Coast Your Way to Better Gas Mileage

ENJOY THE RIDE!

COAST, DADDY, COAST!  KANSAS CITY STYLE!
COAST, DADDY, COAST! KANSAS CITY STYLE!

CHOKING ON FUMES AND HIGH GAS PRICES

 

The high cost of gas has America in a choke hold and it's slowly killing us.

As the exhaust fumes rise in all their global-warming ecstasy, the average Joe's paycheck shrivels from the stink.

Americans need lower gas prices. Period. The question is how?

How can the everyday, lunch toting, button down t-shirt wearing, and business casual wannabe lower their cost at the pump? Well, all I gotta say is this... Coast, daddy, coast.

LET'S STOP THE DANCING!

Can you see them? All those big oil execs prancing like drunken fairies with their gazillion trillion dollar payouts. I say, let's put the hammer down. Let's stop the dancing!

Good grief, we must take a stand (or at least a few stools) with these guys.

Yeah, yeah, yada, yada, I know. We Americans love our sweet crude as much as the next superpower. But as I hear them frolick and dance; that bastion of big oil mucky mucks singing..... I have a gazillion... I have a trillion... I have the mosty-most gazillion trillion, ... my blood thickens.

Can you hear them too? AGGGGGHHHH!

Well I'm sorry. This "fuel crisis" is beginning to scrape a nerve; not to mention a few other body parts. And I suppose my pain would be less if these slicksters could actually feel pain.

Look at the numbers. How much money does one person need to grab at the expense of his fellow brother American? I don't know. Maybe we could ask some "unemployed" Exxon guys what they're doing with their $98 million.

Off with the show!

TAKE A FREE RIDE!

WHEEEEEE, THERE'S NO OIL ON THESE HANDS!
WHEEEEEE, THERE'S NO OIL ON THESE HANDS!

WELCOME! YOU ARE NOW ENTERING MANTRACOA

In blatant response to such financial disparity and outright insanity, I hereby declare myself as president, king, czar, ruler, pharaoh, head shaman, and indisputable omniscient overseer of the sovereign MANTRACOA nation. (as in, the MANual TRAnsmission Coasters Of America).

Not to be confused with the pre-Columbian Indian tribe, the MANTRACOW. (But that's another hub entirely)... Any takers?

And although MANTRACOA nation is a gated community, we still need leaders. Right?

So, as our leader, I propose a slogan...

Coast, daddy, coast.

A COASTING DREAM!
A COASTING DREAM!

Yes, our mantra in MANTRACOA is coasting.

Coast to stops, coast downhill, coast on ramps, coast to uncle Phil's, coast into driveways, coast next to pools, coast all day, coast until you drool. Coast here, coast there, coast, coast everywhere.... You get the drift.

But what's the cost for all this coasting? (Disregarding the annoying stares from a few gas-pedal-pushers) Well, the answer is nothing. Unless you call an average INCREASE in gas mileage of 15% a cost.

That's cold, hard, lovingly-saved cash deposited by way of our casual coasting fraternity. Yes indeed, living in MANTRACOA has its privileges. And saving money on gas is only the beginning.

You see. There are no taxes in MANTRACOA either. Nor are their speed limits, age requirements, bloodlettings, hearing tests, eyeball checks, bone density scans, next of kin forfeitures, or even stool samples. We're saving those for the slickys remember?

The borders are invisible and we have our own currency, the HIGHER MPG.

Right now, the exchange rate is rather favorable. It seems a lot of people are clamoring for them. I say. Buy now.

Yes indeed, life is good in MANTRACOA.

Come stay for awhile. The air is fine and the regulations are singular. As in, there's only one rule. (See DISCLAIMER)

It's up to you. Just keep on coasting until your coasting class is learned.

Go ahead. Take your time. Experiment. Know when to coast and when not to. That's part of the beauty. Soak it all in. Be a coaster. Practice, practice, practice.

So keep your head in the game, your hands on the wheel, and the HIGHER MPGs in your wallet. They like it in there.

All I can say is this. Living in MANTRACOA is fun for the whole family. Our kids are lovin' it. They talk the talk and jangle the lingo. It's great fun listening to their echoed chants of coast, daddy, coast; sometimes inappropriate (See DISCLAIMER) but nonetheless entertaining.

Lift the pedal up and put the hammer down... Coast, daddy, coast.

Hey, I'm coasting past the Coastal. Wahoo!

DISCLAIMERS...

  • All references to coasting are purely isolated to personal experience and all results are thus rendered non-scientific. Alternative results from your coasting may vary depending upon weather conditions, certain traffic laws, litter, road kill, orange barrels, construction cones, and or specific unmentionable passengers.
  • Please DO NOT COAST on the highway. That's All.

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Comments 9 comments

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

A very entertaining hub.


Premium Websites profile image

Premium Websites 8 years ago from Vancouver, WA

What are the AT's to do? Oh yah they have nutral.


amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut

LOL! Rob, I love this! So entertaining and practical.:) I am a skilled coaster myself (have been for years) because I have an awful habit of forgetting to fill up...now I will coast for a better purpose!


robie2 profile image

robie2 8 years ago from Central New Jersey

Ohgosh I love this--and I'm with you all the way<coasting coasting> Big thumbs up!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Where is this place again? I want to live there too...hee hee  you are so sweet and so practical..I shall join the coast baby coast  club...Thanks  G-Ma :o) hugs


glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 8 years ago from Northern California

I can't believe you haven't gotten more comments for this Hub. I love the way it's written, how MANTRACOA is a place with its own characteristics. And I love the roller coaster pics :)


Rob Jundt profile image

Rob Jundt 8 years ago from Midwest USA Author

Hello everyone and thanks for coasting on by. This is mainly a vent needing air. I appreciate all your kind comments.

In all seriousness, the cost of fuel in this country is downright obscene and we must do what we can. I really have gotten the knack of coasting and it really has saved me about 15% at the pump. You just have to be responsible about it and learn where and when to coast. For example, our regular trip into Martin City for shopping or whatever is about 3 miles each way. I figured out that the entire round trip can be coasted 3.4 miles total. Not too bad. There are other examples as well but you all get the drift.

I'm thinking about doing a similar hub on ATs but it's been so long since I've driven one I'd have to do 3rd party research. Any takers?


dafla 8 years ago

Before my car died and I started walking and bussing everywhere, I would leave 15 minutes early, get in the slow lane, and drive the speed limit. People got pissed, but hey, I'm in the slow lane! I really ticked them off when I coasted to red lights. I never have understood why people are in such a big hurry to get to red lights.


thefount profile image

thefount 7 years ago from North Central Louisiana

I know it's been a while since you've written this, but it's my first time reading it and I laughed out loud several times - really enjoyed it! 

And your advice is excellent - reminds me of the good ol days (at least for me, shortly after the oil crisis of the 70's) when driver's ed was still taught in high school: COASTING is the same good advice we were originally taught that most drivers of today seem oblivious to.

I have an older ('93) F-150 that's got a manual tranny, and when I went to buy a new truck, I found out they don't even offer the manuals anymore - so I opted to keep my 'antique' and restore her - all 'cuz I love to coast!  And if my starter goes out (which it has before), all I have to do is push her down the road a little, jump in and pop that clutch!

And even though the leadfoots out there get mad at me, another way I save big on gas is to drive 60 mph even if the speed limit is 70 and everybody else is doing 80!  Thanks for writing this inspiring hub!

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