? I am surrounded by introverts, and sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in. Whatever I do, its met with a sort of indifferent derision. Not deliberately, as they don't do it to hurt my feelings, but just purely because they are not interested, for example when I finished my ebook, even though its not a lot, and I know there are others who have written so much more, I was really pleased with myself for doing it, and all I got greated with was, Yeah? got any money for it yet? no? well what's the point then?! Oh and while your there, can you go to the shop and get me something?! or words to that effect! I think sometimes that they are so much in their own little world that even if I won the lottery or danced naked in the street they would just raise their eyebrows and get back to their boring little worlds, sorry touched a nerve! lol! great hub, and thanks for sharing!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Nell Rose, you, too, have all my empathy. You reminded me of another difference between intro- and extrovert. The basic premise of the extrovert's actions is intuitively 'what can I mean for them/it', while the introvert's is 'what can they/it mean for me'. Though this has nothing to do with selfishness or being self-centered. It's about living inwards or outwards. Another interesting debate.

Congratulations, again, Nell, with the publishing of your e-book. I really want to read it, because I knew such a man/woman myself, and he/she was quite an enigma. Take care, my dear Nell!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi prasetio, did you score 6% or 60%? Oh, I figured you give your all for your students. You are a brilliant teacher, also for us. Thank you for coming over for the read and leaving me such a kind comment. Take care, my dear friend!

b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

Very Interesting and definitely a Thought Provoking Hub Martle...It brought out a lot of Wonderful Comments! So what can I add...I think, the older I get I'm a little of each. I love my space and I'm a very Private Person, yet, I'm on, when I want to be. Now, I'm going to take the test!

Just took the test, I was Right, I am Both! Yea!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

b. Malin, good to know you are totally balanced. Thank you so much for your inspiring comment. I am not really a private person - I love to share all my experiences with everybody. I want to be me just the way I am in all circumstances. However, I have found myself in time slots where I was obliged - to the benefit of others - to live a double life - part of me private, the other part exposed. I had to look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I was self-righteously holier than thou... I hope I will never have to be this again. Thanks again and take care!

Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 4 years ago from Los Angeles

According to the test "I am balanced" 65% extrovert which I believe to be true. I only have very few great friends (for over 30 years) and the Face Book "friend of a friend" nonsense does not interest me at all - in fact I ignore all requests for "friendship", unless I know the person (via HP or other ways)

I do value my time and I don't mind sharing things that could benefit others, but I also need to be alone and I never got bored in my presence...how is that for being presumptuous? I am glad you wrote this hub and gave us something to think about and maybe take a better look at ourselves

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Petra, how wonderful to have you back with us! And to see you in my corner as one of my special friends. I agree all the way with you - I also scored 65%.

You must have noticed that I am an active Facebooker. I believe in the primary objective of Facebook - to share (whatever you feel like sharing without offending others.) My friends are close friends (in real life), relatives - and also many relatives I have never met before - and members of HubPages, and some of them don't even follow me in here and/or I don't even follow them and some are even ex-members of HP and now active in other sites. Though we do read each other now and then - if the links to the hubs we share in FB provoke our interest.

I love people, I love to create (and maintain) crowds with a mutual goal. In FB the goal is to support (love) each other (in sickness in health...). I know myself and all my qualities (talents) - the good and the bad. I practice the good as far as I can and cannot control myself when someone triggers the bad (b&@ch) in me, who is not at all able to tolerate unfairness and injustice or even common, low-class behavior. Some people may find me overbearing - they are welcome to unfriend me or to unsubscribe to my activities. I KNOW I am not able to please everybody and I've excepted the fact that some people will like me and some will not. Thank heavens I have conquered my silly ego a couple of years ago.

Petra, I look forward to our interactions in CyberSpace. Take care, my friend. You are an awesome example for all of us.

Again, I wish you a happy birthday today (3 June). May Life and people meet all your expectations today and ahead.

Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 4 years ago from Vermont, USA

Read this awhile ago and finally came back to take the test. I scored 60% extrovert...so balanced for one so unstable!

At any rate, I'm just glad you are extrovert enough to share yourself with us.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Interesting, Christopher. I thought you were an introvert. Maybe a closet-extrovert? Too fed-up with the world to get involved... Or, in your own words, too unstable to be balanced... :))) You are quite an enigma in the eye of this beholder. Thanks for taking the time to read this and share your thoughts.

kingmaxler profile image

kingmaxler 4 years ago from Olympia, Washington USA

I like how you explain the dichotomy between extroverts and introverts. I actually am able to understand more human dynamics. As I read and reread this it is helping me to make sense of past relationship challenges. Thank you and I am sharing.

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

kingmaxler ~ so good to know this hub enlightened some of your past relationship challenges - I think people would be so much happier if this type of information could be obtained before adulthood. Thanks for your comment.

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Lovelovemeloveme 4 years ago from Cindee's Land

I Got 80 percent extrovert. I'm not quite sure if it's accurate. I mean, I associate with a decent amount of people but not a lot. I enjoy being in company of people, but it's exhausting and sometimes I prefer the comfort of isolation. Peace and quiet is a serenity too. I like big events , but dislike crowds. I network and my field of profession is sales and business, but i don't necessarily enjoy it all the time. Sometimes it's exhausting and I do it as a part of my job to make money, Lol it's like I'm a walking contradiction so I'm not quite sure now accurate this survey is.

Thanks for the hub .

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Lovelovemeloveme, you sound pretty normal to me. We extroverts do need some rest and time for introspection, and sometimes more than other times, while introverts also need to be in the company of others in order to feel loved and adored. Who wants to be part of a crowd? Crowds devour individuals. Thank you for your relevant comment. I can see myself clearly in every sentence :)

peachpower profile image

peachpower 4 years ago from Florida

I was 90% extroverted... Surprised? Nooooooo. I always take those tests, and it's silly of me- I know who I am and have for a long time.

Loved reading this- I know that I have just absolutely bowled some people over a time or two, I can't help it, it's just who I am- and remembered being in sales. A thing that they try to teach people like me is successful manipulation of our various loud/obnoxious/larger than life personalities in such a way that we wouldn't run over people (pardon the not-quite-right explanation). Most of the time I was miserable at it :) :) :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Peachpower, oh my, with you on my side we would put Napoleon to shame.... When I am boots and all into a project, aiming for a goal, always compelled to take a lot of people with me, the hardest thing to do is keeping myself in line and all guards to attention on my lips so that I don't run all over everybody. Fact is, only when we know our best and worse qualities, we will be able to reach the summit of our destiny.

peachpower profile image

peachpower 4 years ago from Florida

That is the truth. If we are self-aware, we will succeed. It is impossible to do/be anything without conscious involvement in knowing ourselves.

When you want to take over the world please call me. I'm ready for fun at any given second. :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Peachpower, oh, there was a time I wanted to change the world, and, as a matter of fact, I did spend many years changing my region - or rather a little fertile part of it. But at last I've done my share. I can sit back now and say with a clean conscience, "Let God's water now run over God's earth." There is a time for everything - A time to change something and a time to let it be.

I enjoyed my visit in your corner. We do have a lot in common. Take care :)

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Ausseye 4 years ago

Hi (H)Martie me mate: As an introvert I swim the sea pondering, water, water everywhere and not an extrovert in sight. Love your work and am hopping on a raft to save my life after reading your loud encouragement. May we never revert but further seek to avert any friction between the silent and loud because we need both to communicate with those distant relatives in the universe. Sorry just being a bit silly it the oz hopping batty in me.

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ausseye, what would Life be if all of us were extroverts or interviews? Imagine friction between the silent and loud? Would that be like lighting? You see the light, then hear the sound only seconds later? Well, you can shut a mouth to keep the sound in, but you can't get sound out of a closed silent mouth. So the introverts will probably win the battle. Seriously, we cannot all be the same; we ARE not all alike. Therefor we need each other to achieve our goals. Do you perhaps have anything on your mind I can shout out loud on your behalf? Thanks for your smile-provoking comment, Ausseye. Enjoy your ride on the raft!

mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

I have always been an Introvert, and every test I ever took on personalities bears that out. I live with an extremely introverted son, so the two of us get along great. I wrote a Hub about Introverts, and I did find that the majority of writers are introverts. That is not a scientific fact: just judging by the comments I received on that Hub.

I voted this Hub UP, etc.

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

The comments alone are a novel! :) I can't imagine being anything other than an extrovert. Keep making some noise SAA :)

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Wish I could read faster so I could experience all the comments in depth. Linda's right - the comments could make a novel!

A couple of weeks ago I listened to a TED TALK by Susan Cain, author of "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." You and your readers might find her talk interesting. To your point, Martie, Cain talks a lot about how understanding and acceptance go a long way in nurturing intro/extrovert relations.


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Martie, great article. Wow, what a lot of comments; people feel strongly about this! 80% extrovert in the test soon but no surprises there, always have been but I am married to an introvert. People said to me 'the two are you are so different' and I said I would hate to be married to someone like myself because 'I couldn't stand the competition'. There;s room for all of us :o)

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SilverGenes 4 years ago

This is an interesting take on personalities and how they do or do not get along. When I read your first sentence, I got all uppity and thought -no way! It is the extroverts who ignore others because they are so full of themselves, seeking attention all the time. And then the other voice said, yeah well there are two sides to that story, chickie. Yup, you guessed it. I'm 'balanced': 55% extrovert and 45% introvert. No wonder I have these kinds of conversations with myself. It must be the extrovert that decided to comment LOL. Loved this! Keep 'em coming, girl! :)))

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Mary, I think it is much easier for an introvert to expose his true self in his writings instead of in the close company of others. The distance between writers and readers is like a river without a bridge. The introvert is so much safer than the extrovert. They don't easily become the source of energy abused by extroverts. I am an extrovert, able to generate a lot of energy from others, but in the (direct) company of others I am an open target and vulnerable. By now I know that I am safer and sounder when I live like an introvert, using my own energy, which is in fact sufficient. I can easily live like an introvert for a long time before depression forces me to the nearest crowd. Thank you so much for your insightful comment. Could you please paste a link to your hub about introverts in here? Thank you, again :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hey, Sunshine, I must say, extroverts enjoy more exiting adventures than introverts. Of course, they will not believe this. In fact, they are not able to believe this :) Hear me roar!

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sally. what a marvelous video! Thank you so much for the link. I am going to insert it into the hub. I can write a book about the power of introverts. Most of them are more reliable and productive than extroverts. They manage to do more, because they don't need to be filled with energy by others. They could certainly be better leaders than extroverts. I agreed all the way with Cain. My intention with this hub was to expose the feelings/emotions of extroverts, pleading to be considered and understood by introverts. Thanks a lot for your much appreciated contribution :))

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Jools, an introvert able to accommodate an extrovert and an extrovert able to accommodate an introvert could be a perfect couple. Thank you for confirming this :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, my dear friend SilverGenes :) Thanks for your smile-provoking comment. I should have guessed that you are very near to the perfect balance. At a time in my life I was 50-50. Of course, forced, because I was disappointed in people. Looking back, I must say that I am happier when I am more extrovert than introvert. Though time and again people shock me into a state of introversion. Extroverts in a state of introversion are just as unhappy as introverts forced into a state of extroversion. We have to find the perfect balance. I am so glad you clicked in for the read, Alexandra. You know I always appreciate and enjoy your opinions. Take care!

Magdaleine profile image

Magdaleine 4 years ago

Hi Martie, my score is 40%: introvert. Thanks for sharing this article so I can understand how to deal with extrovert family and friends :)

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Magdaleine, understanding each other is important in order to accommodate each other. I am glad you clicked in for the read. Take care!

mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

OK, I'm pasting the link to my Introvert Hub per your request. If I get in trouble for doing this, I'll say "the devil made me do it"!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

mary, thank you for the link. I am adding it to the hub :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hallo, Apps - Dankie! Wat 'n verrassing! So nice to meet you :)

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Thanks to Jools for spreading the word that it is my Sista's birthday!

Happy April 15 th Day, Martie...may your day be as special as you!



rasta1 profile image

rasta1 3 years ago from Jamaica

I don't mind extroverts or introverts. I can adapt to most type of personalities. Thanks for the information.

AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 3 years ago from California

Very interesting hub! I am the opposite--an introvert among extroverts--so it was great to look at the other side of things!

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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author





Thank you so much for making my birthday so very special. I do believe that being an extrovert is much easier than being an introvert.....

Amanda 2 years ago

Whenever I meet someone who is primarily extroverted, I find that my feelings are hurt on a constant basis. Th

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MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Amanda, extroverts certainly tend to be outspoken without considering the feelings of others. They will also confront those - other extroverts - who hurt their feelings, while the introvert will not reveal her thoughts or hurt. Believe me, Amanda, most extroverts would have loved to be introverts, or at least less outspoken and inconsiderate.

LR 2 years ago

Extroverted women and introverted men are frowned upon in society because men have to be outspoken while women have to be less outspoken.

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MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

True, LR, and this is actually sad and unfair. Thanks for leaving such a profound comment.

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