The 10 Hidden-Dangers of The Innocent Backyard Barbecue

Vintage family barbecue
Vintage family barbecue

HEY, BARBECUE ENTHUSIASTS, THERE IS STILL TIME

Well, lovers of summer, fall has arrived and I have mixed-emotions. Although part of me is sad because our old friend, summer is slowly fading-away, the beautiful colors and crisp-mornings of fall are taking their place. But do not panic, lovers of the summer season. There are still a few more hot days left of summer 2014. And plenty of time to have a traditional American event entitled: The backyard barbecue. Now I ask you. What could fit any better?

Ahhh, smell that taste-tempting aroma of those delicious steaks, franks, and other tasty goodies cooking on the grill. No wonder the backyard barbecue is so popular with most Americans. And for the vegan’s, you can also grill corn, cauliflower, and other veggie treats to make them happy too. One big, well-fed, happy family—sitting around chowing-down on grilled food, drinking cold beer, and just enjoying this perfect day.

OOPS

Perfect? Did I really say perfect? I admit it. I did exaggerate some to enchance that last paragraph. So what on this planet could ruin such a wonderful, peaceful event that is being enjoyed by everyone in attendance? Now I ask you, “Barring the apocalypse, what in creation could possibly go wrong?

Be weather- ready
Be weather- ready

Oh, my naïve friend. How could you have been so trusting, believing that having a normal, non-threatening occurrence as a backyard barbecue could be a near-fantasy in fun, peace and a great time just teeming with smiles, laughs and plenty of food to go around? I wish that I could have met you at the store where you forked-out hundreds on this expensive charcoal grill, the table, chairs, and huge umbrellas to keep out the sun, and told you straight-up, unless you exercise a lot of careful-preparation, you and your family and friends could be the victims of—

The 10 Hidden-Dangers of The Innocent Backyard Barbecue

Keep pets away from the grill
Keep pets away from the grill

Other dangers and backyard barbecue images

Watch for wild animals
Watch for wild animals
Coals not extinguished is a danger to everyone
Coals not extinguished is a danger to everyone
The loud- mouth
The loud- mouth
Watch the booze at your barbecue
Watch the booze at your barbecue
What a great get- together
What a great get- together
Old flames can be dangerous at a backyard barbecue
Old flames can be dangerous at a backyard barbecue

For starters—

  • Weather Watch – no one is absolutely-perfect when it comes to weather. So be on-guard for those sudden, pop-up, dangerous thunderstorms. I am serious. Have an emergency plan in place in case you encounter high winds, hard rains, and dangerous lightning. Be prepared to lead and make wise decisions by not guzzling a “Lion’s share,” of beer that everyone knows can easily dim the sharpest of anyone’s judgement.
  • Pet Care – is really an important facet of the backyard barbecue. I bet you never knew this. Let’s say for example you are grilling “to beat the band,” and suddenly, your good pal, “Tom,” a neighborhood joker, tells you a risqué joke that diverts your attention just for a moment. Then “Shagg,” your Bassett hound, out of loyalty to you, sees you bend over in laughter and thinks you are hurting and leaps in your direction, but misses and hits the grill dead-center. Can you imagine the pain “Shagg,” feels? And can you imagine how much the veterinarian’s bill will be?
  • Backyard Bar – is not what you are having. You are giving your family and friends a backyard barbecue, so watch out how much your guests are drinking and do this with compassion and discretion. No one likes a “stick in the mud,” but tell the boozer who curses you by yelling, “I, I, uhh, can, uhh, han---dddd—le eeet!” That you need his car keys that you care too much for him to see him hurt or killed in an auto accident.

Things You Can Do For The Alcohol-Abuser to Save His or Her Life:

  1. Convince the drunk person to lie down in your guest room and “sleep it off.”
  2. Have the person who has overdone the alcohol to munch-out on protein-laced foods
  3. Talk to the drinker thus keeping him or her from walking out in front of traffic
  4. Offer to call their wife, husband or children to come get them—but do not phone the cops unless they get belligerent and start using violence to save their pride.
  • Old Flames – can cause havoc with the married guy who is hosting the barbecue. Especially if the married man doesn’t know that his “old flame” is attending the barbecue with his best friend, “Jack.” You see. “Jack” does not know that “Muffy,” your “old flame,” was your girlfriend before you married your wife. So you best watch your step. Be civil and hospitable, but do not allow yourself to get into compromising places where “Muffy,” can corner you and cause an embarrassing scene.
  • Female Spats – can be dangerous to any and everyone at a backyard barbecue. These spats can start from a simple things such as one girl fumes with jealousy at another hot girl’s wardrobe, so instruct your wife to tell all of the girl guests to all dress modestly to keep down “cat fights,” and from luring the married guys into lustful-gazes that can lead to dangerous fist-fights.
  • Landscape Safety – is the most over-looked area of a nice barbecue. If one of your guests, drunk or sober, happens to trip on an unseen vine in your grass, this might cause you to be named in a nasty lawsuit and thus, a good friendship is ruined. Inspect your yard before the get-together. Remember, “safety first.”
  • Grill Bombs – are very common to the backyard “barbecuemeister.” Pouring too much charcoal starter over the charcoal is the number one cause of “Grill bombs,” which are equally-dangerous as the hot girl guests wearing skimpy outfits. Take time to read your starter fluid as well as instructions on the bag of charcoal and follow the instructions carefully. You can help save the life and limbs of a close friend.
  • Meat Allergies – are another unnoticed area of danger to the backyard barbecue host. Make sure BEFORE the barbecue who among your guests is allergic to ribeye steak, T-bone steak, hamburgers and even franks. But if they are allergic, do not worry. Simply substitute a food that they can enjoy with your carnivorous friends.
  • Daredevils Do Not Attend – should be your motto at your next barbecue. Just imagine how dangerous it is to mix alcohol and a loud-mouth, braggart, know-it-all who “says” he is not afraid of anything or anyone. He might jump off of the roof of your house and miss your pool and bam! Another costly-lawsuit. Or he could start a fight with a decent, passive man by flirting with his wife in front of him. And the list is endless. So make absolutely-sure that there are no people of this nature attending your barbecue.
  • The Insecure, Middle-Aged, Overly-Athletic – types can be as dangerous as the Daredevils. This man was very successful as a sports hero in high school, college and a couple of years in the NFL before he was cut from his professional football team for not being punctual to team meetings, and for the fact that he just couldn’t “get the hang,” of the complex playbook and high-pressure atmosphere. After his dismissal from the NFL, he drifted in and out of jobs that were all sports-related. From being a bartender at a sports bar to working at Foot Locker. He has worked them all. Now age is eating-away at his multi-injured body and his reflexes are not as keen as when he was a young man. So when “Jimbo Steele,” drinks a few Whiskey Straight’s, suddenly his flashbacks to his glory days kicks in and he is now angry and challenging the mature men at your event to a game of tackle football or even worse, using your BMW as a “tackling dummy,” to prove to his wife that “he is still the king” of hard-hits.

Sorry to run, but I smell something burning on the grill.

There is actually no need

for me to write an information piece for the above video. Just be careful when dealing with your grill, starter fluid and propane gas.

If you think that burning charcoal left unattended

cannot be dangerous. Well just watch the above video that depicts a group of men who take drinking to another dangerous level and walk-away leaving their grill and smoldering charcoal unattended. I urge you to please, put out your charcoal when your barbecue is over. No, I am not kin to Smokey, The Bear, but I condone his message: "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires," and in this case, a huge fire.

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Comments 24 comments

favored profile image

favored 2 years ago from USA

Interesting but important topic. To me drinking isn't a good mix in any event, but I can see how an informal gathering things can really get out of hand with this activity. Pet safety is a big concern especially around grilling time.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Favored,

You are MY FIRST to comment on my newest hub since a day or so ago . . .so I Sincerely Thank You.

These tips were here most of the time and I just started thinking about how important they are . . .but the one where a wife tells her girlfriends to all wear modest wardrobe, I do not see that one happening.

Do you?

And please come back soon.


esmonaco profile image

esmonaco 2 years ago from Lakewood New York

Wow! Very Creative ideas, I especially like the Old Flames, and The Insecure Middle-Aged Overly Atheletic. Thanks :)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Reading your hub made me think of a time a few years back. I had ribs on the grill and I heard hubby calling me. I asked my mother in law who was staying with us at the time to watch the ribs. Well she got onto the phone with her boyfriend and forgot all about the ribs. When I came downstairs and went outside there was a man standing in my yard trying to put the flames out. We both managed to get everything calmed down and we actually ate the charred and burnt ribs for dinner that night.

Have a great day!


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

Great hub :). Watch how much gas you dispense before lighting the burners on the grill. I dispense too much gas once and had all the burners to high. When I pressed the ignite button a fire ball blew right into my face. Fortunely I escaped with only ashed eyebrows and a few strains of hair by my forehead crisped :). Scary but true story....no lasting maring thank God ! Did a lot of praying that day.


PAINTDRIPS profile image

PAINTDRIPS 2 years ago from Fresno CA

I don't know what goes on at your barbecues that you need to be concerned over old flames coming, daredevils, or female spats, but I'm not sure I want to attend. Haha. I have lost my eyebrows just lighting my gas oven before so I know fire can be dangerous. But your barbecues scare me.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

PAINTDRIPS:

Thank you for the comment, but no need for you to be concerned. This, like most of my material is tongue-in-cheek and meant solely for my followers to smile or maybe laugh a moment.

As for old flames, hey, a pun and I didn't know it, I do not have ANY old flames or young flames who would dare come to one of my barbecues for when I dated them, they were all on one of those severe diets and as for the athletic types, all of those from my high school class have moved to another state or ignore me like they did in school.

But in all honesty, if I do give a barbecue, YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME to attend. I PROMISE you that all safety measures will be taken so you and all of my guests will leave happy.

Your Friend, KENNETH


PAINTDRIPS profile image

PAINTDRIPS 2 years ago from Fresno CA

Haha, thank you so much for the invitation. I will consider it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, carrie,

I am sorry for your accident, and I admire you for going ahead and eating the char-ribs. You are a real trooper.

I enjoy reading your adventures as well as those of all of my followers.

I am now getting hungry for grilled ribs. I know a place in Tuscaloosa, Ala. which is world-famous for ribs: Dreamland BBQ and Nick Saban and his team visit this place often to have lunch.

He is the head coach of the Crimson Tide/University of Alabama.

Wonder if he would let me write a hub about him?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, PAINTDRIPS,

Super! I will even dress like the guy in the 50's barbecue at the top. But I will have to lease a wife and son who look like this.

I want everything to be perfect when you visit me. Oh, do you eat meat or are you a vegan? Either way, you are always welcome.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

JustAskSusan,

Was she okay? Your mother-in-law? That is a sad event to happen to you and your family.

The more I write about ribs, the more I am getting so hungry here at 1:59 p.m./cdst, and no car to use. Rats.

Please visit me anytime you like.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

esmonaco,

Thank you so much for the visit and comment. And liking the hub. Yes, both, old flames and overly-athletic guys who are lost in flashbacks are dangers I can do without.

Come back anytime.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

These are all great tips. I think most people remember the safety tips about the grill, but as you said, grilling and too much alcohol never mixes well. I think the greatest dangers come in the form of people drinking too much and doing stupid things.


Rhonda Lytle profile image

Rhonda Lytle 2 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

Being in the south, we love to BBQ in a big time kind of way. I had to laugh reading this as I've seen some similar things happen. The worst, for me, was back in the day when we built a bonfire to roast hot dogs and marshmallows on. One guest got way too happy off the jungle juice and decided to jump the fire. Not good at all. These days it's a simple hibachi with a lid. Very funny article. I got some good laughs here.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

Oh how we all love BBQs! We never seem to have much drama at ours, but I HAVE worried about the wasp in the soda that stinks the lip of a guest and stuns him so much that he trips over the garden edging, scares the dog who knocks over the grill which spatters sauce all over Veronique's designer blouse causing her to freak out and rant which prompts both the ex and his girlfriend to call her derogatory names which traumatizes the children until they are distracted by the shiny red truck that has come to put out the blaze. Now it's time to refill the margaritas- make that a double! Thank you, Kenneth- I enjoyed both the humor and the sensible advice:)


favored profile image

favored 2 years ago from USA

The clothing thing would be an issue, and yes, it would be discussed and has. Believe me! A pastor friend of mine even asked me to talk to a young lady about her dress. We are very aware of this and I have counseled on it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear favored,

I am very impressed with you counseling the young girl. That was a good deed. I am proud of you. Not many would do that. I have been blessed with you, a girl of integrity and taste.

Bless you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, cat on a soapbox,

LOL! Your comment would make a great short story for Reader's Digest or a hub for HP. Honest. That sounds much like Clark Griswalk in those Vacation movies--something he might get involved in and cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) being too happy on booze and setting-off the tragic series of events.

Wow. Your imagination and talent is so terrific.

Please have a safe night and please keep in touch with me.

Oh and . . ."Soup's on!"


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Rhonda,

Thanks for the sweet comment. Hibachi? I know about those and I used to own one. Great tool for a small crowd.

The tips in this hub may seem trivial, but let a pet dog, a big canine, get angry at a pet cat brought by an uppity guest and the rest should be on film and sold for America's Funniest Home Videos.

Keep in touch with me.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear sheliamyers,

I couldn't agree with you more on your views on booze and too much of it. I have been told about gatherings when a few guys thought that they could drink Anheiser-Busch dry. In one night. Needless to say, the end results were a few angry wives; angry hosts and a ruined meal.

That should prove your point well.

Thanks for the comment and stay in touch with me.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Now I know what to look out for while going to a barbecue!


sheilamyers 2 years ago

kenneth: After logging off my computer yesterday I was thinking about people drinking beer at backyard cookouts. My little brother and his brother-in-law love to play horseshoes. Do I need to tell you it's safest to stay far away from the horseshoe pit while they're tossing horseshoes with a beer in one hand?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, vkwok,

For sure. I just want my followers to be safe while having fun at these events. I am totally-serious.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

Amen, my friend. You are not only a talented writer, terrific lady, but a wise lady at that. And I cannot believe that I left out horseshoes in this hub and yes, it is more-deadly than a minefield to get near drinking horseshoe players.

Thanks for the input.

Be careful. Tomorrow is Friday.

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