Other Things You Can Do With a Cut of Steak
Hey, all steak lovers!
I'll get to the point. Do you enjoy steak? Any steak? I do. And furthermore, I do not mind being called a "Steak Lover," for that is what I am when I am not involved with some life-project. Yes, writing hubs that entertain my cherished-followers is one life-project I rank up there with eating steak.
But you and I both know that America's economy is in bad shape. Oh, in some areas it's improving slowly and surely, but in my case, I cannot take my wife for steak just any old time. Actually, I could never do this "just any old time," but thank God above, we got to eat steak pre-economic troubles than we do now.
Listen. You cannot fool me. You have not read the last 20 words of this story because of salivating over the steak photos to your right. Hey, I don't blame you. If I were you I would be doing the same thing.
Steak is the most-interesting meat on the planet. Just look at the "steak facts" I found:
- Guys seldom order steak on their first date due to it's expense, and if the guy is not experienced in cutting-steak for consumption, he will surely embarrass himself in front of his sexy date. But if he is a "man about town," you bet he will order steak, the finest cut, or Maine lobster to impress his sexy date. It's like steak has multiple-personalities.
- Steak, if eaten slowly, is probably the most-delicious food item on the menu, but you best eat your steak slowly for many people have ignored the "steak speed eating limit," and got carried to the emergency room with a bite of this tasty meat hung in their throat.
- Steak, like all other things, are judged by a higher-society. Those people who reside or own New York City, Boston, San Diego or Houston. Time was, not so long ago, that ordering "T-bone steak," told the waiter and other diners that "you" were "at the top" of your game and enjoying every minute of of your success. Not anymore. Today's status-builder is New York Strip. Just watch your waiter's eyes and expression when you order this cut of steak. Then you will see what I mean.These are but three startling steak facts.
Would you like to read . . .
Other Things One Can Do With a Cut of Steak
- Sail it through the air like a delicious-smelling Frisbee.
- Use it to play a quick-game of two-hand tag football if your family football has been lost.
If you are a criminal, instead of chloroform to put your kidnapping victim to sleep, roll-up your steak, squeeze the liquid out and put it over their mouth quickly. Works as well as chloroform. But please DO NOT do this.
- With the right amount of shaping, a steak can be used for a comical head-dress.
In self-defense only, if a troublemaker comes at you and your date in a posh restaurant, simply take the steak you are about to devour, and fling it at the thug's facial region. I promise you that when it hits him, he will scream for mercy.
- If you are a puppet-designer, a steak makes a great puppet. Just add eye holes, a mouth, and little arms and you have the crowd at your feet.
- If your plans change, just put the steak into your pocket and take-off. Steak will remain safe to eat for at least 24 hours. With this fact you can even with bets. If a nosy man asks, "son, what is that buldge in your pocket?" "Sir, it's a ribeye steak," you reply with stone face. "I will be you twenty-bucks that buldge is not steak, but illegal drugs," your adversary says. "Okay," you state as you open your pocket and take your non-eaten ribeye out to show him as he sadly hands you a twenty. See?
- Take-out T-bone steak makes a great "ice-breaker," on a first date with this gorgeous girl.
- She is expecting flowers of some sort, but what a smooth move in bringing her a T-bone steak with all of the trimmings inside a styrofoam plate with a lid. Her eyes will grow wide with happiness and she, being so happily-surprised, might let, "Yes, he is the one," slip while she is smiling at you.
- Steak can also do its part to fight international crime. Simply stuff your steak with contents of any over-the-counter sinus capsule and upon your being kidnapped and held for ransom, your hungry kidnapper will smell the tasty steak in your pocket and say, "Eeez that steak?" Then you "act" defiant. "Uhhh, no, Mr. Kidnapper. That is just some cat food." "Theenk yew can fool me?" the stupid kidnapper replies while ripping the steak from your pocket and stuffing it down his throat as quickly as possible. In about an hour, his "lights will be out," and you will be free, but only after you call-in this crime and the police tell you that this criminal is "Jacques El Clampeez," international thief and kidnapper.
- If you see an innocent person clinging to the side of a building in fear, do not panic. The source of their fear is at their feet growling at them. Wild dogs that have sneaked into the city from surrounding wooded areas. But you, the quick-thinking steak-lover, just tosses the remnant of your lunch, a Porterhouse Steak you had in your jeans pocket to the vicinity of the terrified person and soon, the wild dogs will be at odds with each other of who will get the meat while you and the now-free victim of their rage are sitting down in a downtown cafe about to order yourselves a juicy steak to celebrate their freedom.
- Steak can be used in your new hobby: Magic. When you do your "Disappearing Steak Trick," at your family Christmas, use a New York Strip to hold in your hand and continue with your making this pretty cut of meat vanish.
Lastly . . .
- I do not condone this, but if you are in town doing some shopping, and the cop on the beat sees that your parking meter has expired and about to give you a citation, offer him in a respectful way, the raw Del Monico's steak you have just paid for in the grocery store and hopefully he will not see it as bribery.
If you sense him about to balk, throw in the garlic bread and salad fixings.
And now, here's "Furious Pete!"
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