The Peoples Republic of Bacon

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The Bacon Protectorate

There is a completely non-violent way to defend freedom and protect the nation. We must become the People’s Republic of Bacon. We must be a nation of the bacon and for the bacon and by the bacon. We must wave the bacon banner from sea to shining to shining sea. We must become the Bacon Protectorate. We must baconize America. We must become the Baconate.

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Not By Bacon Alone

But it is written, or it should be, man does not live by bacon alone. There are other pork products and we cannot in good conscience wave the white skillet of surrender in these matters. We must also become the People’s Republic of Pork and even the Pork Protectorate.

Bacon Explosion
Bacon Explosion | Source

Why Bacon?

Why, some might ask, should we become the United States of Bacon? Well, I might reply, some truths are self evident. Nonetheless, out of compassion for my fellow man I will let you in on the mysterious powers of pork.

Our enemies fear pork. The world’s terrorists give pork wide berth whenever possible. Thus and therefore we should bury pigs, pig urine, pig blood and pig feces at every cross road and at every border. All buildings, bullets, bombs, and guns should be infused with pork fat, pork blood, pork urine and pork feces. No one should be able to enter or leave the United States of American without getting pork all over them. Our currency should shine with pork fat. The pig should become our national animal and our clarion call should be suey or some other hog calling phrase. We should incorporate all versions of the hog call into our national songs: soie, soo wee, etc.

Our nation should be ringed, veiled, covered, paved and populated by pigs, hogs, pork and bacon. Pork uber alles!

All Amazon Regiment

Moreover to defeat the terrorists completely we need an all female regiment with a supporting squadron of female fighter and bomber pilots. All their bullets and bombs and bayonets should be pork infused. It is said that the terrorists will never get the 72 goats they have been promised in hell if they get killed by a woman in combat. Once they find out they are facing women with pork shooting guns the terrorists will surrender rather than face us.

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Invoke the Voluptuous Hypothesis!

We must fight the enemy on many fronts—and as many as possible should be peaceful and peace loving. The terrorists we fight claim to be agents of the Almighty. They claim theirs is a faith based struggle. So be it. For our side of the battle let us invoke the voluptuous hypothesis. They voluptuous hypothesis is based on the power of prayer. If the Almighty is real and if Almighty answers prayers then everyone everywhere should pray that all who would enslave, torture or kill innocents would be turned in beautiful, voluptuous, young women who have no knowledge of or interest in history, politics or religion. What is interesting about this prayer if it were granted is that it would turn men who currently enslave women because the women don’t practice the “right” faith into females who don’t practice any faith. In other words, by their previous standards the terrorists would now become slaves of true believers. Sounds like justice to me. Invoke the Voluptuous Hypothesis.

For the purists among you, stand, strike an imperious pose and in an arrogant voice like Dr Zaius of Planet of the Apes shout: “I invoke the Voluptuous Hypothesis!”

Defending the Nation

Which peaceful means to protect the nation do you think would be most effective?

  • A reproachful look of disapproval.
  • A stern lecture.
  • Diplomatic sanctions
  • Economic sanctons
  • Stop buying oil from people who hate us.
  • Stop giving foreign aid to people who hate us.
  • Stop the immigration of people who hate us.
  • Support the adversaries of our enemies.
  • Parachute in Rush Limbaugh, Keith Olberman, Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber.
  • Bacon.
  • A barrier compsed of dirty sweat socks and month old fish heads.
  • Lock down the borders.
  • Enforce immigration laws.
See results without voting

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12 comments

Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 22 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

But, I love bacon. lol


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 22 months ago Author

Rachel, I think almost everything goes better with bacon!


Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 22 months ago from Germany

Lol! That´s a lot of bacon. Your summary catched my eyes "Bacon uber all".


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 21 months ago Author

Thelma, welcome to the People's Republic of Bacon.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 20 months ago from Houston, Texas

We have some bacon in our freezer and a few pieces in our refrigerator. I am glad to know that we are duly prepared! I voted for bacon in your poll because we know how economic sanctions are working and also how well our immigration controls are working and as to purchasing oil from our enemies and supporting them with foreign aid...there seems to be no end to that from decision makers who continue to go down that path. So bacon sounds good to me! Will share this brilliant strategy with others. If bacon fails...there is always Betty Boop! Ha!


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 20 months ago Author

Peggy I am glad to hear you are on the front lines of the Bacon Rebellion consuming pork for God and Country!


DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 20 months ago from Iowa

I could get behind the People's Republic of Bacon!


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 20 months ago Author

Deborah, a plate full nation, I mean a grateful nation thanks you for your support of the Pork Protectorate and the People's Republic of Bacon!

Be blessed.


aesta1 profile image

aesta1 19 months ago from Ontario, Canada

Bacon...it's my favourite though I control myself not to have too much. You really think this will do it?


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 19 months ago Author

Mary Norton (aesta1) I don't know much about Canadian bacon but I think that all who want to form Pork Protectorates in the People's Republic of Bacon will be welcome!

Have a blessed day!


TreasuresBrenda profile image

TreasuresBrenda 19 months ago from Canada

LOVE bacon though eat it only rarely. Fun page.


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 19 months ago Author

Welcome to the People's Republic of Bacon Treasures By Brenda (TreasuresBrenda).

Have a blessed day!

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