Things You Can and Can't Do With Fish: a True "Fish Tale," Maybe Two

An American icon: an old fisherman.
An American icon: an old fisherman. | Source
This is one smart Catfish. He is trying to escape from the fisherman and get back to his watery abode.
This is one smart Catfish. He is trying to escape from the fisherman and get back to his watery abode. | Source
An Old-Fashioned Carp.
An Old-Fashioned Carp. | Source

No harm, fun-making intended.

I know and yes, I am grateful for the fact that Jesus, while on earth, fed a multitude with five loaves of bread and two fish. This was just one of the numerous miracles Jesus did for those who followed him for many miles and suddenly became hungry. He even said to his disciples, "I cannot turn these away for they are very hungry." I do not read of any disciple arguing with Him.

Even Jesus ate fish, according to Bible History. I know this because when He was resurrected, He appeared to Peter and his friends "toiling and not catching any fish." "cast your nets on the right side," Jesus commanded Peter and his friends. Soon their nets were almost breaking from all of the fish inside. Then Jesus said, "come and dine," as it was nearing daytime and He had prepared breakfast and he told Peter and his friends to bring what they had, so common logic tells me that Jesus ate fish and bread with his Disciples. How I envy those guys because "any" dish that Jesus prepares just has to be delicious.

Channel catfish.
Channel catfish. | Source

A Few Fish Facts:

Fish are our friends. Don't think so? What about the numerous Goldfish that are sold in pet stores the year around? These little fish have made so many youngsters (and oldsters too) so very happy. And what about the Sailfish, Swordfish, and other prize fish of the Seven Seas? They too give a lot of amateur fishermen the thrill of their lives by getting caught by them.

The lowly Catfish, even as this is being written, is being served to someone, somewhere in the South land. Cleaned, skinned and rolled in a buttermilk and corn meal mixture then dropped into hot oil for a few moments then served a delicious golden brown with hush puppies, onion, and coleslaw which are also equally-delicious.

Coarse Perch, a common fresh water fish.
Coarse Perch, a common fresh water fish. | Source

So what else can we do with fish?

You might be thinking. And that's fine. I love for my valued-followers to think and think deeply about my seemingly-easy questions such as other than food, sport, and making pets of them, what other purposes do fish serve?

Glad you asked. I give you now . . .

Ice fishing.
Ice fishing. | Source
Happy angler with his catch, a Peacock Bass.
Happy angler with his catch, a Peacock Bass. | Source
The Swordfish.
The Swordfish. | Source

What, if any, is your favorite place to go fishing?

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Things You Can and Can't Do With Fish: a True "Fish Tale," Maybe Two

(although I cannot eat fried fish on my Mediterranean Diet, do not stop enjoying your tasty fish. If you are reading this piece while you and the wife or girlfriend are dining out, that is great. Do not let me be a hindrance to your night out. Kenneth).

Things That You Can Do With Fish:

  • Take them for a walk. But you will have to buy yourself a small cart and water pump to keep the water circulating in your aquarium.
  • Teach them to talk to you with the bubbles released from their mouth. The next time one of your pet fish come to the side of your fish bowl or aquarium and begins "bubbling," I can tell you what they might be saying, "Hey, jerk-o! Would you have a heart and release us?" This is the first phrase younger fish learn.
  • Let them be near you if you live alone. It's as easy as sitting their fish bowl or moving their aquarium closer to your table. Who needs a social life? You might be saying when you let your pet fish join you for dinner or any meal.
  • Practice your fishing techniques, but not with Goldfish or other species sold in a pet store. If you have a No. 2 washtub, fill it with water, turn your pet Catfish "Elmer," loose in the water, then take your cane pole or rod and reel (with baited hook) and dangle it in the water. Wow! You got one on the first try. In summer months, you can use your above ground pool for "Elmer" and his friends. These tips are only feasible for single people.
  • If you play the ukulele, violin or guitar, sit near your pet Goldfish's bowl or if you have pet fish in an aquarium, sit near that too and sing to them. Fish Fact: Fish love music made with stringed instruments.
  • If you are into television, you can slide your aquarium or fishbowl near you so you and your pet fish can enjoy such shows as: "Blue Bloods," "Mountain Monsters," but DO NOT let them watch "Deadliest Catch," for another sad fish fact says that fish are easily upset by traumatic pictures.

This guy was abusing this fish, so "what goes around comes around."

Fish always make for a healthy meal.
Fish always make for a healthy meal. | Source
No doubt what this hub is all about.
No doubt what this hub is all about. | Source

Things That You Cannot Do With a Fish:

  • Teaching them to tap dance or the "Old Soft Shoe." This is nothing but a waste of your time as well as the fish's. Besides, you cannot fit into an aquarium or certainly not a fishbowl. What a soggy mess.
  • Entering your pet fish into "Nature's Beauty Contests." I do not want you to exploit your pet female fish. After all, they hate being treated like a cheap "piece of fillet."
  • Skydiving is a definite "no, no."
  • Taking your pet fish with you to sporting events is also forbidden. The other fans will be upset at having to watch where they sit due to your pet fish occupying their own seat.
  • Using your pet fish as a substitute for a baseball, football or basketball. What are you, a barbarian?
  • Forcing your fish to attend public school. Are you not "up" on your fish knowledge? Everyone knows that fish love to attend private schools. Get it? Schools? Fish travel in . . .okay!

Fisherman getting things ready for an exciting fishing trip.
Fisherman getting things ready for an exciting fishing trip. | Source
Fly rod fishing.
Fly rod fishing. | Source
Redd "Fred Sanford" Foxx.
Redd "Fred Sanford" Foxx. | Source
LaWanda "Aunt Ester" Page.
LaWanda "Aunt Ester" Page. | Source
What little boy doesn't love fishing from a pier or even a creek bank?
What little boy doesn't love fishing from a pier or even a creek bank? | Source
One species of Perch.
One species of Perch. | Source

Really Weird Things To Never Do With Your Pet Fish:

  • Dress the fish up as "Hawkeye Pierce," played by Alan Alda. You can get Army-green fabric at most fabric outlets then sew your pet fish a little green Army jacket like "Hawkeye" wore on M*A*S*H. What a hit with your friends who visit you on some Saturday nights for a party.
  • Put a blond wig on your pet fish and dance the Tango, but only use a rose in your mouth, not the fish.
  • Play a festive game of "Hide 'n Seek" with your fish. But if you must play this childish game with the fish, make it quick. Your fish will expire if kept out of water too long.
  • Hold your video camera or cell phone (with camera) in the water of your fishbowl or aquarium to film your pet fish as he or she swims and does those funny turns you like so much. This is not recommended due to you making the fish's ego grow to unsafe levels.
  • Teaching your pet fish how to ski on the slopes in Aspen or on the water in Florida. I hate to tell you that if you do want your pet fish to learn this fun activity, you will have to build him a pair of skis on your own. Fish skis are not sold anywhere.
  • Put a little cowboy hat on your fish along with a black mask and you can have a quick game of "The Lone Ranger," and you can be "Tonto." Notice I said "quick" game--due to the fish needing to be back in the water to live.

Cute, Powerful Names For Your Pet Fish:

  • Ralph - if your fish is a "blue collar" fish.
  • Barry - if your fish loves college football. Remember "Boz?"
  • Sasha - if you have a female fish who loves the nightclubs.
  • Jeanne - if your female fish is an all-around, good-hearted, neighborly fish.
  • J.T. - if your male fish loves to drive cabs at night.
  • Rodney - if your male fish is just a "good ol' boy.
  • "Please DO NOT call your pet fish "a fish eyed fool!" This line was said often when LaWanda "Aunt Ester" Page was insulting Redd "Fred Sanford" Foxx, so this is already taken.

Question: "Did you really enjoy this hub?"

Oh, you must think that I am "fishing for a compliment."

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