Easy Ways for You to Become a Master Housefly-Assassin

This is the result you are after



To the Tibetan Buddhists who teach The First Precept in the Pali Canon--According to Theravadin teacher Bikkhu Bodhi, the word pana refers to breathing, or any living being that has breath and consciousness. This includes people and all animal life, including insects, but not include plant life. Bottom line: You teach killing of any living thing is wrong.

This piece will hurt your sensitive-feelings for I know that you do not go for killing any living thing no matter how big, how small, or how filthy or dangerous they are to our lives. And I respect that belief although I do not agree with all of what you believe.

Show that pesky fly this sign with your new ways to eliminate them from your life


This menace carries dangerous bacteria and germs


Don't let houseflies do this to you


What "I" believe

For instance. You teach that if we are bitten by a poisonous snake, it was permitted by Buddha, and we possibly deserved that snake bite and the untimely-death that follows. This is what tangles my thinking. Plus your doctrine doesn’t hold true when cancer cells are involved. You teach the same about cancer cells as you do the poison snake that bit us. We humans are not permitted to kill any living thing—plant, animal, cancer, or other humans.

Whatever works for you is all I can say. But if I see a poisonous snake lurking in the weeds about to strike at a family member or dear friend, I will, without malice or remorse, take the reptile’s life in a heartbeat. The God I know and serve, Jehovah God, teaches, “we” (mankind) are to subdue the earth and all animals are under our dominion,” that does include poison snakes. And Jesus, God Jehovah’s son taught while on earth, “It is better to preserve life than to take it,” which applies to productive-life, not turning a blind-eye to cancer cells which are living things that take innocent lives.

I thought of your teachings this very week, Tibetan Buddhists, when I was in my kitchen making myself something to eat, which none of the things I ate were living, so I am good in that way of thinking. I was aggravated by this one housefly that kept buzzing my food and that is one thing that makes me irate, so I tried my best to “take it out of the equation of life,” but failed.

Flies can create friction between you and your wife


Elimination of flies has been around for years


Back when I was stupid

Now in my time when I was younger and faster, I was a pretty-sharp hand at killing flies no matter the species—house flies, green flies, blow flies, horse flies and some time flies along the way. I didn’t like killing these complex insects, but it was either them or my sanity.

Some people waste a lot of time and energy trying to assassinate flies because they try to assassinate the speedy-insects, which by the way, carry dangerous germs and bacteria, that can lead to a serious illness or even death if we allow them to enter our bloodstream.

There is a right way and a wrong way to most all things in life. This principle also applies to killing flies. And yes, Tibetan Buddists, (you will like this), some ways are very humane. All in all, I think that killing flies is a personal choice that each of us must make when faced with other dangerous insects such as Black Widow spiders, scorpions, and mosquitoes that carry various diseases.

Kids, do not make friends with this "Filthy insect"


Sure we can stand still and let these vicious insects bite us and spread sickness and disease like a fertilizer-spreader that many commercial farmers use. Or we can be sensible and “be the smarter creation,” by prolonging our lives or the lives of our family and friends by just eliminating these pests.

This story is entitled, “Ways For You to Become a Master Housefly Assassin,” and it is of a serious nature. I want people who up until now, have tried the old, conventional manners of killing flies and failed, to read my story carefully and adapt some of these easy tips and use them the next time they are challenged by a housefly who thinks it is far more superior than a human being.

I say to you, about my new fly-killing methods


Conventional methods of fly-killing--some are ignorant, some dangerous

Running around like a wild man with an old fly swatter never worked then and will not work now
Running around like a wild man with an old fly swatter never worked then and will not work now | Source
Fly spray has dangerous chemicals and if they are inhaled too much, it might lead to a hospital visit
Fly spray has dangerous chemicals and if they are inhaled too much, it might lead to a hospital visit | Source
Fly strips are even more filthy when a few hundred dead flies get attached to it
Fly strips are even more filthy when a few hundred dead flies get attached to it | Source

Now don't you feel


With my methods, this will be "easy as drinking water" to you


Preface: I used to be one of the people who tried to kill flies by running wild smacking my furniture, photos, and the air itself trying my best to kill an annoying fly who was making him or herself at home. Man, did I look foolish. So what I am about to pass along is based on “my” own experiences in the field of insect elimination. (Kenneth).

DO NOT REACT – to houseflies like they are King Cobra’s. They are carriers of diseases and filthy germs, but they cannot administer a lethal dose of venom that can kill you in seven seconds as in the documented truths about King Cobra’s bite to the Bull Elephant. I suggest you first, sit down and think carefully and methodically about your adversary the housefly. The fly wants you to make a fool of yourself and take swings at it with rolled-up Sports Illustrated magazines, but if you react intelligently, you can overcome even the peskiest of houseflies.

ACT AS IF – the housefly is not even there to make your life miserable. Talk, even though you are alone. The fly is not that smart and will think that you think it is not flying around showing its nasty butt infecting your Cheez-It’s as it had a right to devour “your” food. Simply watch the fly out with your peripheral vision and with the flexible fly swatter held out of sight, walk slowly to where the fly has landed to get a rest then stand perfectly-still and with one quick smack, you succeed.

APPLY DELICIOUS – chicken skin to the palms of your hands. Flies love raw chicken. Keep your hands relaxed and open. Give the fly time to land to get a quick bite. Then clap your hands together as fast as possible. Odds are, you have killed another annoying insect. (Suggestion: Preferably, do this one when no one is home but you. Otherwise you will be considered an idiot).

RUB GRAPE JELLY – just a small amount, on a rubber fly swatter. Let “Mr. Housefly,” get carried-away enjoying his “sugar rush,” then smack the swatter against your marble or hardwood floor. At least the fly will leave this world on a full-stomach.

CARDBOARD ROLLS THAT HELD PAPER TOWELS – make excellent traps for unassuming houseflies. Put some nice-smelling food substance inside the roll, keep a good watch on the roll laying parallel to the kitchen counter and when the stupid fly ventures inside, simply cover each end with your hands and if you are into what the Tibetan Buddists teach, you can release the housefly outside to annoy someone else.

SODA IN THE BOTTOM – of a jar will work good as a “Fly Motel.” Houseflies love soda that is left out and turning to pure sugar. Put about a quarter-inch in the bottom of a mayonnaise jar and when the fly walks down the inside to get a quick swig, cap it quickly with the lid and bam! You have rid the world of another nuisance.

A MINIATURE BATTERY-POWERED FAN – you can hold in your hand may not kill the fly, but you will wear him out with those unpredictable air currents you will make with the fan. When he lands for a breather, simply walk over and “hit him out of the park,” with a thin piece of balsa wood.

Note: This last tip is not for everyone, just those of a bold nature and a “Don’t Care What People Think of Me” attitude.

Flies love to hang-out with other flies. So I would say that the ultimate in ways to kill flies is to design yourself a fly suit that will fit you to a “tee.” Smear sugary-substances on your hands and arms and when the one or several flies in your house see (with their thousands of eyes) another fly getting all of the treats (you will have to act like you are licking your hands, errrr, front legs), they will flock to land on you. And yes, when they are engrossed with the tasty sugary substances, “It’s Hammer Time.”

Note: flypaper, strips and sprays can be dangerous to you and your family due to the chemicals that are used to manufacture them, so with my easy ways to kill flies, you can help the Ozone layer, our water, air, and the life of yourself and your family.

Coming soon . . .”How to Make Friends in The Big City.”

Ladies, this will be you in your own "fly-free" home if you use my methods


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Comments 19 comments

QuoteAmber profile image

QuoteAmber 2 years ago from Earth

My mother left a compost bin on the front porch so there are dozens of nasty, disgusting flies buzzing around the house everywhere. My dog yesterday grabbed one he thought was dead and then put the thing on my lap, only to have the fly spring back to life. I don't like bugs, so I flipped. Bugs freak me out, so I don't know if I have the patience of the stomach to try some of these. I'll just add a little soap to a soda cup and leave it out for the flies.

Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 2 years ago from Upstate New York

Ken, love your humor. The second I see even one fly in our home I am on a mission. For myself, the fly swatter is the answer. I can't stand them...or mosquitoes. I do confess I put other bugs outside...I do not want to kill living things, but the fly and the mosquito have no chance if they are in our home. I agree they are filthy and germy. Voted up, interesting and funny. Blessings Sparklea :)

janderson99 profile image

janderson99 2 years ago from Australia on Planet Water

great hub

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Thank you for more ammo into my quill of arrows against the ugly ravenous swarm of pests. Yes I get all Zen but not when it comes to gross germs and deadly disease. I am warrior on flies.

(in the desert we are so bug free we hardly need screens of open windows)

Lisa Keatts profile image

Lisa Keatts 2 years ago from Virginia

Love your humor. I enjoy reading for Hubs. They are always so well written! Don't think I will go to the lengths in the article to get rid of flies. Thankfully I have a husband that will do all the crazy things needed to banish them from our home.

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sheilamyers 2 years ago

I just let my cat take care of the flies. He's sharp enough to see them before I do and stealthy enough to sneak up on them and kill them. That gets rid of the flies and allows the cat to practice his stalking and pouncing at the same time.

grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 2 years ago from Philippines

I hate flies. I love your hub. Very Zen with a Modernist twist. Either way, so long as the fly dies, I'm happy and all philosophies of murdering them are welcome.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

grand old lady (who is NOT old)

LOL. I do too really. I do not like the sight of them. They carry disease and germs.

Thanks so much for your sweet and uplifting comment.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

Wow, a cat trained to kill flies? You have such a great life. Why not do a hub about your cat with photos and everything?

I am serious. That sounds interesting to me.

And thanks for your comments.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Lisa,

Thanks so much for your comment. And no, you will not have to go any length of my tips since your hubby is a great bodyguard.

You are one blessed girl.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author


Very nicely-said. A fly-free zone. Hmmm, and not even related to a military-based topic.

You are certainly a master wordsmith. Thanks for your great comment.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author


Thank you from my heart. I appreciate you taking time to read my story and leave a comment.

Have a great day or night.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, QuoteAmber,

Thanks for your interesting comment. A compost heap on the porch? And your dog attached what he thought was a dead fly onto to have it spring back to life? Wow. What a great scene in a screenplay or theater production. I love it. Not the fly or torment they give you, but this comment.

And thanks for the advice about soap and soda.

And thank you for your friendship and following.

profile image

sheilamyers 2 years ago

Kenneth: "My cat the exterminator" - how does that sound for a hub title? I wrote it down and may get around to it one of these days. Thanks for the idea.

Kenneth Avery 2 years ago

Hi, sheilamyers . . .outstanding idea! Do it!

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Damian Hock 22 months ago from Barrow in Furness

Hey Kenneth, the top image of the fly isn't public domain, its my image and is available to license through Getty Images, just because its "on the internet" does not make it free to use. I suggest you remedy this immediately. http://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/photo/prettybo...

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author


I apologize sincerely.

I will take it down ASAP. Thanks for the correction.

And forgive my lack of judgement.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ Sheila Myers,

Hey, how are you? When will you publish a hub about your cat, "The Exterminator?"

Miss you.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

8:15 p.m., CDST


Fly photo is down.

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