Controlling Noise Ain't Easy | A Noise Control Saga of Noisy Neighbours
Recently we were lucky enough to have a band of what I have affectionately called 'emo teens' move in next door. Emo teens is the name I gave them on first sight. In hindsight it might have been a better idea to moniker them 'spawn of satan' and kill them with fire*, but hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?
Anyhow, shortly after their arrival, the emo teens decided to hold rousing live gigs complete with drums, guitars, a powerful amp and a 'lead singer' not unafraid to howl gutturally into any microphone near his grasp. Suffice to say, the premises they inhabit are not licensed for live gigs, nor should they have been let to anyone without a sagging belly or breasts. Young people are trouble, you know. (I'm 27 now and thoroughly embracing the 'get off ma lawn' philosophy of my forebearers).
Like normal, law abiding citizens we did not flip out when they started with this heinously obnoxious behavior. We did not set their illegally parked vehicles alight, we did not booby trap their front hall with explosives, we did not introduce a plague of bed bugs. No. We called noise control, and that is where the fun began.
You hear conspiracy theory types claim that we're being run by an all powerful government, but I tell you now, that all powerful government can quickly be stymied by an underaged drinker and 30 of his best friends at any moment. Militias shouldn't be stock piling guns, they should be stock piling skinny sullen teens wearing Metallica t-shirts. But I digress.
In spite of a myriad of calls to noise control, the noise continued unabated... which is when I sent this letter to my local representatives at the council.
I am writing to you once more, because once more our neigbours have decided to hold an impromptu gig (live band, amp, screaming metal head emo teens) and once again, noise control has done little to control the noise at all. Oh the irony.
I was informed that an officer had attended the gig, but instead of shutting it down and telling the unruly teenagers keeping our entire neighborhood awake to shut up(including elderly nuns in the convent across the street), he told them that they could keep playing their insane 'music' as long as they finished up within a couple of songs. What madness is this?
They are breaking city bylaws by holding this event without proper permits, judging by the screaming small figures running by the window there is underage drinking aplenty, and oh, yes, they are noisy as all hell. If noise control does not control noise, what does it do?
Is it just to have a number to call to vent my frustrations? Is it perhaps a social experiment, like rats in a cage pressing a button in the hopes of being fed? This rat is quickly becoming irritated at the way the one person who is supposed to remedy the situation has actually made it worse by apparently encouraging them to play their last few songs. And oh how they play. I wish you could be here, city council person, I really wish you could. What fun we would have.
Has the entire world gone mad? Do my taxes really pay for this merry goround of torture by decibel? Who do I need to sleep with to make the noise stop?
I'll sign off with my favorite quote from the screaming loons next door....
"Fucccccccckkkkkkkkk arrooggggggggggsaaaaa!" (Their gentle poetry is like music to my ears.)
Kind regards, much love,
We're now anxiously awaiting the arrival of the police to confiscate their instruments. I'll let you know how that works out.
*I kid, really, I kid.
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