How to Never be Called For Jury Duty Again

The classic jury movie: 12 Angry Men

Source

Cast of this classic film (among others) are E.G. Marshall; Henry Fonda; Ed Begley; Jack Klugman and Henry Fonda.

There are three times a man

dreads to go to his mailbox. When he is sent a summons, when he is being sued for something he has long forgotten and the notice for him to report for jury duty.

I would be safe in saying that serving on a jury is one of the more-stressful things in life. It takes up a person's time. Depending on the jury, you are expected to make crucial decisions where some affect a human life. Even the less-dangerous juries take a chunk of time out of your busy life.

And honestly, there is no way out. Except in some jury trials, the district attorney will ask people who are being chosen for the jury if they know or are related to the defendant. Some will get out of jury duty simply because the defendant, a known felon, is their third cousin. But other than that, you are going to have to "tough it out," like the good American that you are.

What happens in the Jury Room:

  • Loud talking as jurors argue about the guilt or innocence of the defendant.
  • Plenty of sweating if there is no air conditioning in the jury room.
  • Food has to be sent into the jury. You cannot go eat where you please.
  • An armed-guard watches over the jury room. No friends or family allowed inside.
  • In some cases, if the jury is sequestered, the jurors have to stay in a motel and not at their homes.
  • Some juries argue for days, weeks, to arrive at a sensible verdict.

More action-packed jury scenes

A witness is sworn-in to testify for either the prosecution or defense.
A witness is sworn-in to testify for either the prosecution or defense. | Source
The court bailiff hands the judge the verdict that the jury has reached.
The court bailiff hands the judge the verdict that the jury has reached. | Source
A judge addresses a jury about certain facts of the upcoming trial.
A judge addresses a jury about certain facts of the upcoming trial. | Source
The jury foreman speaks to the judge about the verdict the jury has reached.
The jury foreman speaks to the judge about the verdict the jury has reached. | Source
Roxy Hart, right, played by Phyllis Havel, begs the jury for life as her attorney, Flynn looks on. This is a scene from a classic film, "Chicago 1927."
Roxy Hart, right, played by Phyllis Havel, begs the jury for life as her attorney, Flynn looks on. This is a scene from a classic film, "Chicago 1927." | Source
A typical jury in 2014.
A typical jury in 2014. | Source

But here are some ways you

CAN GET OUT OF SERVING ON A JURY:

  1. Drink some mixture such as hot water and salt as you head to the courtroom. This mixture induces vomiting and if you are ailing, you cannot serve on a jury.
  2. Be rebellious; talk loud to people in the courthouse. Ask smart alec questions to the police such as, "Got any spare doughnuts?" The defense attorney and prosecuting attorney will instantly label you as a troublemaker.
  3. Act clumsy. Fall on purpose in front of the judge. Naturally he will ask if you are okay. You painfully-answer no while holding your knee with a grimace on your face. No jury duty for you today. Maybe not at all.
  4. Flirt continuously with the pretty women who are there to serve on a jury. And if you want fast results, go too far and make improper advances to women. This will get you slapped by the offended woman and possibly arrested. You cannot serve on a jury while serving a jail sentence.
  5. Talk to yourself. All of the time. Take off your hat and talk to an invisible hamster who lives in your derby. The judge and attorneys will rule you stupid and having no real sense and send you home.
  6. When the attorneys ask you if you are related to the defendant, you say, "I cannot answer that because I need the extra bucks I get for jury duty," or this one: "Why do you need to know?" You will create so much anger you will be dismissed from the jury.
  7. Act like you know more than the attorneys. Tell the judge in front of everyone, "If you like, I will volunteer to help you speed--up this trial and give you the benefit of my law experience."
  8. Yell, "Watch this, folks," and run as hard and fast as you can and jump over the railing that separates the audience from the attorneys. Then say, "Not bad, eh?"
  9. To really make people angry at you, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!" Of course the judge and attorneys will wonder why you are so anxious to serve on a jury and leave you alone. They figure that no one really wants to be picked for jury duty.
  10. Wear shorts and a tank-top with a baseball cap to court and by doing this, you will be thought of as not too smart and not chosen for a jury.
  11. Act like you are forgetful when asked any question by anyone. No attorney wants a forgetful juror on the jury.


SPECIAL NOTICE:


You and I both know that these "tips" to get you out of jury duty are purely of a comical nature and not to be taken seriously.

Jury Duty is a civic duty we have in this country and it is a direct-link to the Right to a Speedy Trial Guaranteed by Law under a Democratic Government.

Truthfully, no one really likes jury duty, but what would our society be without juries and a fair trial?:

And as always, I would like to say,

"Thank YOU,"

for taking time from your life to read this special hub that I loved writing for the entertainment of my VALUED-FOLLOWERS.

Kenneth

Jury in the Bruno Richard Hauptmann trial

Source

Jury for the trial of Bruno Richard Hauptmann, who were charged with kidnapping and murdering Charles A. Lindbergh Jr., son of the famous aviator Charles Lindbergh. Jury members, at Hunterdon County Courthouse in Flemington, New Jersey, are: Left to right, front row: George Voorhees, Mrs. Ethel Stockton, Charles F. Snyder, Verna Snyder, Mrs. Rose Pill, and foreman Charles Walton, Sr. Back row: Robert Cravath, Elmer Smith, Philip Hockenbury, Mrs. Mary Brelsford, Liscom C. Case and Howard Biggs.

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Comments 16 comments

sheilamyers 2 years ago

Can you say contempt? Unless they really do think you're crazy, doing any of those things are likely to end up in a fine and/or a night in jail. But they are hilarious. My one and only time I got a notice to report for jury duty, I sat in the area where they have you wait until they need a group to choose from and never did get called. I got halfway through an excellent novel and a paid day off from work without being charged a vacation day.


macteacher profile image

macteacher 2 years ago from New York

I hope your advice works. I just got some nosy form from the district court asking questions I don't want to answer. I feel a summons to jury duty coming on soon. Ugh. Thanks for the amusing hub. :-)


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 2 years ago from the South

A friend of mine says she tells them that she believes people are guilty until proven innocent. That she feels they need to know this (and she actually means it). This seems to work.

I hate to disagree, but having them think you aren't too bright might get you ON the jury instead of off!

Funny ideas!


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

LOL Civic duty or not, it is about as popular as having a root canal procedure at the dentist's office!

Also, these days, the system does not seem to function to well. Instead of a "jury of your peers," it is more about the legal counsel; in other words, you get all the "justice" you can afford to buy...witness the infamous O.J. Simpson trial, or the slap on the wrist "jail time" served by Bernie Madoff.

My husband is disabled, and cannot serve; I am his full-time caretaker, and get an exemption on that basis. But in the past, what my husband would say was, "I do not believe and cannot trust anything an attorney says, especially the D.A." He would be dismissed summarily from service.

I was only called up once, myself, and at the time, I did have a cold. I got as far as being seated in the jury box where the judge questions the prospective jurors as to whether or not they could "give a fair and unbiased verdict," to which I answered, "no." The rest of the conversation went like this:

"Why not?" the judge asked.

"Because I have a cold, I'm stuffed up, and it's affecting my hearing and ability to concentrate."

"Are you telling me you are sick?"

"Yes."

"Well, you are excused. We don't want you getting the other jurors sick."

Voted up and funny.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

This is the comic relief needed to link to my hub on jury duty. I think its called guilty or not. Link should be up soon if you don't mind.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sheila,

Ooops. No, I didn't consider contempt. Like the old gag:

Judge: I hold you in contempt.

Juror: Well now, I do not think that much of you either.

Guess it don't work like it does in old Marx Bros. movies, eh?

Thanks for the advice, my friend. And the comment.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, macteacher,

Thank you for your nice comments on this hub. That would annoy anyone--someone in some government office poking-around in places they need not poke.

I am in agreement with you.

Your friend, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Catgypsy (love typing your name)

I never thought of being not bright would land you on the jury. No harm. No foul. You are right though considering juries these days.

Thanks for the insight.

Kiss your little one's for me.

Love, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, DzyMsLizzy,

Hilarious comment. You need to write scripts for theater or sitcoms.

Thank you for the sharing and the sweet comments.

Exchanges between judges and protesting jurors make for the best scripts.

Come back anytime and talk to me.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Tirelesstraveler,

I am so humbled by your hub about "Guilty or Not." I loved it. And your mention of me at the bottom, I was stunned, but happy.

A humble thank you, tirelesstraveler.

Thanks for being my friend and follower--in that order.

Come back soon.

Kenneth


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

If only I had this advice last year!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, teaches12345,

I am so sorry. I have always had bad-timing. May I can make it up to you by writing a hub entitled, "Honoring America's Real Heroes: The Jurors"

Would that help?


Au fait profile image

Au fait 2 years ago from North Texas

I served on a jury about 1o years ago and I've just recently received a jury summons for the end of this month. It is time consuming and not my favorite thing to do.

If you really want to avoid jury duty, just tell the judge that you are not of good character. You will be questioned as to why you believe that to be the case and it will be documented of course. Then you will be excused.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Au fait,

I never thought of that. Great idea. That is some creative thinking. Thanks for the visit and come back soon.


Sanxuary 2 years ago

These are pretty good and suddenly I realize why so many odd people show up during selection.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Sanxuary,

Thank you for the comment and you know what? You may be right. Come back to visit anytime. You never know what you will find when you show up in my "court."

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