Fun Things That Are Strictly Forbideen in Any Library

I wish that I had a librarian who looked like this woman
I wish that I had a librarian who looked like this woman | Source

These are not just books, but wisdom for the harvesting

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Our libraries: social fixtures

I don't know the exact number, but almost everyone has at one time or the other visited a library inside a school or a public library in their hometown. I am no exception. When I went through junior high, 1967 until my graduation from high school in 1972, I loved the library. I mean I loved going to this hallowed place in the school building alone or with friends.

Let's be honest. The library is not for everyone. I am no therapist or psychiatrist, but I actually witnessed people in my high school class cringe, squirm, then turn pale when the teacher announced, "you may now visit the library if you have research to do, return or check out a book or buy school supplies." Man, I loved those notebooks (for fifty-cents) adorned with a horse's head on the cover and pencils that cost 25 cents each.

I thought I was somebody strutting to a table in our library with a buddy or two to just see what we could get away with in our allotted library time.

Shelves of books about anything your heart desires
Shelves of books about anything your heart desires | Source
Barbara Eden was my librarian in my teenage fantasy
Barbara Eden was my librarian in my teenage fantasy | Source
Some libraries are as luxurious as office buildings
Some libraries are as luxurious as office buildings | Source
You can use computers in libraries today to do research for projects
You can use computers in libraries today to do research for projects | Source

Did you ever enjoy mischief with friends in your library?

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I confess

Here are only a few of the things "we" used to pull while our librarian, Mrs. Hilma Sargent, wife of then-principal, Joe Sargent, was busy logging books that had been turned in or checked out and other library tasks.

  • Making animal sounds from behind the "wall of safety," whatever book we could find.
  • Looking up sexual terms and looking at each other trying not to laugh.
  • Flirting with the older girls a grade higher than us who were working on writing assignments to be handed into their teachers.
  • Whispering our plans for that night or maybe the upcoming weekend.

I do not want to make our visits to our library seem as if they were a cakewalk. No. In fact, if we or anyone were caught doing the stupid things I listed above, we were immediately sent to the principal's office, and depending on the severity of the infraction, we were sent home, boarded by Mr. Sargent or expelled for a day. The library was a righteous place, my friends.

Before I give you my headline for this hub, I want to confess or share, whatever you choose, my all-time favorite "library fantasy": I would sit and dream of our librarian being Barbara Eden ("I Dream of Jeannie"), and I have to visit the library to research an important topic for a paper my teacher gave me to write.

As the number of students who were in the library working on something dwindled until it was only me and "Mrs. Eden," and the sexual tension was definitely in the air. I was nobody's fool. I was a junior high student. I knew the score. I was on "the" threshold of becoming a man. I even knew where I could score a couple of unfiltered Lucky Strikes for afterwards. Get my drift?

Without warning, "Mrs. Eden" walked up behind me and as she gently caressed my neck, asked, "say, for a junior high student, you sure look manly." I nodded in agreement, but returned not a word. I knew that she liked the shy type of guy.

I blush. Then thank her while frozen in a stare into her icy blue eyes. I would tell you the rest of my fantasy, but I have no intention of having my hub "flagged" by HubPages for crossing several perimeters that are forbidden to cross. But this I can tell you: "Mrs. Eden," and I ran away from my hometown after our first encounter and well, I wish I could tell you where we ended up.

A person could get lost in some libraries due to their size
A person could get lost in some libraries due to their size | Source
Anyone can enjoy the library if they know the rules
Anyone can enjoy the library if they know the rules | Source
Some people love the library so much that they fall asleep from reading so much
Some people love the library so much that they fall asleep from reading so much | Source
Ahhh, writing a term paper. Sure brings back memories for me
Ahhh, writing a term paper. Sure brings back memories for me | Source
Wow! What a pretty librarian
Wow! What a pretty librarian | Source
A stereotypical librarian
A stereotypical librarian | Source
Finding your book is easy if you know what to do.
Finding your book is easy if you know what to do. | Source
Another pretty librarian
Another pretty librarian | Source

Serious question: Do you think libraries are too strict?

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Welcome to

Fun Things That Are Strictly Forbidden in Any Library

Nudity - - in any form be it standing, sitting, or crawling on the floor. Nudity can be a terrible distraction to those who are deep into studying or working on projects that will help them better themselves.

Serpents, Dogs - - even cats are forbidden and banned from the library. Except for service dogs that aid the blind. But taking a snake or rabid dog into a library will get you banned as well as the animals.

Drinking Booze - - should not be listed here for everyone knows that although for some, boozing can be fun, but not inside the sanctuary of a library. What happens is a guy enters a library who has had a few too many, passes out and snores so loud others cannot read their books or do their research.

Smoking - - cigarettes, cigars, and "weed," needless to advise, is also forbidden inside a library. You see. The librarian might inhale the smoke from your "joint," get a "second hand high," put on a vintage LP of "The Who," (libraries as rule keep records on file) and binge out on snacks from the machines near the concession area.

Paint Ball - - contests are, hey, do you really think I need to tell you that this is not allowed in a library?

Singing - - no matter how talented you are may get you invited to sing the National Anthem at next Saturday's big baseball game, but will get you "Shhhhhh'd" big time by any librarian.

Doing Impressions - - of stars from "old" Hollywood such as E.G. Marshall, Paul Newman, or Julie Newmar, will not only cause a stir among other library visitors, but get you hauled to jail. Oh, you can do all of the Hollywood star impressions that you want while in jail. Unless you are beaten up by a gang of violence-driven guys.

Crawling - - on the linoleum floor to sneak upon a friend just to scare them will lead to you being scolded by the professional librarian. And he or she will go past the "Ssshhhhh'ing," straight to a harsh scolding.

Hiding Among - - the numerous shelves with books to avoid a person who annoys you for no reason is forbidden. Oh, you could stand very still in the dark corners and possibly get away with your hiding, but that chance is slim.

Coming Onto - - the pretty librarian and there are some out there, will get you arrested for sexual harassment. I know that it seems like you just cannot have any fun inside a library and you are right. Libraries are not "fun houses" you see at a carnival, but serious places of study.

Trying To Be - - like Channing Tatum in "Magic Mike," for the entertainment of the hot girls who might be reading their books is not allowed at all. I do not care even if you bear a strong resemblance to Tatum.

Eating - - food, no matter what it is, and drinking soda's, water, or anything liquid is not allowed because of the mess it produces and that awful smacking and slurping causes others to overlook important passages in the books that would have given them more self-esteem or a better grade if this is a school library.

Playing Radio's - - or other portable devices that produce music will get you in deep trouble with any librarian.

The Game of Tag - - is off limits anytime that the library is open.

Now you can enter any library in the cosmos and not get in trouble for doing things that you know now are forbidden.

Good night, Lincoln, Nebraska.

A must-see for all future library employees

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

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Comments 3 comments

Suhail and my dog profile image

Suhail and my dog 6 months ago from Mississauga, ON

Awesome article Ken! This sent me down the Memory Lane.

One of my University libraries in New York was extremely noisy (late 80s). It used to open all night long and students talking was kind of ignored. This led to a situation where students sat in groups and talked and studied in turns. I used to do with a group of my friends. One night, one of my friends dared me if I could talk to the students and tell them to keep quiet. He didn't expect what I would do next. Perhaps I had an extra dose of sugar myself. I shouted at the full volume.

"SHUT UP!"

My voice reverberated throughout the library floor and perhaps other floors too.

Everybody looked up.

My friends got shell shocked and to avoid questioning by others later, they looked more deeply into their books as if it wasn't anyone from their group who committed that gaffe.

There was a pin drop silence.

But for only 15 seconds at best.

First a few whispers, followed by some students asking each other what happened, and then the noise level went back to normal.

Everybody ignored my command as if nothing had happened.

We continued studying in that library on that particular night and many nights after.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Suhail and my dog,

Tremendous comment. In fact, your comment would make a great hub within itself. Why don't you write your own library episode?

I mean it.

I did enjoy your spine tingling adventure.

Take care and go in peace, my friend.

Kenneth


Suhail and my dog profile image

Suhail and my dog 5 months ago from Mississauga, ON

Thank you for the encouragement, Ken. I may just try it. Come to think of it, it was quite a daredevil adventure on my part lol.

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