Things That You Never Do While Visiting The White House Unless You Crave Trouble
The White House: a glance backward
The White House is the official residence and principal workplace of the President of the United States, located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest Washington, D.C. It has been the residence of every U.S. president since John Adams in 1800.
The White House was designed by Irish-born James Hoban and built between 1792 and 1800 of white-painted Aquia Creek sandstone in the Neoclassical architecture, Neoclassical style. When Thomas Jefferson moved into the house in 1801, he (with architect Benjamin Henry Latrobe) Benjamin added colonnades on each wing that concealed stables and storage. In 1814, during the War of 1812, the mansion was set ablaze by the British Army in the Burning of Washington, destroying the interior and charring much of the exterior.
Because of crowding within the executive mansion itself, President Theodore Roosevelt had all work offices relocated to the newly constructed West Wing in 1901. Eight years later, President William Howard Taft expanded the West Wing and created the first Oval Office which was eventually moved as the section was expanded. In the main mansion, the third-floor attic was converted to living quarters in 1927 by augmenting the existing hip roof with long shed dormers. A newly constructed East Wing was used as a reception area for social events; Jefferson's colonnades connected the new wings. East Wing alterations were completed in 1946, creating additional office space.
The modern-day White House complex includes the Executive Residence, West Wing, East Wing, the Eisenhower Executive Office Building the former State Department, which now houses offices for the President's staff and the Vice President's Blair House, a guest residence.
The Executive Residence is made up of six stories, the Ground Floor, State Floor, Second Floor, and Third Floor, as well as a two-story White House basement. The term White House is often used as a title for the Executive Office of the President of the United States and for the president's administration and advisers in general, as in "The White House has decided that...."
The property is a National Heritage Site (United States) owned by the National Park Service and is part of the President's Park. In 2007, it was ranked second on the American Institute of Architects America's Favorite Architecture.
Taking over The White House is stupid
But I also know that only an idiot would dare try and take over The White House President, Vice President, their staffs, families and all who work in this well-guarded landmark and place of the Federal Government's business and major decisions.
Besides the Secret Service who are on duty 24/7, there are specially-trained snipers and S.W.A.T. teams on stand-by just in case someone with no brain tries something stupid. I am glad that The White House has such security. I can sleep better at nights.
I dare to say to you
That many of you of my cherished followers have visited The White House during the course of your life. Either on a school trip, business pertaining to your job, or family vacation. You should be honored and feel so blessed. I will never be able to visit this honored location due to not being financially able or physically able to travel that far from where I live.
And just in case right now, some of you have already made your plans to visit The White House, I want to help you not get yourself or anyone in your group of family in deep trouble with the Secret Service, F.B.I., or other highly-trained security agents with this hub I call:
Things That You Never Do While Visiting The White House Unless You Crave Trouble
- You never show up for a visit to The White House wearing a gorilla mask that legendary comedian, Ernie Kovacks wore in his enduring skit, "The Nairobi Trio."
- Fact: Almost every area, angle of the inteior and exterior of The White House is watched 24/7 by an expert team of security experts and keep in mind if you are a huge Al Jolson fan, doing your rendition of "Mammy," on one knee in one of the hallways is highly not advised.
- You should be wiser than walking with your family (or group) to tour The White House and you are sporting a bottle of whiskey and smoking a "submarine," ("weed"), or you will be taken to a secret place and asked several thousand questions on who you are and why you are so stupid as to pull some stupid stunt as this one.
- Doing sarcastic impressions of Vice President, Joe Biden and President Obama will get you "sent packing."
- Getting up a heated game of "catch" with regulation football with a buddy while you two are on a tour of The White House will lead to you both being scolded by a security guard who will make Mr. T look like Mr. Rogers.
- Having your gullible girlfriend shoot a video of you totally nude during a White House tour will lead to you being arrested, booked, and thrown into "the clink."
- While your tour group is walking listening to your guide then suddenly breaking into a gallop and breaking into as many of the offices as you can will get you interrogated by the F.B.I. and Homeland Security. Be honest. Is anyone reading this know of anyone who is stupid enough to do something of this nature?
- Putting a glazed look on your face and walking up to strangers and staff in The White House and say, "Hi. My name is Toby McGuire. I was in the film, Pleasantville," might get you some serious laughs, but you will not be allowed to finish your tour because as the security guard put in his report: "then this guy with the tour group seemingly just went bonkers and then talking like Toby McGuire. My opinion is that he is in need of professional help."
- Doing your "Floor Exercises" while in gym clothing will get you sent home quickly. You are not in the Olympics and although your routine "is" well-designed, you are way too old to participate in any future Olympics or sporting event on ESPN.
- To the women on a White House tour: Please do not dress, talk like or act like Leah Remini who was "Carrie (Spooner) Heffernan," on "King of Queens." The White House is a serious place and needs people to treat it with respect. And I hate to hurt your feelings, but Leah Remini does not wear an eye patch.
- Please do not glare at your tour guide and not blink an eye. This gesture will make your tour guide very uncomfortable and he or she will stop the tour and call a security guard to "talk" to you about why you look a lot like Al Pacino in "Scar Face." The sad thing is you are not a male.
- Do not even think of riding your Harley "Hog" on your tour of our Nation's Capitol. The security force will impound your bike until the tour ends. I promise you that after your tour ends, you will feel a sudden wave of embarrassment.
- Disguising yourself as a real United States Senator is not only stupid, but illegal. The senator you are impersonating might be flattered, but you will feel even more stupid dressed like an important Washington politician while pacing the floor of your jail cell.
- Raising your hand almost on cue to ask dumb things like: "Do you sell Christmas trees anywhere in this place?" May not be illegal or get you arrested, but your tour group will start acting like they do not know you.
- Doing a fake faint only to get yourself seen on CNN will work. And you will get talked about at your workplace, home, and neighborhood. Some fellow micreants might cheer you as a true troublemaker while civil people will wonder about your mental state.
- Acting like you are holding a pistol in your coat pocket and making a man named, "Roy Bilkins," a soft-spoken floral designer from Kansas who "was" enjoying his first White House tour, get on his hands and knees and act like "Trigger," even neighing and bucking, while you announce "I am Roy Rogers, King of The Cowboys. Now everyone remain calm and this will be over soon."
(let me be lovingly-straight with you: Get your butt tossed in prison and be interrogated even more by teams of Homeland Security agents).
- If you are a dare devil and even after reading these 16 things NOT to do on a visit to The White House, you still want to show people you are not afraid of anyone . . .then my advice is for you to . . .
Please stay home.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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