(Some) of The Many Amazing Things A Person Can Do in Their Bathroom
I am ashamed of myself
One of the most under-appreciated rooms in our homes today is the bathroom. You might as well agree, for you know that I am telling the truth. This revelation hit me a few days ago and I actually felt depressed and blue due to my own lack of appreciation for the bathroom in my home.
Being taken for granted and never told a single "thank you," is a very cold and sad place to be. You might think I have lost my senses. Maybe so, but if I am telling you a lie, may Charmin bath tissue employees go on an expected "wildcat strike." This should tell you how serious I am about my topic.
What were you expecting
An "ooie, gooie," cushy, cute, sugar-coated soliloquy about a Colonial Style kitchen that is so popular in New England? Well I am sorry. This is not happening today. I am highly-enraged and upset at myself and all of us for not only taking our bathrooms for granted, but thinking that we can only do "three" things in this valued room of rooms. Do I have to name the "three things?" Okay. One. Taking a bath.
I suppose that you have already guessed the name of this hub. If so, a huge pat on the back to you. Now I present . . .
The Many Amazing Things A Person Can Do in Their Bathroom
- Smoke tobacco -- (but if you are of a wedded station, your spouse may give you static for this one). Note: I do not condone using tobacco smokeless or otherwise.
- Smoke fresh meat -- sure if you crack the window(s) and convince your spouse that this practice is normal for your new lifestyle of that of a survivalist.
- Drink alcohol -- but please be tidy with your boozing. No wife or husband wants to find empty beer cans and whiskey bottles in the commode.
- Talk to a friend -- and not worry about being disturbed. The bathroom is probably the last remaining place on earth that we can find peace and solitude in a world going nuts.
- Talk to "someone new" -- only if you are brave enough to "face the music," if your spouse, girl or boyfriend catches you. Or wealthy enough to survive if your legal wife or husband catches you in the act of "kissing" that someone new by making kissy sounds over the phone.
- Talk to your pet -- be it a cat, dog, or lynx. Even a pet snake. It's up to you, but I do not think that if your beloved pet is a rhino or baby elephant your best pal, "Ralph," smuggled into this country from Columbia, you are going to face a huge disappointment.
- Catch-up on your reading -- yes, you can read whatever book, story, or newspaper you please and either "doing your business," or just relaxing in the peaceful atmosphere of your loyal bathroom.
- Do physical exercise -- you bet you can do push-up's, sit-up's, and even Tai Chi if you are so a mind to. Calisthenics? Why not? The bathroom's ego will surely inflate by your choosing "it" to be your gym at home.
- Make out with your lover -- but not necessarily in the bathtub or shower. What you do and where you do it, is your business.
- Do needed writing -- what a great location to write a hub for HubPages. All you need is a laptop, a marvelous idea and the patience to get it done. Oh, if you choose to use your bathroom for writing, and you have only one bathroom, you best practice yelling, "Just a minute! Can't a man/woman get any peace?"
- Make pretty pottery -- I bet that you did not know about this one. Just get a down-sized pottery wheel, some soft clay, and a full-size cut-out of Patrick Swayze and you are in business. (This is for my female followers).
- Practice your singing -- and no one should annoy you.
- Learn a foreign language -- oh, have I really hit on something here. A bathroom is the perfect place to be alone while you learn Italian, Spanish, or even English, if you haven't mastered it yet. "Si, senor." It's working already.
- Scare your friends or family -- simply dress in a gorilla suit, stand behind the door of your bathroom and watch the fun when your wife/husband or friends "have to go." Go ahead. Say it. Grrrrrr! See? You are a natural for being a gorilla.
- Go nude -- why not go nude in the bathroom? It's your bathroom, not ours?
- Paint your face -- like an American Indian, Eastern Indian or a South Vietnamese house boy. The list is endless to the roles you can paint yourself into in your bathroom.
- Train a pet -- teach your cat, dog, or iguana named "Joe," how to fetch, roll-over, and even sit-up. Again. It's your bathroom.
- Do impressions of people -- famous or just everyday people. You might discover that practicing your impressions in a secluded place like the bathroom will allow your craft to be much better than practicing in the kitchen. SECRET REVELATION: the easiest and best way to do a convincing impression of Vince McMahon, head of the WWE, is to stick your head deep into the commode and then start yakking in a deep voice. But you didn't read it here.
- Jog in place -- the bathroom is better than a noisy treadmill.
Like I stated, the list is endless as to what you can do in your bathroom.
Oh, you can "use" the bathroom if you have a need to.
No wonder our bathrooms resent us. This is how some rude hooligans treat their bathrooms.
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