Several Easy Ways For You to be a Miserable, Laughable Pickpocket

Easy pickings.
Easy pickings.
Vintage pickpocket's.
Vintage pickpocket's.

A bit about pickpocketing.

This is a serious piece about a serious "beast" that is living and thriving well in America. I call this living, breathing organism a "beast" because using the word "problem" is just way too soft and doesn't stand on it's own two legs.

The "beast" is pickpocketing. You've heard of it. You've seen it in films and probably in real life. It's a low-but-successful form of thievery that professional pickpocket's use to pull down around $20 (or more) million dollars per year causing the hard-working, law-abiding, citizens loads of grief and frustration.

These films, "Oceans Fourteen," and "The Sting," both feature pickpocketing scenes. So that proves that pickpocketing, although a crime, is now an item of art and soft talk over imported coffee. But not so with common cat burglars and shop-lifters. These groups of petty criminals are still "stealing their dues," so one day they will "walk (away) with the Red Carpet" from right under our eyes.

See how easy the pro-pickpocket robs the woman's purse.
See how easy the pro-pickpocket robs the woman's purse.

Pickpockets are very tough to spot.

From the research I did on pickpocketing, I discovered very quickly that this form of crime takes a lot of self-discipline, patience, and a cool demeanor. Not just anyone off the bus (from out of town) can just wake one morning and declare, "Hey! I think I will go into a new career: Pickpocketing." It takes a special breed to pick pockets both in daylight and darkness.

Pickpockets do not have just one look. They have such a variety of looks, faces, and wardrobes that you would mistake them for a minister or undercover police officer. I do think that if pickpockets dressed like those old black and white pictures of common thugs--a Lone Ranger mask, a cab driver's cap and a striped sweat shirt to complete their ensemble, it would make our lives much easier, but not looking like anyone is part of a professional pickpocket's arsenal. And it's still working well for these hoods.

Some who pick our pockets are so slick that they can pick pockets all week long and sit on the same pew with you on Sunday during worship service and this cool-as-a-cucumber thief will be wearing a smile so warm that you can roast hotdogs with it.

"Two-finger lift."
"Two-finger lift."
Foolish way for you to carry your cash.
Foolish way for you to carry your cash.
Pickpocket overpowers a weak victim.
Pickpocket overpowers a weak victim.
The more lax you are in protecting your valuables, the happier you make the pickpockets.
The more lax you are in protecting your valuables, the happier you make the pickpockets.
This pickpocket thinks that if he looks like a Ninja, no one will be able to identify him.
This pickpocket thinks that if he looks like a Ninja, no one will be able to identify him.
The professional pickpockets at work.
The professional pickpockets at work.
Tag-team robbing a victim.
Tag-team robbing a victim.
Pickpocket robs man on his bicycle.
Pickpocket robs man on his bicycle.

Read this carefully.

Like dangerous criminals who have dangerous names like "Rock," "Blade," and "Killer," a pickpocket simply uses his or her real name "Tony," "Bill," and "Peter." I hate to play devil's advocate (starring Keanu Reeves), but I give the pickpockets a lot of credit for just remaining obscure from the authorities.

But in the world of pickpockets, all is not good. There are those who have worked so hard to be a good pickpocket, only to fail. What a shame. I bet you that they were guilty of using one of these

Several Easy Ways For You to be a Miserable, Laughable Pickpocket

  • Walk up to a would-be victim and say, "I am a magician. Watch this trick. Move your left hand over the victim's eyes and with the right hand start rifling the victim's overcoat, suit coat and pants pockets. If your victim asks, "Are you a pickpocket?" You reply, "Yes and just tell me the location of your wallet!"
  • Walk up to another victim and say, "I want to show you a card trick. I will even close my eyes. Pick a card, look at it and put it back in the deck. In less than one minute, I can pick your card from the deck." While your victim is choosing a card, run your hands through his shirt and pants pockets. Suddenly you feel something. "Hey, that's not your wallet!" you yell. "I know," says the very-friendly man who tries his best to follow you home.
  • When you "lift" your innocent prey's wallet, leave him the money and credit cards and take only the photos of him and his family.
  • Do not be like your typical pickpocket. Use both of your hands to search your victim's pockets. You might get more loot this way.
  • If you work with a partner and use the "Bump and Rob" technique, be sure, if you are the one who searches for his wallet, to actually get his wallet, not a pack of breath mints. Note: "Bump and Rob" means one guy "accidentally" bumps into the "mark" and the other guy gets all of his valuables in the confusion.
  • If you are picking pockets from behind a sucker, please do not get your hands hung in his Cardigan sweater and let him drag you down the sidewalk.
  • Be sure to be on the look-out for pranksters who love to pull nasty pranks on pickpockets. Pranks such as placing an old-fashioned mouse trap in their hip pockets and when you try to take their wallet, you will trip the mouse trap and instantly your hand that helps you make a living, is now bruised, swelled, and now throbbing with pain while the well-dressed prankster just stands and laughs at you.
  • Now if you have self-esteem issues, do not make a career as a pickpocket and I will tell you why. Let's pretend you try over fifty times in one day to steal someone's wallet and you fail every single time. Now you doubt yourself which is dangerous. When you approach your fifty-first victim you look him in the eyes and say, "Do I look more like a pickpocket or a farmer?" If the victim answers 'pickpocket,' you are redeemed. But if he answers 'farmer' listen to him. Quit while you do not have a criminal record or mug shot.
  • Being a pickpocket is enough. Trying to find short-cuts is foolish. Things such as: Setting-up a booth on the sidewalk with a sign on it that reads: "Free Pants Inspection For Diseases" hung in plain-sight. This is purely dumb. Your ploy is that some men will actually stop, walk in to your "theft trap" and remove their pants and hand them to you. Then you proceed to empty the pockets of any and all valuables. Then give the doofus back his pants. But my creative friend, you may have a long wait before anyone this ignorant will fall for your set-up.

Special Note to All Pickpocket Wannabe's: If you are dreaming of being a slick pickpocket, I urge, ask, and pretty much beg all of you to try ALL of these things I list in this hub. Am I trying to set you up? Wy' noooo, my friend. Do you think I would do that to an aspiring amateur pickpocket?

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Comments 6 comments

DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 19 months ago from Oakley, CA

Good things for wannabe pickpockets not to try. LOL I laughed all the way through.

The video was interesting, though, but I feel I have myself well protected against any such shenanigans.

First, I do not carry things of any value in my pockets. Some tiny loose change, perhaps, or used tissues--HA! The joke would be on them!

For another thing, I do not carry a purse; I use a fanny pack, which I actually wear in front of me, not behind me. It zips shut, so the crook would need to open the zipper, and that is WAY into my personal space, and could not be done without attracting my attention.

Neither could they unfasten the clasp in back, and make off with the entire pouch, as when I am out and about in a crowd, I keep my hand ON the pouch, and if it's a thick crowd, also through the handle on the top of the front. I would feel the tug of an attempted take-away, at which point, I would turn and use one of my karate moves on the perp.

Voted up, funny and interesting.

Kenneth Avery 19 months ago

Hi, DzyMzLizzy,

Wow-eeee! What a sweet comment. And I must say that you, my dear friend, are a very prepared girl, so you should have no worries about pickpocket wannabe's.

Frankly I am highly-impressed with you. Honest.

Thanks too for the votes. I will talk with you later. Until then, peace.

BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 19 months ago from Victoria, Australia

Funny! But also a good warning. My mother used to tell me that if I left my money or anything valuable in view or easily available, then I was leading someone into temptation, so if they stole, it was partly my fault!

Kenneth Avery 19 months ago

Hello, BlossomSB,

Thank you so very much for your sweet comment.

Sounds like to me that your mother was very wise. Mine used to say virtually the same thing.

I appreciate you stopping by and please have a cool night. Come back and see me anytime.

Steel Engineer profile image

Steel Engineer 19 months ago from Kiev, Ukraine

I live in Kiev. The pickpockets are PROS. There is a lot of congested mass transit: Marshootka buses, trams, and the Metro. Lots of people get their wallets lifted. Ladies, especially, lose wallets and billfolds from out of their purses. They have no idea how it happened, either.

Others now keep an eye out, protecting fellow passengers. They grab pickpockets and wait for police.

It is a very beautiful city, and the people are wonderful. The pickpockets are primarily non-Ukrainians.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 19 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Steel Engineer,

Thanks for your insightful visit to your town and pickpockets, who I am glad to hear are turned over to the police.

In our country, pickpockets have their own way for the police have to see them stealing in order to really give them a dose of justice.

Hey, if you are not one of my followers, I invite you to be.

I would love it.

Come back anytime.

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