Things That You Never Do While Visiting The White House Unless You Crave Trouble

Anna Eleanor and  Curtis Dall Boettiger  (photo made in late  1930s)
Anna Eleanor and Curtis Dall Boettiger (photo made in late 1930s) | Source
Honor Guard watching coffin of President John F. Kennedy
Honor Guard watching coffin of President John F. Kennedy | Source
President Kennedy works in The Oval Office
President Kennedy works in The Oval Office | Source
President Richard Nixon's office. (Photo shot Sept. 19, 1969)
President Richard Nixon's office. (Photo shot Sept. 19, 1969) | Source

Have you ever visited The White House and did you have a good time?

  • Saving my money now to visit The White House.
  • Yes. I had a great time.
  • No. But I am planning to visit in the near future.
See results without voting

The White House: a glance backward

The White House is the official residence and principal workplace of the President of the United States, located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest Washington, D.C. It has been the residence of every U.S. president since John Adams in 1800.

The White House was designed by Irish-born James Hoban and built between 1792 and 1800 of white-painted Aquia Creek sandstone in the Neoclassical architecture, Neoclassical style. When Thomas Jefferson moved into the house in 1801, he (with architect Benjamin Henry Latrobe) Benjamin added colonnades on each wing that concealed stables and storage. In 1814, during the War of 1812, the mansion was set ablaze by the British Army in the Burning of Washington, destroying the interior and charring much of the exterior.

Because of crowding within the executive mansion itself, President Theodore Roosevelt had all work offices relocated to the newly constructed West Wing in 1901. Eight years later, President William Howard Taft expanded the West Wing and created the first Oval Office which was eventually moved as the section was expanded. In the main mansion, the third-floor attic was converted to living quarters in 1927 by augmenting the existing hip roof with long shed dormers. A newly constructed East Wing was used as a reception area for social events; Jefferson's colonnades connected the new wings. East Wing alterations were completed in 1946, creating additional office space.

The modern-day White House complex includes the Executive Residence, West Wing, East Wing, the Eisenhower Executive Office Building the former State Department, which now houses offices for the President's staff and the Vice President's Blair House, a guest residence.

The Executive Residence is made up of six stories, the Ground Floor, State Floor, Second Floor, and Third Floor, as well as a two-story White House basement. The term White House is often used as a title for the Executive Office of the President of the United States and for the president's administration and advisers in general, as in "The White House has decided that...."
The property is a National Heritage Site (United States) owned by the National Park Service and is part of the President's Park. In 2007, it was ranked second on the American Institute of Architects America's Favorite Architecture.

The White House after the attack on Pearl Harbor
The White House after the attack on Pearl Harbor | Source

Taking over The White House is stupid

But I also know that only an idiot would dare try and take over The White House President, Vice President, their staffs, families and all who work in this well-guarded landmark and place of the Federal Government's business and major decisions.

Besides the Secret Service who are on duty 24/7, there are specially-trained snipers and S.W.A.T. teams on stand-by just in case someone with no brain tries something stupid. I am glad that The White House has such security. I can sleep better at nights.

White House  Rose Garden  April 27, 1963
White House Rose Garden April 27, 1963 | Source

I dare to say to you

That many of you of my cherished followers have visited The White House during the course of your life. Either on a school trip, business pertaining to your job, or family vacation. You should be honored and feel so blessed. I will never be able to visit this honored location due to not being financially able or physically able to travel that far from where I live.

And just in case right now, some of you have already made your plans to visit The White House, I want to help you not get yourself or anyone in your group of family in deep trouble with the Secret Service, F.B.I., or other highly-trained security agents with this hub I call:

Things That You Never Do While Visiting The White House Unless You Crave Trouble

Crowds gather outside White House to greet Franklin  Roosevelt after his re-election
Crowds gather outside White House to greet Franklin Roosevelt after his re-election | Source
Source
State Dinner at White House Jan. 16, 2016
State Dinner at White House Jan. 16, 2016 | Source
Kevin James, "Doug Heffernan," Leah Remini, "Carrie Spooner Heffernan" on "King of Queens"
Kevin James, "Doug Heffernan," Leah Remini, "Carrie Spooner Heffernan" on "King of Queens" | Source
Yellow Oval Room in 1966
Yellow Oval Room in 1966 | Source
Tricia Nixon and  Edward Cox wedding  at White House  June 12, 1971
Tricia Nixon and Edward Cox wedding at White House June 12, 1971 | Source
President Calvin Coolidge on South Lawn
President Calvin Coolidge on South Lawn | Source
President's House by George Munger
President's House by George Munger | Source
Soldier patrolling Dec. 9, 1941
Soldier patrolling Dec. 9, 1941 | Source
The Kennedy's and Princes of Monaco
The Kennedy's and Princes of Monaco | Source
The White House March 9, 1972
The White House March 9, 1972 | Source
  • You never show up for a visit to The White House wearing a gorilla mask that legendary comedian, Ernie Kovacks wore in his enduring skit, "The Nairobi Trio."
  • Fact: Almost every area, angle of the inteior and exterior of The White House is watched 24/7 by an expert team of security experts and keep in mind if you are a huge Al Jolson fan, doing your rendition of "Mammy," on one knee in one of the hallways is highly not advised.
  • You should be wiser than walking with your family (or group) to tour The White House and you are sporting a bottle of whiskey and smoking a "submarine," ("weed"), or you will be taken to a secret place and asked several thousand questions on who you are and why you are so stupid as to pull some stupid stunt as this one.
  • Doing sarcastic impressions of Vice President, Joe Biden and President Obama will get you "sent packing."
  • Getting up a heated game of "catch" with regulation football with a buddy while you two are on a tour of The White House will lead to you both being scolded by a security guard who will make Mr. T look like Mr. Rogers.
  • Having your gullible girlfriend shoot a video of you totally nude during a White House tour will lead to you being arrested, booked, and thrown into "the clink."
  • While your tour group is walking listening to your guide then suddenly breaking into a gallop and breaking into as many of the offices as you can will get you interrogated by the F.B.I. and Homeland Security. Be honest. Is anyone reading this know of anyone who is stupid enough to do something of this nature?
  • Putting a glazed look on your face and walking up to strangers and staff in The White House and say, "Hi. My name is Toby McGuire. I was in the film, Pleasantville," might get you some serious laughs, but you will not be allowed to finish your tour because as the security guard put in his report: "then this guy with the tour group seemingly just went bonkers and then talking like Toby McGuire. My opinion is that he is in need of professional help."
  • Doing your "Floor Exercises" while in gym clothing will get you sent home quickly. You are not in the Olympics and although your routine "is" well-designed, you are way too old to participate in any future Olympics or sporting event on ESPN.
  • To the women on a White House tour: Please do not dress, talk like or act like Leah Remini who was "Carrie (Spooner) Heffernan," on "King of Queens." The White House is a serious place and needs people to treat it with respect. And I hate to hurt your feelings, but Leah Remini does not wear an eye patch.
  • Please do not glare at your tour guide and not blink an eye. This gesture will make your tour guide very uncomfortable and he or she will stop the tour and call a security guard to "talk" to you about why you look a lot like Al Pacino in "Scar Face." The sad thing is you are not a male.
  • Do not even think of riding your Harley "Hog" on your tour of our Nation's Capitol. The security force will impound your bike until the tour ends. I promise you that after your tour ends, you will feel a sudden wave of embarrassment.
  • Disguising yourself as a real United States Senator is not only stupid, but illegal. The senator you are impersonating might be flattered, but you will feel even more stupid dressed like an important Washington politician while pacing the floor of your jail cell.
  • Raising your hand almost on cue to ask dumb things like: "Do you sell Christmas trees anywhere in this place?" May not be illegal or get you arrested, but your tour group will start acting like they do not know you.
  • Doing a fake faint only to get yourself seen on CNN will work. And you will get talked about at your workplace, home, and neighborhood. Some fellow micreants might cheer you as a true troublemaker while civil people will wonder about your mental state.
  • Acting like you are holding a pistol in your coat pocket and making a man named, "Roy Bilkins," a soft-spoken floral designer from Kansas who "was" enjoying his first White House tour, get on his hands and knees and act like "Trigger," even neighing and bucking, while you announce "I am Roy Rogers, King of The Cowboys. Now everyone remain calm and this will be over soon."
    (let me be lovingly-straight with you: Get your butt tossed in prison and be interrogated even more by teams of Homeland Security agents).
  • If you are a dare devil and even after reading these 16 things NOT to do on a visit to The White House, you still want to show people you are not afraid of anyone . . .then my advice is for you to . . .

Please stay home.

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

More by this Author


Comments 14 comments

Genna East profile image

Genna East 7 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

Lol. Loved this. But at the same time, it's surprising how foolish and disrespectful a few visitors allow themselves to be. I toured the WH years ago and it is magnificent. Oddly enough, some people expect to see security agents strolling about in full view, holding high-powered assault rifles. They are most certainly there, but you can't see them. And I agree in that it gives me a sense of security to know it.


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 7 months ago from Toronto, Canada

"In 1814, during the War of 1812, the mansion was set ablaze by the British Army" - Some Canadians like to take responsibility for this and don't make us do it again LOL jk : )

"The property is a National Heritage Site (United States) owned by the National Park Service and is part of the President's Park" - This is very interesting. - didn't know that.

"I am glad that The White House has such security. I can sleep better at nights." - Wasn't there a guy that jumped the fence last year and made it all the way inside before anyone stopped him?

"You should be wiser than walking with your family (or group) to tour The White House and you are sporting a bottle of whiskey and smoking a "submarine," - The Beatles smoked a J in the Queen's washroom before meeting her. Couldn't be that bad, I bet Mr. Obama might share a little, especially the stuff from Canada. We know what we're doing here lol

Maybe that's why I skipped the White House tour when I was in Washington. I might have done one of those sixteen things.

Why no sense of humor, White House? lol jk


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 7 months ago

These are funny, Kenneth, however, I just can't resist mentioning this story that was in the news recently.

From Rawstory:

"Comedian Larry Wilmore telling President Barack Obama, on his time as the nation’s first African-American president, “Yo Barry, you did it, my n***a.”

Fox host Todd Starnes had a big problem with it, and our local columnist, Rex Nelson, who reported on this locally said that it probably was because Starnes was white (and Rex spelled the word out in our state-wide newspaper; he didn't frack around). Anyway, the President smiled and embraced the comedian in a brotherly gesture according to the report.

I noticed that you left this one off your list. Just sayin'

Hope your wife has a great Mothers Day. Make sure that she does, ya hear. Love to you.


Prisana profile image

Prisana 6 months ago from Thailand and Colorado

Now I know what not to do! Excellent in depth article!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Prisana,

Thank you for the support and I have an idea. When you head to the White House, please allow me to go with you and I will take this hub along (in printed-out form) to keep us out of trouble.

Deal?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, Genna East,

(Love that name by the way),

Thank you for contributing to the comments on my comi-serious hub.

Fact is, you talk about the Secret Service men and women, I am honestly too afraid to visit the White House. Why? Well what if I felt a sneeze coming on and then had to swiftly reach for my hanky? The Secret Service would think I was reaching for a "piece and gun me down.

I hate bullets. Especially those that pierce my torso.

Write me anytime you like, Genna.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Mr. Happy,

I loved your comment and I cannot blame you for skipping the White House tour.

If I were to sit down with Obama, the first thing out of my mouth would be, "Is there any way you or the Commerce Dept. might send a few jobs out way down in my hometown of Hamilton, Alabama?"

Would love to hear and see his response.

Mr. Happy, thanks again for coming by.

Write whenever you please.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear MizBejabbers,

You are one sweet girl. I mean it. First things first. As per Mother's Day, I offered to pay a mutual female friend of ours to dust our house for my wife who was so overloaded during the weekend of Mother's Day, but she would not take pay. She has been our friend for years and makes a good living cleaning houses.

I got so tickled at your comment. I still urge you to think about writing a novel. I would buy one.

Love you.

Your Friend for Life, Kenneth


Prisana profile image

Prisana 6 months ago from Thailand and Colorado

Deal. President Obama and I went to the University of Hawaii at the same time in Oahu! Too bad I never got to know him. Don't even remember seeing him, which is strange because a tall black man (politically correct to say "black" or do I have to write African American...I had to take Tramadol for breakfast so brain is mush) anyhow...he would have stood out. Most students were Asian. White was minority. Black...supra-minority. I was invited to some Obama event a few years back but missed it. I finally saw him in Denver a few years back. I couldn't believe one of the policemen on his security team was a friend of mine. Jay use to fly out of Centennial Airport where I was working at an FBO. I got to fly with the police in their helicopter and we went around the perimeter of DIA. So fun!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Prisana,

I envy you for having led a charming life choked full of adventure. You should write a book telling of all you have accomplished, people you met--famous and regular and most-interesting places you have visited.

And I am looking forward to "our" trip to the White House. Do you like eating at Waffle House?


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 6 months ago

What kind of a novel, Dear Kenneth? Funny or serious? I have a chapter to my novel that doesn't fit and I've thought about making it into a short story, but I may have enough to write a novella. It doesn't fit for several reasons, but it would be humorous. But I gotta wait until time permits. My plate runneth over until at least July.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear MizBejabbers,

That sounds great to me. I can wait and I cannot wait both at the same time. Does this make sense?

I will confess sheerly by faith that "this" novella WILL be one of the BEST-written pieces of great reading EVER.

I am serious.

Love you.


Prisana profile image

Prisana 6 months ago from Thailand and Colorado

I like Waffle House. I am writing a book as we speak on Hubpages. http://hubpages.com/entertainment/My_Untold_Short_... and Part 2 http://hubpages.com/entertainment/The-Art-of-Silen...

One of my writer friends was editing it for free, but we don't agree on parts of his critique. He is an excellent editor but supra-tough!!! He isn't comfortable that I am writing it LIVE and editing it in real time. I told him I wanted to share the process of writing a book with anyone who is interested. My main goal is to get all of my thoughts down or out and then go back to edit etc. later. Thank you for your help and support!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Prisana,

Good for you! I admire your guts to keep gutting it out as you write your book and face as you say a super-tough editor. Just remember, "the tougher the editor, the better your book."

I wish you my best.

Keep me posted on your progress.

Your Friend for Life.

Kenneth

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