Pip Pop Go the Weasels
Welcome to the 2nd weekly Pip Pop awards, as I call your names will you please come forward and receive your Pip or your Pop. One more thing before we begin, unlike last week I ask all recipients of Pips to please refrain from wearing those bags over you respective heads, our legal staff has pointed out they do constitute a serious tripping hazard and as such we simply can’t allow them. In lieu of the bags feel free to turn towards the curtains in order to deliver your acceptance speech. So without further ado I call up CNN’S Jack Cafferty to receive our first award; a Pip.
Hello I am Jack Cafferty and I’m here to accept this Pip for my support of the state of Arizona and condemning the federal government for not enforcing their own laws. I gotta tell you since graduating from The Coveted Karl Marx School of Journalism I have worked extremely hard to climb the ladder here at CNN News. Fortunately for me I work for a network that doesn’t give a rat’s rear end about viewership and as such shows such as mine remain on the air. You are correct, the Obama administration generally panders to Hispanics as do I so all I gotta say regarding that, Barrack, please accept my sincere apology. I have recently been diagnosed with Turrets Syndrome and, well, things just slip out; especially that Washington Gerbil remark. I believe Vice President Biden also suffers from this condition and I hope he will intercede on my behalf.
Hello, I am Brian Williams and I’m here to proudly accept this Pop award. Unlike my predecessor this distinguished Pop signifies my continuing contribution to the proliferation of this Regime’s Socialistic Mission. Just as my esteemed colleague Chris Mathews said shortly after Obama was elected, it is our job to help this President succeed and I intend to do just that. As for bowing from the waist; it’s impossible to do so while seated. Also, I would like to publicly apologize for not kissing his ring; Barrack I was not aware you were wearing one and as such please forgive my transgression. Finally not since Helen Thomas has anyone thrown up as many softballs to this administration as I have. Seriously you didn’t expect me to ask any of those probing questions did you; remember Obama is a Democrat. Well thanks again and I hope to see you all again real soon.
Wow, this is quite an honor; the last GMA recipient you honored was my friend and long time role model Dianne Sawyer. Of course I criticized Glenn Beck in advance of his rally. It was in the script; the same script the Regime forwarded to our counterparts on CBS and NBC. After we finished ours we forwarded it to Whoopi for the View then she was to forward it on to Oprah; that’s the way these things work! What do you mean Blacks don't own Martin Luther King; as I recall he wasn’t white. Of course they own him and Al Sharpton has every right to scream; you are co-opting his message and thus his income. How do you expect Sharpton to make a living if he can no longer peddle racism; he has every right indeed to distort Dr. King’s message. As for that Abraham Lincoln guy, what did he ever do beside chop down a Cherry Tree, or was he the guy that rode the horse through the streets of Boston screaming something; no wait, he said give me something or give me death; it will come back to me but sorry I’m out of time.
Thank you, I am Julie Chen, former host of the CBS Early Show; now days you can find me guest lecturing most days at the Chairman Mao center for Redistributive Policies. If Glenn Beck is not a controversial conservative then what is he; all conservatives are controversial. The very idea of allowing people to keep most of what they earn; limiting the power of the federal government; denying poor people the right to own homes just because they can’t afford to make the payments or expecting people to work for the money they receive are indeed controversial ideas. Reverend Al is simply spreading the message; America is a racist country and as such must be cut down to size. This current Regime is doing just that so I stand by my statement; Beck is a Conservative Idealog and Sharpton is the savior of the people!
On behalf of all my animated friends I accept this award for malfunctioning thus embarrassing President Obama during his recent news briefing. As you may expect I am on the lamb and if discovered I will be shattered into thousands of tiny little pieces. Most of you aren’t aware; we in the animated world have pulled tricks on this regime before. My pal Teleprompter has taken it upon himself several times in the past to embarrass both the Premiere and his buffoon VP. So without further ado, adios amigos!
That’s all for this week folks; please join me in a final salute to our recipients; and a one and a two; around and around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel, around and around the mulberry bush, Pop goes the Weasel!