Make Informed Choices - Updated

An Email - With a Dire Warning

Yes the political arena has now moved from the Lamp posts, bus shelters and banners festooned on over head bridges. The unpaid solicitation and voting persuasion has hit us in our homes!

This latest form of unpaid urgings and methods of try to sway our votes away from what we South Africans hold firmly onto hearts and souls as who me must vote for.

It is this subtle method of voter solicitation that will win the coming election!

Here it is!

A farmer was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Limpopo when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young
previously disadvantagedman in anArmanisuit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'

The farmer
looks at the man, who is so obviously a yuppie, then looks across his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany

Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the
farmerand says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says
Van.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then
the farmersays to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're a Member of Parliament for the current ruling Party', says the farmer.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.', answered the farmer .

'Firstly, you showed up here even though nobody called you; you then want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question that I never asked. Further more you then tried to show me just how much smarter than me you are; and finally you don't know a bloody thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .Now please give me back my dog.

The rider to this email was to urge people to vote responsibly.

Of Course Education Is Important

 

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the
message that the MaroochydoreHigh School   Queensland , staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine .

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This 
came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and 
parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing
homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their 
children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though 
those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did 
not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, 
please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in 
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be 
Accountable and Responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, 
homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack 
of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

As the Elections get Closer

Hot air balloon

 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.   She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
 
 She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
 
 The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet abovesea level.  
You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
 
 She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a DA supporter!"
 
 "I am," replied the man.  "How did you know?"
 
 "Well," answered the balloonist," everything you told me is technically
 correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
 lost.  
Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
 
 The man smiled and responded, "You must be an ANC Government official"
 
 "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
 
 "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
 You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

 

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Comments 13 comments

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

LOL sounds about right...even there yoiu have such dorks I see...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Peace


eovery profile image

eovery 7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

I love the cow-sheep joke.

thanks

Keep on Hubbing.


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 7 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City Author

G-Ma, so we are not so isolated and the only ones that have a tricky dicky types running around in parliement.

Eovery, glad that I could share a smile with you today.

Thanks very much for the comments.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

We have the same cow-sheep situation here in the U.S. - never see certain elected officials until election time, and then get a good chuckle when they pretend to know what they're talking about. ;) 

Love the school answering machine choices!  They should be on *every* school's phone!


Julie-Ann Amos profile image

Julie-Ann Amos 7 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK

That's so funny....


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 7 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City Author

Jama, it seems to be democratic world's problem. You will always get it. The way it is with the scholastic world, I have several friends that are school teachers, they would install it in a flash.

Julie-Ann, I am glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for popping in and commenting.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Great hub Rodney It about refklects the situation! BTW have seen Cw's updated hub http://hubpages.com/hub/Naked-Hubbers-The-Bare-Fac... you will enjoy the pics especially the one about you!


Karen Ellis profile image

Karen Ellis 7 years ago from Central Oregon

So, so funny. I love it.


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 7 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City Author

Sixty, had a look at my pic on theat hub, yes I now know what it is k=like being stalked!

Yes the reflection of the times is upon us, time to ponder and really take a stand.

Karen, I am glad that it raised a smile for you.

Thanks for the comments, very much appreciated.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Great joke, Rodney! I'm going to stea ... I mean BORROW it and send it to my family.


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 7 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City Author

Borro.... stea...... what the heck you may send and use it as you so wish, as long as a smile is had by all, and the lesson is learnt from it.

Take care!


scottaye73 profile image

scottaye73 7 years ago from Michigan, USA

I like this hub Rodney, it's great to be able to laugh. Thanks for sharing this. ~ Scott


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 7 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City Author

Glad that I could give a laugh.

Thanks for the comment Scottaye.

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