Keep Your Tolerance I Want Respect

The Hub; Racist Attitudes; Still Alive and Well in the South, by Tammy Lochman sparked something in me. I felt the need to include inflections directly from the horse's mouth so to speak. I am a black woman living in a state where eighty percent of the racial makeup is Caucasian. In this racial climate the day to day niceties that make up a persons day can be marred by the idiotic remarks of those ignorant of others feelings.

At this time in my state the prominent religious sect of the region is on a campaign of tolerance of ethnicity. I have a problem with the word tolerance - it's definition; fairness toward different opinions. Respect - it's definition; worthy of respect, decent. I personally could careless about earning anyones tolerance, but I demand to be treated with respect as a human being. You can say it's not about race, but yet it is.

My husband is employed by a major grocery retail chain located near one of the regions most prestigious religious institutions of learning. On a daily basis these "so called" Christian students insult this over fifty, adult black male, and it comes so natural to them I don't think they really understand or care how disrespectful or hurtful some of their remarks can be.

My husband stands six feet tall, a buck one eighty give or take, light skinned, sporting a mustache, long wavy hair kept in a ponytail, uniformed, coupled with a name badge. Every single day he is the recipient of such disrespect that it boggles the mind.

Some of the examples; he's been told that he looks just like Morgan Freeman, Richard Pryor, Red Foxx, Lionel Richie and even Sammy Davis Jr., by young and old . He is greeted with man, dude, brother, boss, captain and dawg by college students and patrons alike who can obviously read his name badge. Because he does not respond in ghetto slang, he was once told by a white student that he wasn't Black!! Like he would know..I guess he's an expert from all the rap videos he devours.

I work as a Loan Processor in the mortgage industry and have been called "girlfriend" so many times by female bank representatives that I'd be rich if I had a dime for every time it's uttered. I've also been told that I look like Oprah Winfrey more times than I care to count even though I look nothing like her.

While those of you may feel that these are compliments you're not on the receiving end. It smacks of the racist anthem handed down from generation to generation that we all look alike. Unfortunately, these educated idiot's brains are not engaged to decipher the difference in our appearance before comparing us to the only Black celebrities they know and opening their pie holes.

Briefly, back in the day, some educated simpletons in Northern California, came to the delightful conclusion that Blacks needed to be spoken to via "Ebonics". This is another racist misconception that sticks in my craw. We're constantly spoken to in hip hop slang that some jerk feels is necessary that they mimic, because obviously we're not familiar with the kings English. To bad these racist in training can't see an instant replay of just how stupid they look trying to flash "gang" signs and speak slang to grown ass adults who haven't the faintest idea what they're talking about. All aforementioned is rude boorish behavior demonstrated by supposedly educated adults.


1. Blacks don't all look alike.

2. We don't appreciate being called out of our names, which is a throw back to slavery times when the massa's had so many slaves they couldn't remember their names. Nor did they care because our ancestors were considered inventory not people.

3. We are not all gang bangers, live in the ghetto, have criminal pasts, use welfare as a lifestyle, or like rap music.

4. Nor are all Black men rapist, thugs, pimps drug dealers, absentee Fathers or have the desire to ravage all the white women on the planet.

5. Our women are not all "sapphires" a derogatory term used in the thrities, forties and fifties, because all Black women were and are still considered whores (even by some of our own so called "men")

6. Nor are we babies mamas. Some of us don't have rhythm, can't hold a tune, and don't love root beer, fried chicken or watermelon.

7. Newsflash; when President Obama does something you don't like stop complaining to the first Black person you see. Contrary to popular belief we don't all know each other nor are privileged to call him and tell him of your concerns.

My current employer had the audacity one day, during a discussion regarding Bill Cosby's old sitcom, to tell me that the series was not based on truth because Blacks don't have a two party professional households, well the Obama's showed him to be the fool.

This is the ignorance that we as a people must "tolerate" daily. Over time it all becomes quite tiresome and irritating, please people think before you open your mouths. I will never understand why Blacks or minorities in general are stared at, mocked and disrespected.

I remember an incident while working at an aerospace plant in eighties; on my first day one of my white co-workers went into her repertoire of black jokes. Even after another co-worker, who was also white, asked her what her problem was her retort; "They shouldn't be so thin skinned." Her behaviour was totally uncalled for and unprovoked. Why did she and do others feel it is necessary to offend someone they don't know? I had to keep my mouth shut because I was a new hire, who needed a job, and I was on a three month probation period. Needless to say the day after my probation period was lifted I verbally let her have it.

Unless it happens to you I might as well be talking about an alien abduction. Blacks get the same look when we complain about being stopped by police for "driving while black". This and everything I mentioned above happens to Blacks twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year in this nation. It's a total lack of respect of a people for nothing we've done except exist. Yeah, I've heard it all before "racist suffer from self loathing, low self esteem" well it must be a national epidemic which I've dubbed generational mental illness.

That's the reason for my title; keep your tolerance and give me respect. Some words of wisdom; if you haven't anything nice to say, don't say anything at all; it is better to remain silent and appear the fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Words to live by, before you judge a person you need to walk in his or her shoes, stop generalizing.

The aforementioned items are just a tip of the iceberg, I'm not paranoid or thin skinned. Until you've walked in mine and other minorities shoes you have no idea what we face just getting out of bed in the morning. So again I say keep your tolerance and give me just a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T is that too much to ask? A little civility and respect for Gods sake!

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Comments 20 comments

S Leretseh profile image

S Leretseh 4 years ago

“he's been told that he looks just like Morgan Freeman, Richard Pryor, Red Foxx, Lionel Richie and even Sammy Davis Jr., by young and old . He is greeted with man, dude, brother, boss, captain and dawg by college students and patrons alike who can obviously read his name badge. “

That's your racism?! WOW! Then there’s black racism…

Honestly, I do NOT know why white people are still “TOLERANT” of this forced integration system (created in 1964). That is, with all the black racism & HATE... No people in human history have ever allowed another people to attack them (including their women and children)as white people hv tolerated from blacks. Integration is NOT a US Constitutional right. Did you know that?

p.s. Could it be that you live here…(Said to still haunt the community)

pmccray profile image

pmccray 4 years ago from Utah Author

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Sorry for the delay in responding . . your comment was really appreciated.

carozy profile image

carozy 4 years ago from San Francisco

I know racism is still alive, often it's subtle, and people have to stand up for themselves to end it. Like that website made from all the facebook quotes where people say "I'm not racist, but.." (and then say something completely racist). More education helps because it starts when kids think it's OK to bully/name call other kids based on their skin color.. seen it in my own family with my dark skinned nephew (in Utah, before my sis moved the family back to the more multicultural Bay Area). Voted up!

Dr. McClay 5 years ago

"Tolerance, a term which we sometimes use in place of the words respect, mercy, generosity, or forbearance, is the most essential element of moral systems; it is a very important source of spiritual discipline and a celestial virtue of perfected people." (Fethullah Gulen)

Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Hi pmccray-I have goosebumps and my blood is boiling. I cannot believe some of the disgusting stories you just hubbed about. The story about your experience at the aerospace plant made me sick. I think my jaw dropped to my laptop. I was giddy when you said how you gave it to her after your probationary period was over. Thank you so much for writing this very important hub. We still have such a long long way to go in every country. That gal who was saying those terrible things at your workplace is Very lucky I wasn't around because that kind of talk makes me Crazy.

sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 5 years ago from India

Hi Pmccray, I know how racism works and people just try to degrade who are not from their colour.The country which make most noise about human rights ( read USA) is worst offender in racism. I have heard now they are targetting every brown guy who travel in usa for special checkup, Sir you are randomly selected for special checkup, unfortunately if 12 brown are travelling in that air plane all would be randomly selected, yet no white would be.

pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah Author

Micky Dee, Nell Rose and Mark Monroe: you all exemplify why I love this sight. Nell you never said a truer word, but sometimes it is hard to ignore, but you must consider the source.

Thank you all for taking your time to read my thoughts.

Mark Monroe profile image

Mark Monroe 6 years ago from Dover De

Interesting reading, well done

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, I think this is one of the misunderstandings between England and the States, America seems to think that it is the most tolerant and modern place in the world. Wrong! In Britain we would be put in jail for talking to people like that, but the main thing is that over here, we are so multi culteral these days that over fify percent of the population is a different race to typical English white people and also the fact that we intermarry without a blink of the eye! most of my friends come from somewhere else, my friend I will call her sam, has a black mother and a white father, her oldest girl is white with blond hair, her first son is dark and the rest are a mix of dark, blond and red hair! she is married to a white guy. I think that the difference is that we, in England abolished the disgusting slavery in 1830, after only a few years, and black people have been over here to a certain degree since, even in the second world war, when the American service men came over, they segregated black from whites, and got really mad at us because we didn't take any notice of it! so many English white women married black Americans and had children it drove the American services mad! That had em! lol We of course, do have some idiots over here that start trouble occasionally, racism does exist of course it does, we are not perfect, but it tends to work both ways, which doesn't make it good but at least its balanced in a stupid ignorant way on both sides. But apart from that nobody even thinks about marrying a black person if we are white, and vice versa. I have dated loads of black guys in the past and never thought anything of it. I suppose my point is that when I see America standing up being so proud of themselves for appointing a Black president, I remember thinking to myself, So bloody what? get modern, and get rid of the old ways of treating people. Obama is the president, so what about his colour? I don't really have any advice on how to deal with these idiots, but just keep being you, and let them be idiots all their lives. I always thought of utah as being the Mormon state of good clean nice people, i.e. the Osmonds! just goes to show that every religion has it's hypocrits! come on over here, I'll get ya the plane ticket! lol take care nell

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Yo Girlfriend! You know you look like Lena Horne?

pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah Author

Micky Dee: thanks for stopping in and reading my thoughts. You go ahead with you're bad self. I am really not shocked at your treatment because of your look, what a stupid arrest and waste of taxpayer money. My husband has long hair that he wears in a ponytail you should hear the flack we get here in Mormon country!!! This is part of our freedoms that YOU bravely fought for while in Nam. My hats off to you and thanks you for your service. You and lady continue to enjoy life to it's fullest. You and yours have a blessed day!!!

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

It's not that I'm for war or that want anything special other than respect. After 60 years the tattoo works better than a bare leg! I'm with you! Thanks

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I know a little of whence you're coming. I've had long hair and a beard since Vietnam. Christians and more have treated me like I'm a hippy and beneath them. I've been arrested and sentenced to 90 days on the chain gang for having "grains of marijuana" in my Prince Albert tobacco. Who in the heck would put grains of pot in tobacco? What would be accomplished? I recently had Vietnam tattooed on my leg and my Vietnam ribbons tattooed on my arm so that people could know from whence I'm coming. Hey- I was the first white man to openly date a black lady in my white as rice town. Hey-she was/is beautiful- what can I say? I never will fit in though!

Askme profile image

Askme 7 years ago

Great hub. Enjoyed reading it. I worked back in the 80's too, for a large insurance company. Our corporate offices were located in Kansas City, MO. Once or twice a year these Home Office people would come out to our offices in Los Angeles. They'd take the staff, which I was a part of, to lunch. Back then it was not uncommon to have a few alcoholic drinks at lunch time and of course after a pounding down a few, the jokes would start.

I was taken aback when one Senior VP told 2 jokes using the N-word. Then told us he was a klan member back in MO and listed off cross burnings he'd attended!! I was born and raised in Los Angeles, and although racism exists everywhere, I really, before then, never been around such a blanant out of the closet racist. I was shocked.

I made a few comments about the NAACP and kind of debated him a bit but shut up after getting the evil eye from my boss.

Racism of the kind you have hubbed about is sutle and like you said, I really don't think these people realize what they are saying. Most people today seem totally oblivious to what comes out of their mouths.

pmccray profile image

pmccray 7 years ago from Utah Author

theleftflank - thank you so very very much for taking the time to read my hub and comment, you've made my New Years Eve.

I wrote the hub off the cuff and tried my best not to rant, but felt it needed to be said. People stay silent too long not only about racism, but all issues, because everybody's so busy trying to stay politically correct that nothing ever gets resolved.

We're like the nations of Moses...keep going around and around the promise land and never get there because of all the procrastination. I'm really getting sick of civility I want some honesty.

I thank you again for the great HONEST feedback. You and yours have the best New Years ever...looking forward to your hubs and more feedback.

theleftflank profile image

theleftflank 7 years ago from South Florida

Your incisive comments leave no room for ambiguity sis. This hub was, in a word...exceptional. Of course, I didn't anticipate a lot of feedback from certain members of the hub community. I just hope that aside from being thoroughly astonished by this great revelation, they take it and run with it. Anyway, I wish you and yours a Happy, Happy New Year!

pmccray profile image

pmccray 7 years ago from Utah Author

Thank you thank kind you are and thank you so much for reading my thoughts. You and the people on this site are such moral builders. I love hubpages and all the hubbers and readers. Again thank you so much.

SOBF profile image

SOBF 7 years ago from New York, NY

Excellent hub! It is very rare that we face up to the subtle attacks on our psyche. Some of us have learned to accept if not defend such actions. Looking forward to reading more of your hubs.

pmccray profile image

pmccray 7 years ago from Utah Author

Thank you Dutchman....I didn't want it to rant. Thank you so much for reading it and your compliment. Have a great day!

The Lost Dutchman profile image

The Lost Dutchman 7 years ago from Flanders (Belgium)

The message is loud and clear... Good hub!

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