Romney Admits to Hating Animals, Jews, Babies and the Earth

Romney accepts Satan's coveted Ultimate Evil pitchfork trophy at this year's demons and devils convention.
Romney accepts Satan's coveted Ultimate Evil pitchfork trophy at this year's demons and devils convention.

Well Democrats out there already knew Romney was the most evil demon to ever spew forth from the lowest levels of Hell, but new levels of his villainy surfaced the other day, that even I, closet Republican that I am, did not realize.

Having been reduced to getting my news from a broad collection of news sources across various platforms and even from a variety of non-US sources as perspective for a while, I realized I had fallen out of touch with the politics of my nation. Too much reading and study of issues in their complexity has prevented me from recognizing the simple inductive approach to learning about candidates that is now in vogue with the voting masses. Being a quick study, however, I soon learned how to do it, and then applied it to Romney to see if I could finally vote for my party again (having been unable to do so last time given how bad the ticket was). I cannot tell you how shocked I was to discover what I did about Romney by using these new fact creation techniques.

First, I learned that I only need one source of information (wow, does that cut down on all that darned reading time, whew!), so I clicked on the first article I could find. This one. Holy cow, it’s all right there. That is all I needed to know. That’s when I realized Romney is just the singularly biggest hater in the history of all mankind. He literally hates everything, and it was all so completely right there in your face. You don’t even have to read the article to see it. The picture—which we all know speaks a thousand words—has it all right there for you. You just have to do the thought work in keeping with contemporary approach to political dialogue.

Irrefutable evidence.
Irrefutable evidence. | Source

The Evidence:

So there it is, Romney shamelessly holding up that bag of barbecue. What a douche. There’s a dead animal inside that bag. He’s holding up the hacked up remains of a living creature and is just as happy as he can be about it. He’s an animal hater in the worst way.

And worse than that, he’s a Jew hater too. The dead animal parts in that bag are pork. PORK! Everyone knows that the Jewish people don’t eat pork. It’s not kosher. And yet there’s Romney, trying to be the representative of all the United States, in which there are lots and lots of Jewish people, and yet, Romney gonna have him a big old pork sandwich. He might as well just go urinate on that wall in Jerusalem or something. It’s disgusting to watch him be so disrespectful.

And if Romney urinating on the Wailing Wall is not enough of a heinous act for him to have committed, this photograph proves how much he truly hates the environment as well. First off, pigs, like cows, pass gas. They produce methane which, as seemingly everyone will tell you, is the singular biggest cause of green house problems. He’s promoting the raising of animals with the explicit intent of destroying the Earth through methane.

Then, add on top of that, the meal is in a plastic bag. So, he might as well just go strangle some dolphins and poison a salmon breeding pool somewhere right now. And when he’s done with that, his bag can go not degrade for a thousand years, but even as it does, it will be slowly leeching toxins into the soil poisoning crops, and worse, into the aquifer which will eventually be imbibed by innocent people, mutating their gamete cells and make them have deformed babies. I mean, HOLY CRAP! What kind of an evil monster is actively working to make people have mutant babies?

So, there you have it. It’s perfectly clear now. Romney is an animal murdering, Jew hating, wall peeing, fish poisoning, dolphin strangulating, baby mutater who wants nothing less than the total destruction of the planet!

Clearly I cannot vote for such unmitigated evil now that I have seen the indisputable, undeniable evidence of it with my own two eyes. And now you have too. You have no need to investigate both candidates with any kind of careful eye for real truth, nuance, or even just simple context of anything you read. This article, that photograph, are all you need.


Obama saves blades of grass from evil, methane-producing cow assault.
Obama saves blades of grass from evil, methane-producing cow assault.

The Only Possible Conclusion:

Which means, I guess I’m voting for Obama. I suppose that’s just as well though. Obama is like an angel. I heard he was seen at a barbecue the other day having a steak sandwich. When called out on that—a right-thinking American questioning Obama's potential animal hatred as evidenced by the deed—Obama was quick to point out that he actually loves animals, including cows, but, sadly, the cow was killing the grass in a field, so, it had to be put down before it destroyed all that important vegetation that helps process green house gasses out of the atmosphere. He was sad to think about it, but, he was willing to eat the steak sandwich so that the creature’s sacrifice was not in vain. What a noble gesture. Obama loves everything so much he is even willing to save blades of grass.

I’m just glad that this election is going to be so cut and dry. I mean, we have Satan’s twin brother, Romney, and the planet's angelic salvation, Obama. And thank god for Internet forums and Facebook one-liners to keep it all simple and broken down so reasonably and intelligently. Otherwise, I would have been stuck reading and thinking, like, totally wasting time on my one measly vote.

This hub brought to you by...

This hub was inspired by the flagrant deceit and contempt for truth behind titling a video (shown below) or starting a forum thread like this thread that not only write blatant lies as headlines, but then seem to not even care that the "evidence" they present doesn't prove the claim.

Those who read my stuff regularly know that I am rarely political, because in mainly nauseates me, but sometimes I just have to say something. Like now. America will continue to suffer as long as both "sides" continue to put no more effort into their politics than the treatment this video got, which is all I see now given the nature of Facebook one-liners slapped out of context onto photographs and stuff like this video. If someone wants to complain about Chinese policy, or American policy towards China, great. Do it. But to pretend this video is Romney "ADMITTING" to some drivel is to begin the conversation with a lie, and then to run with it as if it were truth is to endorse deceit when we should be actually trying to solve problems. That is the cancer of American politics right now. I realize politics has always had this, but politics never had Facebook and YouTube like we do now. Everyone yelling, nobody thinking. The absence of truth, and, worse, the absence of any desire for it.

The Lie: "Mitt Romney admits to using Chinese slave labor..."

So, using your brain: Does Romney ADMIT to USING Chinese SLAVE labor?

  • Yep, he comes right out and says it: "I confess to using Chinese slave labor."
  • No. He says nothing of the kind.
  • No, he doesn't admit to it, but I think there's trouble in China so it's okay to make up stuff like this to get the conversation started.
  • He's a Republican, who cares what he says. Lying about him is fine.
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Comments 13 comments

Mark Ewbie profile image

Mark Ewbie 4 years ago from Euroland

I have to say you have really got to the heart of the matter with this page. As a committed Christian (pending release awaiting psychiatric reports) I am glad I didn't fly to America, get naturalised and end up voting for the Devil guy.

Finally, someone speaks some common sense and truth about politics.


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

OMG.

Did I say: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Funny, as usual, but if Romney is elected, will he start fencing in his corporations to keep job seekers out? That would be so cool.


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

On a more serious note, though, I've been thinking it for months and haven't really said anything. You're always more articulate than I am, so I'm glad you've finally weighed in. It's quite disgusting really. THANK YOU for putting something out there that makes the point.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

The great he-devil cearly also hates Muslims and vegetarians, as neither of them eat pork, either.

Other than that, I find this a flawlessly researched and presented hub.

Will gladly share this on Facebook and encourage all like-minded voters to subscribe to the Shadesbreath RSS as their one and only source of factertainment news!


The Republican profile image

The Republican 4 years ago from USA

All of your information is wrong. do research before you write a random untrue story! I am only 19 and i know this is untrue!


CR Rookwood profile image

CR Rookwood 4 years ago from Moonlight Maine

As a citizen of Michigan on Weight Watchers AGAIN for the FOURTH time to lose the SAME 20 pounds, all I want to know is, did he finish that bar-b-que? And if not, how many 'points' are in the leftovers? (So hungry....)

You say there is an election in the works. Rilly? That explains all the back to back so-and-so is a douchebag ads on TV. I may just close my eyes and pull whatever lever my hand lands upon.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 4 years ago from UK

I remember you writing about another beast passing huge amounts of gas. Let us not forget to put that one down as well, if the earth is to be saved......;-))


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

As you wrote this did you think the names were interchangeable?

Couldn't get to your video.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

I told myself I wouldn't comment on this Hub (so as not to get sucked into a poltical debate), but to Tirelesstraveler: the video was shut down because whoever's youtube account that was got terminated. I've reposted a new version, as it's been put back up by others. That cut off account is rather an interesting twist of events, though.

(And yes, the interchangeability is the point).

@ De Greek: Lawl! Fiber One ftw! I hope Romney doesn't come chop me up and have me for dinner. (Oh, and I'm almost done with that book.)

@ CR Rookwood: you will have the same basic outcome either way, so might as well.

@ The Republican: Google "Satire" and see what you come up with.

@ MM - Yeah, I thought about tossing those in too, had a deal on vegetarians in my first draft, but it got too long, so I cut to the chase as best I could. I tend to be longwinded anyway.

@ Motown2Chitown: It did need to be said, didn't it? (sigh)

@ Austinstar: Cool in that ironic, we're all so screwed kind of way.

@ Ewbie: Yeah, you would have secured your place in burning agony for all times with a vote like that. Count yourself lucky. :)


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 4 years ago from North America

The film The Campaign put all this slosh together and came up with a hero and a brave happy ending; but I sense that we will have nothing like joy and happiness no matter which of the major contenders wins in 2012.

I like your slosh better, btw, but will pray for write-in candidates or a takeover by Extraterrestrials quickly.

Cheers!


WritingPrompts profile image

WritingPrompts 4 years ago from The Garden of Eugene (Oregon)

I love the hellish award photo - did you make that one yourself?

I'm afraid I can't decide between the two of these guys based on pork consumption however... having read more than one article this election season, I discovered Obama also eats BBQ on a regular basis. (They didn't mention plastic bags however...)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Heh, yes, the award photo is a quick bit of work in photoshop. And I'm with you on indecision. They're both BBQ eaters... what can a nation do?!

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