Green Products are Making Me Sick

My wife recently got a job teaching. In our haste to paint her classroom we got paint all over the baseboards. We could not have this so I began using a razor blade and some scraping tools to remove the paint. This caused deep gouges in the rubbery material the baseboards were made from, so my wife made another trip to the near-by Wal-Mart to find a cleaning substance that would remove the paint without removing any of the rubber. The only thing she could find was “environmental friendly” cleaner that boasted of having “plant power.” Now, I am no master of the agricultural arts, but I can recognize bovine excrement when I see, smell, or step in it. Now this chemical did a fine job, but that is not my problem.

My first problem came as I read the directions and the warnings. Prolonged contact with the skin was a no-no. Hmmmm. Let’s see! This will effectively melt paint off a surface, and it will cause irritation if left on the skin. I am thinking if it is able to eat my skin off, then I am a little less concerned about what it does to the environment. I am also willing to bet the results of pouring this on the grass will not be so “environmentally friendly”. Maybe I can use this stuff to finally kill the two Mimosa trees on opposing corners of my house that keep coming up no matter how many times I whack them to pieces. Nothing else seems to kill them. I mean, come on, the stuff melts paint!

After I thought about it some more, another issue began to bother me. If this stuff boasts “plant power”, then that means someone killed a bunch of plants to make it. That is not very “environmentally friendly” if you ask me. This stuff is an environmental nightmare! Not only will it melt paint and skin, but someone killed oxygen-producing plants in order to make it! That’s right; in case you forgot (like Al Gore did) plants take in CO2 in order to produce oxygen in the photosynthesis process. I remember this from my fifth grade Science class. Al Gore should stay away from the “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” show. Who knew Jeff Foxworthy was more of an environmental genius than Al Gore? I somehow doubt that Jeff is making as much off his game show as Al is making from his movie Inconvenient Truth .

In other words, the basis this product is sold on is “bovine excrement”. By the way, bovine excrement is friendlier to the environment than this product; however, bovine excrement will not melt paint. It probably would not make you smell very good if you smeared it all over your hands, but it probably would not melt your skin off, either.

Now “environmentally friendly” joins other classic phrases that are useless, such as “undocumented worker”, “man-made disaster”, “global warming”, “man-made climate change”, “conservative democrat”, “liberal republican”, and “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”. We are being sold a lie, plain and simple. Once again my intelligence is being insulted by the “elitists”. It is starting to make me a little sick.

Comments 2 comments

L a d y f a c e profile image

L a d y f a c e 6 years ago from Canada

You had me at "Al Gore should stay away". The damage that people are doing to the environment in the name of the environment is complete bovine feces, as you say. I'm all for preserving the planet. All for keeping the earth wonderful and sparkly for future generations. What I'm not for is being forced into this crap that fame-seeking lunatics constantly come up with in order to a: get into the limelight, b: hope to go down in history as some sort of revolutionary, and c: have a whole new demographic at which to spew their propaganda and feel ever righteous.

!! .. I'm not a tin foil hat wearer, although it's sort of starting to sound that way lol. I'm just sick of this use-more-vehicles-that-pollute-the-air-to-come-collect-your-recyclables-and-take-them-to-a-facility-that-produces-more-pollution....to decrease pollution.

I love animals, love the earth, love nature, love everything about the natural world around me, and I'm sick of this "green movement". It's a load of crap to make people feel good.

( I never knew I was so angry about this. lol. Great hub!! Vote up for you)


jtcarr1164 profile image

jtcarr1164 6 years ago from Tueplo, Mississippi Author

Lady, what a great comment! Thank you. I shouldn't be making light of this subject; the agenda of our current administration is not for any of the purposes that you listed, unfortunately. It is a lot more involved than that. If you like what you read, stand by for more angry humor, though!

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