I Hope to be Recincarnated as a Private Eye

Humphrey Bogart as "Sam Spade."
Humphrey Bogart as "Sam Spade." | Source

It's very simple

my wanting to be incarnated as a private investigator. And anyone, man, woman, or beast, should understand why I have this yearning to be a P.I.

I won't bore you with chit-chat. I am just going to "spill the beans" and let you judge me for my choice.

Reasons why "I" want to be a private eye

  • Pretty women as clients. I have never watched any vintage movie with "Bogie," or any rough and tumble-type of guy who worked as a P.I. who didn't have a beautiful divorcee as his client. Instant-companionship. A pretty good reason to be a P.I.
  • Staying up late. Yes, the private eye's I have watched never keep a 9 to 5 schedule. These dedicated guys get paid by the day and they want to do their clients a good job, so many times they have to go on a "stake out," to study their client as well as the thugs causing her trouble.
  • Personal appearance. Private eyes seldom shave or shower unless their pretty girl clients ask them to escort them to a private club for some "r and r" (e.g.) dancing, champagne, and relaxing while sharing intimate facts about each other's lives.
  • Hard-drinking. Sam Spade, Don Diamond, and the "old school" private eye's drank hard liquor on a frequent basis. For a quick pick-me-up, they all had a pint of whiskey stashed in their desks so they could get a "shot" before going back on the trail of the pretty girl criminal who was threatening their pretty girl client.

______________________________________

William Hopper played "Paul Drake," P.I., who worked for super-lawyer, "Perry Mason."
William Hopper played "Paul Drake," P.I., who worked for super-lawyer, "Perry Mason." | Source

My choice for

"the" consummate private detective would have to be William Hopper, who was famous for his role as, "Paul Drake," who made big bucks working for the super-lawyer, "Perry Mason."

For Drake's day, Hollywood did an outstanding job of building and molding "Drake," as a "man's man," cigarette-smoking, women-chasing, liquor-guzzling man about town. What a cover to keep thugs from knowing what he did for al living. And while he was tracking a would-be criminal for Mason, just look at the great time Drake had with the blonds, brunettes at the clubs he frequented to get the necessary facts about the thug he was chasing from several bartenders who were good friends of "Drake," for the many favors he had done them over the years.

I'd like to be like "Paul Drake" for the following reasons:

  • Good-looking. No woman could say no to his tough, great-built P.I> He knew how to handle himself in tough situations and most pretty girls love that in a man.
  • Confident. Watch any Perry Mason where "Paul Drake" has a part and you will soon see just how he takes over any room he enters by just speaking. No other man on television with the exception of James Arness "Matt Dillon," had that type of confidence.
  • Drove a convertible. This was the sign that "Paul Drake" was hip, cool, and knew his way around the scene. Pretty girls, clients or not, loved to let their long blond hair fly in the wind as "Drake" drove them down a secluded beach at midnight--of course to gather needed-facts to help "Perry Mason," with a serious case he was working on.
  • Smoked. Cigarettes without asking if anyone minded. Smoking cigarettes was the mark of a seasoned-private eye. But I do not smoke, nor do I condone smoking in this hub.

______________________________________

Oriental sleuth, Charlie Chan.
Oriental sleuth, Charlie Chan. | Source

For a high I.Q.

in a private eye, I wouldn't mind being the great Oriental sleuth, "Charlie Chan."

I have watched all of his movies--spellbound as he and his "Number One son," got involved with numerous shady characters and it looked to me like "Chan" was a goner, but all of a sudden, he was calling the shots to the amazement of "Number One son."

Reasons why I cannot be another "Charlie Chan":

  • Cool and calm. This was "Charlie Chan." He never lost his cool no matter how many were shooting at him. He stood firm, quiet, and on top of the case. I am not like this. I get flustered way too easy and apt to panic if a bullet whizzes by my ear.
  • Sharp-dressed. "Charlie Chan," never investigated any case in a t-shirt and flip-flops. He represented style, class and respect not just for the client, but for himself and his lovely homeland.
  • Precise. Can easily describe "Charlie Chan's" method of investigation. Whereas "Number One" son was bumbling and running-off at the mouth and excited at seeing a woman in some upper-window undressing, "Charlie Chan" was unmoved, calculating, and always finding the guilty parties.

I was worried about having to speak Chinese as "Chan," but in the reincarnation process, anything is possible.

______________________________________

Honorable mention private eye's

Tom Selleck as "Magnum, P.I."
Tom Selleck as "Magnum, P.I." | Source
James Garner as "Jim Rockford," on "The Rockford Files."
James Garner as "Jim Rockford," on "The Rockford Files." | Source
Petr Falk, "Columbo."
Petr Falk, "Columbo." | Source
"Sherlock Holmes," with "Dr. Watson."
"Sherlock Holmes," with "Dr. Watson." | Source
Simon Baker, "The Mentalist."
Simon Baker, "The Mentalist." | Source

You know how I feel

about slackers who live off of others, so I will not go into lengthy-detail to tell you the "only" television P.I., I wouldn't want to be: Tom Selleck who starred on "Magnum, P.I.," on CBS in the 80's. He was too lazy and sometimes to lax in getting the job done. Unlike his predecessors, "Magnum" loved to party with his Vietnam vet buddies, "Rick," and "T.C.," while beating "Higgins," the curator of author, "Robin Masters," mansion where he lived. Another reason I do not want to come back as "Magnum," is because I do not look good in moustache.

Now I could get used to

coming back to this life as James Garner who starred as "Jim Rockford," on NBC's "Rockford Files." "Rockford," a single guy, ex-Los Angeles police officer, living in a mobile home with his retired-cop dad, Noah Berry, was destined for greatness. And Garner played the part of "Rockford" perfectly. His laid-back lifestyle was not as obvious as that of "Magnum," Although he always caught or uncovered the crooks, he was seldom happy when he was a winner. I love winning and would share my good feelings with friends. On second thought, coming back as "Rockford," I do not think so.

I loved

Peter Falk as "Columbo." From his wrinkled raincoat to his stub of a cigar. Falk didn't just play "Columbo," he "was" Lt. Columbo."

Here are my reasons for liking "Columbo"

  • His investigating style confused the witnesses into telling him with their nervous-actions that they knew more than they let on.
  • He always mentioned his wife no matter what the case. This was a nice touch.
  • He never demanded respect from the lower-ranking officers. "Columbo" did his job and that was that.

For me living a second lifetime as "Columbo," is not exciting to me. "Columbo," was too slow and methodical for my part.

If I am doing a job, I like to get it done and either go home or relax.

My last two honorable mentions

"Sherlock Holmes," the legendary, even fabled investigator or back then he was an inspector who worked for Scotland Yard, "the" most-prestigious law enforcement agency in the world. and

"Patrick Jayne," "The Mentalist," played by Simon Baker.

Of the two characters, "Holmes," is "the" true investigator through and through while "Jayne," is simply an overly-keen observer of people in and around cases he helps to solve.

"Sherlock Holmes," has been portrayed numerous times on stage and screen by many acclaimed actors, and probably will continue as long as there is crime to be investigated, but sadly, the adventures of "Patrick Jayne," will only be seen on DVD's and television networks like USA and TNT.

I didn't know that choosing whom we want to be was so tough when we are reincarnated, but I have narrowed my choice for private eye down to one . . .and I bet you cannot guess whom I chose?

I would tell you but, "Ahhh, so. I have publishing to do. Excuse please."

More by this Author


Comments 10 comments

MG Singh profile image

MG Singh 2 years ago from Singapore

Reincarnation is the bedrock of Hindu thought. Nice idea, though I never thought of what I would like to be reincarnated as.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

Ken, you're really on a roll these days, writing-wise. Kudos for becoming so prolific, and I hope that means you're feeling better. When I get a free day, I'm going to catch up with your many new hubs. In the meantime, I enjoyed this one.

The PIs you showcased are also some of my favorites. I can recall begging to stay up an extra hour past my weeknight bedtime and watch Charlie Chan when I was in middle school. I still catch his oldies on Netflix occasionally for a nostalgic replay.

Voted Up++

Jaye


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

When I was a bout seven to eight years old my mother told me after the death of someone in our Indian culture they would know what that person would be in reincarnation and I did not believe it so young I did not think much of reincarnation. It is amazing how one thinks and with belief remains a mystery to me. An interesting hub though have not given it much thought.


easylearningweb profile image

easylearningweb 2 years ago

Interesting hub and something to think about. I noticed your image source is Corbisimages.com. I use istockphoto a lot and then for free images, I use commons Wikimedia org. How would you rate Corbis images and are there any free ones or are they all costly?


sheilamyers 2 years ago

If reincarnation is real, I hope your dreams come true and you get a chance to be that cool and suave PI. Of those you listed, I like Columbo and Patrick Jayne the best.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, MG Singh,

Thank you so much for your warm comments. I appreciate your input and yes, the Hindu life is centered around reincarnation, but I do not think that we will come back as a tree or cow.

I mean no offense.

Just I think that after this life, if we treat each other with love and respect, God will reward.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Jaye,

It is so nice to read you again. And my sincere thanks to you for the supportive words of encouragement, but sadly, I am not getting better. Doctors say that this Fibromyalgia, Neurothopy and Thrombosclororis, is not going to be cured.

What I am doing is writing all the hubs I can and make some extra money and I can take a few days off and rest.

I love writing hubs. They keep my mind occupied and like I always say, I have the BEST followers on HP.

Thanks, Jaye.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, DDE,

This, pretty much, is comedy. Although if there is anything to reincarnation, I would love to be a tough P.I. just so some lonely blond with lots of money and a fast car would fall and love with me and I could quit the P.I. game.

Does that make sense?

Thank you for all of your comments.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, easylearningweb,

I like Getty Images as a rule. Corbis does have a few free samples, but to get to the real good ones, you have to sign in and pay something. I only use Corbis when I am pushed for time.

I like PhotoStock too and PhotoBucket.

Thank you so much for your input.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Sheila,

I agree. Columbo was super-cool and smart. Jayne is also, but in that quiet, social way.

I appreciate you very much.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working