'Life Isn't Fair' & Other Face Punchingly Awful Platitudes
Oh, hello there. This is a little broadcast from the Cult of Hope headquarters. If you were wondering what the Cult of Hope is, it's a little group I just made up. It has a nice ring to it though, doesn't it? One day, all things going well, I might declare myself a bishop, just like Brian Tamaki did.
Don't know who Brian Tamaki is? Wikipedia comes to the rescue with this summary; “Brian Raymond Tamaki (born 2 February 1958) heads Destiny Church, a charismatic and Pentecostal Christian organisation in New Zealand which advocates strict adherence to fundamentalist biblical morality. Destiny Church is notable for its position against homosexuality, its patriarchal views and for its calls for a return to biblical conservative family values and morals.”
Brian Tamaki thinks that environmentalists are pagans. So it goes without saying that Brian is my kind of people. Anyone who can talk about daemons with a straight face has just enough grip on unreality to make me adore them.
But enough about Brian, this is my little cult I'm cultivating here, and like any cult, it requires interesting rules.
The first rule is that the only appropriate response to an unjust platitude is a sock in the mouth. Unjust platitudes include
“Life isn't fair.” Usually brought out to slap down any hope of getting justice, the platitude 'Life isn't fair,' alone is enough to justify the second amendment. If you're American, which I'm not. I like the second amendment though, having a well armed populace is the first step towards Darwinian evolution getting a fighting chance in the modern world.
When those in authority respond to a complaint with 'Life isn't fair,' they are essentially saying 'Suck it up, you are too weak and puny to attain justice or the big piece of cake, so you will languish without either.”
“Grow up,” not so much a platitude as a request for a swift kick to the nether regions, telling another human to grow up is entirely unacceptable. I object to this primarily on the basis that growing is a passive process that cannot usually be hastened by the growee, and secondly on the basis that the term 'grow up,' is usually used to deride the opinions and or mirthful joy of those as yet unfettered by petty concerns.
“First in, first served,” This only works if you happen to be a piglet in a litter of piglets, but is that really how we want to be in the world? Sniffling, snorting fat little piggies only good for our tasty bacon? I think not!
Add your lame platitude or cliché below and it will be considered for 'face punching' status.
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