Prison, affects the Family too.
When someone you know, or worse still, a member of your family, falls foul of the law, What is your instant reaction? Do we immediately judge ?
To understand the effects of this experience on our family, please read on. I am allowing you into my innermost emotion by showing you excerpts from my diary at the time, titled 'From Mum with Love'.
To enhance this, I have deployed a music theme which I request that you have playing whilst you read. The track - Spiegel im Spiegel.
From Mum with Love
22.12.03...It was this evening that we had a phone call from the police asking where you were. It was explained to us that your safety was in question and that it would be in your best interest to phone them as soon as you came in. We were so worried, your father drove around the village on several occasions in the hope of finding you. I stayed up most of the night just so that we would know that you were safe.
23.12.03...Your father went to work this morning on the understanding that I would phone him if you should put in an appearance. We were both so worried , wondering if anything had happened to you and then again what was so important that the police considered you at risk. Outside and next door there was so much activity, with police cars, forensics and riot vans - door to door questioning and so on. Then, they came here, they told me that you had contacted them and that you were now in custody. Also they wanted to search your room, I okayed it - you had nothing to hide did you? Granfer heard rumours that you had been shot, he came up straight away, white as a sheet and worried as hell. I had already phoned your father and he came home straight away. The police would tell us nothing unless you said they could - We were totally in the dark!!
24.12.03...We didn't know what to do today, Dad went to work though his heart wasn't in it. Whilst there he called into a solicitors office, just to see if we had any rights regarding information. By chance he chose the same solicitors that were helping you . Through him we were allowed access to you. You looked so thin, white and drawn. We couldn't help but just be there, you were so frightened like a little boy. We just wanted to hold and cuddle you. We are also suffering with you.
25.12.03...Christmas day came and went. I cooked the dinner, it was lovely, but the dog ate it. You phoned tonight and we cried.
26.12.03...You had a court hearing today. We were all feeling the same. To see you in that glass box and to hear them say that you were to be remanded touched us all. It was good to hear from you this evening and that you had arrived safely. Our lives will never be the same again.
02.01.04...Another court hearing today.........we had hoped that you could come home, but as the judge pointed out, your safety comes first...........Do you know what? It seems really strange here without you even though you were hardly ever around to see. The food stays in the cupboards,the milk in the fridge and God forbid YOUR FEET. yuch. Paid the phone bill this morning , would hate it if you could not contact us should you want to.
04.01.04...We are really worried about you, no phone calls we can't ring you you know. Have you not recieved our money for you? Have you lost your phone priviliges or are you being inconsiderate?
06.01.04...Speaking to you last night was great , but nothing compared to seeing you today..... It was like the clock had been put back five years and I saw the old B ,the one we always knew was inside you somewhere. Don't you feel better too?
09.01.04..............I feel that the initial shock of this situation is wearing down and the total numbness is going and has left all emotion to run wild, I just don't know how to react or feel. Don't get me wrong , loving you is easy, but, coming to terms with a situation where the result of your drug habit has led you into a world of total pain and horror, is not.
The road you are on is the hardest way to learn a lesson, I wish you luck and a safe journey.
13.01.04...In life B people interpret things in different ways. You can have half a dozen people witnessing the same incident and each one could see it differently, basically , all are correct as they saw it, though each could see something that others miss. Putting the pieces together and seeing the whole picture is very difficult............At the moment , for your father and I this whole mess is in pieces and the sooner they fall into place the better. Seems like the more we hear the less we know.
16.01.04...Got your letter today, it was good to know that you don't feel that we failed you and that you appreciated the help once you decided that you needed it. I tried so many times before to get you to ask for help but you were not ready until it seems it was too late.
Now, and the good thing from all this, is, that now you are getting the help whether you are ready or not.
24.01.04...B, Happy Birthday, you have now reached the ripe old age of 18 and become an adult..Congratulations...........Everyone has phoned tonight to see how you are, they are all concerned and will support you and be there whenever you need them OK
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