Loving Your Dark-complexion Self.
Shades of the Same Race!!!
a Dark Complexion Equals Blackness:
DARK COMPLEXION IS BLACKNESS TO SOME:
Someone -- on the Hubpages -- asked the question, "Why Do Men Prefer Light-skinned Women? Do Women Think Light-skinned Men Are More Handsome? I loved both questions, though I must admit I know people in my family alone who would be offended by these questions. I started working on my answer, but it was so long I decided to make it a hub. I can only talk about my perspective on the fair and dark conflict.
In the Black community the conflict to fair-complexioned women or men traces back to slavery. The conflicts are the stories passed down within African-American families of the fairer slaves working in the main house while the darker ones worked in the field. In the abusive photos, on slavery, I have seen over the years the people -- of either gender -- were dark-complexioned.
Once, years ago, when I was watching a documentary on Blacks in America, there was a segment about young African-American children -- as young as five years old -- being placed in work camps on trumped-up charges ... -- in the early 20th century. I only remember seeing dark-complexioned children. This does not mean there were no abuses of fair-complexioned Blacks. To me that does not make sense. Still, I have never in all of my years seen any abusive photos of fairer-complexioned Blacks. Resentment within the African-American race is seen today.
My late maternal grandmother disliked fair complexioned blacks, but not any of her fair-complexioned grandchildren. Some of us are dark and some are fair. She never said a bad thing about any of her grandchildren's hue. She was not so nice about their fair-complexioned parents' though. She would say something in such a funny way that the person would not take her serious. As I grew older and heard her statements I despised them.
Once, when I was about nine years old I remember liking this boy. He was a year older than I was, cute, had a fair hue, and a medium size Afro. He was my first boyfriend, and I do not remember his name.
An older female friend of mine -- she was his classmate -- informed me that he liked me, thought I was cute, and wanted to be my boyfriend. It was the '70s, he had a Fro, so of course I said yes. I was so happy, but I could not tell any of my younger siblings, because they would have told my mother. My mother of course thought I was too young to have a boyfriend .... So, it was a secret.
The next day in school I decided to get a pass to see my cute new boyfriend. I looked into his class room and got the person's attention who was seated next to him. I gestured to that person to tap my boyfriend on his shoulder. My boyfriend looked up at me and I just beamed. He gave me a shy smile and I walked away happy.
After school, and outside my apartment building, my older friend came by to give me some shocking news about my new boyfriend. She said, "He wants to quit you".
"Yeah. He said you're cute but your too black and you embarrassed him today when you smiled at him."
I could not speak. How could I respond to such craziness. I was not taught to hate my black self nor my dark complexion so this offended and confused me. I did not know what to say. Still, my friend continued speaking through my hurt silencesaying, "I asked him why he asked you out yesterday, and he said he did not know you were so black until you smiled at him and he saw your white teeth."
That angered me. What was I supposed to have brown teeth? At that moment, to myself I swore off fair-complexioned guys. It lasted a day ....
Still the ironic thing about that boy telling my friend he was not interested in dark-complexioned girls was that she was as dark as I was if not darker.
I am older and complexion nor racedoes not matter to me at all. How a man treats me is what I look out for. Plus, I could not afford being any type of bigot with the mixture within my family. My son is fair-complexioned, and I have several relatives that are bi-racial. Some of my relatives are not bi-racial, but are fair-complexioned. I also have tons of dark-complexioned relatives that would put me in my place if I showed any type of hatred towards darker complexioned blacks.
Still, I have to answer the question on Why I believe men prefer light-complexioned women, and women believe fair-complexioned men are more handsome. Well, this answer takes me back to two young women I have watched on TV once -- years apart on two different programs – speaking on how people treated them so horribly for being dark complexioned as a child. Each decided they would never have a child with a dark-complexioned or black man. They did not want to have dark-complexioned children go through what they went through growing up. I must say they made me ill.
One of those two women had three children by a white man. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I kept thinking if she does not like her black self why would he like her in years to come? She hated the fact that she was sometimes mistaken for an African. That happens to most dark complexioned African-Americans. Myself included. The woman had issues.
The other woman was actually with a dark-complexioned black man, but she treated him horribly. She told him she would never have a child with him, but she would not leave him, because she loved him. I did not understand why he did not leave her. She was despicable!
Still, because of my personal experiences, and these two women, my answer, is both self-hatred for some, and a false sense of superiority from those who believe dark-complexioned people are beneath them. This is a very complexed subject, and makes most people uncomfortable. It is about as difficult as speaking to people honestly about race relations.
Thank God my seven year old son does not understand this nonsense, yet.
Please scroll down and leave a comment.
Book Dealing with Complexions on Sale:
Comments 130 comments
- FOR THE LOVE OF HER ... CHILD
The morning air on February 12, 2007, Approximately 8:00 AM, was cool, and the ground around Sherry Blackwell's apartment building was pretty icy. Which meant she had to walk very gingerly towards her waiting...
N. E. Wright's Other Hubs:
- THE CHANGE
I remember my Mother. I remember our love. I remember her braiding my hair, and laying my clothes out nightly for the next school day. I remember my Mother singing, and dancing to love songs playing...
- MY LETTER TO CNN ON LOU DOBBS.
Sometime ago, I had received a notice in my inbox to sign a petition to CNN, and I decided to write a message in the optional message box to Jon Klein, the President of CNN. I will say this, I have no problem...
- WHY I LOVE NETFLIX FOR MY SON
Before my son came into my life I really did not spend much money. I would not get cable, buy a cell phone, or join Netflix. Yes, I was practicing my own type of fiscal conservatism. Now I have cable, a cell...
- LAST DAY IN FLORIDA 2010
It is Friday, 6:50 AM, and the children next to me -- my son, and nephew -- are still asleep. Can you feel my smile. Most children are preparing for school here in Florida, and in New York where we are...
- WHY I DECIDED NOT TO SMOKE.
Years ago, when I was thirteen, I spent one of many weekends at my maternal grandmother's apartment in Brooklyn, NY. It was a sunny weekend day in 1975. I do not know the season, I cannot tell you which day it...
- MY MUSE.
The reason why I love telling stories is because of my mother. I grew up in the '60s and the '70s. My mother helped my siblings and me through a lot of life troubles while growing up in Queens, NY. My mother...
- THE TRUE FOE IS ...
A SHORT STORY: It was a February morning when Barbara Walker surveyed the five lower vacant floors of "The Walker Family Inn". She, her husband John and their three children moved onto the penthouse...
- RACISM, CIVIL SERVANTS, AND MICHAEL JACKSON
Years ago -- the late '90s -- in Queens, three civil servants -- one police officer and two firefighters -- rode a parade float in black face. Michael Jackson walks around in white face -- surgically evolving...
- OUR FIRST TIME AT DISNEY WAS 2009!
Last year, August 2009, my sister and I started our first annual family trip together to Disney. She and her twenty children and grandchildren. Actually it was five children and three grandchildren it just...
- NOW, I LOVE FLY-SWATTERS
There was a question about getting rid of flies, and I thought, Hey , I know how to do that . Fly swatter . So, I thought I would tell this story. Years ago,...
- THE RIB BAR AND GRILL
I feel remiss in not giving my younger brother a shout out on the day of the Grand Opening of his Rib Bar and Grill sooner. I wanted to interview him for this article, but he been too busy booking parties, and...
More by this Author
Shortly after moving into my two bedroom apartment I began seeing flies. It was Winter time! After getting rid of my sticky paper ... I decided to get fly swatters.
Civil Servants riding on a parade float in New York City throwing fried chicken, and watermelon, at a cheering crowd who watched as a black rag-doll was being dragged behind the float. What could be wrong with that? ...