The Whisper That Became a Roar

Source

My life with you was stagnant and sad

Seeing your anger, most everything made you mad

The evil energy in the house one could cut with a knife

Living with you was so oppressive devoid of any light

I tried to hide it from the children, but to no avail

They saw your violence, and watched your spit sail

You held them captive so I would go mad

You coward, somehow you rationalized it would not make our kids sad

Your yelling was penetrating, we thought it would never end

Through the roof, our nerves you would send

Your words were so confusing, I got dizzy and felt like I was in hell,

You would follow me around the house, I finally fell

The letter of our demise shown to our kids

I only found it accidentally and hid

You were planning at Christmas to blow us away

Our daughter only three told me in dismay

Mom, why does dad say we'll die on Christmas and then all come back?

I slept in their rooms, both of my kids, for weeks on my back

I tried ever so hard to act calm for you

When your older, you'll understand why mom felt so blue

Once the judge ordered him out it got worse

He would creep up behind me and suddenly lurch

Why are you afraid he would say with a grin?

You have fear issues and why are you so paranoid, and lift up my chin

He would trance like, hypnotize the kids and put them on the table

His eyes would glass over, and to move they were not able

Till I told him I would film him and show a judge for to see

He'd say I had skeletons in the closet and the judge would take them from me

I acted calm as if I were not afraid, of the one thing I could not lose

My beautiful children, the best thing I have ever done

My treasured daughter and my son

I can't believe I used to love this monster, who was he?

The judge moved him out of the house, But we had paid a grand fee

Remember when you'd follow me on the steps of our room, you would tell and pronounce to me, I had chest pain, that I was having a heart attack, God I had to leave

You kept coming at me till I had to run out of the house just to breathe

My God I believed you, You scared the life out of me,

I could not talk, nor think straight, My legs felt like they would fall from underneath,like spaghetti,

You used to seem beautiful, not ugly and even your face,

My therapist claimed, this is the worst classic case

I am not bitter

I am free

I am so happy

My life right now is for my kids, not me

You taught me a lot

What to look out for

My soft whisper has now become a roar

A wolf in sheep's clothing, but now I have my life back,

God has healed us, our lives are on track

Freedom oh sweet freedom, I do so love you

Thanks to all those that helped me through this, you were my strength and my glue,

I have my life back now, I thank you for loving me

Life is a gift, peace is what we now see

Thank you God for letting me have the courage to leave the strife

Not much can bother me now, I feel so grateful, and the world is our oyster, This is our new life!!!

You taught me a lot

What to look out for

My once soft whisper, Is forever a loud roar

WeeeeeeeeeHeeeee


© Laura Rogers Arne




Comments 96 comments

LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

You are a Mighty Lioness, A Great Healer, Woman and Mother! Bless You, The Very Best to You and Yours! Thank you for sharing your tale of Terror! I love the Dixie Chicks Video you included, I am listening as i comment. Peace


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Dear Lillygrillzit

Thanks so much for your kind words. A lioness huh? I rather like that.

Thanks so much for stopping by. My domestic group I was in during this called my life, "The Friday night horror life". I remember back then, thinking they were being dramatic. Wow, Have I come far.

Healing touch


LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

Glad you survived! :0)


garynew profile image

garynew 6 years ago from Dallas, TX and Sampran, Thailand

Now wasn't it worth going thru all that just so you could write this great poem? (I'm guessing "NO!").


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

garynew,

No your right, but I did learn so much about myself, wht is important to me, and gratitude.

Thanks for stopping by.

Healing touch


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Thanks for sharing! It is a process...


LivingFood profile image

LivingFood 6 years ago

What a beautiful yet sad poem...but with a happy ending. Great share..


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

dallas93444,

Your right. It is a process. Thanks for stopping by.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

LivingFood,

Thanks so much for your comment. So glad to be happy again.

Healing touch


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

There is something very awe inspiring about this and yes, I agree the "Lioness" comments is apt. A brave hub on a sensitive subject.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

Healing Touch,

You and I -- we have lived lives that are so similar. I am proud of you for finding the strength, the courage and the love for yourself and your children to leave. I am extremely happy for you and your children that you have begun a fresh, happy and peaceful life.

It is difficult to write, yet it is healing. Thank you for writing this. This will inspire someone to think about their relationship. Maybe this will provide the catalyst for their change.

{{{HUGS}}}

Beth


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Cheeky girl,

Thanks so much for your wonderful feedback. You will never know what it means to me.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Dear Beth 100,

You are the one who inspired me to write this down. Thanks so much for the support. Hugs back to you.

Healing touch


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Those were very dark and scary days. He sure didn't like me around because I saw who he was and wasn't emotionally involved as you were. I thank God Every Day that you had the courage to leave this evil man.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Dear Minnetonka Twin,

I know the stress my marriage put on you. I am sorry if I was partly to blame for your cancer. I love you so much and know you say that is ridiculous cuz family sticks together. Thanks for loving me enough to fight with me.

Healing touch


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

Wow. Your eyes have seen much within his pools of rage. Nothing offers more appreciation for life than finding the will to live and live with courage. My heart weeps at the concept of your fear, and rejoyces at the knowledge of your freedom. What a retchid, retchid man. I think I can hear you roar from here Healing Touch...

I am honored to have your words to read~

~Always choose love~

K9


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

K9keystrokes,

Thanks so much for your beautiful words. Yes, I know fear and I now know freedom. Your right, you can hear me roar.

I am glad Minnetonkatwin told me to follow you.

Healing touch


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Oh sweet sister. You know I would do anything for you and it is not necessary to figure out why I got the big C. Love is all that matters. Hugs


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

MT, thanks for the message. Love is all.

Healing touch


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

I just want you to know that I was right there with you............ and here we are. The thought that someone once wanted me dead still has the power to rattle me; saving grace came from the knowledge that he didn't have enough power over me to do it.

I remember the threats, and I remember the hovering............ the bully stance that made me squirm. Memories of absolute terror, and the eventual realization that I really couldn't continue believing that he wouldn't do exactly what he said he'd do. Some call it foolishness, some call it stupidity, and me.......... I just call it the belief in human goodness, I know you understand............ that's who we are.

So many people don't know who we are. They see the mother in us; they see what they want to see, and often think "no way, not her." They don't understand that it wasn't weakness that kept us locked away in the prison of an abusive marriage; it was the inner strength that kept us there........... you can't survive with it. Sister......... we survived. God has blessed us both............ Kaie


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Kaie,

I am so with you on how we just believed in humanity. I could not believe that someone who said they loved me and was the father to my beautiful kids could treat me worse than dirt. I agree it was our strenght that kept us there and not that we were not weak.I try to let people know that it is so hard to define it at first. I do know he did not kill my spirit. I am back way better than before.

So glad to know we are both survivors.

Bless you

Healing touch


Kavita Trivedi profile image

Kavita Trivedi 6 years ago from London

I read this and cried.

You are truly such a courageous woman

PS: thansk for joining my fan club :)


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

I must tell you, poetry has never been my 'thing' but this gave me goosebumps! I am sorry that you had to go through pain. Being abused is something we will always carry within, yet it can make us stronger. You are a strong person for having not only survived it, but being able to speak about it. No, not speak, YELL about it and let your voice be heard! What a great poem and the strength behind it! God Bless you!!


akycrawler 6 years ago

Fantastic!! Im at a loss for words. Very good writing.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very inspiring. I really appreciate how you survive in this life. I have to learn much from you. Thank you very much.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Kavita,

Thanks so much for reading this hub. Sorry I made you cry. Life is great now. We are all so darn happy.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

SweetSusieG,

Thanks so much for reading my poem. Trust me, my voice now is heard many times over, ask my kids. I am not afraid of anything or anyone and I feel so comfortable voicing my opinion. Thanks for the great comments.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Akycrawler,

I really appreciate your comment. As for the good write, it is funny because, I did not even have to think, it just spewed out of me. I was so inspired by a poem that beth 100 wrote, that I thought, well, perhaps I could write of my own misery in the past

Glad to follow you.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Prasetio,

I do so appreciate your humble nature. Thanks for the nice comment. I really have lots to learn from you also.

Healing touch


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

wow... you captured some raw emotion here!!!

Outstanding.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Carolina Muscle,

Thanks for reading my poem about my ugly life with a monster. It is amazing, as lastnight after being away from him for eight years, I dreamdt he killed me. Ugh


phoenixflameangel 6 years ago

Only 3 months out of my relationship now and I am grateful for so many things on a daily basis - I will never take anything for granted again. The last 2 of the 7 years were the worst. It's been 3 months since I last got called useless/ idiot/ stupid, 3 months since I was asked 'do you want me to break your nose?', 'do you want me to smash your face in?'. Reading your words has inspired me to want to get my experiences out there too - mainly to highlight the reality of there being life on the other side. We are truly blessed to have survived and gained strength through survival xxx


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

phoenixflameangel,

I am so happy that you feel the freedom now. Life is so great and we should not waste one moment of it on low consciousness, angry partners. I look back now and cannot believe the fear and stress that kept me down for so many years. Words do hurt, sticks and stones will break my bones and words definately CAN HURT

I am so proud you can see to the joyous other side. Please write your experience with abuse because I want to see it and I know how healing it is.

Thanks for stopping by


vinividivici profile image

vinividivici 6 years ago

I believe in`Receive the children in reverence; educate them in love; let them go forth in freedom.' But for some children all are cruel, unhealthy.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

vinividivici,

I agree with you on this. Too bad some children have been taught to be angry. Thanks for stopping by


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

..gee this is a real tough one to read ..... I wish I could come through this screen right now and give you a big hug ......


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I've been in the same situation facing the same thing. My heart goes out. God bless!


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

Beautiful job, you are beautiful through and through, You go girl, you go! :D aloha Dear aloha


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

I hope you are sure you are not still in danger, some monsters only want the worst for you at any risk. Protect yourself if so.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Epigramman,

I caught your hug. Thanks so much. I am great now, hear me roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Micky Dee,

Thanks for sharing your experience. Men and women go through this stupid hell.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Sage, how beautiful is your comment. Thanks so much for stopping by. Aloha back to you


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Pollyannalana,

Hi Pollyannalana,

I am so not in danger now. Thanks for the care. All is in place now for all of us.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Healing Touch - Up and awesome! I salute you for finding the courage to ROAR! and for being a survivor. May you and your children always walk in peace and harmony.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Phyllis Doyle,

I am so glad you read my poem on abuse. Thanks for the peace that you sent us. Bless you


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago

Healing Touch,

What a beautiful haunting story your words tell. I am glad you are free, I am glad you are a survivor. I am glad that you are here to tell your tale, and help others with your courage. Thank you, your words touched me. I too am a survivor, and thank you for sharing those touching moments.

Blessings,

Laurie


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Laurie,

I am so happy that you too are a survivor. I am so sorry of your latest loss as I read your bio. I am so glad to follow you. We can help eachother in sister support.


awesome77 6 years ago

You know, You will make a great writer! I like your writing style, it brings the audience or readers close to the event! Truthfully, you have the style and talent to give us a great novel! Great job! I am a fan now.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

awesome77

Wow, I am truly humbled by your amazing comments here. I really appreciate you coming by.


Bel Marshall profile image

Bel Marshall 5 years ago from Michigan

This gave me chills. God bless you and your children. You protected your babies and that is what good mothers do.


Healing touch 5 years ago

Bel Marshall. Thanks for your most loving comments. Bless you as well.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

Thank-you for following me because through your act, I was brought here and to your writings. Isn't it funny how life brings us where we need to be?

I had the closest thing to a flashback as I've had in years just now reading your poem.

"You held them captive so I would go mad

You coward, somehow you rationalized it would not make our kids sad"

To say that I understand this is the understatement of the century. It was like watching someone hold a gun to their heads or a knife to their throats and being a dancing puppet, praying I made the right moves to gain his attention - away from them and to me. All the while his manner was disguised to them and they thought me insane, never realizing how much danger they were in. ack - chills - I thought this was all out of my system but apparently I may need a little more work.

Your work here and the work you did in freeing yourself and your children is nothing short of magnificent!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Poogranma

I really appreciate the comments. Sorry you had to see this darkness too. I don't ever think a mother can ever get over the sheer pain of all of it. God Bless you


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 5 years ago from trailer in the country

I echoe the words of others...chilling, captivating in its fear level...thankful for our ysurvival...appalled by the evil possibility you escaped...amazed by your recovery...and yet you still dream about it. Blessings


aslanlight profile image

aslanlight 5 years ago from England

From one lioness to another, Kudos! I've also overcome the horrors of domestic violence and life couldn't be more beautiful now with just me and my son. Thanks for sharing it; it's important to give hope to others in these situations.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Enlydia Listener

Thanks for the uplifting comments. Blessings back to you. Life is good


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

aslanlight

I am so happy that your life is full of peace too. Hope is such powerful medicine.


leabeth profile image

leabeth 5 years ago

Thank you for your sad but lovely poem. Many years ago I also escaped from a 5 year marriage with mental abuse. From this ordeal I became a strong person and would not allow anyone to step on me anymore. Hugs Galore!


Healing Touch 5 years ago

leabeth

I am so happy you are strong. I too have become so strong. Hugs back to


Darknlovely3436 profile image

Darknlovely3436 5 years ago from NewYork

great hub, profound keep what you do best,


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Darknlovely

Thanks for the uplift. Glad your here.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

Thank you for sharing so selflessly your personal experiences.It takes great courage to come through what you have and to become a better person for it is a tribute to your character. Well done! Voted up and awesome!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Spirit Whisperer,

Thanks so much for your support. I appreciate the follow too.


theseus profile image

theseus 5 years ago from philippines

What an inspiring hub.Thank you for sharing your experience.

Though I always pray that the same may not happen to me when I marry, I just hope that even if it does, may I have the courage and the strength to do what you did. Thank you.God bless you and your kids. They are blessed to have you and I am sure they appreciate it.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

theseus

Thanks for stopping by. Make sure that when your with someone, you pay attention. Red flags I should have seen. You will be fine. Blessings.


DexisView profile image

DexisView 5 years ago from New England

Healing Touch, You are a strong woman. Our kids are our gifts for many reasons. Isn't amazing the strength we find for them. Glad you made it out in one piece.


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

Inspirational words from a survivor. Excellent poem.

Rated up/beautiful


Healing touch 5 years ago

DexisView,

Thanks so much for the uplifting comments. Kids are the best and we parents will do whatever it takes.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Fay Paxton

Thanks so much for rating this.


Ask_DJ_Lyons profile image

Ask_DJ_Lyons 5 years ago from Mosheim, Tennessee

Amazing! I spent nine months once with a violent man until I made my escape. This was one of those less-than-wise rebound marriages. He sounds like a puppy compared to the vicious dog you describe. Your roar would move mountains. God bless you and your courage to keep you and your children safe. God is so good!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Ask_DJ_Lyons

I am so glad you made your escape too. God is good.


skellie profile image

skellie 5 years ago from Adelaide

I felt every word, had chills up my spine. It is so hard, fighting that sort of evil. Bless you and your children, for finding the strength. Enjoy the freedom, you have all so rightly earnt :D

Awesome and up


Healing touch 5 years ago

skellie

Thanks so much for the blessings. Life is so sweet now. I am so glad you stopped by


woodamarc profile image

woodamarc 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Stay positive, trust in God for your happiness and everything else good in life will follow. Very nice hub and inspirational. I'm now following you.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Woodamarc

thanks so much for reading this. God is good.


woodamarc profile image

woodamarc 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Right on Point! Keep spreading the word in the way you do it. Your rewards await you;]


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

Amen! WB


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

You are so much more than a survivor-- you are a thriver; a beautiful person and spirit who is prospering and thriving against all odds. God bless you for finding a support group and therapist and doing what you had to do to keep your kids and yourself sane and safe.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Healing Touch – Too many men in this world is incompetent husbands and fathers - truly a major problem. The mother instinct of women forces them to grow (emotionally), much faster than men. Just a thought: In the far past the responsibility to provide for and to protect women and children force men to grow, but since the 2nd World War women help men with this task, earning bread as hard, if not harder, taking the responsibility off men's shoulders. Could this perhaps be the reason why most boys never become the men they should be? Aaaa, there are too many possible reasons. I’m soooo glad you are free and happy. I’m roaring with you.


tonzofkids profile image

tonzofkids 5 years ago

Just found your hubs. I am very excited to read more. Thank you for sharing. I wish I could not relate so well to your poem. Hooray for you!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Wayne

Thanks so very much.


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Wow, i so much love this piece of work. Nice piece of work.Cheers


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California

Healing touch, Praise the lord you are out I know this story oh so well. This was my life this was your life lets rejoice and be happy that we are no longer held captive to this insanity. Thank you for letting this out and letting it go I know talking about this subject is not the easiest but it makes one feel better.

Smiles and hugs

bella


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

This left me speechless, so powerful, so strong, remarkably done!


Healing touch 5 years ago

QudsiaP1

Thanks so very much.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Bella,

So happy for you too. Isn't freedom awesome?

Blessings


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California

Its the best, and knowing that no one can ever take that from you ever. ;)


Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 5 years ago from New Jersey

It was so brave to write this piece, although it must have brought back such pain for you. It's positive to pour out all that pain on paper. In metaphysics classes I've taken, sometimes they ask you what your power animal is, as we all have angels and guides in our lives. I guess your power animal is the Lion, and I'm so happy you are roaring! Bless you.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Jean

I love the power animal info. I am so glad you liked this.


AngelaFaith 4 years ago

That beautiful smile on your face says it all. Thank God for your freedom. You are a CATALYST. You have no idea what you have done for me. Thank you dear Laura. Thank you...


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

AngelaFaith

Your words are so sweet. I am so happy this story helped you.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Your words are so sweet. I am so happy this helped you. God Bless You.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 2 years ago from North Carolina

No one deserves to go through what you have. I'm glad you are free of him and I hope the children are healing as well. It is frightening how manipulative people, like the sociopath you married, can be. It is remarkable how suddenly they change...all the while blaming others when things don't go right.

I'm so glad you are away from this relationship, however, I hope you have had plenty of guidance to understand the process and 'quiet submission' that goes on when we are 'wooed' by someone as sick as this man.

Happy holidays. I was entranced by your poem. UP/U


leni sands profile image

leni sands 2 years ago from UK

Bless you for finding the strength to escape from this brutality - so many of us don't know the real person we love until it is too late. The poem, in truth, is a credit to your resilience. Here's hoping that the healing for you and your children continues.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 2 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Leni

Thanks for the comment. We are all doing great now.


WannaB Writer profile image

WannaB Writer 2 years ago from Templeton, CA

Beautifully expressed. I'm glad you got free. So many don't.

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