Prison Inmate Marriages

I watched a show recently about inmates around the country who are getting married while in prison. They showed examples of famous criminals being married, inmates on death row getting married, lifers getting married, and the run of the mill inmate getting married.

There seemed to be strict rules about which inmates were allowed to get married, but in my opinion, for any inmate to be married while in prison is an outrage! When a person enters jail, they enter a world without privileges. It is their own fault that they ended up in prison, and they should be stripped of almost every single right they have.

Of course I do not feel the same about all types of inmates. For the most part, I am talking about hardened criminals such as murderers and armed robbers. You know, the ones that are actually dangerous and are a detriment to society.

I have several issues with the way this all goes down. So here goes...

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Human Needs

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a human being has several levels of needs in order to live a fulfilled life. Before reaching the next level, a person must be completely satisfied of the needs in the preceding level.

The first level consists of a person's physiological needs which includes the basic needs for food, water, and shelter. These needs are essential for a person to physically survive. Without them they will surely die.

A prison meets all three of these physiological needs, and I would argue that these are absolutely imperative for our jail system. Without meeting these needs, we are subjecting other human beings to neglect.

Here's the thing. These criminals should be neglected, but because of our morals...two wrongs don't make a right. This is the way I see it...A person on Death Row is really just wasting our time and money. If they are sentenced to death, line 'em up and stick 'em with the needle. There is no reason that people should sit on Death Row year after year, eating food that we pay for in a building run on tax dollars. I know it is expensive to execute someone in prison, however there is no way that it costs more to shoot someone up with a lethal injection than to house and feed them for 30-60 years or longer!

That is where the buck stops with me. As long as we are providing the basic lifelines in our prison system, then that is where inmate rights should end.

Conjugal Visits

Some argue that sex is part of the first level on Maslow's pyramid. They say it is a basic physiological need.

If this were to be true, I would agree with conjugal visits, but since a person can survive without sex, conjugal visits are definitely a privilege that should not be allowed for prison inmates! Again, if they are in prison, it is their own fault (with the extremely rare exceptions of the wrongfully accused). They should not be allowed the same benefits that a person on "the outside" has.


Inmate Marriage

Here is my issue...

If you screw up bad enough to find yourself in prison, I want you to have as little as possible as your punishment. Life behind bars is not enough. There is no reason an inmate should be rewarded for "good behavior" after committing a crime that lands them in a cell to begin with.

I know people can be rehabilitated and some deserve second chances, but that is the price you pay for being a dumbass. Murderers do not deserve a second chance. They took someone's life and should pay the ultimate consequence.

Instead, however, good behavior warrants enough benefits for some inmates that it allows them to find love and get married while in prison! I have no proof or anything to back this statement up with, but I'm willing to bet that a marriage in prison is not free, and that I am paying for it out of my own pocket. Bullshit!

Love and marriage would be considered part of the third level of needs on Maslow's Hierarchy, and is listed as love and belonging. I am all for inmates moving up the pyramid of needs if they can, however it better be at their own expense. I don't want any part of helping them find joy. The fact that inmates are allowed to get married while they are in prison infuriates me.

I certainly don't mind if they find love in prison, or if they are already married. Visitors are fine in my book, which pretty much means an inmate must already be in love, or have someone they know that visits that later turns into some kind of relationship.

But wait...there's more! Inmates, both men and women, are allowed access to the Internet in order to find "love". In fact, there are special websites set up for this specific reason! This is absolutely ridiculous.

On the one hand, it is an extremely good idea business-wise. The founders of these sites are definitely doing well for themselves. On the other hand, this should never be allowed. A prison sentence is a prison sentence, and there should be nothing given to these criminals that allows them to personally benefit themselves in this way.

Educating themselves is one thing because it betters them in a way that can eventually benefit society. Marriage and sex are good only to them and to the person they marry. It serves no purpose to the rest of us who are paying for them!

Marriage, sex, TV, radio etc. are all luxuries that people work hard for all of their lives. An inmate should NOT be given these same luxuries simply because they are behaving themselves behind bars. Basically, if it doesn't benefit society in some way, inmates should not be able to do it!

And in the words of Forrest Gump...

That is all I got to say about that.

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Comments 78 comments

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

It's been this way for ever. Part of our 'kinder/gentler' society, I guess. I agree, tho, a loss of all perks should be standard sentancing. The other disturbing element in this is the women who throw themselves at these men. I was involved in this life thru the guys I knew growing up. They weren't hard-core but the stories of the ones that were, and the women, by the dozens proposing to the men was a joke to the men and amazed me.


Dan 7 years ago

I would only be able to agree with you if the laws that put men and women behind bars were fair and just. Many of these people are in jail for reasons I do not agree with.

http://www.justicepolicy.org/images/upload/99-03_R...

If jail were reserved only for violent offenders who have no hope of rehabilitation then yes they should be locked in a "dungeon" and left to rot. Then again, if we are only jailing people who have no hope of rehabilitation, and who really will never be a benefit to society, then why imprison them at all? We should just kill them (preferably in a science experiment to help humanity).

I do not believe that the vast majority of violent prisoners could not be rehabilitated. There are neuronal patterns which get "wired" in to our brains when we are infants and children. Most of our violent prisoners simply were not wired correctly because of serious parental neglect or abuse when they were infants.

http://books.google.com/books?id=ByhOiB4PXg0C&...

Research is ongoing into whether or not this miswiring can be fixed. One thing is clear; it would take time... a lot of it. It also takes hard work, love, and one on one relationships to fix a poorly wired brain. Some of the questions that research still needs to answer are: Is it ever too late? How long does it take to "rewire" a brain? Can drugs help? If we find out that the wiring of the brain at 25 would take 150 years to correct with intensive rehabilitation then should we even bother trying? Or should we simply say it is too late for some people, sucks that they were dealt a crappy hand, but we don't want them in our society as they are, and we don't have time to fix them.

I believe the Netherlands has a very liberal take on prison (if I'm thinking of the correct country). Their prisoners live in houses and are treated as human beings in a community (a community separate from normal society). Like if a child is caught doing something bad, he is scolded but then worked with, loved, and taught proper behavior.

I guess my thoughts are: Criminals should only be sent to prison if they are actually criminals, ie they commited a violent crime which cost someone his/her life or property which is nonrecoverable (no more non violent offenders, I don't care how many joints they smoked or cocain they snorted!). Then with those people who are actually criminals we need to do some research to figure out whether they can be rehabilitated so they can rejoin society and become productive members. For those few criminals who are actually criminals and who are too messed up to ever be fixed... why keep them alive? So really all we need are rehab centers (maybe an island somewhere) and holding cells (where the ones who can't be fixed wait for the needle).


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Dan, I would also agree with you up to a point..By who's definition of "rehabilitate". The standards do not exist, it's all point of view.. dependant upon the ability for the offender to lie effectively and show remorse - real/sincere-or completely fabricated for lighter sentance, and the governing body and their ability to see thru the crap, to the reality of the situation. The main difference between a level 3 and level 1 sex offender isn't the crime, it's whether they've gone to rehab class, also not a good judge of 'likely to reoffend".


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

This is a tricky subject and I agree with you regarding murderers, rapists, terrorist as far as society is concerned.


Dan 7 years ago

Candie~ I meant we need to develop scientific ways to determine whether someone's brain is still miswired. In fact I am pretty sure they can use MRI's with some success. A psosiopathic brain will fire differently than a normal person's brain when they see certain things. Like if you saw a starving child your brain would (hopefully) fire in a very specific way showing sorrow and sympathy. A person who was miswired would fire differently. You are correct though, it can no longer be left to a judgement call whether a person is rehabilitated. We need scientific measurements.

Rehabilitated= brain works like a normal person's.


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 7 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

Candie...I didn't want to get into the women...or men...who decide to get into a "relationship" with these inmates. But since you brought it up...it can go one of two ways....

1. They really develop some weird but rewarding connection to the person behind bars, or

2. They are just twisted and think that they can somehow find fulfillment in a relationship with an inmate. I think it is extremely hollow in most cases, but who really knows.


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 7 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

Dan...again you obviously raise good points. Obviously the laws are messed up, but in the present state this is what we deal with. (not everyone lives in the year 2175 like you do!)

That is why I made note that I am referring to hardened criminals and not the non-violent offenders.

I agree that if we can come up with a scientific measurement of rehabilitation, then we should use that. If it can't be done, lifers should definitely be lined up. There is no need to waste the time, money, and resources for them to stay alive in prison.


Dan 7 years ago

Or they can build stuff to earn their keep.


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 7 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

aahh...must have been that rum!


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Are you @#$! me? They seemed to have more priviledge and have the life of being a coach potato behind bars. While people out there in the world are suffering with no food or shelter. That's just wrong!


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 7 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

greg, thanks for your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read, but I fear that you missed the entire point of the Hub. The Hub's point is about the rights that inmates are given behind bars, not about whether or not they were wrongfully imprisoned.

I know that it happens, however I think you are overly pessimistic about the quantity of times this happens. I hear all of your observations, but without factual evidence, I find it quite hard to believe most of your claims.


csmith 7 years ago

I happen to be married to a WONDERFUL man that was incarcerated for 6 years. We started our relationship while he was in prison and I am loving it!!!! Just to let you know, he has started a mentoring camp for troulbled teens that now have about 400 members, we attend church reguarly, we have jobs and pay taxes. Everyone is not the same and people can change through prayer.


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 7 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

csmith...thanks for the comment. I do not doubt that people can change, nor do I think all people in prison are bad people.

My main and only point to this really, is that I do not think inmates should have a lot of the rights they are given in jail, especially the use of the internet to find love.

If you don't mind me asking, how did the two of you begin dating while he was incarcerated?

And ps. prayer is not how people change. Human will is how people change.


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

The whole things seems ludicrous. Why get married when you're in jail? What is the point? But the worst is when women write to inmates - murderers and others of that ilk - love letters and proposals of marriage.


Travis 7 years ago

First off please pardon my spelling i know it sucks lol

In genral I agree with you that a person that has been locked up should be denied all rights but the basics that they need to live, food, water, shelter. However my only issue with your argument is that unfourntly our justice system has a major flaw in it, and almost and my inccont people as guilty are convicted and locked up every year! Our system is so hell bent on gettin convictions that even thou a person is totally inocent they can still be found guilty. These people should not be denied of the "finer" rights life offers such as marrige, sex, friends, decent food, etc. unfourntly scince there is no way to tell apart the truly guilty and the falsely accused i belive that certin rights should still be extended to inmates. I totally agree with removeing sex however is 2 people want to get married who are we as a people as a state how ever you want to look at it to tell them that they can't get married. I have a friend who married her husband while he was locked up and ill be honest at first i was no thrilled with the idea but what i came to relize is even if we are going to take away the right to get married in the process we are also punishing the person who is not locked up who hasn't done anything wrong and is that fair?


kerrie  7 years ago

its good and hence should be promoted


kerrie  7 years ago

its good and hence should be promoted


Me 6 years ago

WOW - most of you info is wrong! - wow.


BellaSam 6 years ago

Thank God for those of us on outside who are thinkers. I can't believe some of what I have read on this subjects, I can only guess that those of you who are against certain priviledges granted to inmates probably have no loved ones locked up, and are probably white republicans. Very narrow minded individuals who believe that America is not a racist union and we're all treated equally. The truth of the matter is there are so many inmates locked up for ridicules crimes like stealing from Walmart, or being under the influence of a control substance, which is why they stole from Walmart in the first place, to curb their addiction. Why you people are worried about these ones being married in while incarcerated and not having other human priviledge, why don't you use your brains and think, "one day they will be back in society"...Do we want them back rehabilitated and "normal" and useful citizens? Take away their priviledges to have natural human contact, which includes love and nurturing from family and spouses, what type of people do you think you would inturn be creating... think think think people!!!! You want these inmates, especially if they're not lifers to be able to get as much of a normal life, but with discipline because upon their release we need them to be able to transition seamlessly right back into society. You can't deny human beings certain natural human rights and desires because you feel they need to be punished a certain way, you're not even thinking that everyone in prison is not there for violent reasons, but more than anything, they need rehabilitation. Why don't we make getting some type of degree or learning some type of trade and being certified in it a requirement in order to be released and continue to allow them to have to receive the love and support that conjugal and family visits allow. We want well rounded individuals coming back into society not grumpy and angry at world but prepared to contribute in a positive way to society.


ms yohan 6 years ago

that's not no one place to judge others about what they did or what society said they did that's left for god 2 determined what will happen or what should happen.@travis u said that u think that people that are locked up should be denied all rights that's not ur place.u r not god cause i know that u done did things that is not right but god still had mercy upon u so don't try 2 bring some1 else down cause people do change.in gods eyes all sins are the same.people always intend 2 talk about an other person life but what about if that was you be care what u hope for cause u might be going through the same thing or some1 u love what u sow u will reap.


Me 6 years ago

YOU ARE SO FULL OF BS... YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES ON BEHIND BARS, SO IF YOU DO NOT KNOW.. SHUT UP ABOUT IT. A HUMAN IS A HUMAN NO MATTER WHAT... YOU MIGHT WANT TO START GOING TO CHURCH AND THEN MAYBE YOU WILL LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT HOW GOD CREATED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH, ADAM AND EVE, THROUGH THEM WE WERE ALL CREATED, YES THE ONE'S THAT DID THE CRIME SHOULD BE PUNISHED, BUT NOT LIKE THAT ARE TRASH AND ANIMALS, AND THAT IS HOW THEY ALL GET TREATED... GO VISIT ONE, AND THEN COME BACK AND TELL THE WORLD HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT IT, BUT UNTIL THEN SHUT-UP...


ka 6 years ago

there is no condemnation ion Christ Jesus who are you to determine if an indiviual can change, God is a forgiving God, we all have done done things that needs forgiveness, and in order for that to happen we have to in turn forgive. c'mon they are human like all of us


prisonbride 6 years ago

i was married in prison myself and i agree with some of what was said and to answer you about you paying for the marriage it a no we pay for it so relax it comes out of our pockets.


prisonbride 6 years ago

thank you to me and bella sam for your comments its pretty obvious that they don't have any loved ones that are or who have been in prison id like to see how strong those people would be if they were faced with something like that i bet they would run as fast as they could!!!!!! we truly are gods special people that person should read the book of matthew were it talks about visting one in prison a lot of innocent people are locked up and shouldn't be. jesus for one your right they should go to church because they are spirtually starving.


LaShon James-Major 6 years ago

If I saw the same show you did one of the prison officials stated that prisoners who have someone on the outside do better than those that don't. I don't believe people should be rewarded for bad behavior but if having a loved one on the outside makes them a more passive prisoner, which makes the guard's lives easier then I'm all for it.


rosalind 6 years ago

I UNDERSTAND THAT MOST OF US OUT HERE THINK THAT OUR PRISON SYSTEM IS DOING A GREAT JOB BUT AS ONE WRITER SAID MOST OF YOU DO NOT KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THOSE BARS. FOR THE INDIVIDUAL WHO THINKS THAT ALL RIGHTS SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE THEN EVERYTIME HE OR ANY OF US ON THE OUTSIDE DO SOMETHING WRONG WE SHOULD BE STRIPED OF OUR RIGHTS. EVERYONE OF US HAS DONE SOMETHING AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MURDER IN THE PHYSICAL BUT HOW MANY @#@$HOLES HAVE SOICALLY DESTROYED SOMEONE. IS THERE A CRIME COMMITTED?


anonymous 6 years ago

I have a friend who has been communicating by mail, phone and personal visits every other weekend with a woman imprisoned for life without parole, for shooting her husband who at the time was drunk, but did not shoot at her. My friend has fallen in love with this woman and has been sending her $300.00 monthly. Also has included her in their will for a life insurance policy of $25000.00 or more upon their death and also leaving their home and car to her as well. Now while this prisoner may have been in a compromising situation and shot and killed her husband before he shot her, she still shot and killed him instead of running. The situation she told to my friend and reason she shot him, was that he shot into the pillow which was between them in the bed, when he did she got out of the bed and walked to the end of it, picked up a gun and shot him twice. He was a cop and a very abusive husband and she was a battered wife who feared for her life. As it stands today and since her conviction , she is in for life without parole. My friend is working hard to get her second degree murder life without parole sentence reduced to manslaughter and hoping that she'll be granted this in the next 6 months to 3 years. If this happens then their plans are to set up house and be together. Does a case like this one seem likely to overturn a life without parole sentence, especially in the state of Louisiana? Is this woman being honest with my friend, does she deserve a second chance? I understand fearing for your life, but what confuses me is that she shot him dead before he had the chance to shoot her or did she do that to make sure that he didn't get the chance. Is she being honest with my love stricken friend or is she taking advantage so that they get her out and she'll have all this money to start new on the outside? I hate seeing my dear friend taken advantage of but could she really be being honest and sincere? The point that I'm presenting in this situation is that should prisoners be allowed this communication and circumstance to influence someone on the outside so that they give them all this devotion and money after they've been convicted and sentenced to a life without parole sentence. My friend says that he'll love her forever in or out of prison and trusts her 100%. I want my friend to be happy but hate to see him settle and burdened paying for incoming phone calls all week, sending 10% of his paychecks every two weeks and then leaving assets to her in large sums of money. I'm having great difficulty justifying whether this is true love on her end or using him. Some opinions would be appreciated. Thanks.


Amazed 6 years ago

I don't think it is anyone elses business if a prisoner gets married or not ! A lot of them are sent there for stupid shit ! Our government is so messed up ! A person who uses drugs gets sentenced to prison but a child molester gets only 6months in jail ! Now tell me the government is good ! I think not ! I think most of you need to get a life and worry about yourself other than people in jail !


C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira 6 years ago from Rutland, VT Author

Amazed....it is 100% all of our business what prisoners do and do not do while in jail! WE PAY TAXES, which pays for everything they do.

I agree, our government is messed up, but we deal with what we've got, and the fact that prisoners still have these liberties while we pay for them is absolutely ridiculous.


browniecat 6 years ago

My husband is in a Federal Prison Camp serving time for a non-violent crime. We were together/engaged for 2 years prior to his incarceration. We have a son together. We are still human beings and deserve the right to be married. You negative people that say you're paying for it...no you're not! I paid for my own marriage license. He has a paying job at the camp and actually is able to send money home to help provide for his son. He is charged for phone calls and money orders are put in an account and they sit there for atleast one day. The federal government is collecting interest on every money order sent from all over the country. They are making plenty of money. I pay taxes as well and I have a college education and a well paying job. Our tax money does go to feed prisoners I understand that but we can't avoid taxes...but when I got married to my sons father we footed the bill and no one else! However, I do not agree with these women who meet inmates that are currently incarcerated and then become married, especially when they are sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. My husband will be home in a few years and we will be a normal family just like anyone else. My son deserves the right to know that his mom and dad share the same last name as him. My husband is paying for his mistakes. Trust me it's not a fun place to be and he is taking this opportunity and learning to better himself. I think marriages are just fine for non-violent criminals. If someone has a spouse and a family to come home to then they know they are supported and are less likely to commit another crime upon their release. My husband is not a bad person. He is a wonderful, caring man that made a bad decision. He would give someone the shirt off of his back if they needed it! I am so proud to say that I'm married to him... Prison or no prison!!


areyoukiddingme profile image

areyoukiddingme 6 years ago

I am working on a hub about federal prison, but wanted to

say one thing. Those dating sites that list the inmates

are paid for by the inmates families. The computers in prison only have one thing on them and that is prison email, which is paid for by the families as well. They are only able to send emails to people on their list, it has to be prepaid and if their families sign them up on a dating website they pay for it.

Prisoners in Federal Pens do not get to use the internet, or date online. Their families can list them and people looking at that site can mail them a letter to start a friendship.

Have a great day! Deb


joy 6 years ago

this is the first time i have been on here cause i am doing a research paper and it will be the last so don't reply to me just know what i have to say. you are so wrong it is not even freakin funny. our justice system is made for rehabilitation and reform in the modern days, it is no longer punishment.... in order to refrom and/or rehabilitate these inmates they need things like tv radio work and love... it is for the betterment of everyone. it does benefit everyone to have an inmate find love. and also know that inmates who get married while in prison get divorced three times less than the person who gets married and is not in prison


BloodRose 6 years ago

I will be marrying my murderer...we were friends prior and our relationship grew... regardless it is our decision...narrowminded people should worry about other issues then worrying about what we are doing...just because of one mistake he should not be denied love...


APrisonersWife 5 years ago

First off 95% of these me with be released back into society again. Do you really want to lock away a man, treat him like an animal and release him into society again ? I'm married to a man convicted of murder in a state that allows family firsts. We no longer call them conjugal's that word is used by people like you for all the attention negative stereotype hype that it entails. These visits are not only for married men. They are for select men who have keep a stellar behavior record and who are allowed the privilege for up to 48 hours to spend with their family. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, most important their children. The state statistics for men who take part in this program is 19% versus 49% who do not. Statistic prove this program works. Here are just a few of the reasons why family visits exist.

To preserve and strengthen family ties that have been disrupted as a result of incarceration.

To foster positive and responsible conduct.

To facilitate post-release reintegration into the family and community, thereby reducing the likelihood of recidivism

They are not allowed to participate if it was a heinous crime or a sex crime . They can always ask for a review and depending on their behavior record it may be granted.

To write an article without doing the research. To tell blatant lies and to be so biased is very irresponsible.

It just proves what a revenge society we live in. Some of the worst people out there are not behind bars.


timbucktoo 5 years ago

Why can't the inmates simply wait til they get out to prove themselves to their significant other.


EX C.O 5 years ago

ALL THOSE MEN IN PRISON ARE NOTHING BUT SOME CON ARTIST!THEY PREY ON WOMAN FOR MONEY AND PHONE CALLS AND COMMUNICATION TO MAKE IT THROUGH THEIR TIME. THEY WILL SELL YOU THE WORLD AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOUR THAT SPECIAL ONE,WHEN IN REALITY THEY ARE HAVING SEXUAL ACTS WITH MEN INSIDE THOSE WALLS. IF YOU THINK YOUR THE ONLY ONE HE'S WRITING,CALLING,SENDING OUT THOSE HOMEMADE CARDS, YOUR MISTAKEN. AND WHEN HES WRITING YOU,BELIEVE ME,YOUR ONLY ONE OF MANY. SO WISE UP AND DON'T LET THE CON ARTIST TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE!


Soraya 5 years ago

I would think that one would first do research and find proofs of such things before writing anything so that they know what they are talking about. Since that was not done in this I will do so for you.

No, tax dollars are not used to pay for prison marriages. The person who is getting married must pay for the marriage license and pay for the person marrying them. So you are wrong there. Also who are you to say that a person cannot benefit from finding love and marrying that person while in Prison. Some may argue that meeting someone while they were in Prison made them a better person. Some have more to look forward to on the outside and get their life on track. It is people like you who make inmates just want to give up and go back out into society and not give a crap and get sent right back.

I personally know many men and women who have met while incarcerated (MWI) and when the inmate came home they were still the person that they met while in. They live happy lives and are doing rather well. Not all people are con artists. Who are any of you to judge someone you have never met nor laid eyes on in your entire life.


Ginny 5 years ago

I am currently married to an inmate, we were married before he was incarnated, and I take our wedding vows very seriously...I just wanted to point out that a lot of your information is wrong about prison..Or at least the one my husband is in. The only thing he is given to him, is 3 meals a day, if it is a weekeday 2 if it is a weekend or holiday, a bed and a sheet...Not very warm considering hte weather has been 15-0degrees locally lately. Everything else he gets from tv, radio, down to the basic hygiene. He has to pay for. He is one of the lucky ones that is able to get a job and makes about 30.00 a month from it (think about that next time anyone wants to complain about wages) which covers his basics. Luckily his mom send hims some extra in. And I take care of the money for his phone privileges so he can call and talk me and our kids.

And a person can live without sex, we don't get conjugal but those visits would relive a lot of the stress in prison and be incentive for good behavior.

I know a lot of people out there believe like my father does, that you have to be a bad horrible person to end up in jail...but all it takes is a mistake and that mistake can be as simple as driving distracted not drunk or high just something catches your mind for a split second and you hit someone. And you get an overly eager DA and bam vehicular manslaughter charges.


Felisha 5 years ago

I call bullshit on your whole damn "opinion"! Who the hell do you think you are judging people that have made mistakes? Whether they ended up in prison or not. Your not paying for inmates to married! Omg... Unreal! You obviously did some basic research but it seems that you spew uneducated bullshit out of the hole under your nose without having the facts. Your not perfect so get the fuck off your pedestal and pull your head out of your ass.


Madina 5 years ago

feels like you are someone who got dumped by a girlfriend who then got married to an inmate. I swear your f*cking article got me so mad, I'd rather get married to a murderer than someone like you. And i would love to see you to spend even one day in prison, and see how it feels like.


Jay D 5 years ago

You are so ignorant there are better ways to voice your opinion. If someone has done you wrong that's fine but do not belittle people that are incarcerated. Currently I am being charged with a crime that can send me to jail for a long time. I didn't do it but my ex is an extremely jealous person so what do you make of that? In some cases these as*holes that sentence people don't care they love taking people off the streets especially minorities... So what do you make of that? People like you are why people go to jail people get frustrated behind the dumb stuff that you say think before you write!

Inmates should have limited rights but not be neglected. I would like to stick you in a cell and feed and allow you bathroom privileges when I get ready.


kaypilky 5 years ago

how annoying it is to read some of these comments posted by people who obviously don't have a clue about what they're talking about ...

im getting married to my fiancé this year whos currently in prison ... he doesn't have an amazing life and lots of privlidges like most of you seem to think ... He,s serving his time for the crime he commited.


Chrystal 5 years ago

Are you stupid.... first of all.. inmates are not aloud to use internet in any way shape or form!!! They are aloud to use pay phones(the person they call has to allow them to call) and its paid for by the inmates loved one, and they are aloud to write letters. These are the only 2 ways they have of contacting the outside world. Most inmates who get married in prison were already with the person they marry before they went to prison! So if it makes the loved one happy to be married to an inmate who has the right to deny them that? Not you! Inmates family members are citizens of normal society. My husband is in prison and im a nurse. I bust my butt for what I have and what extras he gets. I pay taxes which is what pays the prison system! 40% of inmates who are in prison, should not be there, but just simply couldn't afford real legal help! Public defenders are a joke and help the state not the inmate! As for conjital visits. They should definetly be aloud. It would decrease the amount of homosexuality and sexual harassment in the prisons. Imagine how much happier inmates would be and how much it would cut down violence in the prison system. Think about in the outside world. Men thrive for sex. If they had that to look forward to, they definetly would keep themselves out of trouble. In the long run this would save money spent on punishing inmates! As for u belittling inmates! Everyone makes mistakes and there is only one person who can punish anyone for those mistakes and that is the lord! NOOOOO ONE IS PERFECT... some of us get caught and some of us do not!


Fussy 5 years ago

I am just wondering how many of you have actually had a loved one, be it a friend or family member, be incarcerated or is incarcerated now? Have you done any dig down deep research to find out for yourself or is it just hearsay and what we happen to find on the internet?

In my experience there are a lot of grown adults in prison now who made mistakes as a teen/young person. Sometimes harsh drugs were involved and their judgement was severely impaired. Crimes were committedLivesand lives were lost. As horrible as it is, and cannot be changed, do we still punish someone who is sincerely remorseful and will suffer the rest of their life by their own punishment of themselves? Or do we give them a chance to rehabilitate and maybe keep some other kid from making the same mistake? Out of all the thousands of inmates in this county, should we really write them all off as useless animals, or remember that they are still human beings? Sometimes our own actions can make us as bad as those we accuse of not being worthy of living.


bl6ckr0s3 5 years ago

Did u thought about starting a petition about where our tax money goes for all these purposes? In the meantime, u should think about some of the innocent people in prison for false accusations & u should also think about how many bad people r out there in the world that aren't in prison. U shouldn't be so judgemental about those incarcerated. Nobody but God has the right to judge.


Brida 5 years ago

I missed the part where you paid for my prison wedding. I paid for the license, ceremony and minister myself. The right to marriage is a basic human right, it seals you as a family in the eyes of God, should my husband or I pass while he's in there, we are a family. It was 100% necessary and important to our religious beliefs, and it is our right for those beliefs to be respected. And whilst I disagree with the argument that the inmate has "given up" his right to marriage - what about MY right to marriage? How did I give up my right to that?


K.J.T.C. 5 years ago

Wow, you really know how to write as a one sided person. For you to think and say that people should or shouldn't be allowed the things that god has given us to experince is annoying, and lets just hope for your sake that you are never ever behind bars because if so you will realize how cruel you sound. Imagine that one day your family is in danger and you kill someone while protecting them but get sentenced for mansluaghter, now your incarcerated and everything is taken away from you and you are then treated exactly how you wrote that it shoud be? I just wish people like you would know or have experience about what they write. Lets hope you learn a thing or two before you decide to write about something else. By the way, I haven't ever posted or responded to anything on the internet and after reading this bullshit I just had to comment! Do everyone a favor and take this page out or better yet just take yourself out...


Kayla 5 years ago

it depends on the prisoner. not all of them are there for something bad. some are completely innocent, just because some people deserve to be there doesn't mean there all do. your an asshole.


L. Badeaux 5 years ago

I been dating a woman 42 y/o that married a liffer without possability for parole. I kinda understand how she ended up with him. needles to say, he was in there 10 years already, when she married him. She was victim of abuse, and found him to be a safe relationship. After 10 years being with him, she had an affair outside the marriage, (Due to loneliness and false hope) and had a childfrom it. I met her 9 mos after the childs birth. The real father wasn't interested although a decent guy. I raised her son with her past 3 years. now she has never really gotten over her ex in jail, and though they talked divorce since i been withher, its never happened. He personally assured me he was sending her the papers and that they weren't anything between them anymore. He never kept his word. What should I have expected. He has her like a puppet on a string, and needles to say, he can raise my surrogate son now, cause im looking for a faithful true woamn that wants a future. She can have him. Point of the story. Marriage for lifers shouldn't be a choice for them to have. he cannot support her, and she barely makes enough money to survive. forcing her on the backs of the public to foot the bill. also one of the chidren is his that was conceived from that relationship. whos supposed to pay for raising a life prisoners child?


Daveena 4 years ago

FYI YOU/taxpayers DON'T pay for the inmate marriages! The person on the outside does...So maybe next time you should look into it before you write "Im guessing" cuz your wrong!! Article are meant to be writin with facts not guesses...Sorry!


annonymous 4 years ago

you sound like an ignorant person,you speak of a subject that you do not know of on a personal level.if you knew anyone who is currently in a federal prison or been in one yourself you would understand.my husband is in one and to suffer and be away from your family for a crime that is unjust is not up for debate.you sound like a bitter person whos life has been nothing but utter disappointment so you try to rationalize you personal views on the rest of the world.walk a mile in their shoes then you have the right to judge till then you should not voice your opinion.


Mannaggia 4 years ago

Sorry to bring this up, but I feel as if I must make this point: Many people vote against gay marriage. Many of them say things like "It's bad, it says so in the Bible, God wouldn't want that." But I bet you God would MUCH rather have a couple of innocent gays marry than a couple of murderers and rapists...Just more proof of how messed up our laws are.

I believe in your statement about how cold-hard criminals get way too many "extras." People who have broken apart families shouldn't be allowed to just go ahead and start their own... I believe that where our dollars should go instead is towards rehabilitating teens who have committed non-violent crimes. This is because they still have more time to change, and often their opinions are more easily swayed...

I also believe that killers, rapists, armed robbers, abusers, etc. should have to pay for "their own kind." We pay our tax dollars for those sick people; Personally, I think these criminals should pay MORE. Violent and disgusting criminals should pay heavy taxes for the rest of their lives- Personally, I find that to be a fair punishment, considering all the things we pay for to give them. (With the possible exception of those who can barely survive on their income.)

I believe non-violent criminals should be forced by law to go through extensive rehabilitation, but not denied every single luxury.

I have one exception to this: Drug dealers. Drug dealing is sick and disgusting, and these dealers know all too well that they are damaging people, possibly even killing, and ripping apart families- all for money.


witcharoo52 4 years ago

Fussy even though your comments were 10 months ago; YOU COULD NOT HAVE EXPRESSED IT ANY BETTER !!!!! I stand with you word for word... It would be very interesting to me to know just how many of those that expressed their self righteous opinions on this subject have had any real life experience with prisoners or the prison system on any level what so ever!Because it is more than apparent to me that there is a serious lack of factual information that they know absolutely nothing about.....Our Tax Dollars pay for this and that of this fairytale existance they think they are living being incarcerated confirms the fact they do not have a clue as to the truth of being in prison at all.!!!! I would absolutely love to see them experience afew days in the conditions our loved ones are forced to live in and with daily. And then and only then tell me or anybody else that knows the truth what prisoners serving time should not be allowed to have or do.!!! I believe that with them experiencing only a short amount of time inside that attitudes would most definitely be changed.


Jennifer 4 years ago

Gee, I am so sorry that you fail to recognize inmates as being HUMAN BEINGS..... tell me you have never made a mistake in your life. Tell me why YOU deserve to get married, what makes you so good? There are some very bad people in prison, but there are some very good people too and the bottom line is that they are still PEOPLE, and last time I checked, being locked up away from society is punishment enough. Who the hell are you to think you have the right to say that anyone in prison doesn't deserve something?! I truly feel sorry for people with your closed minded thinking.


ELIZABETH KENNEDY 4 years ago

I think all of you who believe that letting an inmate who isn't on death row, was engaged before going in, and the crime committed isn't aggravated or molestation charges is wrong, NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!! Id never wish this life upon anyone and it is complete torture. So for you to sit in your little chair typing away about a subject you have only seen on t.v put yourself in the shoes of women who were already engaged to a man who turned himself in and is trying to turn his life around. Whoever wrote this i wish you could spend just one day in my life. Because your stupid hypocritical ass would definitely have a different point of view.


Mini 4 years ago

To all the people decrying how ignorant everyone else is, you should just shut up. Each state is different. Some prisoners do have access to Internet, I know because my nephew does. They are allowed to use the county library, including computers. He also gets weekend passes he spends with his family at their home.


Horrez White 4 years ago

First of all i don't think that anyone on here has the God given right to be able to say who can,who shouldn't and pass judgement as to why..I bet the people on here that are going against what an inmate should be allowed or what happiness that the inmate should enjoy is probably more miserable than the inmate that is locked up..All in all i feel that whatever makes a person happy no matter who it is with and or why is strictly their preference and their business and if anyone or anybody does not agree with it then i say to stick with what you know and mind your own business..If you don't agree with something then keep it moving because you cannot impose yopur feelings,needs,wants,do's and dont's on others it is strictly up to the individual and what they want and how they feel...It seems as though it is so easy for people that are looking from the outside to judge and talk crap while never experiencing being on the inside..So i say to these folks get a life and i hope you find true happiness one day and lord help you if you are ever incarcerated or have a loved one that becomes incarcerated,i bet your whole outlook would change...Mind yo business!


MSG 4 years ago

Yes seriously, shut the hell up. I bet your opinion would change real quick if you got locked up. Everyone does dishonest things in their life. The difference between everyday society and an inmate is you probably haven't been caught yet. Do us all a favor and find something else to do with your free time.


Jenna 4 years ago

I'm about to get married in prison and the attitudes of some people here disgust me! And do you know what, I can't even be bothered to respond because it is evident that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! Shame on you.


stephanie 4 years ago

I think this is crazy, there are a lot of people in prison that did not commit the crime that they are there for in the first place! I believe that even if they did do the crime then they need a second chance because most of them do change! My husband is in prison and I for one think that you need to understand more before you put things on here showing you know nothing about any of this!


Shelly 4 years ago

C. F. You are a jerk.


jamie 4 years ago

rapist, killers, molesters, and terrorists should have no rights, but a lot of people are in jail for stupid crap, like punching people in the face for self defense, or pot or something else that is a victim-less crime. if it didn't hurt anyone else then whatever. even if your a theif you should still have rights. EVERYONE has stolen something in their lifetime. even if it was just a stamp or something. no one is perfect, we all have flaws. who is anyone to judge another. i have served this country and protected people rights to freedom. that includes inmates and jackasses who hypocritically judge all others. so i feel like liers and hypocrits should all be jailed, but that isn't how it is. inmates deserve basic human rights. only god shall judge me, so if you want to, go ahead, but i don't give a shit. i didn't judge any of you, just stated my opinion on the matter. you aint special honey, you will probly mess up one day. then we will see if you think you deserve rights. haha, people make me laugh


discussed 4 years ago

I know that we have freedom of speech and have the right to voice our opinions but I feel that a lot of people that had nothing but negative comments can should be a shame of them selves how dear you talk about taking more rights from inmate until u experience what really goes on in jail or have a love one in there u really don't have the right too say those horrible things there are innocent people. That are behind bars people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time & there people who did horrible things that put themselves in there but we don't have the right to add on what they are going through in there let God handle Them on judgment day and for those who say they are not paying taxes they are paying something u could never pay which is their life,freedom, not being with their loveones and missing out on their kids grow and lets not talk. About if they can come home how hard it going to be for them too get a good paying job not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth and not everyone had great parents to teach them from right or wrong instead of making comments on how they shouldn't have certain rights make some comments on how we should all come together and try an stop our younger generation from making the same mistakes that the people that are locked up its people like you who help make our country look bad shame on all of you.


leahanctil 4 years ago

My fience and me have 4 kids 3 girls and a 1 month old son..hes been incarsurated for 4 months on a crime he didn't commit and the only so called evidence they have is 2 crackheads a registered pedifile and victim whos storys don't match up yet they keep changing them.. my fiences prints were not on the gun and he had no residue on him or his clothes yet there going to believe them and try to give my babie 20 years if he takes the deal...my fiences brother is a crack head and best friends with the witnesses hes setting his brother up to save his own ass and because of it our family is suffering so Don't talk about something unless you actually have a clue there is such thing as wrongfully convicted and well point blank I AM GOING TO BE GETTING MARRIED TO MY BABIE WHILE HES IN JAIL it may not be what every little girl dreams of but i have the man of my dreams and weather hes in there or out here theres no way in hell i wont stand by him and be Proud to be his...sooo praying hes home soon but loving him regaurdless


paola 4 years ago

if you have no idea how it feels having a loved one in jail than don't even bother opening your mouth. im 21 i have two kids my fiancé has been incarcelated for 8 months. and they have been the worst 8 months ever. he is in jail for something he didn't do. and there trying to give him 10 years and they have no proofs on him. and about the marriage and you paying? you might want to research that again cause it doesn't come out of your pocket you ignorant person. we pay for it so now why don't you just shut the f... up and go do something with your life.


peggy stephens 3 years ago

im writing to find out how my brother and his girlfriend can get married they are both locked up one in the county and one in prison can you please tell me what i need to do please give me call so i can get an understanding of what needs to be done please and thank you thanks for you time


Me 3 years ago

That is not true now in most cases yes you end up in jail prison most time be ause you put your own self there but m boyfriend was just indicted for selling drugs and got 13 years I was his first time ever being in trouble and he's 28 years old. But I see people get away with fucking murder every single day. Conspericy is a bullshit law. Sme of the people ha told on him wha they said wasn't even true! Ad they never caught him wit nothing it's all (ghos dope) "he sa she say" how can you take 13 years away from someone life take m sons Fahd away for 13 years off lies? I understand if he would of got 5 years mabe but 13 ? That's his old fucking life and wtf did he ever do to anybod to get that much time?


jennifer johnson 3 years ago

im with a man ive know eight years an I like to know how to get married over the phone


aguilarswifey profile image

aguilarswifey 3 years ago from U.S.A.

inmates have no access to the internet,they can have family or friends set up an ad. for prison penpals.some prisons have kiosk that is strictly supervised where an inmate may read an email sent to him through the prison's mail rooms.they can then type up a letter that is read by the CO'S before being sent.it is NOT the internet.please see "jpay" and "corrlinks" to understand how the prison email works.once again though...there is NO internet access for an inmate

the part about the internet is all i see wrong with your hub.i very much agree with you on everything else you have written.many people that will 'yell' about your article are the 'savior syndromed' women that marry inmates after meeting them on a prison pen pal sites


ProudPrisonWife 3 years ago

this made me sick to my stomach. i cant even fathom how someone could have such a closed mind! i am going to be marrying my inmate in a few months and im beyond happy. y fiancé didn't have a family to guide him, love him, and teach him how the world works. our prisons need to focus more on helping these lost souls build a foundation for themselves. skill building classes, counseling, therapy, medications if needed, college courses, GED/diploma, and whatever else they can offer. we should be trying to push prisoners forward! help them become productive members of society like many of them really want to. my fiancé gets treated like an animal in the prison he is at and its disgusting. the officers there are power hungry pigs and they enjoy terrorizing these prisoners. all you ignorant people who agree with this post i want you to think of this, if someone you loved and cherished was sent to prison, would you want them to get treated this way? i doubt it. do not judge what you do not understand.


Sanctuary 2 years ago

Welcome to hell or what? I am kind of surprised by the number of prison marriage supporters we have in this country. I guess you can beat your wife and marry another one while you are in jail. I get it life is not fair and that prison is an industry, still I can imagine that most people are there for a reason. I would question my decisions about marrying someone in prison and at-least decide after they get out. Sure some our in for poor reasons and such but even the time spent in prison is going to be much different then who they are when they get out.


ladywhite 2 years ago

I married an inmate and it's nothing like you thinking or writing


Rhudson profile image

Rhudson 2 years ago from California

Okay, First and foremost the inmate and his future wife pay for everything...The taxpayers don't pay for anything they pay the preacher or pastor at least $100 each inmate has to pay that amount. They have to pay for all the forms and even the marriage license . I have seen it and it is not much of a marriage it is done at their regular visit so no time is taken away just to do it... Also, they really don't get a honeymoon if that helps settle your mind any lolz... I agree about child molesters and killers so we do agree on that thanks great article. I find people don't have to agree on everything and it is great to hear or in this case read people's opinion's...


Chavez 2 years ago

That what it is my comment. Some of us are very judgmental of others but when it comes the time that one of our loved ones faces the court system we change our mind. I am one that if U did something get throught it and keep going. I hardly ever judge. If I start a relationship it shall b from today on and we can begin a new life. There's no time in my life to point fingers at all and I just leD my life by the following "I cant say I won't do this that or the other for that which I said I won't I might end up doing" I don't jugge anyone at all I can just hope that we all can pick up from we left off so long ago.


Chavez 2 years ago

Here I go again. As I looked at the system and I have read a lot...I do agree w Ferreira in his views...We did something to b where we r at today...I don't want to b judge mental at all...but if the facts show otherwise...We R where we at today because of our own doing...innocent until proven guilty...and guilty until proven the fact...Just so sure that if we were innocent from the start...Y R we in such place...because we we're proven guilty as charged...Hmmmm just saying...


l a creasion 2 years ago

I work all day we them don't judge if you don't know nothing if ma eyes cant talk . you want to know if you love an animal you cant learn to love them to.


candy 2 years ago

My husband in in prison and by hos own doing. He is working on himself in there and am proud of him for all he is doing in there. They are not given access to the internet they get email that's it and I pay for it each email cost me money. if he gets a tv I pay for it 200 dollars. ( which he don't have because I cant afford it) radio's I buy. he works a job in there and child support is taken out. He don't get a lot of privilege in there a world where you have to worry about if you are going to get murdered in your sleep because you fell into an addiction with pain pills after surgery and made some dumb choices. COngical visist are more than sex for the inmate. Many women I know that get them ( they are nopt allowed in my state) take the kids and they have a night or two as a family so the the kids and wife get to feel normal even if only for a min. they don't deserve it but the families do. WE DIDN'T make this mistake but we take our vows seriously. there are more than one side to every story and your article is very one sided. yes they messed up but their families didn't. EVEN THE MURDERED has a mom or wife that didn't ask for this. Everything my husband gets besides 3 hots and a cot I pay for. PHONE calls I pay for and for marriage inside those walls. the person on the outside pays for it all. nothing is free. Those men (and women) are suffering for their crimes. and to think otherwise is just wrong.


Lady kay 10 months ago

This article upset me pretty bad one not every one in jails or prisons are guilty yet your insisting that there rights and lives should be taken away, two as yes most of your rights are taken i do not belive all should be not only would you be taking the rights from the inmates but from a loving family as well. Why should the women andchildren suffer over what there man did vise versa. My man is not in prision but he is in jail, he goes to the rehab program they have, he works on work relese team as a trustee and plans to countinue servises when he is released. We had our wedding date already planed when he went in over a stupid disioncion he made but with our 4th little one on the way and the money we already spent on the license for a court house marrige any way, why not marry him while hes in. Even if in prison and not county i believe that any one should have the right to love, now marrying a person they dont know and these ppl just being there sick murder followers is different thats just demented and wrong but i mean the men and women who know the person they want to marry well, the person who wants to let there spouce kniw they are dedicated to them and only them why take there right to marry its wrong to look at the person and say stop loving them they have 15yrs leave and marry another guy, if you love a person you stick to that one person

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