Life in Modern Britain: 12 Pet Peeves

Happy Clampers!  The face of clamper, Jason White, from Whites Car Park Solutions, after enraged victims attacked him with iron bars.  I'd be looking for another job, Jayce!  photo by
Happy Clampers! The face of clamper, Jason White, from Whites Car Park Solutions, after enraged victims attacked him with iron bars. I'd be looking for another job, Jayce! photo by
Smokers "enjoy" standing in the cold to feed their noxious addiction.  photo
Smokers "enjoy" standing in the cold to feed their noxious addiction. photo
"Bin there, done that."  Council rubbish containers in their millions beautify our streets.  photo
"Bin there, done that." Council rubbish containers in their millions beautify our streets. photo
Driving like this should be confined to the track.    phot
Driving like this should be confined to the track. phot

12 Things I Hate or Dislike in Modern Britain

Please note: Not in any order of importance, just as they occur to me.

1) Smoking: I have never held a cigarette between these lips! A few cigars when I was splendidly drunk many moons ago, and a bit of weed with pliable women so as not to cause a hitch in proceeding; but ordinary, everyday tobacco? Not me, and aren’t smokers so obliviously self-involved? They just toss the butts down where they stand and curse the rest of us who now possess a semblance of control over their second-hand smoke. (Have you ever noticed how close to the doorways of the no-smoking establishments they stand, busily puffing outside, so that some of their stink drifts back in; their petty revenge for being banned?).

2) Politicians. You can never, ever, get a straight answer from one not tainted with the party line and spun to try to put them in a better light. This Labour mob today is the worst ever. Imagine how they got away with at all those years before television was able to pin them, wriggling like hooked lugworms, in the light of public scrutiny.

3) Mindless cruelty to animals and all the life forms which share this world with us. Seeing skeletal horses and starving, shivering dogs on TV just makes me want to kill someone.

4) British B and B’s and hotels in general. Does anyone ever feel they are made for midgets? I stayed in one last night near Brum that had the toilet jammed between the end of the bath and the wall. I am a neurotic shitter at the best of times; my bowel felt the squeeze and that was all she wrote! The room was “cheap” I was told, just £52/night. Ha! I could get better digs in Mexico for a week for that money.

4) Which brings me to the next pet hate. The words “Only,” “Just,” “As Little As,” “From, ” etc. I was in one of our hellish motorway services on the M6 a couple of days ago. The hotel rooms in the Days Inn were advertised at £29.95, £49.95, and some other price depending on what notice board you looked at. No one cares any more. There will soon be a situation where nothing has a fixed price, just what the traffic will bear. In a curious way, that might be a better system. Boy, these service stops are ugly, over-priced and unattractive. And full of poor, sad hoodies with nothing better to do than congregate at the local Costa. They were better 40 years ago when Forte ran them.

5) British Telecom, BT. Do you ever get the feeling there is no warm-blooded creature this side of Darjeeling manning a BT office? It’s all run by mindless, uncaring computers. I always expect a disembodied voice to answer my complains, “It’s my way or the highway.” In the USA, MaBell, the phone co., has small, regional offices everywhere where you go to sign-up and pick up your phone, etc. Or they did when I lived there. Real people, unless they are holographs, man them and are unfailingly cheerful and nice. Not in mean-minded, rip-off Britain!

6) All Banks and Wa-----, er, Bankers. How dare these materialistic swine hold a nation to ransom like this? And it is so glaringly obvious our government porkers are in collusion with them. After 3 years with Nationwide, I just had my rent cheque bounced because it would have made me £1 overdrawn! And my pension cheques arrive every Sunday night without fail. That cost me £8 penalty, which is why it is done of course. Why we never have a revolution here is beyond me.

(Actually, this hub is beginning to frighten me. Is there anything any good at all about life in Britain in the 21st Century?)

7) British drivers. Excellent drivers who have super-fast machines who won’t give you a bloody centimetre if you happen to want to drive slowly up a B-road to look at the countryside. Here’s a plea to the nation at large. DON’T ever again, drive within inches of my rear number plate because you want to travel faster than me. I will not speed up, nor slow down so you can overtake while giving me the finger. I have installed a rear machine gun and will not hesitate to use it. And I will suddenly brake hard, causing you to be in a frontal/rear-end collision, damaging your radiator and causing you to be really late for work, and allowing me to get a new car on your insurance! And while I’m on this subject, how do you like the sociopathic van and truck drivers who pass, then swerve towards you on purpose on the motorway to scare you, because you have been driving like you want to, not how they want you to. Gutless Berks!

8) Speed Cameras. These ridiculous tax-gatherers do absolutely nothing in making roads safer. The only time drivers are doing the correct speed is in the camera zone as they pass the nuisances, whether it be 30, 35, 40, or whatever speed some moron considers safe. You can see the brake lights flashing as they slow to pass, then the cars accelerating again after a few meters. They are nothing more nor less than another way to extort money from the British motorist, the most tax-savaged sufferer on the face of the planet.

9) Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, etc., etc. All this Christmas crap in the stores by October, and hot-cross-buns seem a permanent fixture in most supers now. We can’t escape the incessant chorus of people trying to get more and more money from us at every turn.

10) Charity shops. I have done a hub on these blood-suckers. Filled with the pious and lonely unpaid workers who think they are actually helping the needy. Well, believe me, a huge percentage of the money is going into the pockets of the directors of the charity. And a huge percentage of the donations end up in the tip or in containers bound for foreign governments and we all know where the money go to from there: Mr and Mrs Rich Dictator.

10) Wheel Clampers. If any one thing will end in murder if it hasn’t already it is licensing swine to clamp the wheels of motorists for some minor parking infraction. It’s outlawed in any decent country in the whole wide world. Only mean-minded Labour could collude with crooks in this manner. It has never happened to me and I am terrified it will and drive me into doing something that will end my freedom for the rest of my days. I would personally welcome news of these bastards being shot like the dogs they are by some enraged motorist.

11) The Rubbish Police. We are now supposed to sort our rubbish out into more categories than there are items. What nonsense! It’s all so local councils (read minor dictatorships) can control and/or fine us at will. I lived in Mexico for many years and people charge you a few pennies to let them have your trash as it is recycled by the poor who live near (or on) the huge rubbish dumps and make a decent living. There are far too many people “in charge” in Britain, I feel like an aphid being milked by vicious ants (the establishment and its minions). Thank goodness we shall soon be able to get rid of one bunch of thuggish chancres (Ha! I wrote “Chancers,” and my computer changed it to “chancres“ as in syphilitic sores, maybe it knows best!)… and aren’t they clinging tenaciously to our throats!?

12) Phone Soliciting. This has reached a new peak of late. I made the mistake of just enquiring about getting a credit card online. This was 6 months ago. I never heard about my application, but I have received at least 100 unsolicited calls from people asking my about my “loan requirements.” You might not be able to get money for a mortgage, but, believe me, there is lots of slime out there ready to lend you money at extortionate rates of interest. What happens, of course, is that your phone number is sold on and sold again at ever falling prices to ever more sleazy chancres (thanks H.P Tools.), all trying to find some juice in the poor, beleaguered lemon that is you. What a mess!

I will add to this article as more annoyances occur to me in the future. Let me know, if you can be bothered, what really pisses you off, in Comments.




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Comments 12 comments

Bo Heamyan profile image

Bo Heamyan 6 years ago from Lincolnshire, United Kingdom

Great article Diogenes, really hit the mark!

"Actually, this hub is beginning to frighten me. Is there anything any good at all about life in Britain in the 21st Century?"

Sometimes this certainly can feel like the truth. I think the worst thing about the UK for me has got to be the symbiotic rise of shit TV and worshipped celebrities. Utter dog shit.

diogenes profile image

diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Yeah, Bo, me too. Thanks for comment and interest. Bob

pastella13 6 years ago


Yes you're right, and there's so many more. I don't buy a daily paper now, because what I read just makes me so angry and I don't want a heart attack. Political correctness is another.Stupid regulations that make you wonder if you've arrived on the moon, or somewhere unreal. Lenient punishments for muggings and murders. Answering the phone and it's a recorded message, or trying to get through to a company to query something, and you're hanging on for ages after pressing various options, and then cut off. The list goes on, but I won't add more because I don't want to depress you. The number one hate I have and which you share is any cruelty to animals, no matter what animal or what country it's in, I just cannot bear it, and I say that whoever inflicts any cruelty on an animal should have the same done to them, so they know what it feels like.

There are, however, lots of things I do like, but I suppose that they're for another hub.

diogenes profile image

diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

You know, I have lived in Oz, the US, Spain and Mexico, but the UK is the worst, with mean spirited people (and a few gems of course). People are so negative here. I suppose we needed an empire for sanity! And no real sunshine; no wonder the Aztecs though the sun was god. Thanks bob.

Bo Heamyan profile image

Bo Heamyan 6 years ago from Lincolnshire, United Kingdom

I showed my girlfriend this hub as she has recently been fuming about "dickhead drivers, up her arse(?)".

Reading this hub again has inspired me to write a hub of "Good things about Britain" - You won't be surprised to learn I could only come up with six things!

I enjoyed reading some of your other articles, and so have decided to become a fan.

All the best.

diogenes 6 years ago

Thanks, Bo. I lived in "far greener places" for to long is the trouble and can't get used to this place again. May leave next year and go back to Baja. I will read your hub to find something good! Bob

QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

My papa says, "Pakistan is the only country in the world where you live freely and do as you please... Only one thing though, you must be rich and viola, no laws apply to you. You will always find other people willing to help you for a little green."

diogenes 5 years ago

Hi...most of the poorer countries are like that, at least the ones I know (I haven't been to your country). But many poor countries have life on the streets, good cheap food everywhere, music and LIFE!! England is now becoming poor for many and is a miserable, cold dead place. Bob

Sembj profile image

Sembj 5 years ago

At least half of your complaints could be made about many countries including America but it is pleasant and refreshing to hear someone complain as eloquently as you.

It seems strange that in a world full of social media that allows some to overthrow their corrupt governments, we can't organize ourselves better to stop all of the unnecessary irritants.

smcopywrite profile image

smcopywrite 5 years ago from all over the web

why does everyone want to bash the smokers but not the drunks? both are legal and if you choose not to do either, good for you. however, let people have their freedom to do something that is legal to do.

thanks for the complaints because we all have them. great hub.

diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Hi Semnbj. Yes, but at least in the US you can escape into the wild blue yonder...where you goin'n go here, Blackpool!? Ughhh!

smcopywrite. Actually, the drunks do get bashed here. The difference is, a drunk doesn't get a mouthful of booze and spit it into the atmosphere! But neither habit meets my approval: life is better without chemical enhancement of any type...Bob

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 18 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

What's a 'clamper', and why should people want to beat him with iron bars?

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