Jealousy Is Rottenness to the Bones Part III
Let's recap the first two parts. Briefly, the definition in a nutshell. Jealousy is an emotion, and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Finally jealousy is intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness, hostile toward a rival, or one believed to enjoy an advantage, distrustfully watchful.
In trying to put a real face to jealousy, I concocted a series of scenarios with different characters, showing how jealousy can be defined in certain situations. Of course, I could not feature every situation where there is jealousy, but I tried to do a good cross section of occasions where one could find it.
Our cast of characters are as follows: Suspicious Sam, and his wife Innocent Irene, Little Bad Bobby, and his Sweet Sister Suzy, Wanna Be Model Mother Mary, and Model Daughter Daisy. Also, we have workmates, Diligent Danny, and Slacker Steve, Best Athlete Adam, and rival Second Best Brian, Good Son George, and Jealous Dad Jack. Finally we have "good" friends, I Got The Best Betsy, and I Could Care Less Carrie, Nasty Neighbor Ned, and Kind Hearted Ken.
I won't pretend with these hubs, that I can effect a change in anyone with this particular proclivity. However, if just one person gives a modicum of thought to something that they read, and just maybe, think seriously about their actions, then I will get some satisfaction. Even if it's just entertainment, oh well, I'm okay too.
As stated in part one of the sequel, jealousy can be found in all relationships. In familial relationships, which would include, spousal, sibling, and parental. It can also be found in the workplace, the recreational arena, which would include, sports, school playgrounds, etc. Also it can be found among friends, neighbors, and others. Any situation where two people come together can spark jealousy. With each of these situations, what could have been done, by either or both
parties. In most cases of course counseling is needed. But let's
pretend that it's a perfect world and that what we try will work. Now let's begin.
In Sam and Irene's case, Suspicious Sam could take into consideration that Innocent Irene might be as innocent as she says and, if he continues to accuse her and his jealousy continues unchecked, he just might find his suspicions coming true. For instance, a situation could occur where Irene needs to vent and it might just be to one of his friends or a male neighbor. Of course these friends, etc, could mistake Irene's need to vent as an opportunity to enter her life in a way that would be detrimental to all . So Sam could try giving Irene no need to look elsewhere for consolation. One way that he could do this is give Innocent Irene room to breath, not always checking up on her. Trust that Irene is devoted only to him, and that whenever she speaks to someone, either man or woman, that she's just being the beautiful sweetheart that he was attracted to from the beginning.
Now what about Irene being the jealous one. She might try looking inward, could she just have low self esteem? She could do something to shore up her self esteem, maybe take on a new look, one that could cause others to take notice of her. Maybe, new hair style, new wardrobe, weight change, (lose, or gain weight). Sometimes just taking on a new attitude could make a difference. She should consider that friends are very hard to come by, in this "its all about me world," she should be careful not to alienate them for a man,(sorry guys), one that she might just drive away, by her jealousy, anyway, then where would she be? For one thing, Irene should take a good look at her man, just because she chose him, not everyone has the same taste in men, (I'm just saying). Albeit he might just be Prince Charming in her eyes of love, but he might be a Toad in someone else eyes. But to be fair, maybe a Toad is the choice of some and Prince Charming does not appeal to all. But let's just say that he has a certain appeal to lots of women, but, hasn't he shown her that he's not interested in anyone but her. In other words, in the vernacular of today, she should just "chill out."
With Little Bad Bobby, and his Sweet Sister Suzy, the problem could have begun with the parents. Now wait a minute, they said that they always tried to treat each one equally, but could it have begun with the way they began their parenthood? Were they overindulgent with Bobby when he was an only child? Picture this. Bobby, as a toddler in Kmart, with mother, during her weekly shopping. Bobby impatiently pulls mother towards the toy department, (keep in mind that Bobby has a room dedicated to his toys, and needs no more toys). Mother is determined not to give in this time. But as usual, Little Bad Bobby lives up to his name, he screams, hollers, and generally makes a scene, until mother as always gives in and guess what, because he has so many toys, he gets a duplicate of one that he already has. It's only when they get home do they find out that it is a duplicate, and it goes in the room with all the rest. Can you say power struggle. This not only happens with mother, father is equally permissive.
Well when Suzy came along she was not demanding, nor competitive. But Bobby has been allowed to have his way, and he's determined not to change. Small children are molded by their surroundings, parents, circumstances, etc. So the parents could have been better disciplinarians or more disciplined themselves and taken control of the situation while Bobby was a small child. Yet they took the easy way out and gave in to his every whim. You know, those "TV Nanny shows," prove that you can even change well entrenched behavior of children with effort, discipline, and perseverance. So if one is unsure about how to go about changing a bad behavior, maybe these shows are a start. Now I'm not pretending that the answer is that simple, but don't you think that it's worth a try, (I'm just saying).
Looking at the situation with Wanna Be Model Mother Mary and Model Daughter Daisy, this situation could have been avoided, if Mary had realized, unfortunately, that this world is geared toward the young, and rightly so in some professions. Of course there is nothing wrong with Mary wanting to be a model. Because today there is a place for us older girls in the world of modeling. Well, not me of course. LOL! But beautiful Wanna Be Model Mother Mary is in her forties, and Model Daughter Daisy barely broke 20. We all know that high fashion modeling peaks somewhere around the twenties. But the jobs for forty something are not the ones that Mary wants, she still feels, in her head, that she looks as good as the twenty somethings. However the top modeling jobs only goes to the twenty somethings.
Well, the job that Model Daughter Daisy is up for today, is the coveted Annual Swim suit model issue of Sports Illustrated, and we all know, that this one only goes to the "babies." Oh, Mary had her shot at that issue once, but the spot went to Tyra Banks, and Mary has never been able to stop thinking that she should have gotten that spot. Now that Daisy is where Mary was, she thinks "in her head," that she too can compete. What does Mary do? She sets out to try to sabotage Daisy's chance..............blinded by that green eyed monster. (Oh, stop Freta, you're on a tangent again). Anyway, what Mary should have done, early on in her career as a mother, is nurtured, protected and loved Daisy and not competed with her. Mary had her chance at that particular spot once, and it probably only comes around for one model, once. Mary should accept that she is past the time in her life that she can compete with the younger girls, and accept the her station in life now, which by all accounts is still pretty good.
Our roles as mothers are not competitors, but as nurturers, protectors and the like. So if we accept our roles graciously, we will, in cases like these, look at our children in a different light, which is what Mary should have done.
Oh yes, we did add Good Son George an his Jealous Dad Jack. Now, Good Son George was good for a reason. Jealous Dad Jack did try to raise him right, however he has never been able to get over the fact that George, "came between him and his wife." That wasn't really the case, but Jack always thought it to be so. His wife has always had enough love to go around, but not only was Jack jealous he was also possessive. For instance when George was born Jack instantly saw a rival for his wife's attention. As a matter of fact Jack never wanted animals because he felt that his wife would give the animal some of the attention that he was due. Back to when Good Son George was born, Jealous Jack would often sit in the corner pouting when his wife had to feed George. Jealous Jack has a good wife with a big heart, with enough love for the both of them. Jealous Jack could not see that, consequently he made George's life miserable, never giving him the proper attention, consideration and even complements that was due him. There was this one time when George won the spelling contest for the whole school, and you guessed it, Jack acted as if George had simply said hello when he walked into the room. What a shame, but Good Son George lived up to his name and never held it against his Jealous Dad Jack.
Now what Jack should have realized was that his wife had enough love to go around, and she displayed it. Jack should be proud that he has such a good son and cherish him for the short time that he has him in his care, look at him as a good son and not as a rival. Fortunately for him, his wonderful wife showered them both with love, and Good Son George turned out to be a well rounded young man. Just think, Jealous Jack missed out on some never to be recovered moments with his Good Son. Good thing for all concerned, Jack was not violent, (one shutters to think if he was).
Of course, so far these are all simplistic solutions, to some serious situations, but remember, we're in a perfect world, and what we say can work, or maybe it's just entertainment.
Ready for part IV
Well, here we go again. This section is getting too long, so there has to be a part four. Hold on it's coming, and it won't take as long this time. If you are just reading this series for the first time, please go back and read the first two parts, (to help bring you up to speed), they're riveting, LOL!
Part IV is here
- JEALOUSY IS ROTTENNESS TO THE BONES, PART IV
This is the final part to a four part series dealing with jealousy, and it's effects on those directly involved. I initially did not intend to take it this far, but it just took on a life of it's own. I...
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© 2009 Alfreta Sailor
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