Nice Work If You Can Get It
Where Do We Apply?
How Sweet It Is!
Now just put on your imagination cap for a few minutes. You've landed a cushy job with a safety net a mile wide. It doesn't matter if your bonuses are based upon success, they'll be there even for a mediocre performance on your part. Your safety net is the American taxpayer and we all know what suckers they are. The two companies (I use that term loosely) where one needs to slide that application (along with a large campaign contribution) are known as Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.
Fancy yourself as a top executive in two agencies that are busted, nationalized, rung out and constantly bailed out and on the public dole. This seems to be the ticket. You just need to work your way up to being one of the top six in the organizations and your wildest bonus dreams will be realized. Try out $35 million for two years of laborious work, at least according to them anyway, and if you happen to be the head of either of those bureaucracies you will reap half of that and the other four get the crumbs. This isn't my imagination at work but the cold hard reality of what is going on.
So up pops our pompous Congress, who by the way needs to maybe start earning their paychecks too, that wants to hold another hearing and haul all these mediocre folks up before them so they can lambast them about their excesses. Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black? So the tongue lashings are dispensed but guess what? Not one of those "top dogs" are getting the ax. I recognize political posturing when I see it because I see it so often that it turns my stomach. One group of pompous asses dressing done another group of the same stripe.
Look! For 6 million dollars I'd let them tie me up, throw a blindfold and a gag on me and make me feel real cheap like - even in public. Just let me continue to bleed the American public and expect to be rewarded handsomely for my performance. Where else but in the federal bureaucracy can you find such work? Most top executives would see the pink slip sailing onto their desk like a SST landing at Orly Airport but not this protected class.
So what do you have to do to earn that type of compensation? In Fannie's case they are asking for another $7.8 billion in bailout dollars (read: taxes) this year while Freddie is coming in for a paltry $6 billion of our money. And they want $6 million bonuses? For what? They claim it is to attract top talent. If "top talent" is producing these types of results then lets maybe try something else. Only in a place like Washington DC is anyone paid for being a massive failure. It sure won't happen out here in the private sector. Out here you get the old size 12 squarely on your third point of contact.
So will Congress give them the pony ride they are asking for? Don't bet against that not happening because, besides all the teeth gnashing and jaw wagging, we're still talking about the good old boys and girls network. They just have to have those seat warmers as token whipping posts.
It's okay to pay people like that for failure if I look at it realistically. We've been paying politicians far more than they are worth for decades on end. Where else can you take a part time job, strut around like a peacock so full of your own self-importance and continually "not" perform the duties that are clearly outlined in the US Constitution as their guide. Ah hell, just forget about that. They'll just make things up as they go along.
I'm just sayin...
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