Is The US Government Too Big? No. It Is Too Small.

Too Big? Not So!, The Government is too Small. I want my free phone!

Some crazy people, mainly those wacky conservatives and libertarians, like to claim that our government has gotten too big. I beg to disagree. In fact our government is far too small for what we need it to do. Let me give you a few examples and I am sure you will come to agree with me.

As a nation, the United States has 42,000,000 starving people, people so hopelessly poor that they depend on the government for their daily sustenance.

People Receiving 'Food Stamps' Who Would Otherwise Starve

People who would starve if not for our glorious leaders.
People who would starve if not for our glorious leaders. | Source

Uncle Sam's Watchful Eye On Our Farmers

Without food stamps, these people would surely starve. Only the continuing action of the government keeps the food trucks rolling.

Without endless watchfulness from on high, farmers would not plant crops, nor harvest. Who would tell them to? Who would guide them to plant on the right date, fertilize with the right fertilizer, cultivate and combine?Thankfully, our government is there, watching from the heavens.

A drone equipped with cameras keeps a careful eye on our nation's farmers.
A drone equipped with cameras keeps a careful eye on our nation's farmers. | Source

Food Dood!

Beyond just the delivery of food, who would know what to eat without the wisdom of our betters? Observe the classic form below, the pyramid. Broad of base and narrow of top, nothing can overturn it. Consider the wisdom of this design, originated by the all-powerful Pharaohs of ancient Egypt and the wise Mayan kings of Central America. These symbols of greatness, teaching us to always obey our social superiors and betters. The Egyptians buried their dead masters in them, and the Mayans cut the hearts out of prisoners on top of them, and ate them. Would that we were graced with such wonderful rulers!

The Pyramid, Symbol of the Proper Social Order

What you need to know?
What you need to know? | Source

No Thinking Required! Just Obey And Be Happy!

This is so relaxing, I hardly need to think at all! I just follow the pyramid and eat what Uncle Sam and Aunt Michelle tell me to. How happy I am. It does worry me a bit to see that there are several different, competing food pyramids out there. There are even different pyramids made by other, vaguely sinister foreign governments. But, no problem, really, I know how wise they all must be. They truly do have my best interests at heart.

Why, if the government didn't tell me not to, I might accidentally eat horse meat!

Or drink way too much subtly poisonous soda pop!

Foie Gras, Our Enemy

Do you believe, there are real, live people in the world, no, not just in the world, but even in the United States of America (!) who like to eat goose liver paste! Also called by its hoity-toity French name 'foie gras'.

Why should anyone be allowed to eat such stuff? (Even if it is really really yummy.) It has grease in it, so it must be totally bad for us, and we know that it is a basic rule of modern society that no one should be allowed to do anything that might in any way possibly be bad for us. How uncouth. How uncivilized. Don't these people know that health care costs are now socialized, so that if anyone gets unhealthy, we all have to pay? That means none of us can be allowed to do anything that might raise costs on others. Because that would be unfair.

Not to worry! As civilization spreads from the enlightened coastal areas towards the hinterlands, the evils of foi gras are being eliminated. Our government must now hire hundreds of inspectors and policemen to catch the crude barbarians who continue this practice in their caves.

Barbarians Making Foie Gras

(But it is yummy)
(But it is yummy) | Source

Unbelievably, The US Government Does Even More For Us!

One would think, reading the above, that the government would be far to busy feeding us and caring for our proper nutrition to do anything else. Au contraire, mon ami!

No, our government is far too small. Just last year our government made a big step in the right direction. They made it possible for health care in America to be under the direct control of our government, by mandating that everyone buy health insurance that meets government standards.

There are some 18 million people working in health care in the US. But what you probably did not know is that many of them, nay, most of them work for something called the 'private sector'. If you are unfamiliar with this term, it means they do not work for the government! They work for organizations variously called 'hospitals' and 'companies' and 'corporations'. Some even work all alone in a type of anarchy called 'private practice'.

Well, obviously that couldn't be allowed to continue. And now, it won't. :-) With the government taking over paying all these people, clearly the government will also be gaining control over them. For their own good. I wonder how many new jobs will be created by government to administer the new health insurance programs and manage all these people? Lots, I hope. And all these new jobs will be big government jobs with great pay, benes and retirement. So its good all around, eh? Everyone benefits when the government takes control!

Oh, I suppose there will be a few nutty doctors here and there who resist, and even bad citizens who refuse to buy the mandatory insurance. But we know how to handle those criminals. We'll just transfer a few of the anti-foie-gras police and cross train them to catch the rebels.

Just think of all the wonderful things the government does for us. They mandate bicycle helmets. They ban evil guns. They require us to wear seat-belts. They make us send our kids to school. They build the schools and stock them with domesticated teachers, who teach our kids the wonders of government.

None of these things could we accomplish on our own. Imagine, just imagine if the government did not control schools. We would all be dumb!

You must agree, after reading my logical and convincing words, that our government is much to small to do all the things we ask of it. We need to all call our lords and princes and beg then to raise taxes higher and higher, so they can do more and more for us every day.

Not A New Problem

There have always been nit-wits and nay-sayers. The following was written some 2500 years ago, about people who just didn't appreciate everything their government did for them. I guess they were the original bitter clingers.

King Rehoboam

10The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s loins! 11‘Whereas my father loaded you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”

More by this Author


Is The US Government Too Small? 20 comments

Mitch Alan profile image

Mitch Alan 4 years ago from South Jersey

Haha...I started reading this hub with the full inclination to set a Liberal right and debate every bullet point I was sure to encounter. The joke was on me and I was pleasantly surprised. Great hub...satire and sarcasm rooled up in a tasty hub. I look forward to reading more of your hubs.


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Thanks Mitch Alan. I try to keep my readers guessing. I figure why write political Hubs if it is just the same old stuff people a lot smarter than me wrote already, using bigger words.


Onusonus profile image

Onusonus 4 years ago from washington

Excellent hub! Voted up.


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Thanks Onusonus, for the compliment.


Bob Zermop profile image

Bob Zermop 4 years ago from California, USA

Hahaha, appreciate the satire! Thanks for the laugh :D


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

You are welcome. It was fun to write.


one2get2no profile image

one2get2no 4 years ago from Olney

Great satirical stuff. Good hub.


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Thanks one2getno.


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

What a hoot -- so cleverly written! Thanks for this one! Best/Sis


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Thanks Angela, I had fun writing it. I especially liked finding the drone picture.


Living Well Now profile image

Living Well Now 4 years ago from Near Indianapolis

That is one clever hub! You'd be the perfect person to write a hub about how 2 unfunded wars, giving prescription drugs to seniors, tax cuts and the loss of revenue from the financial crisis didn't add to the national debt!


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Hi Living Well Now. Sure they did. One reason GWB had such abysmal approval #s was that conservatives didn't like his spending habits. Remember that the Dems crushed the Pubs in 2006 and took over Congress, as the American people rejected Repub spending craziness. It is too bad the Dems had offered us one inferior presidential candidate after another. Gore? Kerry? Bad as Bush was, he was still better than those creeps.

If you care to read anything more I write, you'll see I am not a great fan of the repubs either.


ib radmasters profile image

ib radmasters 4 years ago from Southern California

TM

President Obama has been considering a new border protection across the US-Mexican Border. It was based on the old hands across America.

He is going to hire enough Border Agents to hold hands across the entire border. Then he will take that number and multiply it by three, so that it will be covered for three shift allowing for 24/7/ Then he will multiply that total by 2/7 so that weekends will be covered. Then multiply that total by 4/52 so that vacations can be scheduled for these agents.

You have to do the math.


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Cool. Go Obama. We need more government workers. Right?


Conservative Lady profile image

Conservative Lady 4 years ago from Surprise Arizona - formerly resided in Washington State

Loved it ! I too was ready to start my anti big Governement rant when I read the title but thankfully your Hub took just the right turn. Very fun read.


ib radmasters profile image

ib radmasters 4 years ago from Southern California

TM

I forgot to mention that this didn't include the kiosk and rest stops that would have to be built by government workers. In addition, a whole new fleet of vehicles will have to be purchased to get the transportation logistics set.

I forgot to mention that most interesting part. President Obama thought that it would be too threatening to have these border people actually facing Mexico so they will be facing to the north. It is an extension of the repeal of DADT for the military. It is Didn't look, Didn't See Them.


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

DLDST. Sums up most of the leftist viewpoint on government, doesn't it? Too bad it also sums up a lot of the right too...

Thanks folks for the kind comments.


Farmer Rachel profile image

Farmer Rachel 4 years ago from Minnesota

Bravo! Couldn't agree more.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

:) :) :)


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois Author

Thanks nicomp. Coming from you that means a lot. Google loves me, sometimes.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working