Five Ways To Be A Better Citizen | The Admirable Art of Being Average

Average is the new black, it's so in right now...

There has been a disturbing trend in Western society over the past fifty years or so. It goes by the name 'Individuality'. It manifests itself as people wanting to get ahead. People fighting for their rights. People even going so far as to disagree with the government. It's an absolute shambles, it's an absolute shame and something needs to be done about it.

Mathematical theory states that the majority of any population simply must be average. Why not simply give into the math and become a happy part of the faceless masses? I bet you'll be glad you did. Here are a few tips for getting started.

Follow Trends

Trends are trends for a reason. If everyone around you decides to jump off a bridge, it's safest to assume that they have a good reason for it and that you should do it to. It's called bungee jumping, and you get a little certificate afterward and usually no whiplash whatsoever.

Don't Rock The Boat

Rocking the boat, also known as expressing dissent, or expressing something new is a terrible activity indulged in by bad people who don't understand the value of getting on. Society is like a big lump of glue, it requires everyone to stick together solidly, no matter what. When you get dissent, the lump begins to shatter, and everyone finds themselves standing amidst shards of jagged glass. Do you want everyone you know to bleed to death? Well do you? Then hush your mouth and watch another episode of American Idol, ooo isn't Simon Cowel a meanie!

Embrace The Daily Grind

It was good enough for your father, and your father's father, it should be good enough for you. The daily grind is how you earn your daily bread, and you should feel grateful for the opportunity to contribute to the wealth of your economic superiors. Knowing one's place in the world as a worker is a very commendable thing indeed.

Smile and Nod

Smiling and nodding will ingratiate you to most sectors of society. People love to be agreed with, so agree with them as often as you can. This applies especially to government organizations and the police. If you are ever put in the unfortunate position of having to make a decision that matters about such institutions (as in the case of an election), simply watch 30 second sound bite commercials and decide based on which one makes you feel more fuzzy in your tummy. If you no longer have any feelings, having been numbed by the never ending onslaught of shiny graphics and loud sounds, simply vote the way your neighbors are voting

Get Religion

Religion is an excellent way to sublimate your free will, abdicate all critical thought and buy into a rigorously enforced and arbitrary system of behavior which benefits only those in power. You will be rewarded socially for conforming to religious norms, and thought of well by your neighbors. You'll also get to sing songs and sometimes have pot luck dinners. You'll never have been happier.

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Comments 2 comments

panties4everyone 7 years ago

Haha. Awesome. Do you think it's possible to have a healthy combination of both individuality and collectivism?


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

No. Don't be crazy. That's madness. We should all act like a mass of jelly at all times.

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