MEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH WOMEN: Help Has Arrived
MEN CAN WALK THE WALK, BUT CANNOT TALK THE TALK
Men, if you have a girlfriend or wife that you love more than life itself, pay attention. I have come to help you (and I) with some valuable FREE tips on how we as males, can use what we learn in this story to make the relationship with our girlfriend or wife a lot better than it is now.
Let's face it, guys. When we really get the courage to be truly honest with ourselves, who we are, and what background we came from, then and only then can we embrace the fact that most, not all, of the problems we have with our wives or girlfriends are our fault. And I feel that we need to make this moment a starting point and travel one baby step at a time until we reach that level of compatibility with our mates that will not make our relationships happier, but more stable and enriched.
Men talk. That's just the bottom line. Women talk. That's a myth some spiteful man started so many eons ago because 'he' didn't know how to communicate properly with his mate. Yes, women talk, but compared to men, there is a stark difference: Women LISTEN. I hope that right now, in this moment, that I haven't come off as some know-it-all or some "high-in-the-clouds" amateur counselor, because I am none of these things. I am only a mortal man who is in the learning process, a daily process I might add, that will help my wife and I communicate much better, clearer and cut down on the misunderstandings that plague most married, or unmarried couples.
Now do you expect me to sit here and believe that you and your female friend DO NOT have the occasional tiff or heated-discussion. Listen to me. I may live in the south, but that does not automatically mean that I am stupid. So let's continue with my story of self-help tips aimed at the men of my readership who can benefit from what I have learned in how to understand, talk to, and build a solid relationship with a woman.
You come home from a hard day on the job, a construction job where you are to do lots of manual labor. Your 12-hour shift is over. You drive home and and as soon as you open the front door, you just sense that there is something wrong. You don't need Oprah or Dr. Phil to spell it out for you. You can see it on your mate's face and in her eyes. Normally, as a man, you and I would automatically go to our defensive place and blurt out, "What did I do now?" Am I right? Did asking that unneeded question help the situation? I think not. First, by asking this uneducated question, you have already served as judge, jury and executioner all in one person and your body language have given you away for being the guilty party.
WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE - is calmly and without speaking, put up your lunch box, your hard hat and coat and slowly walk toward your wife or girlfriend. Then after a few seconds, gently and softly ask her, "Is there something I need to do for you right now?" By offering yourself to her, you have not opened an unwanted can of male bravado and all of that "men are always right" mumbo jumbo, but you have formed a solid foundation for you and her to stand on then start the dialogue about the problem 'she' may have. And you have now asked only one question. She is calm and ready to talk, not fight. I might add that instead of automatically taking the blame for whatever problem 'she' is having, whoever told you that women love to fight was wrong. Women DO NOT love to fight. Understand?
COMMUNICATION BY LISTENING - is probably the most-sensible approach to any woman who is seemingly angry at you, the man. Do not be the one who initiates the first salvo by saying ignorant things like, "Woman, what's your problem?" Buddy, those days of the caveman with his club are gone. It's 2011. Men are to be understanding, sensitive and caring. Three words that literally scare all men to an inch of their lives. Simply take in a slow deep breath and then in a soft tone say, "Talk to me. I am here to listen," and suddenly, her problem is not as bad as it appears to her. When you are all alone in a house (talking about couples with no children), all day long, sometimes (this is for men too), the human mind and memory can play magic tricks on us. One misunderstood said by one of the couple a day last week might have become lodged in their mind or memory and with all that time, it only get worse until he or she reaches a boiling point and like a match in a wheat field in Kansas, it doesn't take much to start a heated, loud, and unwanted argument. I suggest, for both men and women, at the end of each day, instead of going to the refrigerator for a cold one and reach for the remote, sit down and talk to your mate, guys. She will be honored that you chose her over beer and television and you, my friend, will enjoy a very peaceable night. Case in point. You can do more talking simply by listening. Did you know that, men?
CASTING VERBAL BLAME - is another area that needs to be addressed. No one loves to be wrong, but let's face it, men, we are more liable to want to be more right most of the time than our wives or girlfriends. Let's say that you both are going on a long trip. She asks if you want her to drive. You, being the gentleman, insist that you can handle the job. But a problem in directions comes up. She tells you (in a nice way) by the road map, that you need to take a certain highway. You tell her that her way is longer. She senses a fight coming on and becomes silent. After many grueling miles, you suddenly discover that she was right. Instead of making a childish excuse for YOUR error, stop, take in a breath, and say to 'her' "Well, honey. Looks like the old man was way off base with that highway. You were right, honey," now was that so hard? Did you admitting that 'she' was right cost you a limb? Your life? No. Your wife or girlfriend will probably kiss you and then giggle as you go merrily on your way--all because of YOU being the humble and caring partner.
MEN DON'T LISTEN. THEY FIX - this is the 'rule of the jungle' for most men. Men are raised almost from their mother's womb, that they are the ones to fix things and people. This has been drove into men as boys that they are the ones in life who work, hunt, build, fix, and protect their property which sadly, does include you, girlfriend or wife. While most girls and women love to have that kind of guy who looks out for them, this can be a double-edged sword and spell trouble sooner than you think. Sometimes, (correct me, ladies, if I am wrong), women do not want you, her man, to fix anything. Did you get that? She just wants you to care, listen to her and let her tell you something that is important to her. That's simple enough. Most men when they hear that their wife is having a problem at her job, he acts macho and snaps, "You want me to come down there and beat the daylights out of that person?" This is the wrong reaction, guys. All that your wife or girlfriend wanted was a few precious moments of your time to tell you something about her day. She didn't once ask that you fix anyone or anything. This goes right back to a man's selective hearing. God, please, help us men, to listen to our mates not only with our ears, but our hearts and all at one-hundred percent. Amen.
PUT HER FIRST - works every time. Whether it consists of going to a movie, eating at a certain restaurant, or just going for a walk, ask HER what she wants to do or where SHE wants to go. This simple gesture will mean hours of peaceful pleasure and no friction at all if us men will strive to just remember that our wives and girlfriends are in the word COUPLE too. And men, also remember this remedial rule: Marriage or relationship doesn't mean that it's all about you. It takes you both to be a working couple and work to be a couple. Work on both your parts if you want the relationship to work.
PULL A SURPRISE LISTENING TIME - on your wife or girlfriend. You talk about a loving surprise. No rose bouquet or diamond ring, can touch this by way of getting your mate's undivided attention. Say that you and her have agreed that you can watch the Super Bowl while she has a few of her girlfriends over for some 'girl time.' At just the right time, turn off the plasma television, and go your mate and simply say, "Honey, I had rather just listen to what you want to talk about right now. I can watch the Super Bowl anytime." That's all you have to say, guys. But please listen to me. You got to mean it. Do not 'go through the motions.' Women have special sensory powers that can easily detect if you are playing her or not.
These are but a few tips that I felt compelled to share with you, my fellow brotherhood of married and unmarried men. And frankly speaking, we men need all the help we can get. It's 2011, not the 60's. We live in a new age and a new way of doing things. The rules have changed, guys.
And if just ONE OF YOU is benefited by this story, then my work has not been in vain. Good luck to you, men and start building a stronger, richer, happier relationship with HER by first starting the rebuilding program on YOU.
More by this Author
Prom Season. What a grand time in the life of a high school junior and senior. It is "that" time to come into their own and grow. But not doing certain things can help you mature as civilized people.
Some situations in life seemingly to me, just hang around for years. But I appeal to your sense of compassion by asking for your help with a few things that are still bothering me.
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.
No comments yet.