The bBizarre Headless Rainbow Space Alien Zombie Insect Eaters Conspiracy
Trolling Trolling Trolling
I just ran across an article the other day that said it is ridiculously easy to troll conspiracy theorists. And since I have been and will be a believer in somethings conspiracy I want it to be affirmed that I can be trolled quite easily.
Eat Insects Now
Now my favorite conspiracy at the moment goes something like this. You may have heard that the United Nations is suggesting that more people need to eat insects. They have sound reasoning on their side. We simply cannot have billions of folks all around the world eating as much meat as Americans do. There isn’t enough water to water that many pigs, cows and chickens. There isn’t corn and grass to feed all those cows, pigs and chickens. And there certainly isn’t enough water to grow that much grass and corn.
Many insects can grow of garbage and agricultural waste. We could probably feed some bugs feces and pollution and they would thrive. So we could clear up any existing environmental problems and eat a type if protein that is trivially easy to grow.
Now here is where my favorite conspiracy theory of the moment comes in. I believe that the federal government has already replaced some or all of our meat with texturized bug protein. So I believe they have taken mega tons of bugs into the lab, broken down the proteins and then built them back up to look and taste like beef, pork and chicken and they have put this mystery meat into our diet without asking or telling us. They have done this “for our own good”. They have done this to “save the planet”
One thing I dearly love about his particular conspiracy theory is I actually believe it whilst you may completely convinced that I am kidding, trolling you, or just being silly. For those who wonder why I would choose to believe such a thing I, like good conspiracy theorists everywhere, wonder how you could not believe it. Isn’t obvious? My theory of government and my notion of how progressives think requires that the government do this and much, much more. The progressives don’t “think” they are right they “know “they are. By the way there are both republicans and democrats in the progressive camp . Do you remember that mayor who passed some edict declaring that no one could drink sodas of a certain size? I believe he was a republican. He did this for the health of the public. I think soda is one of the most evil inventions of modern times, of commonly used objects; only tobacco comes to mind as a worse invention. Nevertheless, as a libertarian, I believe that it is not the place of government to save us from ourselves. I believe you have the right to kill yourself with nicotine and sugar if you want to. Moreover I know that whenever you start letting government tell you when, where and how you can blow your nose or wipe your bottom, sooner or later, inevitably, government will say, for instance, being a libertarian is bad for your health and for that matter is insane. Scientific socialism has been proven by our scientists to be the only rational way to think. Report to your local re-education center so we can either help you think better or eliminate you as a useless eater if you can’t be retrained. I believe ALL governments are ISIS if you give them enough time and power. They will take a sledgehammer to history and enslave all who oppose them. That was the genius of that checks and balances thing we had going here when it still worked. The checks and balances of the three branches of government are supposed to prevent things like an imperial presidency.
The Fix is In
Another one of my favorite conspiracies is that at all professional sports games are fixed. My first inkling that this might be so was when I was taking a look at the corruption in international soccer and in the international bodies that govern the Olympics. I started asking myself what prevents this same bribery and corruption from influencing American sports. I concluded that nothing does.
Moreover, I looked at some other issues. From time to time there are a number of headless corpses on the US southern border. The narco-terrorists don’t take no for an answer. They take your head.
There are some seemingly ancillary considerations as well. Every Thanksgiving we are treated to the spectable of one family member killing another do to disagreements concerning the remote an which channel the television should be set on.
Thus we come to the conclusion that under the circumstances human beings will kill each for money, TV channels, or no particular reason. Maybe it was Tuesday.
Let us consider further. Do you suppose that anywhere in America, a criminal is betting on the outcome of profession sports game? Well of course they are. Everyone knows that bookies, professional gamblers and in some places even state run gambling and sports betting exists.
Do you suppose that these criminals who bet on sports like losing and that they will part with their money easily like water off of a ducks back? Return back to the subject of narco terrorists cutting people’s heads off I think we can safely assume that there exist criminals who bet money on sports who would be very upset if they lost.
Well, if you were a criminal with a lot of drug money to launder and you were betting on a sport what limitations would you put on yourself to ensure that you won your bet? Is this a joke? Is this a trick question? A criminal who is willing to cut off human heads would have no legal limits on what he might do to win a bet.
This chain of reasoning forces us to conclude that in at least some sports some of the time, ruthless criminals almost certain tried to force the outcome in their favor. How would they do this? Well, they would bribe coaches, judges, referees and players. If a bribe did work then an enterprises might kill sports stars dog. After giving the sports star the severed head of the animal, the criminal might say something like: We know where your mother, wife, girlfriend and children live, and for that reason you are going to throw the game.
If you have ever seen a coach insist on throwing the football when the run had been a can’t miss play for the entire football game you might now know how that happened.
One rather obvious flaw in this scenario is there is more than one criminal out there. Suppose one bad guy bribed the referee, another bribed the players on one time and still another criminal bribed the players on the other team? Have you ever seen too really good teams both inexplicably play horrible games and then the ref compounds matters with awful calls?
Hope and Change
It can be said collectively of liberals, progressives and democrats that they don’t like America’s history. They see America’s history as a record of unfairness and injustice and they think Americans use too many of the world’s resources and throw our weight around too much. They hope you will change because they don't like you. The left wants to pick the Soviet Union off the scrap heap of history and install it in the United States. They don’t “think” communism works, they “know” it does. The American left does not like the demographics of American since millions don’t vote for democrats. They have hit upon away to overwhelm the votes of all republicans. The way is to make all foreign criminals and illegal aliens into citizens and then have them vote democrat. One of the ultimate aims of the left is to take all the money and resources from Americans and give them to other countries. In theory, like good little Marxists, the left intends American wealth for the poor of other countries; in reality they don’t call it the dictatorship of the proletariat for nothing. The transferred wealth winds up in the hands of about 5% of the population. Even in socialist countries some people are more equal than others. Often there are very wealthy bureaucrats who decide what scraps the proletariat gets.
Rule of Rich
Saying that conservatives are merely shills for the rich is a misnomer. There are two kinds of conservatives. One kind, the religious kinds wants an American style theocracy where patriotism and love and God and country are encouraged. Abortion would largely be illegal in an American theocracy. One of the big differences between an American theocracy and those of other nations and religions is that there would be no morality squads roaming the streets punishing wicked. For the most part in an American theocracy you would have to confront the state directly in order to get the state to punish you for disobeying.
The other type of conservatism is fiscal conservatism. They don’t actually care what you personally believe or what you do in your bedroom along as the budget is balanced. Although fiscal conservatives often talk a good game there are in fact few true believers. Most fiscal conservatives wind up funneling tax dollars to the wealthy. And so fiscal conservatives often build a plutocracy or an oligarchy. The poor may or may or may not get poorer but the rich definitely get richer.
Conspiracy Grab Bag
I believe it will one day be discovered that all those skinny, boyish looking fashion runway models are boys and not girls as they led everyone to believe.
One day all babies will be chipped with locator chips at birth. No one will be able to hide or to be kidnapped.
One day all babies will chipped with behavioral modification chips. There will be no free will. All do and think and say only what is on the chips. In the beginning of the behavioral chipping program millions of humans will die. It will happen because the computers or the humans controlling the chips won’t allow for the fact that humans need to go to the bathroom, eat, drink and sleep. Some folks will stand around starving to death. Some people will be eaten alive by rats or infested with maggots. I am not clear exactly how this problem will be resolved. Maybe all the humans will be allowed to die and replaced by robots. Maybe the humans will be allowed autonomy concerning their bodily functions but they will not be allowed to have any interest in or knowledge of politics, religion or history.
Someone will develop immortality but only the rich and powerful will get it.
It will turn out that you have never in our life ever actually seen a “real” rich or powerful person. Each of them was cloned and some point and is now living their live in a paradise in a space station orbiting the moon served by android slaves.
There have been high tech screw ups that were so bad they took out a quarter or more of the planet. So a quarter or more of the planet has been successfully hidden from us for decades. The screw ups were things like a huge nuclear accident, a gray goo nano tech outbreak that killed one billion people and rogue science experiment that destroyed one quarter of the planet before it could be stopped.
Space aliens have already found us, landed, assessed us and left. They were bored and besides, we did not taste good.
The Zombie Apocalypse happened. And it turns out that the only way anyone could thing to stop it before it got out of hand was to destroy a quarter of the planet.
Some on the left love risky behavior so much they are almost suicidal. Sure there are the obvious ones who engage in risky intimacy with multiple partners using no protection but there are more.
Consider feminists and gays who engage in the political the political correctness of using terms like Islamaphobia and who spend their days defending Islam. The only thing you should have to ask any feminists is: Would they allow you to drive in Saudi Arabia? Or do you know what honor killing and FGM are? As for gays, there are over 70 nations that have anti-gay laws. Would you care to take a guess which religion most of them have in common? There are nations in which the death penalty for homosexuality. What religion do most of them share? For reasons that aren’t clear some western feminists and gays support and defend cultures and belief system that punish them and maybe even kill them for their beliefs.
Given that most of the 9/11 terrorists came from Saudi Arabia, the continuing civil rights abuses, and the treatment of gays and women, it is clear both republicans and democrats are taking bribes to keep the US dealing with Saudi Arabia. In fact, given that Pakistan and the middle east are the main sources of anti US terror it is clear that ALL our politicians are risking the lives of the American people in order to take bribes from foreign criminals. We certainly don't need middle eastern oil since we have plenty of our own. So we are not even dying for oil. We are paying people who want to kill us so that some politician can take a bribe. We don't belong in the middle east. For those who are worried about it, they will find someone else to kill if we are not around. They have for centuries.
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Bizarre Bizarre Headless Zombie Space Alien