Don't Be an Enabler

What is an enabler

For the record, I am not a trained professional, however, I'm very observant. I'm sure there are a plethora of articles on the subject, and I don't want to be accused of copying any of the previous articles, so this article is based solely on personal observations.

What is enabling, or what does it mean to be an enabler? Enabling is usually associated with negative connotations. However, it has a dual meaning. For the sake of this article, I'm only dealing with the negative aspect. Consulting the dictionary, and Wikipedia, this is what I found. The dictionary's meaning says, in part, "to make possible, or easy, sanction, to make one able to do something." According to Wikipedia, "it is used in counseling, and in the broader context of problematic behavior, to signify dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate the problem. A common theme of enabling, in the negative sense, is that third parties take responsibility, blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person themselves does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change."Along with this definition, when I think of an enabler, I think of a person, with low self esteem, a person unable to assert themselves, and maybe even an impatient person. Low self esteem could cause one to become as it were a "doormat" for a spouse, a supposed best friend, a sibling, or anyone else the person feels powerless to stand up to. An unassertive employer with low self esteem could allow an assertive employee to run rough shod over them. An impatient person would, instead of teaching their children the basics of growing into a responsible adult, by allowing them to complete tasks assigned to them, just take over, and perform the assigned tasks themselves. Of course, these are not clinical definitions, just my observations.

Examples

Negative enabling can be found in various relationships: Spousal relationships, parent to child, child to parent, sibling to sibling, teacher to student, employer to employee, friend to friend. I probably left some out, but these are the ones that come to mind, because I've seen these played out or have been a party to them in various and sundry ways.

Spousal relationships: A husband wanting a wife to be a better housekeeper, (if he is the sole support of the family). What does he do to enable her? After a few feeble attempts to get her to change her ways, he either accepts it, or does it himself, all the while constantly complaining. Considering a wife with low self esteem living with an abuser, either physical or emotional. What happens early on in the relationship, as the pattern is revealed, the wife being unassertive, with low self esteem, makes excuses, and allows it to continue. I've always been told that people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you, (I don't know how true it is, but it sounds good to me). She too, continually, complains, making excuses and, never making a move to end it.

Parent to child: I feel, the paramount issue of enabling in this relationship, is the child not taking responsibility for their actions, meaning every time a child acts out, or cause problems, the impatient parent will make excuses, thereby promoting the behavior. Another example, where the child is expected to clean their room. Instead of insisting that the child learn to perform the task, the parent will usually do it themselves, or just ignore it, all the while complaining. Another important issue is, homework. Some children learn not to do their homework, yes I said learn, because at an early age a child can be taught to do just about anything, homework being one of them. However, the enabling parent will let the issue slide until an important assignment is due, and then what? They will practically do the assignment themselves, all the while complaining, and making excuses.

Child to parent: At times the parent is an alcoholic, or drug abuser, the child will become the enabler, by making excuses to family members, friends, employers etc. They may, at times even purchase the items for the parents.

Sibling to sibling: Oftentimes, it is the older protecting the younger, from parents, bullies, teachers etc. The enabling comes in the form of not allowing the sibling to stand up for themselves. Other times, the younger idolizes the older, and takes the blame for continual bad behavior, never allowing them to face the consequences of their actions.

Teacher to student: Then there are well liked students who are allowed to do anything they please, up to and including not performing in class the same as other students. The teacher will allow the behavior, and at grading time, gives the student a passing grade, despite not performing up to the expected standards . Some students carry that behavior all the way through college. How would you like one of them operating on you, or your loved ones? (I'm just saying).

Employer to employee: An employee repeatedly under performs, leaving others to take up the slack. The unassertive employer makes excuses, and continually allows the employee to slide, never making them accountable for their actions, by disciplining or terminating them.

Friend to friend: A possessive friend continually causes you to lose other close friends, because they want to be your only friend. Your enabling comes in the form of making excuses, such as they have problems at home, work or wherever.

Admittedly, these maybe weak examples, however these are some of the examples of enabling that I've either participated in, or have seen been privy to via friends, acquaintances, relatives, or others.


My thoughts

You can tell by my age that I am from the "old school," so a lot of my thoughts on the subject will run counter to the thinking of today. However, being outspoken as I am I'll just say it anyway. My thoughts on how not to be an enabler goes something like this. To begin with, It might sound simplistic to ask, have you ever tried a simple heart to heart? Admittedly one conversation, in most cases, won't solve anything. However, sometimes a simple conversation can be the beginning of the healing process.

Since I am no longer married, I feel I should limit my thoughts in that area, however I did manage to stay married for 40 years, so maybe some of the things that helped me last that long could help someone else, or not. Anyway, with the husband's situation. Instead of telling his wife how he wants the house to look, show her, work with her, surprisingly some young people today were not taught how to clean. Simple huh, but try it, it just might work. Now, here is a tricky one, the woman with the abusing spouse. I don't want to say much on this subject, although I have a lot to say, but I'm very opinionated, so as not to step over the line, I'll limit my thoughts. All I can say is, "support system," (family, friends, agencies, etc). The saying, you are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated, has a distinct ring of truth, so take it and RUN with it.

What about the parent to child relationship? Consider this, if you are a responsible adult, do you want your child to grow up that way? What about just letting your young ones face the consequences of their actions. In most cases, it won't hurt them, too bad, and the little hurt they do experience could prevent major, sad consequences later on in life.

Child to parent is a bit more difficult, because the child wants nothing more than to see their parent happy and safe, which is proven by their continued actions. However, if you are old enough to read and understand this, STOP, right now. You are not making them happy or safe. The only way to do this is let them face the consequences of their actions. This action might not help them, but I guarantee it will to hurt you, if you continuing on in this way.

Sibling to sibling, ah, alas this is a hard one. This is one that I had trouble with. I was always protecting my siblings, so it is something I am truly at a loss to speak on. All I can say is instead of doing it all the time, show them how to do what they need to do. Not much, huh, but that's all I got.

Teacher to student, think about it, how did you become the teacher you are today. Why are you hindering this young one. Don't you want them to become just as successful as you are.

Employer to employee, if you have rules and regulations for your employment that everyone must follow, why not require ALL, to follow these. There is a saying that goes something like this, "they can be replaced with a #2 pencil, (erase their name, and write in another)." Look around you, the world is filled with qualified individuals that would be willing to fill that spot and follow your employment regulations.

Friend to friend, build your self esteem, this is not the only friend you can get. Stop making excuses for their failings, they're not yours, and your "friend" is not as helpless as they seem, just selfish. You're not responsible for their happiness. FIND AND MAKE new friends, NOW.



Conclusion

Of course, this advice is not from a professional standpoint, just things that I have observed from, just being just that, an observer. In most of these situations professional help should be sought, and followed. However, my observations could just give you the encouragement you need to end your enabling inclinations.


© 2009 Alfreta Sailor

More by this Author


Comments 73 comments

emohealer profile image

emohealer 7 years ago from South Carolina

Living and being observant is oft times worth more than any amount of research. Clinically things aren't the same as in the "real" world.

Just to share one experience as my siblings were unlearning this enabling thing in a parent child relationship. The child that was slow in the AM and could never get ready for school on time and had to have their own special transportation on account of missing the bus. Their first step to un-enabling was to send the child to the school bus to attend school in the status of ready they were when the bus arrived, which meant pajamas on and shoes in hand. Believe me, after that humiliating day of wearing their own consequences (pajamas) all day, the child was prepared from then on when the bus arrived.

Great hub freta something from the heart sometimes has the highest value!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Right on the money! Enabler at first sounds like a good thing. But in the context of contributing to dysfunctional and sef-destructive behavior, it's anything but. AND, the enabler him/herself has problems (like the low self-esteem you mention). It's NOT a good thing and if you fear you're engaging in enabling behavior, get help.

In addition to the books you've got listed, the "bible" for codependent enablers is Melodie Beattie's "Codependent No More." Great hub! I will do whatever I can to "enable you" to write more! MM


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

WOW, again my hub sisters. Thanks once again.

emohealer, I just loved that experience and I will use that one to help my daughter with her son. I wish someone had used that one on me. LOL!

And MM, what can I say, but thank you, thank you, thank you! And oh, that book, I will try to have it show up on my amazon capsule.


jqs2009 7 years ago

Hey Fastfreta,

what an observant and articulate person you really are:) I really enjoy reading your articles! As I read through the part that remarked on parent to child, I felt the scenario in your article seemed familiar to me. I guess my mum is kinda the impatient individual, so that growing up in my family as the only child strengthens my mum's overprotection on me. She would at times perform the tasks herself, instead of lecturing me, or leading me to do it properly. I guess it makes it easier to do it for somebody, than investing time to give them guideline and nurture them, in terms of what it takes to become a virtuous adult.

She would also vent up her emotions towards me, because me and my dad were enabling her by rationalizing her being more temperamental. Later on, she was diagnosed of moderate depression to my surprise, because I assumed that the majority of the mums would be more susceptible to hysteria. So,I can't agree with you more on that matter. Like I said before, your article is definitely thought-provoking and enlightening.

Thanks for sharing.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

jqs2009, thank you so much for sharing a real life example of what I was so amateurishly trying to articulate. It's experiences like yours that validates me in my writing. It lets me know that I a reaching the desired results from my writing.


jiberish profile image

jiberish 7 years ago from florida

Fastfreta, another great Hub, as usual. I want to be your enabler, continue writing!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you jiberish, for the encouragement, and be my guest, enable me.


JennaJackson profile image

JennaJackson 7 years ago

fastfreta, Once again a wonderful hub. As you know I work with people who are overweight, dealing with nutrition, exercise, and their ENABLERS. You hit the nail on the head!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Jenna, all I can say is, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!


Marketing Truth 7 years ago

Fastfreta I thank you for sharing this hub as it is filled with lots of valuable content. As one of my friends would say "you put it where the goats could get it." I thoroughly enjoyed it. I will be back to read more of your hubs. Thank you.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you for that Marketing Truth, and that putting it where the goats could get it, is really cute.


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

Very good hub, Freta...well written and interesting stuff. Let me venture to say that the experience of being married for 40 years qualifies you for giving advice on being married now and forever!!

Freta, I don't think you have to be tentative about the advice you give. It's great advice. I'd like to see you lay it all out there. I know it's a taking a bit of a risk, but judging from what little I know about you already, I suspect you can take it. You go, girl!

And, this is so true. "...you are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated."

Can't wait to read your next hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you so much alekhouse, you inspire me to continue dispensing what was called in the old days "motherwhit." That comes from simply just living and as the kids say now days, "keeping it real."


bingskee profile image

bingskee 7 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

interesting. i thought of the word 'enabler' as positive. it is good to learn about the negative context of the word. i think the first instinct of an enabler is to protect failing on the part that if the 'protection' continues this will result to not so good results.

thank you for this hub. learned a lot.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks bingskee for stopping by. I, on the other hand, always associated enabler with the negative. I appreciated learning the positive meaning, I too learned a lot!


ladydijay 7 years ago

Very good hub. You always provide me with something to think about. With time comes wisdom. I often think, oh if I had that to do over, oh how I'd have done that differently. The real question is how can I change lives for the better in the future.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Hello there ladydijay, thanks for stopping by, and for the comment.


terrimak 7 years ago

Loved it. I am a parent who enables an adult child. Frustrating... but learning. Nice hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks terrimak, at some point in most of our lives we find ourselves either on the giving end or the receiving end. We eventually have to work our way through whatever the issue is and hope for the best. Thank you for your comment.


create a page profile image

create a page 7 years ago from Maryland, USA

Hi fastfreta. Since I am still fairly new to hubpages I decided to take a break from writing this week and simply use the time to read the great hubs from other hubbers. I chose to read your hubs, and I am so glad I did. I have indeed been the enabler in many relationships. I am beginning to think it has been a part of my personality. Now that I am older and hopefully much wiser, I begin to see things different now. This hub has confirmed some of the things I now believe. Thank you so very much for sharing your life experience. Experience does indeed teach wisdom.

I agree with alekhouse: 'being married for 40 years qualifies you for giving advice on being married now and forever!!' Wow...you were married for 40 years? So you are older than me. I need to respect you even more now, right? lol.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Stop it create a page, no go ahead, just kidding. You are a dear. You are so encouraging. I totally appreciate your words of encouragement. It's hubbers like you that inspire me to continue in this new quest, so thank you so much.

Oh about this 40 year thing, I don't know how that happened, because I'm only 45. LOL! As you read more of my hubs, you'll see my real age.


create a page profile image

create a page 7 years ago from Maryland, USA

lol You are too funny fastreta. I will be reading ALL of your hubs.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Create a page, you are the best.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thanks for the enabler hub, it was very rewarding because I us to be one. But I over came it by the grace of God. Thank you again. creativeone59


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

You're one of the fortunate few, that was able to break free. That's a hard habit to break. Thanks for stopping by creativeone59, come back again soon.


BookFlame 7 years ago

Excellent thoughts and very well expressed. Enablers are really so destructive, I'm glad you "exposed" them, Freta.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks BookFlame for stopping by, please come again soon.


skye2day profile image

skye2day 7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Hi fastfreta, Blessings. I admire your spirit. You Rock. I loved this hub. I know much about enabling.Thank You. In 'growing' I have got much better at NOT going there.I picked up some great tips from your experience, thank you. We never do graduate do we? (until we go to the other side) I think the best teacher is personal experience. No one can argue with what you have experienced. It is yours. I joined your club and am honored. Check my hubs girl.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks skye2day, I received your comment twice, I deleted one, that happens to me sometime. Thank you for your comment and I do agree with you, about personal experience, it's unfortunate that is the way most people learn, when it would be less painful in a lot of cases to learn from others experiences or advice. Thanks for stopping by, and please stop again soon. I look forward to reading your hubs.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 6 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

You certainly do sound like a professional and you have given for good advice to those who are enablers and allow things to happen to them. Life experiences certainly can teach us a few things and your life experiences have brought you to completely understanding and identifying enablers. Great advice and this should rank # 1 on Google's search ! :)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

I blush at your comments, (although you can't see it), LOL! You are so encouraging, thank you for that. Please come again soon.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

this made for very good reading i enjoyed it, thanks a lot, i will enable you to do another hub as soon as possible, so i can read more of your work


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you poetlorraine for that encouraging comment, and I'm working on another one, (in my head), now. Please stop again soon.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

Great observations and points. Have you ever noticed that enablers are co-dependents? You can't find one without the other! Thanks for sharing your observations and wisdom.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Beth100 for weighing in on this hub. I do agree with your assessment. Thanks for taking the time to read this hub, please come back and see me again soon.


mpurcell10 profile image

mpurcell10 6 years ago from Arkansas

Great hub. I found early in my marriage my husband was taught nothing. We married young and I have had to teach him everything from cleaning to cooking. We now works side by side in a lot of things and get along great because we talked years ago. Made it 20 years so far.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks mpurcell10 for stopping. I guess in your case enabling was a good thing, right on, keep on doing what you are doing, it appears to be working. Please come read more.


salt profile image

salt 6 years ago from australia

Excellent writing. It is a difficult topic and when does enabling begin and where is the line. I clean how I clean, I am no mans housekeeper - and my relationships are not based on my cleaning.

I do think though that society is not working through some of the underlying problems. What starts someone abusing? Were they abused themselves? And do the services provided really do their job? Have you read any of their text books? Sometimes its not enabling, but the opposite.

The system is set up to help some fail. Real friends help each other over bumps, tell them when they are falling or about to trip. The skill is to be able to tell the difference.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you star for weighing in on the hub. I appreciate your assessment of this article, thanks for taking the time to read it. Hope to see you again soon.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas

Freta,

A great hub. It is very true that aperson can only do to you what you allow them to. They can only treat you the way you let them treat you. To be a part of the solution is to be there to help but not to do it for them or allow them to make you feel guilty for not doing it.

Warmest regards,

Chris


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Chris, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub, and thanks for the validation. See you soon.


_cheryl_ profile image

_cheryl_ 6 years ago from California

Great hub fastfreta! I love your advice. And it was very nice to read on what you mentioned with the parent to child part. I've been getting frustrated with my son recently, but just like you said, they need to learn to be responsible. And sometimes they just have to suffer the consequences of their actions, especially when you're doing everything on your end as a parent. (Geez, you've inspired my next hub!) Love reading your thoughts! =)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks cheryl for the comment and validation. I look forward to reading your hub related to the subject. Thanks for stopping, hope to see you again soon.


_cheryl_ profile image

_cheryl_ 6 years ago from California

FYI- I've just finished my hub, and have included a link at the end to your enabler hub here, since you are the one who inspired me to write it! =)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks cheryl, I'll go right over and read it. Thanks for the link.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Miss fastfreta, I would gladly take advice from the older generation (which I am now a part of LOL) anyday over any so called clinical professional. It used to irritated me to no end when social workers who are around 21 years of age would go to women, for instance childrern services, and tell them the proper way to raise children, often times taking their children from them. These young social workers usually have never even had children themselves and have no idea of how hard it is to raise them and all of the "real life" problems that perplex mothers. They use text book knowledge while life experience knowledge in my opinion is much better. Social work should be ran by grandmothers when children are involved. Because I agree with you in that sometimes people just need a good heart to heart talk and an understanding ear. I know this has nothing to do with your subject of enabling but it is to let you know that your words of wisdom are right on target concerning enabling and it isn't something a youngster can know by reading a textbook. Keep spreading your insights. I need them. Lisa


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you so much Lisa, you inspire me. And your comments although you said "had nothing to do with the subject," however I do appreciate your expressions and totally agree with you on all points. I especially agree when you said that "Social work should be ran by grandmothers when children are involved," because we all know wisdom come with age. It's so interesting how we think when we're young that we have all the answers. It's not until we get older that we realize that we knew little or nothing about life. I feel inspired to take this on as a topic for a hub. Thanks again Lisa, hope to see you soon.


Missi Darnell profile image

Missi Darnell 6 years ago from Southern California

Another fantastic hub. I'm a fan! I dare I admit, I'm an enabler. Ouch! Even so so soon after the loss of my husband I can look back over the last twenty years and say yep, that was me. Maybe this new chapter in my life is meant to empower me.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you kindly Missi Darnell for sharing a little part of yourself with us, and I hope this phase of your life is all that you hope for. Thank you for stopping and reading, please come again soon.


one2recognize2 profile image

one2recognize2 6 years ago from New York

Wonderful Hub and know many that can benefit from reading this as well as many that need the true wake-up call. Just may share it with them. I know I was once an enabler myself, but had to wake up the hard way. Very well done fastfreda. =)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks one2recognize2 for stopping, reading and commenting. I guess a lot of us have found ourselves in the same situation, but woke up in the nick of time. Thanks for sharing a little of yourself with us. See you soon.


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 6 years ago from The English Midlands

Interestingly, my idea of 'enabling' is a very positive one.

When I was teaching and teacher-assisting, I felt that I was helping the students, not only to learn, but to learn how to learn, so that they became 'able' to do these things for themselves.

Thus, as an 'enabler', I felt that I was encouraging others to become 'able' and independent students.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

I do agree with your prospective on the idea of enabling also. However I was mainly focusing on the negative aspect of the word. Thanks so much for your input, perhaps I'll do a hub on the positive aspect sometime, good example. Thanks for taking time to read and comment. See you again.


Dorsi profile image

Dorsi 6 years ago from The San Francisco Bay Area

Wonderful advice. I am dealing with being a "co-dependent" and and an enabler myself. I always considered myself to have good self esteem but obviously have not got all that great of self-esteem to put up with what I've put up with. Now I am in the process of learning how to deal with my family in a healthier way. They aren't liking it, and it's hard, but necessary for my OWN mental health - and will be healthier for them too, although they don't see it that way right now. Wonderful hub, and I'm a fan!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Good for you Dorsi, looks like you're on the right track. Unfortunately sometimes it has to be number one and no one else. Stay on track and I wish the best for you. See you soon.


ptosis profile image

ptosis 6 years ago from Arizona

"dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate the problem."

You forgot to mentions 12-steppers......

http://hubpages.com/hub/AntiAA


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you ptosis for adding that link, and I'm going to go over read the article. Thanks for stopping and taking time to read and leave the comment. I'll be seeing you.


Mendel Potok 6 years ago

My counselor was an enabler, but only because I fed false anxieties for attention. It's up to us to make a change as well.


Glemoh101 profile image

Glemoh101 5 years ago

Thanks for this great hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Glemoh101 for stopping, please come back.


heavenbound5511 profile image

heavenbound5511 5 years ago from Under the shadow of the Almighty God!

Hi Fastfreta!

Great page with good advice!

I think we all have been guilty of enabling others to continue wrong behavior at some time, including me!

Thanks for sharing!

Voted up! Awesome & useful!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you so much heavenbound5511 for validating my hub, and for your wonderful comment. Please come back again.


Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 5 years ago from Maui and Arizona

Like heavenbound5511, I think we're all a little guilty of enabling sometimes or at least have been at some point. Here's an example....Oh, I'd better not give an example....too self-incriminating. But yes, I think you've given us much to think about even though when it comes to grandchildren, I don't think I can change. I always think the poor child is hard done by whether he or she is -- or not.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

You know Pamela, I agree, that's precisely why I wrote the article, because I am guilty at times of being an enabler. You're right about the grandchildren, oh the bane of being a grandmother. LOL!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Marvelous hub, FastFreda! I must admit, I have been guilty of being an enabler to my sister. I have been working hard on stopping this. I love her so much and still am plagued by childhood memories of her terrible abuse - I still want to protect her, as I couldn't as a child. BTW - can't seem to find your hub on antibiotics and candida.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks vocalcoach, I think a lot of us can sympathize with you on that. So sorry to hear of your sister's abuse, I hope she has recovered. Sorry you have had problems, the hub is entitled My Experience with Candida.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks vocalcoach, I think a lot of us can sympathize with you on that. So sorry to hear of your sister's abuse, I hope she has recovered. Sorry you have had problems, the hub is entitled My Experience with Candida.


Deanna 5 years ago

Freta, I think you would make a wonderful "Big Sister" through Big Brothers/Big Sisters.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Deanna, I might just look into that. Please come back and visit my hubs soon.


Miss Vee 5 years ago

I truly enjoyed reading your hub .I am an enabler,thank you for opening my eyes.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Miss Vee, a lot of us have a little of it in us. I'm glad you were able to reap some benefit from the article. Again thanks for stopping, hope to see you again.


will 4 years ago

I am starting a relationship and we are both enablers i like him a lot and enjoy spending time with him. Unfortunately we enable each other in to drinking, gambling, and sexual acts. Some of the issues that we both have an addiction for. I am not scared of him but scared of the signs that iam familiar about. We both dealt with various forms of rehab for two different reasons and we both just got out of very abusive relationships mine mental his physical and mental together. Aside from it all were not commuting to each-other but enjoying time spent and getting to know one another. At the same time realizing were damning to each other i am not even sure why i am posting my thoughts. But if you have any idea how to not enable each other in a negative and unsafe aspect i would like feed back.

thank you

Falk_q@hotmail.com


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Will, I am at a complete loss as to a solution to your problem. As you pointed out you both realize what's happening. So not being a trained therapist, I think I'll step off from this one, and recommend that you seek professional help. I hope you can get help with this.

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