Other People Named Donald Who Would Make a Better President than Trump
With the potential for doomsday approaching as a self-centered, narcissistic, racist buffoon could actually be elected to the highest government position in the United States, citizens are in panic mode and hoping for a way out of this mess.
Many Americans are unhappy with both of the only two options that they've been given to succeed President Obama, and have no other realistic alternative. But alas, there must be an answer. Below I present to you some more possible candidates that are neither running for office nor do they have any political experience. But hey, neither does Donald Trump!
1. Donald Sutherland
As President Coriolanus Snow in the Hunger Games series, Sutherland is the closest thing we have to a Donald with some political experience. Yes, it's true that Snow was a ruthless and tyrannical leader, and was really mean to the lovely Katniss Everdeen, but at least he knows how to get things done. Plus, Donald's son Kiefer is really good at fighting the bad guys of the world, and it only takes him 24 hours!
2. Donald Pleasence
You don't get more bad-ass than tracking down and trying to kill teen slasher and Halloween menace Michael Meyers. As Dr. Sam Loomis in the horror film series, Pleasence was stabbed, burned, and repeatedly fucked with by the masked psychopath, and still lived to tell the story. Now that's the kind of perseverance that we need in Washington! Wait...he died? Shit. Next!
3. Don Knotts
Okay, so his name is Don, but I'll bet it said Donald on his birth certificate. Close enough. Anyway, Knotts had leadership experience as both Deputy Barney Fife on The Andy Griffith Show and goofy landlord Ralph Furley on Three's Company. While neither of those positions has anything to do with politics, both taught him how to resolve a wacky mix-up situation in a half-hour. Oh no...he's dead, too? The search continues.
4. Don Ho
Some folks think that music can save the world, and who better to take the oath of office than a lovable Hawaiian entertainer with military experience! Ho spent five years in the U.S. Air Force before his calling to launch a singing career in Waikiki - which eventually propelled him to international stardom.
Yikes...he passed away nine years ago. We need to find some Donalds that are still alive.
5. Don King
With the first black president thing already achieved, the doors are open now to a person of any race to reside in the oval office. King has spent over forty years as the world's most successful boxing promoter, making fighters such as Muhammad Ali, George Foreman, Roberto Duran and Mike Tyson household names. And how cool would it be to have a President King!
Uh oh. It seems that King served some time in prison after being convicted of manslaughter in 1966. That's not gonna fly with the constituents, plus he's probably not allowed to run. Okiedoke. Moving on.
6. Don Johnson
As undercover police detective Sonny Crockett on TV's Miami Vice, Johnson had a pet alligator named Elvis. That alone makes him cool enough to be president, but on top of that, Johnson worked with Cheech Marin (of Cheech & Chong fame) on Nash Bridges, so there's a slight chance that he would make marijuana legal if he were voted in. Stoners all over the country would wipe the Doritos™ off of their shirts and peel themselves from the couch to cast their votes!
7. Don Henley
Remember when this Eagle was all into saving the rainforest and stuff? Way back in 1990 he founded the Walden Woods Project - a not-for-profit organization dedicated to protecting the historic woods in Massachusetts - so you know he cares about the environment. With the tragic passing of his musical partner Glenn Frey earlier this year, Henley has some more time on his hands and could easily set aside four years to be the "New Kid in Town" in D.C..
8. Don Juan
We've already had Bill Clinton in office who was notorious for being a ladies man. Maybe it's time to kick it up a few notches and elect the quintessential lover as the leader the free world. It's irrelevant that he's actually a fictional character. We could just supplant über-hunk Johnny Depp in his stead, and we'd have both a soft spoken Golden Globe winner and a pretty okay guitar player at the helm.
9. Donald Duck
Who better than an adorable bird in a sailor outfit to pick in this crazy election? Future President Duck has been going strong for over eighty years with no signs of slowing down. He has defeated numerous enemies including ghosts, sharks, mountain goats, and even the forces of nature. While this fluffy Donald does have a short temper, he always maintains a positive outlook on life, and isn't that what this country really needs? We can certainly do better than the cartoon character that is already on the ballot.
The previous selections were intended for humorous purposes only. Please don't vote for any of them, especially the ones that are dead. But do make sure you get out and vote for a responsible leader of the United States of America and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces on Election Day - November 8th, 2016.
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