The Daily Weird #8 (Russia behind in the toilet race)

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Losing the Toilet Race Can Make You Feel Like Crap

Russia has lost its dominance in the world as a military super-power, a formidable space exploration foe, and now, it seems they have lost the race for the best lavatory as well.

We can only weep and watch with sadness as the Russians struggle to regain their dignity by pouring ruble after ruble into the science of the toilet bowl. (Not to be confused with the Astro bowl, which is apparently a dessert)

The people of Moscow lament Peter the Great, a man who wasn’t afraid to make a law punishing those who threw sewage in the street. (I'm told this law had a byproduct of cutting down on parades, as the people couldn't imagine what else would be worth throwing as they drove by perched on the top of Fire Trucks.)

While it had it's down and dirty side, this law may actually have led the Russians to potty dominance. With nowhere to throw their sewage, and Petrov (the first landfill operator) charging 1400 rubles per scoop to dispose of it, the Russians had little choice but to forge ahead in the land of the lavatory. (This is, of course, only an assumption based on the fact that Petrov is a Russian name, rubles are a Russian currency, and the Russians had massive amounts of poop pileup with street disposal being out of the question.) By 1917 they could claim top seat in potty productions. Toilets were serious business.

Now, however, all that has changed. The toilets in Moscow are old and decaying. With no new innovation, and the demand outrunning the supply, Russian citizens are doomed to pay for using the pot, and it stinks. Their toilets are old and decaying. I can't imagine that smells good. The head of the Russian Association of lavatory manufacturers, Mr Moksunov, is not taking this sitting down.

To help bring this issue to a head, Mr. Moksunov is proposing that April 9th be National Toilet Day. Unfortunately, the Russians are behind the times as there is a World Toilet Day already on the books.

So, on November 19, (World Toilet Day) be sure to take a moment to consider the Russian Lavatory. Public opinion regarding Russia may have gone down the drain in the last few decades, but to be the butt of jokes due to their toilet decay, is more than any nation should have to endure.

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Comments 16 comments

eovery profile image

eovery 6 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

You right so funny and clever, I almost pottied myself.

Keep on hubbing!


mimind profile image

mimind 6 years ago from THE UNITED STATES

quirkie topic thanks


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 6 years ago from USA

Very funny! I just finished reading a hub about smoking pot. I was stuck with that image as I was reading your hub. Great hub!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

eovery-I can't remember ever being called clever. Thank you.

You're funny too- I'm glad you didn't potty yourself. If you ever do, it is my wish for you that it not happen in Russia.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

mimind-thanks for reading!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

tipoague- you're killing me. Now I can't get the image out of my head of Gorbachev lighting up a joint while sitting on a decrepit toilet. And yes, he's wearing a russian hat.... look what you've done!


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore

I really think excrement is your forte Sue...:)

Wasn't it Voltaire who said you can measure a civilisation by the state of their lavatories...?

No, prob'ly not. How did I miss National toilet day?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Jane- While I appreciate anyone thinking I'm remotely good enough to have any type of forte', you've got to check out the following link... There's some serious toilet history and current news going on here. I wish I had seen this before I wrote this hub! Thanks for reading my stuff!!

http://www.toiletology.com/news-02.shtml


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Hahaha..that is a mine of hilarious toilet info Sue. How's that councilman? "water use doesn't lie"

It's incredible to think someone may actually own a crystal encrusted toilet. Maybe they could send some over to Russia to cheer them up. But my favourite is the 'terrorist proof toilet'. Gee that'll put people's minds at rest... (interestingly, it was noted 'the potential in Russia is huge').

Thanks for that!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Jane-lol yesterday was a long day, I missed the 'terrorist proof toilet' oh how I wish I'd seen this before I wrote this hub. I guess it's enough to know that others are seeing the potential in Russian lavatories as well. Too funny! Thanks for letting me know...


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Potty research in Russia, eh? It's a stinky job but someone has to do it.

Word of caution. If you ever plan to visit Russia, don't use your real name.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

I think it needs to be said. You are the best shit writer out there in hubland.

BTW been to the Soviet Union, as was, and it did not smell so good. Cabbage seemed to be the perfume of choice. I'm sure its much better now!

Lord Chris of Hubington


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

drbj- thanks for the advice. I was actually planning on going next week... to Russia that is; I think I'll go as a toilet critic, or not.

Lord Chris, does this mean you don't want the ode d'cabbage I bought you?


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Nah...

I already stink enough,

C


darknezz111 profile image

darknezz111 5 years ago from Southern Idaho

An old toilet is like an old friend- reliable, trustworthy, prone to clogging... Let the Russians have their abysmal sanitation devices. Every stain tells a story!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

darknezz- every stain tells a story... ewwwww.

Thank you for stopping by and grossing me out this morning. HA! Like I could be grossed out!

I would like to know, seriously, what kind of friends do you have that are prone to clogging? And do they, themselves, become clogged, or do they create clogs ? Either way, dude, you may need to get new friends.

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