Prison, affects the Family too.

When someone you know, or worse still, a member of your family, falls foul of the law, What is your instant reaction? Do we immediately judge ?

To understand the effects of this experience on our family, please read on. I am allowing you into my innermost emotion by showing you excerpts from my diary at the time, titled 'From Mum with Love'.

To enhance this, I have deployed a music theme which I request that you have playing whilst you read. The track - Spiegel im Spiegel.

From Mum with Love

22.12.03...It was this evening that we had a phone call from the police asking where you were. It was explained to us that your safety was in question and that it would be in your best interest to phone them as soon as you came in. We were so worried, your father drove around the village on several occasions in the hope of finding you. I stayed up most of the night just so that we would know that you were safe.

23.12.03...Your father went to work this morning on the understanding that I would phone him if you should put in an appearance. We were both so worried , wondering if anything had happened to you and then again what was so important that the police considered you at risk. Outside and next door there was so much activity, with police cars, forensics and riot vans - door to door questioning and so on. Then, they came here, they told me that you had contacted them and that you were now in custody. Also they wanted to search your room, I okayed it - you had nothing to hide did you? Granfer heard rumours that you had been shot, he came up straight away, white as a sheet and worried as hell. I had already phoned your father and he came home straight away. The police would tell us nothing unless you said they could - We were totally in the dark!!

24.12.03...We didn't know what to do today, Dad went to work though his heart wasn't in it. Whilst there he called into a solicitors office, just to see if we had any rights regarding information. By chance he chose the same solicitors that were helping you . Through him we were allowed access to you. You looked so thin, white and drawn. We couldn't help but just be there, you were so frightened like a little boy. We just wanted to hold and cuddle you. We are also suffering with you.

25.12.03...Christmas day came and went. I cooked the dinner, it was lovely, but the dog ate it. You phoned tonight and we cried.

26.12.03...You had a court hearing today. We were all feeling the same. To see you in that glass box and to hear them say that you were to be remanded touched us all. It was good to hear from you this evening and that you had arrived safely. Our lives will never be the same again.

02.01.04...Another court hearing today.........we had hoped that you could come home, but as the judge pointed out, your safety comes first...........Do you know what? It seems really strange here without you even though you were hardly ever around to see. The food stays in the cupboards,the milk in the fridge and God forbid YOUR FEET. yuch. Paid the phone bill this morning , would hate it if you could not contact us should you want to.

04.01.04...We are really worried about you, no phone calls we can't ring you you know. Have you not recieved our money for you? Have you lost your phone priviliges or are you being inconsiderate?

06.01.04...Speaking to you last night was great , but nothing compared to seeing you today..... It was like the clock had been put back five years and I saw the old B ,the one we always knew was inside you somewhere. Don't you feel better too?

09.01.04..............I feel that the initial shock of this situation is wearing down and the total numbness is going and has left all emotion to run wild, I just don't know how to react or feel. Don't get me wrong , loving you is easy, but, coming to terms with a situation where the result of your drug habit has led you into a world of total pain and horror, is not.

The road you are on is the hardest way to learn a lesson, I wish you luck and a safe journey.

13.01.04...In life B people interpret things in different ways. You can have half a dozen people witnessing the same incident and each one could see it differently, basically , all are correct as they saw it, though each could see something that others miss. Putting the pieces together and seeing the whole picture is very difficult............At the moment , for your father and I this whole mess is in pieces and the sooner they fall into place the better. Seems like the more we hear the less we know.

16.01.04...Got your letter today, it was good to know that you don't feel that we failed you and that you appreciated the help once you decided that you needed it. I tried so many times before to get you to ask for help but you were not ready until it seems it was too late.

Now, and the good thing from all this, is, that now you are getting the help whether you are ready or not.

24.01.04...B, Happy Birthday, you have now reached the ripe old age of 18 and become an adult..Congratulations...........Everyone has phoned tonight to see how you are, they are all concerned and will support you and be there whenever you need them OK

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Comments 28 comments

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

This is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this account from a mother's point of view. Sadly (or happily, rather?) this story could have had a much more grim ending --

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thank you Teresa, there is so much more, I just couldn't continue.

frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 7 years ago

This is emotive and harrowing. My profession revolves around adolescents, most of whom are in the 'system' - or soon will be. Goes without saying that I've also spent time visiting the kids, in prison and detention centres.

But it's one thing having the profesional perspective. Another entirely when it's a personal one.

Kudos Hawkes, it must've been a tough time - and also to share.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks frog, hope it helps someone else

Iphigenia 7 years ago

This was very moving and it was brave of you to share - not because of people being judgemental (anyway I don't belive that will happen here) but because the whole process must have felt like your heart was being ripped out. Your letters to your son are full of love and hold no hint of disapproval. He wil fell that. I admire you so much.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks Iphy, thank you so much, this was very difficult to write but to move on I just had to share.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

badcompany, I will take it with pleasure, thanks

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

What an incredible honor to be allowed in to this place in your heart! If words can impart strength from "strangers" now "friends" I wish to send some to you in these. Hugs. How is he now?

LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

I've only dealt with young defendants professionally - wonderful to read this honest account. Thank you.

ladyvenus 7 years ago

Its really hard to have one member to be put in jail. Some people will be speculating of the crime committed. Sometimes justice is just hard to grip.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks Candy for your kind words. He is fine now, though it still haunts him.

LondonGirl, glad you enjoyed..feel free if it helps anyone , to copy .

Ladyvenus, I agree with you, justice is hard to grip, and to all those that may be speculating, his main crime was 'drug abuse' and through that habit was taken advantage of men twice his age and extremely dangerous. At his young age , he did not stand a chance once their influence had taken hold.

hilltrekker profile image

hilltrekker 7 years ago

it touched me and perhaps everyone. nice hub.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks hilltrekker, pleased you popped by.

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Wow what a wonderful Mother you are...I played the song whilst reading and boy I had to hold back the must have been so difficult but God was at your side I can tell...and I hope sharing helped You my many feelings and so few of the proper words from me...G-Ma :O) Hugs

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Oh G-Ma, your words are heaven sent. So pleased you played the music, it,s how I felt. I had to stop half way through writing and return a couple days later, however, It did help to get it out.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

An amazing and heartbreaking story, events to endure beyond my imagination. I wish you and your family healing and hope. All the best

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks Tom, your kind words are appreciated.

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

Dear Alison, I hope it helped you to share your story and realize that people can find room in their hearts for goodness rather than harsh judgement. The music was perfect and communicated your heartbreak.

The attitude of the officers was creepy. Why can't they be more informative or sympathetic? I've dealt with them myself and understand that once you are on the shitty end of the stick, they just think of you as shit.

God bless you and your family and I hope your son is living well.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thank you so much Dolores, your kind words ,mean so much. My son is living well, thanks for asking.

scottaye73 profile image

scottaye73 7 years ago from Michigan, USA

This is a moving story, thank you for sharing this.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Good to meet you Scott, thanks for dropping in

flread45 profile image

flread45 7 years ago from Montana

That's a good hub and true to the point,sometimes we don't know the person who lives with us.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Ain't that the truth! thankss for your comment firead45

Whikat 7 years ago

Hawkesdream, Thank you for sharing something so private. I really do hope it helped to cleanse some of the pain away. You bring up a very good issue that a lot of us forget, is that there is always someone who hurts outside of the prison or jail ,that their loved one is in. many hugs for you and your child.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thankyou so much Whikat, that means a lot to me and mine,

John Z profile image

John Z 7 years ago from Midwest

Hawkes - This is very poignant and heart wrenching to read. This also took a lot of courage on your part. I pray everything is getting better now and a blessing for you and your Family. Thanks for an outstanding Hub.

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thank you so much John, Yes everything is now much better,life moves on and as a family we are all there supporting each other. Thanks again

Shawn R 5 years ago

I am having a difficult time with my husband being in prison - I have alot of anxiety and dont trust him any longer. Any thought?

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