The Ultimate Reality Show! Rick Santorum's Pay-Per-View 'Guillotines Come To America!'

Santorum's Oval Office Guillotine!

Rick Santorum May Host The Show!

Public beheadings in the United States? Rick Santorum, one of the laughable GOP hopefuls for Republican Presidential nominee, came up with the most inventive argument against President Obama that I had heard in a very long time. As Santorum told it, the guillotine, which was so popular in France hundreds of years ago, will set up residency in the United States because The Affordable Care Act requires that employees at Catholic-affiliated hospitals and universities have access to health insurance plans that offer contraception without a co-pay.

Really, Rick?

Santorum, who has always been on the front lines in the culture wars, is like a broken record. He is opposed to contraception of any kind. Not just opposed to contraception for Catholics (he is Catholic), Santorum is opposed to contraception being used by anyone. If Santorum had his way, contraception, in any form, even condoms, would be inaccessable by anyone in this country.

I would be more frightened of the prospect that Santorum as President is far more likely to bring back the guillotine than President Obama. President Santorum could conceivably bring back the guillotine and use it on the millions of women who refuse to abide by his wishes. Perhaps Rick can be Pope, President and head executioner all at the same time. As part of his jobs plan, Santorum could push for government to finance the construction of enough guillotines so that each and every major city in our country can have one. Imagine how many jobs that will create! And naturally, Santorum will need to create a specialized police force to investigate and bring to justice those women who attempt to plan their families. So many jobs! And lest we forget, Pay-Per-View beheadings might just become such a revenue driver that the need for taxes would be moot!

Santorum has already said, many times, that if he wins the Presidency, the dangers of contraception will become a subject that he speaks about often. Santorum believes, and has said, that states should be able to outlaw contraception and that contraception is a danger to women and our country.

The Virginia Tool To Assault Women!

The GOP Leads The War On Women And This Is Their Opportunity, But Women Are Watching!

In just the last few years, the assault on women and their ability to access family planning services has come under attack in GOP-controlled states as well as in the United States Congress and the issue of freedom of religion allowed them to temporarily frame the argument in a new way. Seeking to protect religious freedom? No! They were actually seeking to protect the right of church-affiliated businesses to subjugate the rights of the women who work for them. It matters not whether those women employees were members of the church. If those women want or need the same protections that other women across this country have, the GOP will be second in line to prevent them from exercising THEIR freedom. First in line to prevent health care access for women are the 'celibate' men that run the Catholic Church. While crying out for freedom of religion, they both seek to make it impossible for all women to have any freedom in regards to their own reproductive choices.

This argument was very serious for a few days and could have been a winner, but then the real GOP agenda reared its ugly head. The religious freedom argument morphed and became instead, the old, tried and true resurgence of culture wars, with the Republican Presidential nominees all weighing in on the evils of artificial contraception for all women. .

Santorum and Gingrich have signed a pledge to support the Personhood Amendment. Additionally, Romney is said to support ,the amendment, but as with everything Romney, his views depend upon the audience he is addressing. The amendment, if passed, defines human life as beginning at the moment of conception. If it passes, it will undoubtedly rid this country of that evil of all evils, in-vitro fertilization. In-vitro fertilization is the only way that hundreds of thousands of women can actually achieve pregnancy and have a family. The amendment would make IUD's illegal and force millions of women to stop using many popular forms of the birth control pill. It would undoubtedly criminalize ALL abortions.

If you are a woman or even a man who believes in a woman's right to preventive reproductive health care and you vote for a Republican, you will have voted against your best interests. It is not just Santorum who is a threat to reproductive freedom, it is every Republican candidate! None of them seem to believe in gender equity; they all seem to believe in government so big that the birth control police will be able to monitor not just womens' medical decisions, but the bedrooms of every man and woman in this country.

The GOP, as a whole, seems to be of the opinion that women are incapable of making family planning decisions without the assistance of men who hold elected office! As evidenced by Darrell Issa's sham of a Congressional hearing that was absent any witness with a uterus, these men believe that men are better suited to decide for the millions of women in this country because, after all, women are nothing more than wanton Jezebels, misguided contraception queens, if you will.

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Comments 16 comments

UnnamedHarald profile image

UnnamedHarald 5 years ago from Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Great satire. I'm quite impressed, though, with the fact that Catholic husbands and wives with one or two children restrain themselves to only having sex a dozen or so times during their lives.

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HSchneider 5 years ago from Parsippany, New Jersey

Excellent article, Jillian. The GOP is obviously at war with women. Your good buddy, Darrell Issa, had a House hearing on birth control and contraceptives without any women testifying or present. Are they kidding? The Virginia personhood law is a disgrace and abominable. I am hoping Santorum wins the nomination so we can have a clear choice between the President and this knuckle dragging Neanderthal. Hopefully the only women who vote for Santorum are the Far Right born again Christians.

Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 5 years ago from California, USA Author

Hi, H!

Yes, Darrell Issa, my good buddy never ceases to disappoint me! As for the Virginia law, abomination is the most accurate word to describe it. Legalized rape brought to the state of Virginia courtesy of those who advocate small government... My definition of the Personhood Amendment is roughly: Life begins at conception and ends at birth, because after all is said and done, the GOP is certainly not in favor of spending any money on educating, feeding, medically treating or employing any product of coerced birth.

As for Santorum, the man gives me hives! I agree- if Santorum wins the nomination, women better make their voices heard!

Dear UnnamedHarald,

Of course American Catholics only have sex a few times during their lives! Catholic women are great believers in aspirin...Really though, Catholics use artificial birth control just as much as the rest of the country and a majority of Catholics agree that women should have access to contraception. It is that group of supposedly celibate clergy who seek to keep women subservient that drives me nuts!

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 5 years ago from Central Texas

Thanks very much Jillian — intelligent, sane political comment, especially defending women's rights, is so direly needed these days, and especially in HubPages. I've voted this Up and Useful.

I've characterized the GOP presidential contender lineup as a Rogue's Gallery. Of what? Well, "lunatics" comes to mind...

Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 5 years ago from California, USA Author

Dear LHwritings,

The second part of your comment made me laugh! They really are a colorful bunch, that is for sure! The humor quickly leaves the room though, when the thought that one of the Republican hopefuls could actually become President.

I will never understand why, in 2012, the right of women to access family planning services is in question. I know that abortion has always been controversial because nearly half the population is opposed to it, but contraception? It is estimated that 98% of women use contraception, yet so many 'conservative' men in power seek to make it illegal or inaccessible. Guess they are lunatics...

Credence2 profile image

Credence2 5 years ago from Florida (Space Coast)

Jillian, WOW (War on Woman) It has to be noted that the GOP deliberately plays down these "pledges" against a woman's choice. I think that they need to be brought into the light of day so that more woman can see who it is that is selling them out for political bonus points. Great article, Cred2

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 5 years ago from Central Texas

Jillian, did you see that Rick Santorum has now denounced women's prenatal testing?

Reason: It might "encourage abortions" (if a woman would find a defect in the fetus) ...

Meanwhile, as you point out, Teapot GOP-controlled Virginia is MANDATING vaginal probe ultrasound testing for women who seek an abortion...

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 5 years ago from Central Texas

Jillian, did you see that Rick Santorum has now denounced women's prenatal testing?

Reason: It might "encourage abortions" (if a woman should see, day, a defective fetus) ...

No problem in Virginia, where (as you point out) they're MANDATING the vaginal ultrasound test for any woman who is actually seeking an abortion...

Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 5 years ago from California, USA Author

Dear LHwritings,

I heard it and could not believe it! Next, he will decide that pregnancy tests should be outlawed...

I had received a blood transfusion with my first child. The blood had a very dangerous anti-body in it that at a certain point, would attack and destroy the fetus--usually sometime after the 6th month. Amnios were not around with my second child and he was in the hospital sick because of it. We almost lost him, but they were able to do an exchange transfusion to save him. With my third child, amnios had just been introduced and I had 6 of them so that the doctor would know when and if the antibodies started to attack and kill my daughter. Because of amniocentesis, my husband and I had a beautiful, healthy daughter.

Santorum is a troglodyte! He needs to move back to his cave!

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 5 years ago from Central Texas

Just wanted to apologize for the double posting of my last comment. HubPages had some kind of glitch and seemed to zap my comments after appearing to accept them.

Gemini Fox profile image

Gemini Fox 5 years ago


And whatever happened to "keeping government out of our lives" and "reducing big government"?! Hypocrites!

Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 5 years ago from California, USA Author

Dear Gemini Fox,


I guess that some things are okay to monitor because we are simply to stupid to make up our own minds...

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 5 years ago from Central Texas

The Dems may be the "party of big government", but the Teapot GOP and extremist right have morphed into the party of Mega-Mammoth Government ... or, as Rachel Maddow puts it, Really, Really BIG Government.

The attack on women's health, right to abortion, pre-natal testing, and access to birth control is obviously one major front in their war.

But this just falls in a pattern. They're also...

• Attacking voting rights through imposing ID new requirements and new hurdles to get the new IDs...

• Abolishing local governments and local voter and taxpayer control over communities by ceding unprecedented power to the governor and statehouse in Michigan. In Benton Harbor, Michigan, they've used this power to dismember a free public lakeside park and do a deal with private developers to turn it into a country club-golf course with a $5000 annual membership fee (in this impoverished community)...

• Ramping up government restrictions against unions, outlawing public employment collective bargaining, outlawing union membership rules, and attacking the labor movement through other laws and regulations...

Thanks again for voicing some rationality, reality, and sanity in the context of all this. profile image 5 years ago from upstate, NY

As far as I know Santorum isn't against women using contraception, he opposes the government forcing catholic church agencies to provide contraception and abortions which would be included in thier employee health plan under the affordable healthcare act, known as Obamacare.

As far as abortion goes, if the unborn child is considered a human being, the womens rights issue is trumped by the right to life of the baby!

Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 4 years ago from California, USA Author

Santorum has signed a pledge to support the Personhood Amendment, which if passed, would outlaw most oral contraceptives (the pill). As for the President trying to force Catholic hospitals to provide abortions to their employees, that is not true. The Affordable Care Act mandates that all women be given access to contraception if their insurance plans offer meds. The Catholic Church employs hundreds of thousands of women who are not Catholic and even more than that, Catholic hospitals are NOT free and they DO make money. They are a business. Granted, they are run as a business by the Church, but I have worked for them, and they ARE a money-making business. Why shouldn't their employees be given the same access to contraceptives as every other woman in this country?

The government has actually told religions, not just religious businesses, what they can and cannot do, throughout the course of history. The government outlawed polygamy and the Mormon church had to comply. The government outlaws honor killings, too.

LHwritings profile image

LHwritings 4 years ago from Central Texas

Wba writes


As far as I know Santorum isn't against women using contraception


Santorum is virulently and ferociously against contraception.


In a 2006 interview with a Comcast program and posted by the YouTube user “Santorumexposed,” which has existed for years, Santorum, amid an ultimately unsuccessful run for re-election in purple Pennsylvania, says he supports a legal right to access contraception, which he says he doesn’t think is effective and is “harmful to women” and “harmful to our society.”

“I vote and have supported birth control because it is not the taking of human life. But I’m not a believer in birth control and artificial birth control. I think it goes down the line of being able to do whatever you want to do without having the responsibility that comes with that. I think it breaks that … this is from a personal point of view of, from a governmental point of view I support that Title X,” he said.

“I guess it is and have voted for contraception, although I don’t think it works. I think it’s harmful to women. I think it’s harmful to our society to have a society that says that sex outside of marriage is something that should be encouraged or tolerated …, particularly among the young and it has I think we’ve seen very, very harmful long-term consequences to the society. Birth control to me enables that and I don’t think it’s a healthy thing for our country.”


In this same article:


And his personal position against contraception has solidified. In October, he said in an interview with the Christian blog Caffeinated Thoughts that contraception use factors into “the whole sexual libertine idea.”

He said that as president, he would seek to repeal the Obama health care and get rid of any kind of idea that you have to have “any kind of abortion coverage, any kind of contraceptive coverage.”

And he said he disagrees with others in the Christian faith who believe that contraception is OK.

“It’s not OK because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be,” he said. They’re supposed to be within marriage, they are supposed to be for purposes that are, yes, conjugal, but also, but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. We take any part of that out, we diminish the act. And if you can take one part out that’s not for purposes of procreation, that’s not one of the reasons, then you diminish this very special bond between men and women, so why can’t you take other parts of that out? And all of a sudden, it becomes deconstructed to the point where it’s simply pleasure. And that’s certainly a part of it—and it’s an important part of it, don’t get me wrong—but there’s a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.”

He later added, “I know most Presidents don’t talk about those things, and maybe people don’t want us to talk about those things, but I think it’s important that you are who you are. I’m not running for preacher. I’m not running for pastor, but these are important public policy issues. These how profound impact on the health of our society.”


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