The Awful Rich

Rich People own horses and you can't have any.
Rich People own horses and you can't have any.

Have You Hated on The Rich Today?

Sure, you need to brush and floss because the government has not yet identified daily dental care as a human right. Be patient, The Supreme Court will soon find it in The Constitution. Afterward be sure to take time from your busy mundane day to direct heartfelt vitriol at The Rich. We all benefit when some of us hate on the rest of us: it's the American Way.

Scientific research suggests rich people have a caviar gene in their super rich DNA. Setting them far apart from those of us struggling to earn a living, this unfair advantage deserves to be hated.This scientific fact verified by clinical research cannot be ignored and can be something that makes you burn with intense jealousy/hatred whenever you see a horrible rich person walking their expensive customized dogs at the Rich Person's Park.

Rich People Have Money, We Hate That

They actually have money in the bank, sometimes in more than one bank and sometimes they even have multiple checking accounts. It takes a lot of nerve to have money in these horrible times when the rest of us have to go out and earn it. Every day when you show up at your job and then have to drive home in your personal car, stopping on the way to pick up government cheese, be sure to squeeze a little extra bile into your endocrine system in honor of the Rich People who spent all day laying on the chaise lounge eating food that they paid for.

Rich People control nature. This used to be a poor person.
Rich People control nature. This used to be a poor person.

Rich People Buy Stuff That You Cannot

Deep inside Super Rich malls are stores where they can buy stuff and you cannot. You can't even walk past: guards making more money that you will shoo you away with a little white glove and a condescending "harrumph."

Wouldn't you love to have a Cadillac or a yacht or a digital nose hair trimmer with Bluetooth? You can't. These things and other jealousy-inducing products exist far out of your reach. In the world of rich people you are just a utilitarian spec on a balance sheet that the rich people are too busy to read because they have people to do it for them. No lie.

Rich People Just Lay Around Doing Nothing

You think it's a lot of work to earn a living? Rich people have no idea. A rich person will have, like, 10 people on the payroll just to boss around the less rich people. The super super rich have guys sitting around shoveling paper money into the fireplace on cool mornings. The extra extreme rich don't even get out of bed in the morning - they have people to do that for them.

Yes, it's all true as far as you know. And it's all good reason for you to crusade against these kinds of people who collude to ruin your life every day. Hurts, don't it?

Here is another oppressed horse reminding you to Hate the Rich.
Here is another oppressed horse reminding you to Hate the Rich.

Rich People Have Offshore Accounts

Resting comfortable on the sleepy Island of Cayman are oodles of 'offshore' accounts containing money. This money should rightfully be yours and the governments. It belongs to all of us and we deserve it. We need to get in our row boats and paddle to these islands. On the way we could round up all the rich people lounging on the beach and have them make us fruity drinks in their diamond encrusted juice machines.

An offshore account means that there is less money for taxes. More taxes are things that should be paid by rich people so you can pay less taxes. Whatever problems you have in your life can be solved by rich people paying more taxes. The climate will stop warming/cooling if the rich pay more taxes. Charlie Brown will finally get to kick that football if the rich pay more taxes.

Rich People Hate You Right Back

To Rich People you are something getting their way. If you would simply disappear they could get to their cucumber sandwiches at the country club that much faster. Your miniscule 4-cylinder car contrives to obfuscate traffic routes that should be limited to limousines. Your simple existence confounds their immense brains and makes their purebred Pomeranian hide under the divan in the sitting room.

Rich People control nature.
Rich People control nature.

Rich People want to Manipulate You

At the end of a long day lounging and tanning, Rich People congregate behind platinum security fences. They sip wine from bottles with corks. They chuckle heartily at plights of Common People. After unwinding with cucumber sandwiches they get down to the serious business of oppressing you and oppressing me. Participatory oppression represents the true calling of almost all Rich People. You might believe you are moderately successful but your modicum of success arises from manipulation artfully donated by Rich People from near and far.

Step outside your door: you will find yourself in the domain of Rich People. Everything belongs to them. You are just along for the ride. The only thing you completely control is the TV remote and that's made by poor people in another country oppressed by Rich People so it all works out in their favor anyway.

Take This Handy Rich People Quiz

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Comments 21 comments

Tom McIntyre profile image

Tom McIntyre 2 years ago from Windermere, Florida

"...whenever you see a horrible rich person walking their expensive customized dogs at the Rich Person's Park."

You honestly think I'd be caught dead walking my own dog? Pleb.

I honestly couldn't stop laughing all the way through this, and I was having the kind of Monday that was in dire need of a laugh. Outstanding job.


drbj profile image

drbj 2 years ago from south Florida

I failed horribly at the quiz so I must be intensely naive, unknowing and unaware of rich people's machinations. Thanks for this wake-up call.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

&DrBJ , beware, a rich person is behind you just now. Get to hatin' .


junko profile image

junko 2 years ago

The Republican Tea Party is the NAARP ( National Association for the Advancement of Rich People). True or False? Well...it could be "Keeping it Real" it sure look and sound real.


Levellandmike profile image

Levellandmike 2 years ago from Levelland, Texas

"Digital nose hair trimmer with bluetooth."

Love it!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Junko, shhhhhhh!! The first rule of NAARP is that we don't talk about NAARP! See you at the next meeting.


junko profile image

junko 2 years ago

Don't shhh me nicomp I am not with y'all I'm with the NAACP, liberals, liberal lovers, lefty's, and the uber poor. You know that I'm not welcome by your friends and associates but you will be welcomed by my associates. Come on down off that high horse and vote your pay grade.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 2 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

What a rich hub! As one of the super rich, I can offer you two, no three, gabillion dollars for it. Does it come with a lackey who will answer my phone and buy everything the telemarketers are selling? Cause I really need that.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Junko surely you refer to the NAALCP, yes?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@AustinStar , Lackeys are pouring across your southern border. All you have to do is outbid the federal safety net.


junko profile image

junko 2 years ago

nicomp, that comment was too vague, don't hint keep it real. All jokes aside. NAALCO (???????...) ?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@junko, I am keeping it real, whatever that means. NAALCP - I can't say much more. It's all over Google.


junko profile image

junko 2 years ago

O'k ...(The National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Color People), I know you are not scared to quote Rush Lim.... The answer to your comment is yes, I referenced the NAACP not The NAALCP I never heard Rush's twist until now, thanks. I heard about the NAAWP created by conservative white people it's sad the divisions of money and color dividing The United States. Don't let the reality of me keep you from speaking your mind or anyone else's mind because I am African American. If you told me it was created by Rush Radio I may not have google it.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@junko I treat everyone the same. I am not a liberal.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 2 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

How many horses do you own, nicomp? You are so rich.


junko profile image

junko 2 years ago

"I am not a Liberal. " Who said you were? You are not 100% pure conservative either, nobody is 100% pure anything not even liberals. Capitalism has a little Communism, Socialism, Facism and other Isms in its making so does Democracy. I am possibly more conservative then you and you maybe more liberal then I in what we choose to be liberal or conservative about. Nobody is purely Republican, Democrat, or independent. I am glad there are more liberal lover than liberal haters because many haters learned they were in the liberal bag also being a 47%er needing Government help. nicomp you are not conservative all the time in all ways.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@AustinStar , I own several horses that I pay to take care of more horses.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 2 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

You pay horses to take care of more horses? Do they work cheap?


TheBizWhiz 19 months ago

Very entertaining Hub. Voted up!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 19 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@TheBizWhiz I agree.


Stargrrl 19 months ago

I thought this hub was pretty funny. I like your wit. Voted up.

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