Pip Pop Hooray; Pip Pop Hooray; Acceptance Speeches
Thank you; thank you please call me Mahmoud; I am so thankful you recognized my humanitarian gesture in giving a military funeral to the man believed to be the last surviving planner of the terrorist attack on Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics in 1972. I’m sure you will agree 1972 was a long time ago and honoring this great Palestinian patriot is akin to Scotland freeing his fellow freedom fighter known as the Lockerbie bomber. You may choose to call them murderers just because a few hundred died as a result of their heroic acts. You see the fact that our glorious mosque will be built in the very shadows of our greatest triumph and your president not only supports it but is financing our Imam’s trip overseas in order to raise the necessary funds to build it is proof positive your days are indeed numbered; infidels. The time is rapidly approaching where you will either succumb to Allah or as they say; off with the head; haaaa-haaa-haaa!
What sup Mother F--------------; I am Russell Simmons; the founder of the hip-hop label Def-Jam. First I’d like to announce the release of our newest sensation; Pants on the Ground; it goes pants on the ground pants on the ground you look like a fool with yo pants on the ground; gold in yo mouth hat turned around you going downtown with yo pants on the ground; YO! Well back to the moment; the perpetrators of the first World Trade Center attack in 1992 were Christians; It’s a little known fact they broke into the Blind Sheik’s office and dressed up as Muslims; then they drove him there, set off the explosives; and fled leaving him holding the bag. After they fled the explosion they reported to George Bush for further orders.
Jake Tepper here; what are you trying to do Pop get me fired. I want a Pop not a Pip; a Pip will cost me my job. I’m with Mahmoud and Russell; I misspoke; Nancy was right. Go Nancy go; go Nancy go; build that mosque near Ground Zero!
Hello, I’m Robert Gibbs but you can call me babbles. Our 2010 budget deficit is without a doubt the single greatest accomplishment thus far of this administration. If you believe in Keynesian economics then you gotta admit we blew the top off spending with this baby. Now granted we haven’t exactly set the house on fire with our jobs creation policies but just wait, they’re just around the corner. Once those small business realize it’s hopeless to fight us and out tax increases they will come around; what else are they gonna do close up shop and go where? Yep they will start hiring or else our good friends in the SIEU will pay them a visit; I DON’T THINK THEY WANT TO WAKE UP NEXT TO A SEVERED HORSE HEAD. Trust me; they will start hiring!
Whoops; wow Pop, like my good friend Jake; you’re making me mighty uncomfortable. If I, George Stephanopoulos, asked Maxine Waters tough questions, I assure you it was a mistake. Having faithfully served Bill Clinton, America’s first black president, faithfully for 8 years you know I would not willingly turn on one of his own; Ms. Waters. So, please, take your Pip back and replace it with my fifth Pop. I conducted a hard-hitting interview; wheeew weeee I gotta laugh at that one. Not since my last interview with George Bush have I actually thrown anything but softballs up!
That’s it ladies and gentleman; let’s have a big round of drinks so we can possibly wipe out any and all traces of these dispicables; make mine a double!