The second weekly PIP Awards acceptance speeches
Hello; my name is John Doe; I’m here on behalf of Rep. John Shadegg, the Republican from the great state of Virginia who introduced the Enumerated Powers Act that will force Congress to re-examine the role of the national government and curb its ever expanding reach. Well since the introduction of that bill I have been forced into hiding and at this very moment Erick Holder and his henchmen are looking for me. Nancy Pelosi has declared me an enemy of this country and has offered a personal reward of $100,000 for any information leading to my apprehension. She has deputized all the Muslims of the ground zero mosque to participate in the man hunt offering an additional $100,000 towards the funding of the mosque should they find me and bring me to justice. So don’t try and reach me; for obvious reasons I’m not answering my DOORNAIL!
I’ve just been informed that Tom McClintock will receive this award via video satellite link from a remote location somewhere in Bora Bora. Thank you so much for this prestigious award; I wish I was there to accept this in person but I suddenly felt the urgent need to get away; I mean take a vacation. Have you checked this venue for bugs; well anyway I did make the statement that Pelosi must have called the members of the House back to Washington because she felt we were not bankrupting the country fast enough and so we must come back and spend more. Shortly after that my chauffeur started my car without me in it and boom; then mysteriously a dead fish wrapped in newspaper arrived with no return address. Then I decided huummmnn time for a vacation. So, I better sign off now before this transmission can be tracked!
Hello, I am Erica Hall, an anchor on CBS News but I will deny any assertions or allegations that I was here. The only reason I agreed to show up is there are more people in this auditorium than watch me on CBS all week. But as far as old Rosty goes, you said it; he was from Chicago so how in the world would you expect him to realize he was doing anything wrong. But seriously, please don’t produce any tapes or recordings substantiating my presence here for to do so would certainly bring about my demise!
Wow, I’ve been asked to remain on stage and receive this next award; this is indeed a banner day for CBS. Not since Uncle Waltie single handedly brought about our defeat in Vietnam has CBS garnered so much attention; two awards in one day. Anyway, I gotta admit I had the facts confused and as such the story aired as you state is about a salary gap between public and private employees wherein a significant disparity in compensation between the two sectors exist; federal employees have gotten bigger pay and benefit increases than private employees for nine straight years. So, regrettably I will go back on the air tomorrow and correct my mistake; at least the mistake that it did not fall within the approved rhetoric of this Regime and further substantiate their agenda to push for further tax hikes. Tomorrow I’m going to state unequivocally that public sector spoiled employees make mucho pesos (gotta reach the Illegal’s) more than their poor downtrodden private sector counterparts represented by the great SEIU!
Hello I’m Al Gore, the newly appointed director of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee. I was appointed to this position immediately following the production of that absurd report that detailed the so called failures of the Obama administration during the Gulf oil spill. I want you to know here and now it was because of those regulatory and bureaucratic impediments that we now have most of the deep water drilling rigs headed for parts unknown. Sure there are hundreds of thousands of Louisianans out of work because of this but how else can we force the American economy from a carbon based one; granted it is the number one economy in the world; to a Clean Green Economy in which I stand to make billions. So in conclusion I would like to say; GEORGE BUSH LIED; HE BETRADED OUR TRUST; ooooopsss wrong speech; I mean bear with us and in just 10 or 20 short years America will be up and running and once again assume its rightful place as one of the world’s top 50 economies!
So on behalf of John Doe, Tom, Erica, Uncle Waltie and Al that completes our acceptance speeches. Have a safe ride home in your new Obama Motors Voltz; you should be safe since they won’t go above 40 MPH.