My Roommate on Bums and Illegitimate Bums

Legit Bum

Funny and Legit
Funny and Legit


The illegitimate bum...I want to make this term crystal clear. I am not talking about the "legit bum" who is down on their luck, has nowhere else to go. I'm not talking about the guy who stands by your local McDonalds and is in desperate need of money. No, I'm talking about the 'illegitimate bum' who in most cases are dressed better than you and appears to have all the same advantages in life as everyone else.

You know, the 'supposed' bum who projects themselves on you aggressively and without submission...where it feels as though you are being robbed point blank without the gun so to speak.

They are con-artists and loafers or (my new term) illegitimate bums. I'm sure everyone has run into this particular situation. It's usually at a gas station, late at night, and the bum walks up to you and asks you for some money. They usually come at you with a sob story about how their car broke down and they need 10 bucks in order to repair it. (All I want to know is, who the hell is this mechanic that only charges 10 bucks!).

In all actuality, you don't know their situation, and you really don't care if the illegitimate bum insists that they are not bums. Personally, I hate this particular circumstance because the hassler puts you in a predicament. I mean, let's face it, who really wants to hand over their money, especially when you have to pay 50-70 bucks to fill up your gas tank? However, if you turn them down, there's always that little piece inside of you who fills guilty for not handing over a couple bucks to the guy. I mean, for crying out loud, their car is broke down!

My roommate (who will remain anonymous for the sake of privacy) ran into this particular problem yesterday. Let me go on the record and say, I think my roommate is a good guy, but some of his ideologies may seem a little bizarre and this particular situation is no exception.

So, anyway, it's a typical day, he just got off of his night shift job at 11:00 p.m. He decides to go to Subway for a bite to eat. As he approaches the counter, an illegitimate bum walks into the establishment with a handful of bundled up flowers, and proceeds to ask everyone to buy a flower from him...2 bucks. He is pushy, demanding, and not all civilized about it.

Now, my roommate hates con-artists, scammers, and illegitimate bums. He despises the whole situation and thinks they are scum, losers, and pathetic. In his opinion, everyone should be able to do whatever he or she wants until his or her problems or attitudes affect the lives of others. So, the con-artist approaches him, in the same abrupt manner as he did with everyone else in the restaurant, and my roommate caves and hands him the two dollars. He looks at him and says, "Now, get the F... out of here."

Roommate Rant

Afterwards, my roommate was steamed and outraged, and told me the whole story. Then, he went into one of his rants that I always find hilarious and entertaining.

He goes on to say, "I think I know how to solve all of this. You kneecap the pricks! Whenever a con-artist rushes up on you and asks for some money, get a bat and slam it into their kneecaps. Make it a nationwide system and call them the kneecappers!"

Of course, I couldn't help but laugh and he continued. "I'm being serious! Get a bumpersticker that says 'Capbusters' and slap it on the windshield. I guarantee after these guys catch word that their kneecaps will get blasted if they harass people, they will stop...believe me. You see, if you kneecap them, then it would give them a legitimate ask for money. So, I would kneecap them and then give them money."

Haha...Now, I think his solution to the problem was hilarious. On a serious note, I would agree that there should be something in place to fix this horrible situation. A civilized nation should not have to deal with such ridiculous schemes and con artists. And that's precisely what it is, by the way, illegitimate bums are con artists. They try to make you feel sorry them in order to receive money that they did not earn. It needs to stop. I don't know if kneecapping is the answer, but something needs to be done.

What do you think?

More by this Author

  • Mortality of the Patriot Act

    “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness....

  • How to File VA Disability Benefits

    Although the VA provides wonderful benefits for many military vets, sometimes the information doesn't reach everybody. Whether it is a failure to communicate or common assumptions, the information is somehow distorted...

  • What Military Recruiters Don't Tell You

    Are you thinking about U.S. military enlistment? If so, here's a few tips about military recruiters, asvab testing, basic training, and what to expect if you join the United States Armed Forces.

Comments 13 comments

Stimp profile image

Stimp 7 years ago from Upper Midwest

I don't care who ya are....his ideas are fn funny. I had tears in my eyes. It would be frickin' mayhem...everyone slamming everyone else in the knees. No one's safe....grandma's, babies....they're all game. Thanks for the laugh

drej2522 profile image

drej2522 7 years ago from Augusta, GA Author

haha...thank you thank you...More rants to come!

elisabethkcmo profile image

elisabethkcmo 7 years ago from Just East of Oz

funny hub!

we get alot of people holding signs at stop lights, etc in our city.. "homeless,hungry, please help", etc. but you can always tell by their shoes if they are truly homeless and hungry..sad but true

JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 7 years ago from Midwest

Your roommate sounds like my mother-in-law! But she doesn't party.

wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 7 years ago from U.K.

Your roomy sounds like a real charicter! I'm not convinced knee capping illegitimate bums is the solution though. Cool story chris.

drej2522 profile image

drej2522 7 years ago from Augusta, GA Author

JBeadle ~ Ha, my roommate is just crazy...

Wrenfrost ~ and he is indeed a character...yeah, I'm not sure injuring somebody is the way to go! It's a bit, out there, isn't it? Ehh, humorous nonetheless.

SummerSteward profile image

SummerSteward 6 years ago from Duluth MN

LMAO!! Haha, I just left my cozy little MN town to visit my father in NY. This situation happened, and at first, I totally started to fall for this act. My father, never one to mince words stepped in and told the guy a slew of vulgarities and I soon realized after visiting how much this does actually happen. Not that I live in the sticks or anything, but here I just think the bums and con artists are too damn cold to stand outside. Anyway he had a "talk" with Lesson learned I guess! the knee capping actually has some solid logic..though inhumane..:)I believe my father and your roommate would get along!

drej2522 profile image

drej2522 6 years ago from Augusta, GA Author

Summer ~ haha, it would definitely get the point across. Ehh, it may be a case of...the end justifies the means?

SummerSteward profile image

SummerSteward 6 years ago from Duluth MN

I suppose it depends on your views of Karma?

drej2522 profile image

drej2522 6 years ago from Augusta, GA Author

hehe...(shrugs)...I might sacrafice my own kneecaps if the I saw some real results...or maybe not! :)

Jaws007 5 years ago

Carry around a Walmart gift card with a zero balance, hand them this and say that you don't carry cash but there's about $20 left on the card.

J. Burrell 4 years ago

I carry around two day old Mcdoubles in my car and say: If u need money for food then u can have this... wont do anything but give them the runs, McDonalds does that anyway LoL

drej2522 profile image

drej2522 4 years ago from Augusta, GA Author

haha...that's pretty horrible and awesome at the same time! 2 day old Mcdoubles hahaha!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article